@simplyyesterday - Tumblr Blog

Wow,

After tonight,

I almost told you that I loved you for the first time in years

Everyday, I get to wake up like normal I think of how I'm going to put my dreams into words for you while I urge myself to crawl out of bed at least long enough to walk the dog And then I remember you're gone Maybe the dream wasn't so important anyway, I tell myself, make excuses why no one will get to know of the movie that played out behind my eyes Every little inconvenience of the day, every nice moment, I try and convince myself is so insignificant that theyre not worth sharing so I can ignore there's no one to share them with Which really feels like I should call up the morgue now to make room for me when I've spent the last 10 years trying to convince myself that it's the details in life that make it worth living Yet another rub swept out from under

#this blog has been reassigned as a diary because like no one follows it vs all the other blogs

she could feel the crown melting down around her ears

I am constantly reinventing myself Rearranging the little traits and movements and phrases I drop too often from these uneven lips I want to sew shut Rambling off new interests with the same passion of last week to the point of apparent obsession Racking up too many belongings because todays me loves pastel and smooth textures and everything else I own is too dark or too jagged on my skin I am constantly reinventing myself And I feel I should apologize because you so rarely get to talk to the same person twice But you’ve made it so clear that I’m replacable, so you may not even mind

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #poetry #not poetry #replacement #reinventing #sorry

She’s a rosebush With her beautiful petals With pieces of her cut away Pieces she didn’t need, but probably hurt anyway Just to make her all the more stunning And when you get too close, you fall into her thorns And it’s so much easier not to fight it And instead, lay tangled up with her And you forget that you’re bleeding because you’re too distracted by the scent and the softness of her skin

I’m just a dandelion along the path you walk every day Maybe I can add to your scenery Make your world a little less grey Grown up through the concrete A testament to the power of nature And my perseverance and of strength I forgot I had because I didn’t have to push anymore But you never notice me And you’d never know if I was gone

I’m just a crack in the sidewalk Waiting for the poison to soak through

#poetry #the girl with peppered skin #the boy with the thunderstorm in his veins #old stuff

Come be my girlfriend, again. It'll be an entertaining, fiery trainwreck.

-- Things my exes have said

#things my exes have said #the tamer of lions #quotes #prose #love #ex #heartache

5. last night i took too much vicodin again and watched TEDtalks and there was this kid who collected data on flight patterns and with the one program that moved you would watch time pass because the lights flowed over the land like a wave because everyone has to sleep sometime but i kinda wanna see the same map but with my mind instead of planes and i think the air between you and me would glow brighter than the vegas strip

4. i wonder how it would feel to have so much money that i wouldn’t have to think about the cost of things i mean how can someone spend six figures just on making their porch maybe one day i can write enough and well enough that i could pay off all the debts we owe that go even beyond the financial because we both know that cash has a lot more power than loyalty or sex or love but i know you’d be stubborn and say you can do it yourself and even though i know i’d be the same way i would keep pushing because i want to help you and you need at least one less thing to worry about

3. humans have this insatiable need to control and sometimes that means to contain and sometimetimes destroy and sometimes all of the above we mow down plants and warp growing trees into static boards to hold up walls meant to last at least one of our lifetimes and we caged all the animals that hunted us because only we’re allowed to be the top of the food chain and if this is your way of holding something still you did a damned good job because i’m not going anywhere and i couldn’t even if i wanted to even though i know you’d never love me but that’s okay because i’m just here to try and make you happy so go ahead and tie me up again because i kind of liked it

2. the times when the sky is darkest is my favorite which is weird or ironic or some fancy word because the bad things always happen in the dark like the time when i was four and felt hands in places that we were always told are preserved for our future spouses or the predawn of when we ran away from my home because i came back one time with my back covered in bruises and the one time i was kicked out and the sky was still dark from the past days of rain or the night i hit a deer that makes me scared of driving after the sun goes down even over a year later but it’s all okay because one birthday the power went out because it always storms on my birthday and me and my best friend played monopoly by candlelight and i found a bunch of obscure facts online because i couldn’t sleep a lot and the last time i saw you you came out and i swear it was too good for even a movie scene because we even had a soundtrack it was real and it was you and you promised i’d see you again and you’d never lied to me yet because you know some of the things hurt but please don’t let this be the first time you forgot to tell the truth

