I’ve watched I Told Sunset About You at least 5 times in a row now, but I apparently have no one to rant to and I NEED to rant so bear with me.
First of all can we just appreciate how beautiful the story is? The way it’s portrayed, the way they talk, the location, songs, idk everything is just so poetic. I love how some scenes didn’t need words, and you’d understand it anyway. I love how there are no actual bad guys. The ones they are fighting with are themselves. And everyone has a personality. There’s a story in each and every one of those beautiful, well-written and portrayed characters. I’ll rant about how the story amazes me another time, I just need to focus on the two- Teh and Oh-Aew.
He’s an enigma. Like there’s so much going on with him and sometimes (or most of the times), he doesn’t even understand himself. And there’s so much added to his inner turmoil and identity that just makes me want to try and piece the puzzle but at the same time smother him with a pillow and blanket and yell “PLEASE REST AND BE HAPPY.”
First of all, his family. God, I can’t even start to say how much I relate to him with this. Being compared to hurts like hell. It’s like every thing you do, every step you take, you’d think “Would this be approved? Is this right? Or is this wrong and I’ll be compared again? Will they be proud of me? Will I ever be number 1?” You seek approval for your whole life. First your family, and it will branch out to your whole life. It’s haunting. He solidified his dream to become an actor because his mom was, for once, seemed so proud and excited at the prospect (I’m sure she is proud of him, it’s just that SHOWING it is another story).
And then there’s Oh-Aew. God. The person who shook his entire world. His entire being. If I’m to use Twighlight terms, I’d say he really imprinted on Oh-Aew, and it’s not hard to not see it. There’s a few posts talking about it on Tumblr, and I absolutely agree with them. It’s like, Oh-Aew is really the centre of his world (whether he realises it or not). I know they were kids when they fought, but that person has to be super important to you if it affects you that deeply. They say there’s a thin line between love and hate, and I think this is a good example of it. And to have a strong rivalry meant the love was strong as well- to be able to cross the line.
But “enemies” might be too strong of a word as well. It’s kind of funny, how Teh acts a bit tough and kind of picks a fight with Oh-Aew when what he did the moment he saw Oh-Aew was staring at him again and again. And it’s not even the hate kind of stare. Fascination? Wonder? Curiosity? Longing? Yeah, he talks big with Tarn about their “animosity ” but is it really animosity when he keeps staring, keeps scrolling through this person’s ig, keeps thinking about this person? Who the hell copies someone’s hairstyle if you want to be their enemy? Wouldn’t an enemy want something equally or more amazing, but different? Also he had the audacity to not acknowledge the fact that he was staring at him the whole damn day when Oh-Aew pointed it out. Oh Teh. This is just the tip of the ice-berg.
And when he finally made up with Oh Aew, the dam bursts. He thinks of ways to be close to him again, and not just as friends, but as BEST FRIENDS. He wanted to go “hardcore” immediately and chose his weapon- tutoring. He wanted Oh-Aew with him. He didn’t quite understand why, but he NEEDED Oh-Aew with him. And he wants Oh-Aew to acknowledge it, and see it the same way. He wanted to be special to Oh-Aew too, just like how he is to him. He gets unsettled and upset when he feels like he’s been treated the same as their other friends, and I find this so interesting. He went intense so quick, that I don’t doubt that these intense feelings were there since they were kids. It’s just, at that time, they were kids. As people age, feelings grow into different things, and I guess these their feelings grow to desire, fascination, longing, and love. (Also I squeal every time he admits this. “I don’t like it when ...”)
And his desire grew even more. The more time he spends with Oh-Aew, the more he seems to be wanting to possess him. To see him. To be in his presence. When Oh-Aew’s not there, he’s so unsettled. He touches random things, he paces, tosses around.. He’s lost. But his desire was so apparent. Sometimes, the way he looks at Oh-Aew, it seems like he wanted to devour him whole. This aspect, I feel, clicked when he sniffed his “friend”’s hair so intensely. Damn, the way he sniffed.. You can see the desire. He literally sniffed with his whole body!! Damn. And from there it gets intense and more intense. He’s suddenly aware of it bit by bit. “Coconut, coconut, coconut.” He went home, sniffed the coconut. I use the word sniff and it sounds super cute, but he didn’t do it very cutely haha. Sensual would be more fitting. The scent that he used to hate, is now the scent he seems to yearn as well. Desire by association?
