Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.
Pairings: Jungkook x reader; Taehyung x reader
Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)
Warnings: straight off the bat, it’s a long introduction (sorry!!); y/n is straight up throwing up emotions ( mostly sad ones); Taehyung is being the sweetheart he is but also being more bold..; y/n not having a backbone but attempting to have one; Jungkook is Jungkook. ANGST and more ANGST.
Authors note: hey everyone! it’s finally posted after a month of waiting (maybe a bit more). I’m so sorry for the wait, but I finally finished my midterms and should be able to post more frequently; without waiting for a long period of time. This is a very angsty chapter, and contains a bit of each characters story, which I think it’s important and necessary to see how it shaped them to be the way they are. Anyways, hoped you enjoy it!! Also it’s 2 in the morning for me, so please ignore the spelling errors and typos. I tried to find every single one of them so hopefully there’s none!!
Masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04
It’s funny the way the world works. It really is. It’s like you have this amazing guy in front of you, who genuinely cares for you, and makes sure to show it. And then you have an asshole right next to him, but still try to find some good in him. And like the dumbass you clearly are, you fall for the asshole.
Maybe it’s the way you grew up, or maybe you just don’t know how to choose wisely. Frankly whatever the answer is, you need a solution to it. You hated feeling this emptiness, and heaviness in your chest. You hated seeing the way, he falls for girls so easily, but you’re almost invisible to him. He moves right past you, to follow the girl behind you. His eyes never match up to your eyes, and he never once was attentive to your feelings, and body language.
You were always quite open about your feelings. Not always verbally, but your body sure did talk for you. Maybe that’s why you felt more disappointed, when he claimed to ‘not know you were feeling that way’.
“I’m so stupid” you mutter, afraid a stranger that was passing by heard you. You knew you’re already getting a few stares, and you cared, you cared too much. You immediately felt your throat closing, as you hold back all the emotions that you were feeling in that moment. The pain was unbearable. It felt as if they were tearing your insides, and you were slowly shutting down.
You take your phone out of your back pocket, and look at the lockscreen. The picture of you and Jungkook, when you were both in a Hawaii, celebrating your job promotion. He had it all planned out, and it was the most beautiful and ridiculous moment you’ve loved to relived.
For many reasons, actually. For one, it was one of the few times you’ve both genuinely interacted with one another. He only paid attention to you, well of course a few girls caught his eye. A few caught yours. But he wasn’t purposely trying to find them, and leave you behind. He was making dumb jokes, as you both had your daily walks. He would carry you, when you would get exhausted after a couple of minutes of walking. He would embarrass himself, when you felt too insecure to step out of your room. He would do the most to make sure you felt secure, loved, and cherished.
But that all changed. He changed. And with that so did your friendship. But when your friendship changed, it’s like people were desperately trying to see it for themselves. Because every time Jungkook would ditch you, flat out embarrass you, there was always someone watching your humiliation.
You instantly examine your surroundings, and attempt to find a hidden spot for you to let it out. A great sob escaped your lips, and you covered your face with shaking hands.
You bawl your eyes out, as your knees are pressed against your chest. You’re rocking like a child in its crib, and it’s almost scary to see yourself. Which is why you choose to not do exactly that.
Your phone buzzes, and you’re afraid to look at the screen. Because in that process of answering you’ll see your lock-screen again. And there is only so much you could bear. But then again, you got a ride from Taehyung, so maybe this was a way for you to get a ride home. Although you don’t want anyone to see you in this state.
“Hello” your voice comes out shaky, and you want to curse yourself out for not being able to hold still for a mere second.
The person on the other line was clearly taken aback from your voice crack, and your sniffling. You almost want to make another comment, but you’re unsure if your voice would cooperate with you this time. So you decide to wait it out, and hope it’s sooner than later.
Well are you? No. But you don’t want him to know that. Even though you’re sure, he knows something is up.
You instantly knew who it was. Taehyung. God, why is he so damn nice? Why does he makes this so much harder for you? It’s not his fault, and you know this. It’s not like you’re trying to put the blame on him, but he’s exactly what you want to see in Jungkook. Attentive and caring. But since Jungkook isn’t like that, it makes you wonder, why him? If you so desperately want someone like Taehyung, why haven’t you fallen for him?
