If I'm to be your camera...

⊱⊰ Colton Westley ⊱⊰ ⊱⊰ 22 ⊱⊰ ⊱⊰ Demisexual ⊱⊰ ⊱⊰ Engaged ⊱⊰ ⊱⊰ sub ⊱⊰ ⊱⊰ 180 Riverside Drive Canterbury England ⊱⊰ Hello. I'm Colton. I like taking pictures so you're more likely to see me hiding behind my camera from across the way than any other way. I guess…um…that's it for now.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

While you’re busy being frank, you don’t need to pretend to be happy or hopeful for me. It’s okay. Misery loves company and you’re only interested if you have a place in the picture. I understand that. I just had higher hopes for you.

I’ll never not be around for you if the winds blow you back this way. Doesn’t need to have the friend label, goodness knows I’m not a huge collector of them. We can just exist.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

I'm saying one of us deserves to be happy and clearly that is not going to be me. In every story where the two lovers overcomes obstacles, there is always a person that is the obstacle and its clear in your story I was an obstacle, in Christi's story I was an obstacle. I was trying to stay away from you because you don't need me piling on the guilt and I don't need a reminder of lost love. So...sorry not to live up to your high hopes for me.

Sure. You never know how things will play out.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

Then you shouldn’t have left. It comes right back around to me being solely to blame because I drove you away, but you should never have left New York. I never said anything to you that wasn’t true, either at the time or true even now. I know… in retrospect, it probably doesn’t matter much to you now considering how things have turned, but that was all real. I couldn’t have promised you that things between us would never change, or that I wouldn’t one day feel differently for reasons you can’t help, because no one can promise that. I can’t even promise that to Blaine. If he someday ends up in the same boat as you… No. I just don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.

Everyone loves differently, Colton. It wasn’t exactly the same even when it was compatible.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Forget it Kurt. I already explained everything to you and I'm done reiterating the same things over and over. Its clear that I was never the one for you. My love wasn't enough for you, my life was not meant to be compatible with yours. I hope you and Blaine make it. After all the pain...you deserve to be happy.

That's been made abundantly clear- on both accounts.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

Were we supposed to get married, Colton? If that was really your entire story for even coming out to the academy, do you think this was a good thing to do to anyone? To try and make a lifeboat out of some idiot college student stuck in a school designated for the damned and the delinquents? If I’d been any other way than the way I am in this world, I would’ve broken your heart no matter what, because this cutthroat pressure of suddenly being the villain to a plot I was completely blindsided to isn’t something I was ever equipped to handle kindly. People mess around here. Someone could’ve hurt you so much worse.

There’s always time for an epiphany. No, I love you. I do. But love isn’t a guarantee or consent to own someone forever.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Maybe, eventually, I would've liked that years down the road. Coming out to the academy was meant to be me trying to do things my way and find my own happiness. To see that I didn't need everything my father was lording over me- and how is that any different than the other people who came here? Everyone that ended up at Isis was looking to fix something about themselves, so how I am different. You got cast as the villain the moment you entered a relationship with me, knowing what was on the line and you let me believe that I had a chance when it was Blaine all along. If circumstances with Blaine had allowed you two together to be before I arrived at Isis then we wouldn't even be having this conversation because we would've never happened. Messing around wouldn't have hurt me. Telling me you loved me, not the way I love you, when you didn't mean it hurt me far worse than any mindless sex possibly could've.

Sure. Don't hold your breath on that one. Stop- stop saying that. Stop. I can't take hearing those words from you and knowing that they mean something entirely different to you than it does to me.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

That’s all well and fine where we’re both halfway to blame by our deliberate choices, but your resolve to take everything that should be a simple fact of life and twist it into an everlasting hell would be the easier thing to break if we’re comparing it to my inconvenient affection for Blaine. We can’t control how we feel, and that’s fine. But there still are things we can do, and your refusal to meet me halfway is why we’re stuck here now.

