Same

Slytherin, INTJ, working towards my P.h.D. in sarcasm.

[valtsv]

live laugh love? nah. languish lament lay down

[valtsv]

feeling this

[hidingoutbackstage]

I’m right and I should say it

[fairyofsomething]

Wait. How are peoples with siblings greeting eachother then?

[astudyingreer]

“Hey”

“Hey”

[maliciousindungeon]

“greetings, whore”

“[fortnite dances]”

[bhvmbruh]

“Have a nice day !”

“Shut the fuck up you idiot.”

[leftyluci]

“I’m here to steal your hoodie.”

“You can fight me for it.”

[iamvegorott]

I usually just screech their name in the most inhuman sound I can summon from the depths of my soul and hell

[csauce-and-chips]

“I’m going to fucking kill you you stupid bitch”

“Thanks for picking me up from school”

“Oh no problem”

[hoardofhyperfixations]

“Hey *name*”

“What?”

[piemakersanddeadgirls]

Me: *throws open bedroom door*

Brother: *sleeping but gets startled awake and sits straight up in bed pointing at me and disoriented* YES

Me: *chokes on my spit as I laugh because I wasn’t expecting that*

Him: *groans and rolls over* get out

Me: *pulling myself together* do y—do you want chipotle?

Him: ………

Me: …….

Him: yeah…

[hydro-homies]

ooo

[hydro-homies]

Give him a second

[hydro-homies]

One day it will get its revenge

[hydro-homies]

Pretty much…

[seabois]

[avengersmemes]

Lmaoooooo

[itsde-lightful]

[lotterywinnersonacid-deactivate]

Today a student emailed over a draft of his essay on 1984 and had clearly used a thesaurus on every single word, and how I know this is because the the party slogan ‘Big Brother is watching you’ had become ‘Enormous Sibling is viewing you’ and I lauged so hard I cried

[mousegard]

you: big brother

me, an intellectual: enormous sibling

[white-elephant1094]

I’m sitting in the lobby at work on my break, and this woman with a young child is waiting to order. The little girl looked at me and yelled “hey! you!” And the mom told her “don’t bother her, she’s on her lunch break, we can wait here for someone else” and oh my God I have never met a good parent at work before

[daakureisaiko]

[eisbecherovka]

i was talking to one of my coworkers about my trip and she asked me where i was going and i said austria and she looked at me all confused and then she said “like…austria-hungary?” and i wasn’t quite sure how to break it to her

[rem-ir]

#i’ve been in a coma since 1914#i can’t wait to see my favorite modern empire (via elucubrare)

[businessinsider]

These maps show how 15 fast food chains dominate in America

[pinkfloydd]

[listendana]

Me, Calmly and Politely: Welcome, how may I help you?

Customer, Suddenly Acting As Frantically As If I’ve Held Them At Gunpoint: CAN I HAVE A MINUTE?!

[lehonello]

Y’all too old to be saying you don’t like vegetables and/or water.