It’s your damn heart, that likes to play games with you. What other explanation is there for you to be acting like a damn fool. None. But as you’re mentally speaking to yourself, the silence on your side of the phone call makes him speak again.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt or bother you, but I never got a message back from you, and I was worried about you. I just want to make sure you’re safe” his voice is soft and almost careful, as he makes sure to not say something that could potentially cause you more pain.
You don’t know this, how could you. But Taehyung was across the street, looking at your fragile state. He witnessed everything, and he can’t help but blame himself once again. Why does he keep letting you go with him? He knows how he is, and yes, so do you. But for some reason, you’re filled with an enormous amount of love for him, that it cancels out all the bad. Well, not all the bad, but enough for you to keep letting him in.
“Yeah.. I’m-I’m just getting ready for bed” You stutter as you spit out a random excuse. It’s like you were trying to get caught up in your lie. You bite on your lower lip, to prevent any noise to come out of your mouth.
It breaks his heart seeing you so bravely hide your pain. Because it was brave the way you attempted to shield your pain, the pain Jungkook caused you.
“Y/n, I’m in no way trying to overstep any boundaries, and I understand you don’t want to speak on this matter, but can I just say something really quick?”
You really don’t want to hear it. But you need to.
“Yes” You inhale and exhale, as you try to compose yourself to be fully prepared to hear his comment.
“You are a gorgeous and strong woman, despite the fact that you like to claim you aren’t. And I understand that it’s because of personal reasons, but I’m telling you as a friend, you are every thing I have described. So I just want to ask you, would you prefer an Uber, or me to pick you up”
He’s sure you’re confused, especially in the way he set up his comment; but frankly speaking, he was just trying to remind you of who you are. And asking for help, isnt going to make you less of that. Asking for help, won’t make you weak, or whatever negative perspective you have on that.
He just wanted to remind you of his presence in your life, as a friend. Even though, he wished it more of than that. He still appreciates and accepts that he’s just a friend.
You couldn’t help but ignore the comments he made before, even though they are imprinted in your mind and heart. “What do you mean pick me up?”
He takes a deep breathe, and simply says, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, or even speak to me. But I know you’re not home y/n, and I really don’t want to intrude, but I’d hate myself more if you walked home at this time, then knowing you could have a secure ride”
“How do you know that” you looked left and right, and even in front of you to see if you could spot him. And you couldn’t, which lead you to be more confused. Because how exactly did he know this?
It terrified you to know that Taehyung could have possibly witnessed this all go down. Especially considering the fact that you ditched him for an asshole. You left a good man behind for Jungkook. And it was embarrassing to admit how heartbroken you are because of that decision.
But Taehyung always knows what to say. Taehyung always know how to make you feel seen.
You break down. You don’t attempt to hide it anymore, because you so miserably want someone to hear you. You want someone to push you into their arms, and never letting you go. You want to be suffocated in their arms. You just needed someone by your side.
“You’re probably going to hate me for this… but I’m on my way”
The call got cut off. As you continue crying, you’re exhausted. Your body was beginning to run out of tears, and it was making you feel sleepy. You wanted nothing more than to be curled up in your bed, with the warmest blanket you have. You wanted nothing more than to be away from the world, and people, and just anything that had to do with you being anywhere but your house.
You almost want to take a small little nap, right where you were sitting. It’s just going to be a minute, right?
Your stop fighting the urge to keep your eyes open, and curl yourself into a ball, to provide more warmth. It’s not like anything else could possibly go wrong, so why not sleep outside in the cold? You must have been either way too exhausted or stupid, maybe a mix of both. Because it was way too dangerous for you to be acting like that.
But then again, you haven’t been able to fall asleep because of all the late night driving you’ve had to go these previous weeks. Having to pick up Jungkook from his drunken state at parties, or hookups. Which have added onto your emotionally drained state.
“Mhm” comes out of your mouth, as you felt an arm of your waist.
“It’s okay, I got you” Taehyung whispers, as he carries you over his shoulder and once he is close enough to his car, he places you gently in it.
