Sidinsky

I write.

[sidinsky]

I am falling so fast and deep and your not here to catch me anymore.

[sidinsky]

Fingernails carve your name in red ink;

Your freshly kissed skin under blankets of my sorrow,

be with me for there seems to be no tomorrow

I hide in between tales and dreams,

fantasize with me about yours,

comfort me – hold my shaky figure – punish me,

while I thirst on your venom once more,

let it be consumed by my innards

As we wait for endless slumber to visit me,

comfort me – hold me tight,

my fingernails will carve on dying flesh

your name in red ink

–Sidinsky, 05.02.2026

"O happy dagger, / This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die".  – Juliet, Romeo and Juliet

[sidinsky]

Herz;

In depths of rushing red,

the muscle pounds against my chest

Eager to lüsten und lieben,

chasing the taste of Leidenschaft

Und in den tiefen des roten Ozeans,

the hungry dog claws those sharpend teeth into its cage of bones,

licking away all agony that placed itself on the rotten bars of my body

Eventually the ocean will turn into roter Sand,

the muscle shrinks and the creature will howl for,

what seems to be the very last time,

before laying down to starve in its Käfig.

–Sidinsky, 28.01.2026

[sidinsky]

Our (my) love is a losing game and I can't help but to put my heart on the line;

Oh my love, tell me,

am I the only one playing?

–Sidinsky, 04.03.2025

[sidinsky]

Oh, how frightning to love so deeply just to never get it back.

But oh, how wonderful to love so deeply that it shatters you completely.

[sidinsky]

Buried in my flesh;

Beneath the veil of lust I hide,

what one shall call shame

or others name pride,

You may rip at its muscles

and

tear at its seams

But I let my soul rest,

covered in the wine of my veins,

in the stone of my bones,

deeply buried in my flesh.

–Sidinsky, 22.01.2025

[sidinsky]

I look for your face in every crowd I walk into.

[sidinsky]

Vermisse deine Lippen, obwohl ich sie nicht zuletzt geküsst';

Fremde Finger fassen meine,

fast so warm wie deine.

Suche nur im Schatten was nicht deins,

Und damit ich nicht von Scham geplagt,

wirft es mich in die Dunkelheit.

Fremde Blicke suchen meine,

keiner gleicht dem deinen.

Selbst im schwarzen tief versunken,

greift mein Sein nach dir.

Im finsteren werd' ich dem Fremden obliegen,

bis mich dein Licht einholt.

–Sidinsky, 26.10.2024

[sidinsky]

I could stare at your back all day.

[sidinsky]

Denkst du an mich?;

Während die Sonne durch die Blätter auf deine zarte Haut scheint

und deine Fingerspitzen das feuchte Grass berühren,

an was denkst du da?

An was denkst du,

wenn dein Bauch vor lachen schmerzt und du fröhlich deine Lieder summst?

Denkst du an mich?

Nicht wenn der Abend sich dem Ende neigt und du alleine nach Hause läufst,

nein, nicht wenn dir die Hand fehlt, die dir sanft über den Rücken strich.

Denkst du an mich, auch wenn du wunschlos glücklich bist?

–Sidinsky, 02.08.2024

[sidinsky]

Es ist Juli, der Regen hämmert gegen mein Fenster;

Verrückt wie ich auch die Hitze hasse, vermisse ich das Vögelzwitschern.

Es fliegen keine Schmetterlinge, alle Blumen sind vergangen.

Wo auch immer du gerade bist, sie alle sind dir nach.

Sonne, Mond und Sterne.

Du nahmst den Sommer mit dir.

[sidinsky]

All I ask for;

I am not religous nor do I believe in fate,

but I will look for four-leaved clovers in all the woods I visit,

wish with every burning candle on the cake,

count the shootingstars I get to see in this lifetime,

prey each time my eyes fall close,

only to wish for me to be the person you want to wake up to each morning.

[sidinsky]

Winterpause.

[sidinsky]

I hate Christmas.

(It was my favorite season but now everything has changed.)

[sidinsky]

As the biting wind guides me to my winter rest;

I will keep your laugh echoing in my chest,

So that the sun can shine from your eyes,

So flowers can grow in your hair

And so your whispers will turn into sounds of the sea,

I will keep your laugh echoing in my heart,

So even in my darkest days,

when my body is aching,

And my soul is yearning,

I can turn to my very own summer deep within me

–Sidinsky 28.10.2023

[sidinsky]

The meaning of life itself;

I am jealous of people with honest goals in life, real ambitions, passions,

because when I go to sleep at night I dream of love,

and love is the first thing that crosses my mind in the morning.

There is nothing in this world I care more about than to love and to be loved,

it's tiresome and I don't remember a time where it has not been like this.

–Sidinksy, 06.10.2023

[sidinsky]

The leaves grow colour as the sun shines through the treetop;

On the playground the little girl with the bouncy pigtails jumps into his arms. He holds her tight, lovingly, and then carries her all the way back home.

And all of a sudden it's 2012.

I sit on the frontseat, the air conditioning is pumping hot wind into my face. It smells like cigaretts and a new car, two scents that never change. The pop station is on and I listen to a song I don't understand a single word of.

I'm not sure if he remembers my favorite animal, my birthday, the colour of my hair or my name.

I hope he remembers that I am his daughter.

–Sidinksy, 18.09.2023