I don’t think he’s stupid, and he’s damn aware that there’s something different he’s feeling about Oh-Aew. He might not understand it at that moment, so he started to play a bit dumb, continue with Tarn, and act “normal”. Is that really normal though, Teh? And Oh-Aew, bless his wit (or else we’ll forever see this static state) made him realize that boy, think different. Think, desire. Think, love. The scene at the beach, the coy atmosphere, was beautiful. I love how Oh-Aew coaxed him gently, and didn’t force him to come to him. To let Teh see him that way. The possibility. And when Teh just came to him, followed him around, desire just radiating in waves, eyes heavy-lidded with it,.. Ah, their relationship shifts yet again. And the scene where he “scratched” his back, Teh was almost lost in it. Almost gave in. Until he touched Oh-Aew’s chest and well damn. He’s a boy. And he slips away.
It’s not that simple, because this wasn’t his plan. He wanted to go to his chosen university, make his mom proud, make his family proud, succeed, have a good career, have a family with Tarn (which his mom apparently will be proud of so, bonus points). And where does Oh-Aew fit in this? Ideally, a friend would be perfect, but they’re not exactly friends, are they? But if he chooses Oh-Aew, what about his plans? His mom? The person who he seeks approval the most. It’s too much.
So he overcompensates with tutoring, the thing that made sense to him. What fits. But it hurts both of them. To Oh-Aew, who wanted Teh’s heart, and Teh, who also wanted Oh-Aew, but is trying to hold himself back and pushes Oh-Aew away, YET try to be close through tutoring. He wants to get away, but he can’t. He mentally, emotionally, and physically can’t. So he made the idioms book, in hopes Oh-Aew would appreciate it, and possibly forgive him (while staying friends?). But why was he lying to himself? The moment he saw Oh-Aew receiving his book, he couldn’t leave. He paced, and he peeked again. And he just can’t win. He’s lost in Oh-Aew’s presence and gaze, and the yearning builds up again, and he wanted to be close, close, close to Oh-Aew. He wanted to inhale his scent, inhale Oh-Aew. When they finally hugged behind the staircase, it’s like, ah, yes. I’m grounded again. (Also can we appreciate the music and cinematography during this scene? BEAUTIFUL). Still in this grounded trance, they went swimming, until oh, he’s pulled down, to a place where no one could see them, no one could judge them. And that’s when he finally let his yearning take over more and kiss him. Finally have him where he actually wanted him, but wasn’t possible due to the reality, the world, people around him. Masterpiece of a scene. Istg.
But of course, everything went straight to hell after. Sure, there were initial blissful moments, and then, when he realized that ah, this is the world again, he took two steps back, and broke Oh-Aew’s heart, and his own. And he knows this. Knows that he actually really damaged them now, and when he was told he couldn’t be friends anymore, it crushed him. How would he be able to live without Oh-Aew? His world. His anchor. So he grasped at things to save his world when he knows Oh-Aew was hurting, and made one desperate, big-scale attempt. Give up his place at university. His dreams. He gave everything to Oh-Aew. He can’t bear to see him suffer and lose his dreams, so he gave up his. I just, I can’t describe it in words.
This was a huge sacrifice. Might be the biggest sacrifice yet. And damn, Oh-Aew didn’t take it? He rejected his efforts, rejected him. The world he was protecting, rejected him (I’ll talk about Oh-Aew later). It hurts. And when he opened the pages of his book, it’s all cut out. He’d already given everything to Oh-Aew. And the one thing he had, the one weapon he had, tutoring, he can’t use it anymore. He just lost both his spot, and Oh-Aew. It hurts. It hurts.
I like that he was a bit passive aggressive at class, and he hinted that Oh-Aew shouldn’t have taken his efforts so lightly, etc. But when Oh-Aew didn’t quite return his passive aggressiveness, and he had this sincere exchange conversation with Bas instead, Teh’s world stopped again. How could Bas tell Oh-Aew what he wanted to tell him so easily? Why is everyone okay about it? How was it so easy? And there it is. He saw Oh-Aew smiling. “This was what I couldn’t give him. Now I lost him.”
He doesn’t have any more cards. No tutoring cards. He only had his words and his heart. But if he can’t fully accept himself, how’s he supposed to face Oh-Aew? Losing Oh-Aew was devastation. The conversation he had with Hoon was so important. The first time he confessed his feelings out loud. With words. And Hoon’s reply.. I just. Wow, he’s a wonderful brother. And ah, now that he had some acceptance, he could finally accept himself. But he can’t do anything at the moment of course, because Oh-Aew’s with Bas now.
So he fulfills his promise to Oh-Aew at least. I wonder what he was thinking at this point. Did he come to terms that he won’t be close to Oh-Aew anymore? Was he ready to let him go? AND THEN THE MIGHTY SCENE. When Oh-Aew said he just wants Teh to not disappear on him and could be anything Teh wants, Teh’s just like. “Ah. My world’s coming back together. And I’m ready.” “If I can be anything, can I be your boyfriend?”