Your in the front seat, gently buckled up. He looks over his shoulder, to catch a quick glance of you. He can’t help but smile to himself when he sees your mouth slightly open, and small snores coming of your mouth.
“I’ll take care of you. I promise”
He drives off while he has one arm holding onto your seatbelt. He wants to make sure, you aren’t awaken by your body moving slightly forward, as he goes through speed bumps.
He’s not sure what’s overcome him, maybe it’s the way you looked at peace in your sleep, or maybe it’s the way, he desperately wants to spit out his emotions, without you actually hearing it, but he whispers something that he’s held on for too long.
“I like you y/n. I think I always will”
“Hey! You over there, pass me another beer”
Jungkook is slurring on his words, and his balance isn’t as strong as it was in the beginning. He kept placing his hands under the chair, to prevent it from moving too much and have him fall off his seat.
He felt like he had no other option but to go to the closest bar. He wanted to drown himself with beer, instead of drowning himself with guilt and sadness. But it seemed like the drinks were making worse, at least after they settled in.
“Sure buddy, but I’m going to need your car keys if you want to keep drinking”
“Just take it” he places the keys on the counter and slides it closer to the bartender. “My friend will pick me up” he takes another sip, after the man passed him his precious alcohol.
“If she still considers me that” he spits out, as he vigorously shakes his head. He laughs at himself, as he feels a burn down his throat. He doesn’t want to continue swallowing, but he feels as if he deserves every single ounce of that burning sensation.
“Okay…buddy” the bartender said, as he moved on to the next lonely, or heartbroken person in the bar.
He’s not sure why bars exist, they just turn people into alcoholics. He should know. He’s slowly becoming one himself. He hates every single thing about that addiction, as it made him more like his father. And he wanted to be nothing like that man.
“Hey, my friend was wondering if you’d interested in possibly having a threesome with us” she bites her nails, attempting to be sexy. It’s almost disgusting the way she was throwing herself at you.
Normally you’d be all over that, but right now you felt like complete shit. You weren’t even a bit turned on.
“I’m good” you waved her off, as you kept asking and sipping on your drink. You decided to was time for a stronger drink. You wanting to clear your mind, erase your memories, and the words that slipped out of y/n’s mouth.
“Are you sure? It’s going to be both of us… naked”
Is she dumb? She must be. You clearly said no.
“Yup, I’m sure. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll like to be alone. And not bothered”
“Whatever, it’s your loss!” She storms off, rather dramatically. But not without having poured a drink on your face.
“Mm. Guess I deserved that too”
You don’t attempt to clean yourself off, even when the bartender hands you a rag. Honestly, you did deserve all this and more. You’re not even sure why you treat y/n like crap. She’s… amazing, and has such a big heart.
It’s kind of scary, if you think about it though. She’s too nice. It almost makes you second guess everything you do, and if you should be doing it in the first place.
Y/n’s like a moral police, and although it’s cute and kind of dorky. It’s also unbearable. Those high expectations that she has, takes a toll on someone like you. You’re not perfect; you’re quite flawed. Anyone can see that. But she insists that you aren’t, and well you can’t help but try to show her that she’s wrong.
It’s not about being stubborn, it’s about being realistic. You’re flawed, so what? Is it that hard to admit. It’s silly really. This is all silly.
“Well…you look like shit” you heard right next to you. It sounded like a man, or maybe a woman with a very deep voice.
You laugh once you hear that accurate observation. Because you knew that you looked like shit. You’re covered in alcohol and guilt. You’re almost positive that you stink too.
“It’s been a shitty day” you respond without thinking too much about it. You don’t turn to look at who’s speaking to you. Instead, you bring your glass closer to your lips. You needed the taste and smell of alcohol. It helped you forget—some things— and it also makes you feel numb—at times. You make sure to close your eyes to savor every single last taste of it.
Okay, this isn’t working. He needed to see her, and he needed to see her now.
You place a 100 dollar bill on the table, and don’t take a single glance in front of you nor next to you.
But as you’re about to walk away, you feel an arm on your shoulder.
