Busy People Going Nowhere

I'm 29 years old, a newly-minted lawyer in a job market saturated with sleazy reptiles of the law. So I did something different. I wrote a book. My name is Dahlia Masterson, and I'm the world's foremost expert on our own homegrown serial killer. [[Indie Silent Hill 4 OC RP blog. Sideblog to deviloutofhell. FC is Audra McDonald.]]

[mysharona1987]

[yurimom]

*11 year old lesbian voice* idk I just don’t wanna get married when I grow up. I’d rather have a girl roommate who was my best friend and also we’d eat snacks together and watch movies and she wouldn’t have a boyfriend. :/

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

True crime podcast: Police say the suspect not only murdered his victims, but dismembered and ate their body parts piece by piece. I guess they had never heard of Blue Apron. Blue Apron provides dozens of delicious meals for

[memories]

The day I started posting about #body horror was the best day of my life.

[sidewalkofthecity]

@cxttonteethviolence

“Fun fact, Jeff—the Red Delicious was created as an industrial apple. An easily replicated food-like product.”

She takes a hearty bite. Winces.

“Tastes like broken dreams.”

[androidboy]

[quotemadness]

“I was fascinated by strangers, wanted to know what food they ate and what dishes they ate it from, what movies they watched and what music they listened to, wanted to look under their beds and in their secret drawers and night tables and inside the pockets of their coats.”

— Donna Tartt (via quotemadness)

[sidewalkofthecity]

Why do I miss someone I never met?

[rosepetalrevolution]

Petition to bring back “The Cask of Amontillado” memes for October.

[prismatic-bell]

I have many Cask of Amontillado memes in my basement, would you like to see them?

[banderjack]

Boy would I!

[porphyrogenneta]

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[mephisgay-archived]

@undeadhellsingslayers

[macklesufficient]

listen i kno we all have a giggle at people from ye olden times for believing in the four humors and bloodletting and shit like that but there are adults in this year of our lord 2018 who deadass believe there are Toxins in their body that can be released by drinking juice

[thedrownedsoldier]

“Hey, come on!” Alex grins through the wince, and moves to toss the napkins.

“God, it’s the zoo all over again. Worked there the summer after I graduated. The tropical bird exhibit was always an adventure.”

[sidewalkofthecity]

“Birds are little sociopaths.”

Alex cheeps in agreement as Dolly strokes his beak.

“They hate us and love our suffering.”

[thedrownedsoldier]

“Thanks.”

The cockatoo is gently stowed back in his cage, and Alex moves to help clean up the mess.

“It’s fine. Birds can’t really, uh. Hold it. No hard feelings, man.” He flashes the bird a thumbs-up.

[sidewalkofthecity]

Alex twitters happily and flings a pellet at Alex’s head.

Dolly nearly doubles over laughing.

[thedrownedsoldier]

Alex– the human– snorts, raising his brows at the bird.

“Really, man? I thought we had a connection.” And then, to Dolly, “You, uh, got any paper towels?”

[sidewalkofthecity]

She’s already on it, retrieving take-out napkins.

“Sorry about that. It’s probably how they show love.”

[sidewalkofthecity]

@thedrownedsoldier

Alex whistles, hopping onto Alex’s finger.

“Careful with him, Alex,” says Dolly from the door. “He’s a sensitive man. Been through a lot. No bite.”

[sidewalkofthecity]

Alex whistles again, his cheek feathers puffing up, and drops a load on Alex’s shoe.

Dolly snickers.

[sidewalkofthecity]

@thedrownedsoldier

Alex whistles, hopping onto Alex’s finger.

“Careful with him, Alex,” says Dolly from the door. “He’s a sensitive man. Been through a lot. No bite.”