UGHHHHH THE AMOUNT OF FEELS. Teh’s character is SUCH a journey, but it’s a book I’d love to read and reread, and discover the little things I haven’t discovered before. I love how complex he is, and that we can see so clearly his struggles, turmoil, yearning, and finally, acceptance.
One thing that I would love is more insight on Oh-Aew’s character. But he, too, is a whole character journey. Have you ever felt like you had no aim? Nowhere to head to, just a mindless walk?
Oh-Aew didn’t have a dream. He didn’t want anything, but it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose. It sounds like it’s nothing much, but imagine being in a desert. With no directions. Or like a dark room, where you desperately try to find a light, just somewhere to look at, somewhere to go, something to do.
And then he found it, his light. His passion. Acting. It’s like when a starved man finally sees food, or when a locked person finally sees the world. He sees motivation. He sees purpose. He sees something he could strive for, and make his parents proud of him. Now imagine that when you finally found that motivation and sense of purpose, someone who you care about, someone you hold dear and never thought would betray you, says you wouldn’t be able to do it, and that you’d give up anyways.
I don’t know how to stress this, but being told that you’re incapable of succeeding at a young age really affects your thinking. Humans by nature, don’t like to be told what they can or cannot do, and it’s the same for Oh-Aew. So he takes that as a challenge, and tries his whole life to prove Teh wrong. To be honest, it’s both a blessing and a curse. A curse because he had ongoing thoughts about how he needs to be the best, and that he needs to prove someone wrong. But a blessing because he now has another motivation to strengthen his attempts to reach his dreams. Personally, I, too, find competitions a push for me to be better. But it also had negative impact on me. I wasn’t satisfied with anything I achieved, I just wanted to bulldoze through. And if there’s even a smallest mistake, I’d beat myself up. It’s not a healthy lifestyle.
And when he finally met with this person again, not only did he keep on staring at him, he also brought up his academic weakness and implied that he’ll fail. Again. Again. And what’s worst is he was partly right. He didn’t get the placement.
Okay I’m going to stop there for Oh-Aew’s motivation and ambition, because I’ll get emotional lol I relate too much. So on to Teh.
What’s interesting about Oh-Aew is that I’m not really sure what he’s thinking, and he’s quite a mystery. But at the same time, he has this presence that’s just, healing and addictive. He doesn’t force, doesn’t push. He coaxes, he’s gentle. But he knows what he wants, and he’s clear about it. I’d love to know the thoughts he had for Teh when they met, though. Because, even though we weren’t shown what was going through his head, or the degree of which he thought of Teh, he obviously sees Teh as different from the rest.
When Teh told him he’s upset that he’s being treated like everyone else, Oh-Aew was just like. “Bestie, why didn’t you tell me? Let me affirm your position. Here’s my big secret.” WITHOUT hesitation. He didn’t think it was weird or anything, all he wanted was to make Teh smile again. And he’s so in tune with Teh. Whenever Ten’s upset, he just knows, asks, and he’ll wait for Teh to be ready, and when he’s ready, he’ll listen to Teh and comfort his unease. I understand how Teh would be so entranced. Oh-Aew was like a breath of fresh air, the quiet comfort, yet alluring and addictive.
And one of my favorite parts would be when Teh told him to not give his time to others, Oh-Aew said it to him right back with such a challenging look on his face. And I think it’s interesting, because he doesn’t really show that much aggression (it wasn’t really aggressive, but he had a harder tone than usual). It shows how Oh-Aew is quite clever in hiding what he wants to hide, or maybe he could even store it in a secret box inside his head and try to ignore it. I’m saying this because we kept seeing how Teh checked and rechecked who saw his story with Tarn, but he couldn’t see Oh-Aew’s name, and Oh-Aew didn’t really seem affected by it. But when Teh mentioned about time, he suddenly took off mask and it’s as if he said, “You’re bothered with me giving your time to others? Okay my bad, but you’re also giving my time others. You think I don’t know? I’m also bothered.” And at this point I was like, ah, so Oh-Aew does notice. And he does gets bothered. It continues on to Teh sniffing the hell out of his hair and he’s just like what? And he thinks, and he thinks, and he looks at the coconut shampoo. And he thinks.
And he puts on more shampoo, which suggested how he actually welcomes the thought of Teh liking the smell on him. He wants Teh to like him. More coconut, more coconut. Like me.
But he’s patient, Oh-Aew is. He doesn’t push Teh, he just observes, tests, and when he’s quite sure, he launches his gentle yet dangerous attacks. He made sure Teh was looking at him, thinking of him (not that he actually needed to, Teh was already full of Oh-Aew thoughts HAHA but it does help, to push Teh a bit), and he coaxes. He introduced the possibility of them gently.