“Listen, I already told someone to fuck off. I don’t mind doing it again”
“Well, why don’t you give it a try”
Seriously? That’s just a dumb, and childish response. And you want to let it go, you really do. You wanted to be a better man— person— for y/n. She deserves to see that side of you, the side she so openly speaks of. Despite not having seen it for a couple years now.
“Listen, I’m not trying to be involved in this childish drama” you say with sincerity, but also with an eye roll that couldn’t be stopped.
“It’s too late for that. You’re the one who started this childish drama” the person angrily says, as he sends spit onto your cheek. It wasn’t intentional though, his anger just got the best of him, and therefore salvia went flying out of him onto you. At least you hoped it wasn’t intentional or else you were about to do something dumb.
“You have some nerve—“ you turn around, finally being able to see who this person is, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. You must be drunk, like shit face drunk. There’s no other possible explanation for this person to be here.
“You?” You question, as you use your hands to rub your eyes, hoping that the person in front of you disappears once you open them once again.
“Me.” He shrugs, as his glare makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Y/n had clearly told Taehyung what happened today, and now he’s sitting in front of you, ready to skin you alive. At least that’s how it looked like.
“I think it’s time for me and you to talk. And I’m not taking no as an answer”
You gulp, and your Adam’s apple is more visible. You simply nod your head, as you take a sit next to him.
You want to punch his face, but you also had to be clever about this. Y/n for some odd reason cares about him, so the least you could do is pretend to be nice.
“For y/n” Taehyung confirms as he continues to glare at Jungkook like his life depended on him.
This was not going to end well. For both of them.
You woke up with the worst headache. Your argument with Jungkook really took a toll on you. Every other minute, you’d wake up remember what happened and then ended up crying again. It made you think back to all those times, the good ones of course, but somehow along the way, you reminisce about how there was some bad in the good. Even now it’s like that.
You continue to lay in the bed, as tears stream down your face and onto your bed sheets. You wanted to find an escape in your mind, anything would have helped. You wanted to think back of when it was just you and Jungkook, and no one or anything would stray you away from eachother.
It sounds ridiculous, but all you could think about is him and your friendship and your… stupid love for him. As if there isn’t anything else in your life. As if there isn’t anything else you could be doing with your life.
Your old enough to get yourself out of this bed, and do something more productive. Maybe ask for more days at work, go to the gym, or quite literally anything else that isn’t this.
Your friendship is over, so you might as well get it over it. Crying and begging him, or yourself isn’t going to change your situation.
However it is easier said than done. Your mind understood this was necessary, but your body was having a harder time to adjust. You couldn’t move a muscle, and it was become harder for you to stay still as your leg was falling asleep.
You tried to locate your phone to see who you could call for help. And on top of that, it had to be someone you know would not judge you harshly.
You flap your arms around until you feel anything that felt remotely close to your phone. After a couple of seconds of moving like your drowning, you found it.
“Yes!” You yelled as you scrolled through your contacts. “Now, who do I call? Well, I only have one friend… technically two. But right now, I’m not sure if my friendship is still a friendship. And… I’ve bothered Taehyung too much already” you rambled on, and muttered to yourself, seeing as you had no one else to rant to. This was getting ridiculous. Your life was like a teenagers, seriously just drama after drama. It was getting old… you were getting old. It was just not something you needed in your life right now or ever.
You hear a buzz coming from your phone, and it startles you. You were stuck in a trance, of what has gone entirely wrong in your life. Of how precious time and your past memories are. Of how you never realized how much you should have valued your life before all this.
Your eyebrows almost touch each other once you read the message on your phone. Your life flashed before your eyes, and all the praying for your past to come back, has happened. But at what cost? At the cost of your happiness, that’s what.
Mom: meet me in 30 minutes. I really need your help.
She’s begging for help? Her? After everything she’s put you and your siblings through. After she did what she did. She wants you, out of everyone to help her out of the mess she probably brought upon herself.
Yup. You’ve officially become cursed. It seems like you can never have a day go by, without something or someone ruining it.
You: I don’t believe I’m the best candidate for the job.
You respond without much thought. But immediately regret it. After all she still is your mother, the woman who gave birth to you; and somewhat raised you. Your grandmother taught you manners, so you should execute them in her honor.