I doubt that, but. I’ll still love you, too.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Yeah its a simple fact of life in your life. You get to make choices, and learn and try a different path in life and I don't have that luxury. I took my chance, defied my father, prepared to give everything up and start a new life with someone I loved and it turned to shit in a matter of days for me. I had one chance Kurt one and look where it landed me. Right back where I bloody well started. So, sorry if its hard for me to meet you halfway when you get to move on and be happy and find love and live your life and I'm stuck in my gilded cage.

You think if after all that's happened between when I realized I loved you and now hasn't spoiled it, something else will? No. You own my heart Kurt, believe me or not. It doesn't change that fact. Sure. I'm sure I'll be a fond memory for you.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

If that’s… Fine.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

If that's what? What I want? No. Its not. I'd rather have you in my life, but since you love Blaine and I can't seem capable of just being your friend we've reached an impasse.

I'll always love you...

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

Oh, for god’s sake, cut it out. I could talk to you for hours, and have, so I don’t see the point in pushing me away just to pretend it’s to do me some kind of favor.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Fine then I won't pretend. Its not for you, its for me. I thought I can handle being your friend and it appears I can't. I don't think I'll be able to get over the hurt. If you can't handle that I'm still in pain and probably always will be, then stay away.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

Come on, bright eyes, listen. You’re the victim of some nasty stuff, and we all know and applaud you for your tenacity. But please stop playing the card.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Forget I said anything. I'll mail you back the gift you gave. Its unopened. You won't have to hear from me again.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

I most certainly did not. I said that you were unappreciative.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Sorry that I was a little hurt and on the defensive since one of the only people in my life I cared about thought I was inviting him to a wedding just so I could do him harm.

Forget it. This was a bad idea.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Text: C?

[text] Yes miss Ellie?

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[text] I think now is too soon…but I will certainly consider it. Even if I have to be alone, I’m alone in the greatest city.

[ellieatyourservice]

[text] If you do decide to come back, I have a spare room at my place that you’re welcome to.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[text] I think I still have the title to the apartment along the river. If I don't, thank you.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I’ve found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I’m not surprised at all the he didn’t.

It also doesn’t much matter since it technically never happened.

[onebluedom-blog]

Hey. We could converse, if you feel like being civil.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

...you were the one that told me the only worth I had left was my wealth.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Text: C?

[text] Yes miss Ellie?

[ellieatyourservice]

[Text]: I was wondering if… maybe you’d consider coming back to NYC with me?

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[text] I think now is too soon...but I will certainly consider it. Even if I have to be alone, I'm alone in the greatest city.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

Text: C?

[text] Yes miss Ellie?

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

do you even want kurt to attend your wedding anymore?

I see that I've found this too late. I did want him to attend but we had quite a big fight so I'm not surprised at all the he didn't.

It also doesn't much matter since it technically never happened.

[ellieatyourservice]

Collie || F2F

[ellieatyourservice]

[She nods.] Yeah, I think it would too. [She sighed] Too bad that doesn’t help us now.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[sighs a little sadly.] No it doesn't. I guess I'll just have to wait it out and hope for the best.

[ellieatyourservice]

Collie || F2F

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

I know you will. I think you’ll be like the only one. [He said leaning on his horse.] I don’t get why this has to be so hard. I just…want to be done.

[ellieatyourservice]

.. Sometimes I wonder if our lives would be easier if there were no submissives or dominants. Just everyone as people.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[Looks over to her and tilts his head] I think that would solve a lot of problems for a lot of people.

[ellieatyourservice]

Collie || F2F

[ellieatyourservice]

It’s up to you what you decided to do. [She replied softly, not looking at him.] Just know I’ll support you no matter what.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

I know you will. I think you'll be like the only one. [He said leaning on his horse.] I don't get why this has to be so hard. I just...want to be done.

[ellieatyourservice]

Collie || F2F

[ellieatyourservice]

[Ellie took a few slow breaths. She wasn’t sure what to do or say at this point.] I wish I knew what to do or say, C. If I could just make this all better I would, but I can’t. I just want you happy.

[shutterbugcolton-blog]

[Offers her a sad smile.] I know. That's all you and many of the others from Isis wanted. I just don't know how to fix it. I should just run. I should just run away and try to start all over again...but I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive it all again.