1. i know too many words even if i barely use any i mean i hate redundancy but im the most guilty party in all of it with all the same stories i mean why else would you keep popping up in my mind to be honest it’s just kind of rude at this point but i could never yell at you about it i mean you look so beaten and tired already what in the hell did the world do to you or maybe i should ask what in the world did hell do to you isn’t it peculiar how you occupy my thoughts the most but you bring along the least amount of words which is kind of ironic (there’s that word again because i’m a mess of conflicting cliches and that’s probably my biggest problem in all of this) too because i know how we both have a ton of baggage so why am i left saying i miss you and begging you and demanding to know why you’re doing this and never even saying a damn word to you about it i mean i could probably write strangers better than you and it was you who struck me with lightning so maybe all i can guess is taht it just caused amnesia and i forget how to put together a single thought let alone use these fried vocal cords or write with singed fingers but all i know is that i’ll gladly take on all of that though if you can just promise me that you’ll crash into me to make sure you never rush headfirst into the ground

#prose #non poetry #poetry #?:#idk #junk #vicodin #tedtalks #blahblahblah #writing #lightning #the boy named blue #going through older shit i wrote #idk why #whatever #why do i even bother putting anything on here #oh well

He’s not allowed to know your song But I don’t say anything when I hear him hum along

#poetry #not poetry #idk #its a bad day emotionally #the scarred bird #the boy named blue

Cigarettes and shitty orange juice taste like hell So does shitty orange juice and shitty vodka But at least you can have enough to forget all the bad tastes they ever left in your mouth

#poetry #not poetry #whatever #my mouth is nasty af rn #f u nasty ass oj

#poetry #not poetry #w/e #have my shit handwriting #the boy named blue

The worst part is they can never find out And I’m left to make my confessions to a secondhand priest who isn’t even sure where his soul lies Taken the place a dog, and it was the one time 3 hours was quick I hear myself spinning tales of what it was, but even who was there isnt sure anymore if this is just a game because who the hell wins What are we doing these days Leaving mascara stains on pillows and overstaying our welcomes in places that we tresspassed in the first place So we tell the same stories to fill the silence and pretend we’re not so lost even if the path back is based in stone and good intentions, it’s hard to miss if you know what you’re looking for But who really does I hated people for what i have become, and now i wear the bruises like a shame when they were once a badge for where I’d been Just close your eyes so you don’t see your finger squeezing the trigger But it can never be over soon enough

#poetry #i guess?#idk #havent written in a while so #the scarred bird #the young sage

maybeimdatingmyself

We were a perfect match. Maybe that’s why we burnt out.

She called him Cassiopeia

Because he was the stars

She was always made to believe

Belonged to her

No matter how weakly a star

May seem to glow

They’ll always burn you when you

Try to get close

And leave you blind and broken

Every single time you look to them

#poetry #love #the boy with the thunderstorm in his veins

I'm running out of tomorrows And you're still marking off your calender

#poetry #kinda #depression #suicide #blab blah blah #no one gives a fuck #until it actually happens #then boohoohoo #we should have seen the signs #we loved her so much #fuck you #i await the day i see you in hell #because ill take you down to a level that makes you want to just have your flesh burning

i’m just left to slip between your fingers because i’m sand and the closest thing I am to solid is when I’m as low as I can fall but yet i’m still in more pieces than either of us could ever count

let the waves wash me away

#poetry #love #depression #ive been writing all day #may post more later #if what i tried for earlier diesnt work out #it may be the end #though it doesnt matter

#poetry #the boy with the thunderstorm in his veins #love #heartbreak

"So, what have you been up to lately?"

He asked like we didn't speak nearly everyday.

"Dangerous things"

He's silent for a moment, mulling over the response.

"Fair enough."

#poetry #the wise man in the cold

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