You: Sorry, that was really rude of me. Send me the location and I’ll be there soon.
Mom: Glad to know grandma taught you something good. Next time I won’t be so forgiving, and make sure to come on time, you know how I hate people who are late.
You didn’t have the energy to argue with her. You barely had the energy to get off your bed. Now, you have to use a weeks worth of energy, since you know how things would end if you came late. Your mother was strict and does not accept people disobeying her orders, especially if you’re blood. Which unfortunately you are.
You stand with a pace that instantly made your head hurt, and made you feel as if you were flying. Or maybe it was just the fact that you seeing double. You should have been more careful, that’s for sure.
“What do I even wear” you utter as you walk to your closet, shivering due to the fan being on the whole night. But you’d rather die of coldness than hotness, so that’s why you leave it on the whole damn night. And almost feel like you’re about to wet your bed. Again, you’re just a complicated person.
“I just have black clothes, if I show up in that I’m definitely get scolded” you continue to talk to yourself, seeing as you have no one else to talk to. Or someone you feel comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of you. Sure, they’ve seen many other sides of you when you were weak and vulnerable but this, this was different.
You grabbed the first thing you saw, because whatever decision you made, your mother would still find something to criticize. And you’d rather her criticize your outfit choices then have her waiting for you.
It was a simple outfit really. Black ripped jeans with a black hoodie… yeah, you should probably shop after your meeting. It’s not normal for someone to not have at least one clothing that was bright or not black. The worst part was that you finished it off with black and white converse. But hey, at least there’s some white, a pop of color if you will.
Who are you kidding, you’re about to get your ass beat.
“Please have patience y/n. Please let this all go well” You said while looking at the mirror in front of you. You were trying to remind yourself of how important it was to not let that women get to you. But of course, everything is easier to say than to do. It’s become your life motto at this point. You’ve said it way too many times.
“You got this! Hopefully…” you gave yourself a thumbs up, as your face screamed worried, but time was ticking. So you grabbed your car keys, and rushed out the door like your life depended on it; in a way it did.
Taehyung kept replaying last night. He kept thinking of the way you cutely thanked him, as he took off your makeup. He’s not even sure why you kept thanking him, since he kept accidentally poking your eye, and the makeup wipe, he was using kept drying up.
He might have wasted all of your wipes, attempting to take off your makeup.
“Could you stay? I mean, just until I fall asleep”
Could you? Yes. Should you? You’re not sure. It’s like you kept playing yourself every-time you’ve accepted to help Y/n. You know you need to keep some distance from her, especially since your head over heels for her. But when you see her crying, or anything that isn’t happy, you want nothing more but to mend her heart.
And you know you’d probably curse yourself out, the next day for accepting this offer. But that was a tomorrow problem. And today, it’s just a solution.
Plus, how could you say no, as she’s holding onto your arm. While her eyes look up to you, with such desperation.
“Anything for you” you utter, as you move a strand of hair, and place it behind her ear.
She immediately felt as eased, and whispered, “thank you Taehyung, you’re the best friend a girl could have”
Friend. Yeah, it was like a bullet was shot directly to your chest. But of course, it was an expected bullet. And you decided to come here unprotected, without a bullet proof vest. But still, it was worth the temporary pain.
She had finally asked you, not Jungkook, you, for help.
“Good night y/n” you said, as you pulled the sheets over her legs, to completely cover her up. You gave her a last glance, before you stepped closer, and bent down to give her a forehead kiss.
She smiled once she felt a kiss on her forehead.
He’s not sure how he ended up here. In a bar out of all places. He’s not like this. Sure, he drinks wine almost every day, but to be in an open place, where people are trying to get laid, flirt, or fight over the dumbest things. Well, it just wasn’t his scene. But his friend was right. He had to be more open to things he dislikes, or else he’s going to die with ‘regrets’.
Well he’s already going to die with many. For one, he’s doesn’t have the balls to confess to y/n just exactly how he feels about her. How his heart breaks every time her eyes light up, when she mentions Jungkook. How she always runs to his arms when they’re closed, and yours are wide open and always avoided. Well, unless she had an argument with Jungkook. How you hated being the second option but still choose to stay, because you have this hope in you. You have faith that one day she’ll look in your direction and never look away.
