Archive Of Chaos

screamed,puked,slept and ate in that order. (Racists DNI.) -on a VERY long hiatus (got the cocov)

[siasrs]

SHIP DYNAMICS

you can use these as requests,for imagines or just read for fun <3

oblivious mf x local playboy

gangster x "stop fighting,its not good for you"

dog owner x cat lover

puppy-like simp x cold lover

strongest mage in the universe x a peasant they found cute

history teacher x math professor

dancer/singer/idol x manager

pillow princess x "wake the tf we're gonna be late"

childhood crush x childhood crush

a 6'4 puppy x a short unbothered bunny

prankster whos pranks arent really pranks x "huh. ok."

"GITCHIE GITCHIE YAYA-" x "DA DA,GITCHIE GITCHIE-"

material gworl x the guy she bullies

immortal x "i keep fucking reincarnating"

an actual milf/dilf x theyre into that shit

cold tsundere who folds once they leave x adorer

a college student x handsome/pretty as fuck bartender

traumatized x happy traumatized (1 of my faves <3)

average nerd x popular pretty nerd

smug asshole x worshiper

academic rivals x "I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DATE YOU-"

bimbo/himbo x aggressively calm tutor

shy tutor x local pretty person

fanfic writer x the person they base their fanfics on

painter x master painter "no no,like this..*holds their hand to guide*

rockstar x a thirsty fan

"hello,bitches." x "morning! :DDD"

bookworm x popular student

horny mf x doesnt know what sex is

simp x simp

[siasrs]

Random Demon: Why are you even sucking up to the brothers? And the demon prince too,your just an attention seeker arent ya?

MC: im a big fan of living,thank you very much.

[siasrs]

MISSION FAILED.

Lucifer: Define a "failure".

MC: Walkin' round with 0 bitches.

Mammon: No pussy game.

Leviathan: Fatherless+Ratio+L

Satan: "My liege,it seems as if you were dropped on your head as a child."

Asmodeus: I agree with MC and Mammon.

Beel: Belphie told me to say Mammon.

Belphegor: When you fail to steal a birthday cake to eat just the frosting.

Lucifer: Wrong its the way i fucking raised you all.

[siasrs]

MMM MC ON THE BEAT-

Simeon: The brothers just cant seem to listen to us and come here.

MC: I have full control on all the brothers,i know exactly what to say.

Simeon: Can i see? Please, hurry.

MC to Mammon & Belphegor: Cmere doggy doggy,come for hugs!

MC to Lucifer & Satan: Darling~ Fucking come here right now.

MC to Asmodeus: S E X AND F A S H I O N !

MC to Beel: Beel! Cmere i have cream pie!

MC to Leviathan: LEVI! GITCHIE GITCHIE YAYA DADA-

Simeon: i dont want to ask.

[siasrs]

More Crack MMM

Lucifer: You need to start being independent MC,so that you arent so hopeless when im not around.

MC: Well damn ok-

meanwhile him without mc.

Simeon: Oh did you hear about MC's new project? Yeah MC and some other student MC picked-

Lucifer: Stop..s t o p....

Simeon: You ok Lucifer? Whats the problem?

Lucifer: MC.

[siasrs]

Hole of Lucifer's Laments Chaos<3

yes the title is supposed to be hol.

Lucifer,in his demon form angry af: MAMMON,WHY ARENT THE CLOTHES IN ALPHABETICAL AND NUMERICAL ORDER?!

Mammon: HOW CAN CLOTHES BE ALPHABE-?!

-

Satan: Define a "nightmare"

Mammon: *laughs* Definitely Lu-

Lucifer: *smiling with a death glare*

Mammon: Le-learning about math. Y-yeah.

-

Lucifer: Why on earth are you on the floor MC?

MC: Im depressed.

Lucifer: I already know *raises eyebrows*

MC:-and Solomon made me test smthn again. Help please.

-

MC: Woah i didnt know you wore reading glasses Luci.

MC: I totally am thinking of platonic and innocent thoughts about you right now i swear.

-

Beel: I put a claim on this burger.

Lucifer: You cant put a legal claim on food- WHY IS IT APPROVED BY DIAVOLO'S SIGIL?!

[siasrs]

Puppy Prince <3

so we know diavolo simps over lucifer and the MC right? but in my hc theres a difference. (only ship here is diavolo x mc)

to lucifer:

"Hi my friend! How are you doing? Your brothers? How about the meeting yesterday? Tomorrow? Next week? Ah ok!"

to MC:

"OMGHIHIHIHIHIIMCAAAAHHHHYOURSTOPRETTYHELLOHOWAREYOUMCMCMCMMCMCMCMCMCILOVEYOUOHJEEZNOTICEMEPLEASEPLEASE"

[siasrs]

Boomer Simeon Crack

Solomon: Please MC help calm Simeon down-

MC: What even is he screaming about....

