Words of a Hurricane

Bai/Midwest. My mind functions like an artist but it paints with words.

[shoutingghost]

Mermaidian

Oceanic

Vibrant and swift like the tide

Willowy and determined

Your fairytale princess

Is not my mermaid

Your singing siren

Is not my force of nature

[shoutingghost]

Writing in the bath

Like the words could blow away in the blizzard

Taken before I’ve penned them down

Lost to the elements

I’m an adventurer

A poetess

A champion

And I will hunt my words throughout time and space

To paint my life story

On a blank page

[shoutingghost]

I slipped up

Worse for wear

Missed a week of writing

Maybe it’ll seem finite in the end,

But how do I cage my talent and shape it into words if I don’t commit

I’m my longest relationship

My brain is my strongest companion

[shoutingghost]

I try to write instead of waking you

Put pen to paper

Create something worthy of your attention

But I just wanna hold your hand and snuggle into your chest

Breathe you in

Endlessly

I catch myself crying all too often

For the purest joy

I can’t sleep because I’m anxious and excited

I just want you close

But I have to be brave so that you’re proud

[shoutingghost]

2/23/18 is the new date for me to remember

Like I ever forgot 9/7/16.

But we’ve evolved

I wonder when I’ll tell you that I stalled bc I didn’t love the date

It seems too mundane

But I love you the most

And I caved pretty easily

Bc any day with you is better than the last

[shoutingghost]

The girl with blue hair

Green hair

Silver hair

Who cares

I love my hair

But it isn’t me

Look past the hair dye

I’m not some enigma

[shoutingghost]

Finally happy with where I’m at

A miracle to me

I’ve spent sleepless nights crying at my reflection

Scared of the future

Alone with my anxiety

And somehow I’ve pulled through

To blossom

And lead the way

Because we haven’t all made it through

And I’m here to help you love yourself

[shoutingghost]

Write every day

Doodle

Scribble

Scream

Carve

Waste those supplies

So that my soul can see the light

Let the sun shine through my cracks

And light up the room

[shoutingghost]

Waiting at the gate

Like my life is about to be changed

Home renovation style

Welcome home

Meet your match

Aren’t you happy now?

Is this what you’ve been missing?

That last puzzle piece.

[shoutingghost]

Anxiety

What a simple word for a life changing experience

Mornings make me sick

New places make me dizzy

New routes are impossible

I have to know

So I can prepare

My stomach is my enemy

And my mind plays war games

I take little pills to drown it out

But I can’t vanquish my demons

My stomach empty, my hands twitching

Here’s to tomorrow,

No matter how small I feel

[shoutingghost]

I want to do everything for you

And make you happier than you’ve ever dreamt

But I’m small and tired

And nobody sees me like you do

So even though I have confidence

I’m not a miracle worker

And I feel emptier

When I’m away from you

What kind of family should make me feel so alone for who I am

This is your blood that’s full of sickness

You can’t blame me for my genetics

I just wish they held me up like you can

Because I’d already be among the stars

[shoutingghost]

I’ve always admired the moon

The strength of the Greek Artemis

The source of the ocean’s tides

Shining among the stars

As a beacon for the truest hope

But now the moon isn’t just celestial,

It’s home

And one day we can hold her

[shoutingghost]

How do you give a gift

To someone who means more than any trinket

Any string of words

Or patterns of paint

How do I frame my literal soul and place it in your outstretched hands for safe keeping?

[shoutingghost]

I write to make you understand

To put my voice on paper

And you still don’t get it

Why treat me like an equal

When you can stifle my growth a while longer

It’s fun to have someone to complain about

Isn’t it?

[shoutingghost]

My words fall short

Hold music

Elevator noise

Something to tide you over

Why won’t my words set fire to your soul

[shoutingghost]

You have questions

And I can’t give you all the answers

I’ll mask my pain for you

But know that I was told to go

And didn’t plan on running

I hope this doesn’t scare you

I’m just trying to be honest

You deserve better

And I’ll try and be that

But I had some growing to do,

And everything happens for a reason.

I came back home in the end

Didn’t I?

I’ll answer your questions

But I have some of my own

[shoutingghost]

I should write for you

Cry for you

Wonder

But I feel guilty for my feelings

Would I care even half so much

If you could still be a mother

A sister

A daughter

A wildcard

Even at my worst, you and the others help me

To continue my fight

Because the storms fade to rainbows

And love only grows

Paisley loves you

Thanks for your starlight