But until then, he’ll drink his pain away— or attempt to— even if it’s in this shitty bar. And you did exactly that. With every single drink you took, you drowned yourself. You filled yourself up with all the alcohol possible, that you were about to spill it out.
It was starting to cloud your judgement. Which you took pride in. It was something your parents were proud of, and since they took too much pride in it; you could never have it in your heart to start acting like a dumbass. It was their last wish before they… yeah.
“Can I have another one please” you asked the guy behind the bar. His eyes kept examining your state, you were drunk. It was clear to anyone that paid attention to you, or at least caught a little glimpse. He looks hesitant to reach over to the vodka you’ve been swallowing.
“Fine. But this is the last one for the night. Alright?” The guy behind the bar says, as he tries to convince himself to hand you the cup.
“Yeah. I just need one before I do something stupid” you spit out without thinking much about it. Your face was red, and you kept pouting. You were still really hesitant despite drinking the whole bar.
“That’s not every convincing..” 
You shake your head to wake yourself up. You still need to order an Uber, and you needed to be conscious to do that.
“Relax. I’m just about to tell the girl of my dreams that I love her”
You smile to yourself; you look insane. You bite on your lower lip to try to contain your excitement. But of course, something always has to ruin your day.
“I don’t think she’ll like a drunk man in the middle of the night confessing to her. But hey! What do I know?” The guy shrugs before leaving the cup right in front of you.
“Yeah, just leave with all your stupid comments”
You sip with such a slow pace. You were stalling. You were scared. What if everything goes wrong? What if she laughs in your face? After all she called you her best friend a couple of hours ago. Okay, no! You need to stop being a wimp and just confess to her. You can’t keep living like this.
You can’t keep containing these feelings that are eating you alive. You wanted to be able to show her off as more than just a friend. Show her what real love is. Not what Jungkook has provided her with.
You chugged the rest of the drink, and begin to walk out of this smelly and loud bar. But something caught your eye. It can’t be. Did you just have a magnet that attracted trash?
Was that jerk really flirting with a random girl, while y/n was crying her eyes out. While y/n became so tired that she actually slept outside. Her body had given up on her, and here he was. He was drinking, not even beating himself up? Not even trying to ask y/n forgiveness.
You couldn’t take it. The drinks sure did have an influence on your next decision.
“You’re 5 minutes late” your mother says, as you enter her house. It makes you want to cry out of fury, or disappointment. You had just stepped inside, and she was ready to scold you and give you hell. She never changed, and she never will.
“Yeah, sorry there was a lot of traffic” you whisper, losing all the confidence you had before you stepped in the house. You hated being this weak, and not having any backbone. Why couldn’t you fight back? Why must you always be the one to cave in?
“I know, that’s why I called you when there wasn’t”
It ticked you off the way she spoke to you. As if you werent her daughter. Her own blood. She talks to you as if she were superior, as if she were your boss, and you were some clumsy assistant. Still, she shouldn’t speak to anyone like that, especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.
“Is this why you called me for? Didn’t you say you needed my help? And you’re arguing with me.” You point at yourself, trying to exaggerate how angry you were. But there really wasn’t much you could do, your whole face was red, and your fists were balled up, becoming white from all the pressure you were putting on them.
But you couldn’t stay angry for long. You’d like to blame your grandma, but you know it was one of the best lessons she gave you. To carry anger with you everyday, is such a burden. Why carry all the bad energy, when you can try to be positive. Try to be hopeful that the good will outweigh the bad, and eventually you’d have everything you wished for; or something equivalent to that.
You truly wanted to grant your grandmothers wishes but it was difficult when the person against you, had little to no respect for you.
“No that’s not it. And you better watch your tone young lady. I am your mother above anything else!”
You nod your head while looking around the room. You attempted to hide the tears that were threatening to fall out of your eyes. They created a puddle as they stayed still. But you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and with that fell your tears. Each possessing a pain that was difficult to put into words.
“You’re my mother?” You spit out, while your voice cracks in the middle of your question. You continue to shake your head, emphasizing the shock from hearing those words come out her mouth.