But how long could a person wait? How many times can a person get rejected? When he realized he liked Teh, he didn’t tip toe his way around Teh like he did with Bas, he went full force. It’s like, just as Teh was like a hungry lion, Oh-Aew was a prey enticing to be eaten. He wanted to be eaten. He liked Teh’s attention, wanted Teh’s attention, more than anything. He wanted him. After all, Teh was behind his motivation his whole life. He wanted Teh to see him, to love him, to embrace him. Accept him. How long can he be patient? The lion knows he’s hungry, but he refuses to eat. Yet; the lion keeps the prey to himself, to his clutches, to his territory. But the lion won’t do anything directly, so is the prey not worthy enough to be eaten? If not, why put it in the lion’s yearning clutches?
Every time Teh seemed to move forward, Oh-Aew gets disappointed when he moves two steps back. And it’s maddening, because now Teh is just at the center of his world, but he can’t access it. There’s a wall, and this wall keeps him from truly being with Teh. And he’s so addicted to Teh, to Teh’s attention, and he wants more. He had the taste of it, but just as he gets to taste- it’s gone. And he knows why. And it goes back to his own anxiety of being not worthy. Not worthy of a dream, not worthy for a person. Are his parents even proud of him? He desperately tried to change, maybe if I change my gender, he’d like me? He’d accept me? But of course it’s not possible; and it breaks him. Is he even worthy of anything?
And he decided to give up. I might be just assuming, but it’s as if “I’m not smart, why bother. I’m not lovable, why bother.” And he wanted to lock himself in that dark room again, to be aimless, to be numb, to not feel anymore of the pain of not being enough.
And this is the part where I want to rant the most. His rejection of Teh’s place in university. Yes, at first I questioned it too, but did he look happy at all when he rejected it? People have mentioned that Teh’s sacrifice was the answer to Oh-Aew’s earlier question “If the teacher chose you, would you have given it to me?” (Somewhere along these lines). That yes, he would give it up to Oh-Aew.
But Oh Aew too, was answering an accusation made on him. He doesn’t, and never did, want to steal Teh’s dream. All he wanted was an inspiration, a rival to compete with, not to crush. Not to destroy. To me, Teh giving up his place could mean two things to Oh-Aew: Teh was first offering to be destroyed, and second, it would mean that the whole rivalry, inspiration, chase, ambition was colored gray when before it was a burning bright red. There was an idiom that they learned, “Easy pickings.” To get something when you didn’t put so much effort in. And I think, if I was in his place, I’d feel that it was an easy picking, because someone intentionally gave it to him on a silver platter. More so, his love, his rival, his inspiration gave it to him, like the whole competition didn’t matter. I don’t know the intention of the writers, but I feel that it was like Oh-Aew also didn’t want to be the one holding the knife of destroying Teh’s dream. Because he never wanted to. And the competition, the inspiration to his ambition and growth which all started and continued from and around Teh, would mean less. To be a competent rival, he needs to get there by himself.
Also I think if he did accept it, it would be a whole cycle again. Teh would have a card, and he’d never realize that the card’s not what Oh-Aew wants. Oh-Aew only wants his heart. Both of them needed this. Teh needed to know this, and Oh-Aew needed a push to realize his supposed purpose and motivation again. Which he will achieve, by himself, with his own hands, as a worthy rival. And if he gets it, he can say HE did it. He won’t have to feel guilty all his life for “stealing” Teh’s place. Damn. I’ve always wanted to say this since I don’t see much about people talking about Oh-Aew’s side in this.
On to Bas, it’s actually quite heartbreaking to see how he treated Oh-Aew exactly how he wanted. To be accepted and loved without hesitance, to hold hands without a care in the world, to be able receive love without walls. Bas is truly golden. But it’s just not who Oh-Aew wanted. He wasn’t quite Teh, and Bas knows this, and guided him back to Teh. UGH BAS I HOPE YOU FIND SOMEONE AND BE HAPPY.
And finally, the sunset scene. I like how he didn’t apologize about the university placement, but he knew he didn’t want to lose Teh. He already accepted that he might not be what he wants to be by Teh’s side, but he’s willing to take it. Anything. He just wants Teh to not disappear again. And oh, Teh suddenly confessed.
AAAAAAAAAA I CAN’T GET OVER THIS T.T The series is SOOOOO beautiful and well-written. I’m so nervous for Part 2. Pls don’t give them a sad ending. PLEASE. I BEG YOU. Or I might really hypnotize myself to forget the second part and only remember the first one. And and if anyone wants to talk to me and discuss this with me please do!!!!! I love a good discussion T.T and I’m lonely hELP I need to talk about it with someone
