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Making the World Make Sense

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Dr. Ekman's guide to Inside Out helps parents and children navigate through and learn more about their emotions. Available for free.

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Have i made the bed yet?

What is it about physical environments that can either inspire, distract, calm or enrage? Add to that the fact that ones’ person heaven is another person’s hell. I’m a person who loves order. I can’t help it I just love it! I can’t work in a messy space, it irritates me. I can’t cook in a kitchen that isn’t clean first. I even ended up in therapy because of it, after having children. My need to have everything in it’s place and looking a certain way in order to function happily was such that I was driving myself, and let’s face it probably those around me a little bit crazy. I remember my counsellor at the time set me home work of not making the bed for a week. Didn’t go so well. I failed! I was so cranky the next day because I wasn’t to make the bed. I was having such an internal battle, ranting and raging to myself. The world would have kept turning and everything would have gone on as usual however I was so out of sorts because my routine and my ‘order’ was disturbed. I have come to accept this about myself and know that my need for order is not the same for everyone else and I have come to accept that if I wish for things to be a certain way, it's not up to my family members to adhere to it as stringently as I would probably like. My husband loves messing things up or putting the cushions slight crocked to see how long I can stand it…it’s like a sport to him. I have also learnt to laugh at myself because of my need to have things just so. Very important in the road to good mental health! Find the humour in our own idiosyncrasies. I quite often look at my behaviour and that of my son, who has Autism and his need to have a certain order to his day and things in the right place. He can be quite rigid about many things, that I and most other people would not be as concerned about. I have to ask myself, is it fair to expect these kids and teens to behave and integrate as we think they should or do we just let them be who they are? I often find myself caught between wanting to push him out of his comfort zone to try and extend his tolerance and comfort level, but is that expecting too much? If I have trouble leaving the bed unmade are we asking too much of kids and teens with Autism to step outside of their comfort zone?