Simeon: I THINK THE DEVICE IS HACKED IT KNOWS WHO I AM?!

Google Assistant: Hello simeonthearchangel how can i help you today?

[siasrs]

Satan: Woah slow down..it still hurts love.

MC: Well it was your stupid decision to fight him and get injured.

Satan: He was flirting with you,AND he touched you.

MC: Babe he was the cashier saying goodmorning with my receipt-

[siasrs]

Brothers + Earrings

Lucifer: a simple black pearl,maybe 2 or 3 of them snaking up his ear.

Mammon: a full on fiesta on his ears all in gold,dangly with small light pearls at the ends.

Leviathan: probably an anime/game reference,in simple silver.

Satan: has the guts to wear 2 black crosses,one short and one up on his upper ear dangling mostly to piss lucifer off.

Asmodeus: prefers "woman" earrings,so rubies,diamonds and golden hoops galore,and it changes depending on his outfit.

Beelzebub: he has the simplest bc he doesnt want it to get in the way of food,just a simple gold/black dot.

Belphegor: almost the same with beel bc of sleep,but he has 3 black rings around the sides of his upper ear.

[siasrs]

Lucifer: PLease,stop. Its called "being single."

Lucifer to Leviathan: Not "bitchless."

Lucifer to Mammon: Not "unbreedable".

Lucifer to MC: And most definitely not "SOLO-mon."

[siasrs]

Levi and MC sniff cra-

MC: Whats your favorite genshin ship?

Leviathan: Oh uhm its Jean and Li-

MC: Got it,once the cosplays get delivered lets make out with them on.

Leviathan: *choking on his own spit* W-when? What time?!

[siasrs]

Ex-Angel Inhales Crac-

Lucifer: *coughs*

MC,in the vent: God bless you.

Lucifer: Father?!

-

MC: Did it hurt?

Lucifer: When i fell from heaven to you? Stop that nonsense MC.

MC: No im curious did the fall actually hurt or did your sisters nearly dead body help with the fa-

-

MC,outside in the storm: SHUT UP

Lucifer: MC stop your stu-

*lightning bolt strikes next to MC*

MC: WHAT THE FUCK

[siasrs]

Can I request the “He’s my Type” for the datables please?

im actually making it,but ive been on a little r&r :)

[siasrs]

Therapy,more like "PLEASE DATE ME-"

Therapist!MC will be referred to as just MC :)

~

Satan: I dont think i should exist...and its-

MC: Listen,you exist because without you,the world would a 100% be worse.

Satan: *sniff* Tha-thanks,really.

-

Belphegor,talking bout his crimes:-and like,all i did was rational,right???

MC: No you're just fucked up Belphie.

Belphegor: I can agree with that-

-

Barbatos: Is it your break? I wanted to give you some tea.

MC: Oh thank you,but um...*stares at the cup of tea* how do you- drink it? (coffee addict,can relate)

Barbatos: And you're supposed to be the smart one.

-

Mammon: Hey im curious,did ya really want to be a therapist??

MC: Nah i did it to see if i could help my own mental issues. Turns out it turned to unbearable trauma i now de-stress by listening to others traumatic life experiences.

Mammon: Mc.

-

Asmo: MC ARE YOU GAY? ARE YOU???

MC: No.

Asmo: Awhh...-

MC,lowering their reading glasses anime-style: Or am i?

-

Lucifer: Satan whats this email i found that you sent to MC? I know i got us a therapist to open up but saying "Hiya dear,i feel yknow depressed and suicidal and i want to burn every particle of my being fr fr,hope u have a good summer break and bring me sum snacks when ur back 'kiss kiss'." is a tad too much.

-

Satan: I dont think i should ex-

MC: Do you want me to touch you to shut you the fuck up?

Satan: Woah take me to dinner first.- dont mind tho.

MC: Satan Morningstar you fucking moron.

-

Beel: Hi sorry me and Belphie are late,its just by a bit.

*MC looks at the clock saying 4 PM*

MC: Ya'lls appointment was at 8:00 AM.

-

<3

[siasrs]

Recreation Simeon?

MC: Wait Simeon,so in the bible Adam and Eve were the ONLY female-male humans right?

Simeon: Right...

MC: So they had children,and lets assume multiple right?

Simeon: I dont like where this is going...

MC: So doesnt that mean the children were ince-

Simeon: SHUT UP,PLEASE RESPECTFULLY FUCK OFF.

MC: Can i technically say "you're the adam to my eve now-"

*Simeon,practically inhaling up an inhaler*

[siasrs]

Crack Texts 7

MC: OH MY DIAVOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lucifer: What the fuck happened now....

Leviathan: She saw Mammon take a picture of his computer screen using his phone rather than screenshotting it.

Belphegor: Damn and people say im the psychopath.

Lucifer: I think i raised you all wrong.