INACTIVE

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Hello! Welcome to SimplyQueerplatonic! Here you shall find all things queerplatonic.

I am no longer using this blog as I don't have much interest anymore for various reason but I'm leaving it up because I know a lot of people enjoy it. I know there are some unanswered asks and I apologise for that, I hope you found advice elsewhere.

Updated: 23/12/2022

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Hello everyone, I am announcing that I will no longer be posting to this blog. My heart hasn't been in it for a while and I don't think it will return. I realise a lot of you enjoy this blog so I'm not deleting it. I am sorry for any unanswered asks and I hope you all managed to get advice elsewhere /gen

[simplyqueerplatonic]

I apologise for my absence, I've started uni again and I've been very busy. I have quite a few asks to answer which I hope to get to soon so I apologise if you've been waiting a while. For the time being I'm going to turn off asks until I've answered all of them

[simplyqueerplatonic]

The soul warningly tight hug and waddle from side to side like pls man, that's one thing I want from a qpr

Yes!

[mathematical-cheese]

Not so friendly that two people can't accidentally be in a qpr and not know it. Qprs are committed relationships that you need to both agree to be in.

Yes, upon learning the term you can both decided that that is very similar to how your relationship is but you have to both agree. It's a subtle point but consider saying the same thing but replacing it with a romantic relationship. You can't accidentally be in a romantic relationship, just like you can't accidentally be in a qpr

[simplyqueerplatonic]

um.. hi. i love ur page :) basically, i am a non-binary, demigirl lesbian. I'm allosexual. But I relate a whole lot to the concept of qprs, and growing up I definitely yearned for platonically intimate connections with my friends, but never said it out loud bc there are already so many stereotypes about lesbians being sexual predators, etc. I didn't want my friends to hate me, or be disgusted by me. (Now I have way better friends). I always want to jump in and add to the conversations but I feel like I'm intruding, bc this label was made for aro and/or ace people to have their own space and navigate what relationships they want in life. Which leads to my question(s): as an allosexual, alloromantic person, would it be offensive or presumptuous of me to use the term "queerplatonic relationship"? Would I only be allowed to call it a close friendship and nothing more?

Thank you :)

-Signed, a lesbian who loves love, in all its forms, and uses THEY/she

No it wouldn't be an issue at all! Qprs are for everyone, not just aspec people. In fact I wish more alloallos would explore relationships outside of the platonic-romantic binary!

[simplyqueerplatonic]

hey so, ik this isn't actually a question but I'm really excited to figure this out so I'm sumbmitting it here if anyone relates! After doing reasearch on what queerplatonic means, I've realized that me and my best friend of (almost) 10 years are basically in a qpr!! It really blows my mind bc for a long time people have "shipped" me and them together and it made us really uncomfy but we didnt know why bc we were basically partners anyways. But now we have a word for it!! I'm legit so happy rn!

I'm happy for you anon! I'm glad you've figured this out! :D

[simplyqueerplatonic]

so, i’m still learning about the terms in the aro community and i’ve learned what a squish is but i don’t really know how to put it in a sentence? like, is it “i have a squish?” because if that’s right, then i think i have a squish.

"Squish" functions exactly the same way "Crush" does in a sentence so you are using it correcty :) And it's cool that you have a squish!

I'm not sure how long this was sat in my ask box so I'm sorry if this was super late /lh

[mathematical-cheese]

Being attracted to men is a good thing actually

[thedarkfountain]

question for all my folks who know about queerplatonic relationships (hopefully more than me)! im gonna be speaking in examples here so i hope you get what im trying to say.

so theres this guy who is mlm, but is perfectly fine being in a queerplatonic relationship with women. does this make the guy bi (since there is technically attraction for both genders) or gay (since hes still sexually and romantically to men in like the ""typical"" way but just not to women)

ive also seen some people say gay men cant be in qpr with women, is that true? since what the guy and women have is more than a friendship, but not your standard relationship either. i feel like at most it probably depends but i still wanna ask, just to make sure/hear other thoughts about this and etc

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Queerplatonic attraction is typically separate from sexual and romantic attraction and so the orientation doesn't have to line up. This is to say gay men can be in qprs with women and it wouldn't make them bi(sexual/romantic), they may however be biqueerplatonic but sometimes people don't label attraction in such detail. You're right that it does depend on the people involved and the only one that gets to decide whether the gay man is "actually bi" for being okay with being in qprs with women in the person in question.

Anyone that says gay men can have qprs with women (without it invalidating their identity) have missed the point of qprs. They are meant challenge the amatonormative platonic-romantic binary. Suggesting that gay men can't have qprs with women usually comes with the idea that it's because they can't have relationships that "are closer" than platonic with women without it being romantic.

