Always remember your dog
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

shark vs the universe
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Keni
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$LAYYYTER

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DEAR READER
will byers stan first human second
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@simply-alex008
Always remember your dog
*shows up 15 months late with starbucks* anyway here’s my vine compilation
Fuck, Millennials are fucking hilarious
I always feel better about youths after a good vine comp.
t-t-t-t-t-target!!!!!
“Do you speak any Japanese?”
“I’m Chinese I don’t speak any-”
“‘Cause if you do, I’ll sleep with you right now.”
“MITSUBISHI, TOYOTA”
“Bitch cone get me, not only is he ugly but his dishes talk!” “Who you talking to Belle?” “Uh… No one…. bitch that was his plate!”
This is the single best post I’ve ever seen.
It really is that easy
We gotem boys
wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs
also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything
what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??
Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.
Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.
Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show
Y'all suspect af😂
*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*
Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash
Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police
Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.
Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.
all this info is good for writing
but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed
ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone
Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.
Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same
Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)
This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.
use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.
Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?
I love learning.
This a real education
This advice was very effective
Me😎irl
“hey i’m really full do you want the rest of my-”
Thank you for all the spooks ❤️
Sniff sniff * till next year 😢😭🤧
I love nun jokes
They got nun on me
I HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING
RING TING TINGLING TOOOOOOOOOOOOO
COME ON IT’S LOVELY WEATHER
FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
IT’S STARTED
IT’S BEEN NOVEMBER JUST FOR FEW HOURS YOU ANIMALS
Oh dear god it’s begun
yES IT’S TIME
Yesssss it’s begun, Happy fucking holidays
When you let someone into your lane while driving even though you didn’t need to:
10:29PM
Well that’s enough internet for the night
What more can you do