I'm not entirely convinced you've deconstructed this binary yourself since you said "more than friendship" /nm I highly recommend reading through what others and myself (on my main blog) have written on the subject in other posts to save my response from being too lengthy. On top of that relationship anarchy is an interesting concept you may want to read about to help you deconstruct this.

I hope this was helpful :)

[honeybeekao]

platonic polycule as a phrase sounds so cool LOVE qprs thank you

[placentaeater999]

God I fuckibg lvoe Cuddles and Kissses and calling people close to me Love and Darling and Hun and holding Hands and going on Dates and Soft Cozy times together where time feels like it stops a minute

(In an arospec kinda qpr typa way though)

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Do you have to enter a queerplatonic relationship if you learn you have mutual queerplatonic attraction for someone? [Semi-vent after this] Obvious question, I know, but the idea of entering a partnership makes me very anxious. It's to the point where giving or getting affection is making me nervous. It makes me worry because what if I end up losing these feelings because of it? I don't want to lie to them.

No you don't have to enter a relationship even if there's a mutual attraction. You should only enter a relationship because you feel ready. It's natural to feel anxious about it especially if you've never been in one before.

Some things that may put your mind at ease:

It's okay to enter a relationship and at the time it feels like the right thing and you're both attracted to each other etc but then at some point you lose that attraction. That doesn't mean you lied to them. People are complicated and we're changing beings, it's okay if things are transient, that doesn't mean you've done something wrong

It would be worth talking and working through why entering a relationship is making you so anxious, it doesn't have to be with the person you're attracted to but having an outside perspective can really help

Don't rush, take your time. It's okay, life can be scary and it can get overwhelming, but just take a second to breathe. Don't put pressure on yourself to enter a relationship before you're ready. Taking your time is okay

I hope things work out for you anon, being this anxious can be exhausting. And again I'm sorry my reply was so late

[simplyqueerplatonic]

I’m currently in a QPR, and I love my partner so much. But I’m alloace, and one day I would also like to be in a romantic relationship. I’ve spoken with my partner about this before and they said they are okay with it as long as my /r relationship isn’t exactly what me and my qpp have. Totally understandable. But every now and then they will make comments about us possibly getting married in a sorta half-joking way. How do I tell them that one day I would like to marry for romantic love? Is that even possible, if I end up finding a romantic partner who is okay with me having a qpr? Can they coexist?

First of all, the two can definitely coexist. Having different partners that satisfy different needs is a common thing in polyamory spaces, in fact it's often the point. The key thing is to communicate with your partners and establish boundaries which is what it already seems like you and your qpp are doing.

Having an honest conversation about the fact you'd like to get married to a romantic partner is the best way to go I think. No treading lightly or dancing around it, it needs to be direct. If you can find a natural way to bring it up that might make it less awkward.

If there's anyone that's been in a similar situation I'd really appreciate it if you had any extra advice to add on to this!

I hope this was helpful and sorry again this was so late

[simplyqueerplatonic]

Is it normal to feel jealousy over those you have queerplatonic attraction for? How do you stop jealousy?

Jealousy is a neutral thing, it's often a sign of something you want, so in this case it makes perfect sense to be a bit jealous.

Your response to jealousy is when it can become negative. If you become bitter and cold with said people because you're jealous of them then that is your problem and something you need to work through.

Don't try and suppress feelings of jealousy because you'll end up hurting yourself. The best thing to do is work out why you're feeling jealous and working out if there's anything you can do. For example, if you are jealous that they hug other people and not you, maybe find courage to ask if they'd be comfortable hugging you.

I know jealousy can suck and it can be hard not to turn bitter about it but it's important to remember that the other person isn't at fault (obviously there's cases where a person might be deliberately doing things to make you jealous out of spite, that is manipulative) and remember that you are not entitled to anything, they don't owe you anything. I'm saying that in the nicest way possible, because it's true the other way around, you don't owe them anything either.

I hope this is helpful, and sorry it's so late

[aroaceconfessions]

Question: do people in qpr commit to each other or is it a kind of "open" thing so that one can be in a qpr and in a romantic relationship with a different person at the same time? or does it depend on the person?

[simplyqueerplatonic]

It depends on the people involved. It can definitely be open but there are also people who prefer a closed and/or monogamous relationship (closed and monogamous aren't synonyms, you can still have a closed polycule)

[imspaceingout]

Saw this on r/LGBT and figured my aspec followers would enjoy.