“Were you my mother when you’d hit me everyday after school because my father was giving me more attention than you? Were you my mother when I was diagnosed with depression, and you said that it was just a phase and refused to get me the help I needed? Oh! Were you my mother when you—“
“Enough! You’re clearly on some meds right now, and saying things that aren’t even true. And even if they were that was ages ago, get over it y/n. Gosh, when did you become like your father”
“I’m proud to be his daughter. But yours? Not even close”
You saw her lifting her hand, and aiming it directly for your cheek. It was a loud sound, and it took a lot in you, to not fall to the ground, and cry your heart out. It really did. Because in between those slaps, you were sent back to your childhood. To you coming back from your school, and waiting for your father to come home, so your mother wouldn’t lay a finger on you. It reminded you of the times, you lied you were staying at a friends place to finish a project, but actually hiding behind the shed in your backyard, until the coast was clear and you could sneak back to your room.
You raise your hand to stop her, and were lucky to caught her hand mid air. Your cheeks were burning, it felt as if someone had poured boiling water on it.
“Let’s not forget your dear father, left you behind. He’s out there with his other kids and wife, while you’re so proudly protecting him. He doesn’t love you y/n, when will you get that. Maybe if you weren’t always so ready to call him out on his errors, he wouldn’t be with another family.”
You let go of her hand and ran. You didn’t care that she was screaming out your name. You didn’t care that you were running into people, or if you got hit by a car. You didn’t care about anything. You just wanted a break. You just wanted to take a deep breathe. You needed this to be over.
You chest felt like it was going to explode. You place your hand on your chest, and began hyperventilating. Even when you were breathing, you weren’t. Your throat was shut, and your eyes were waterfalls.
You ran to your house, you ran without looking back. You ran without a care in the world. And every time you were burnt out, you stood in the middle of people and kept looking around. Everything was spinning, everything was triggering you.
You saw people laughing, smiling, and why? Why do they get to be happy, and here you were struggling to even stand still.
“Miss, are you okay?” A couple asked, but that only made you more sad. Here they were all happy and loving with eachother, and you didn’t have that in your life. It felt like they were rubbing in your face. And you couldn’t be there anymore.
And again you ran. You ran with your all. You wanted to be far away from people. From this place, that never feels like home.
You just needed to get home and down all those pills in your room. They would help you sleep, cry less, and think less. They would ease the pain you endure everyday.
It been a couple of hours since your interaction with that woman, and it still feels so recent. It feels like it was a couple of seconds ago. The things she said scarred you. It was something you attempted to erase in your mind. You wanted to remember your father like he was once. When he was your best friend, when he would do anything to make you laugh; to cheer you up.
You tried to forget when you would argue because he kept breaking his promises. You continued to voice your pain, and your anger got the best of you. So he left. He left you with your mother. He left without a single goodbye. He left without a care, about you, about your mother.
“Why did you leave” you weep, and you hug your pillow. You pet it as if it were an actual human or pet. You couldn’t seek anyone to comfort you, so you decided to pretend your pillow was the person you needed the most.
Your anger would come and go, but when it came, you would go from cuddling your pillow, to punching it with your all. And then came the emptiness.
You were dried out of tears. Your pain was still there, but it was frozen. You’d stare up at the ceiling, and find even the idea of reminiscing to be the most silliest thing ever.
You laugh out loud, at the mess you are. You laugh at the joke your life is. You laugh at how fucking sad and lonely you have always been and will continue to be for the rest of your life.
Your brain is processing everything that was today, and throughout that process, you hear a knock on the door. It can’t be her? No, it can’t she doesn’t even know where you live, where you work, or your damn birthday.
After the knocks, came the constant doorbell sounds. It was driving you crazy, and you clearly had no patience nor the right attitude to talk to anyone.
“I’m not home!” You yell as you cover yourself with a warmer blanket. Why does it have to be so damn cold?
“Y/n! It’s me open up please! I- I have to tell you something important?”
You shake yourself out of your moment for a spilt moment, and get up. You cover yourself with the blanket as you walk towards the door.
“What are you doing here?“ You comment before you open the door. You weren’t trying to be rude, but again you had a rough day and weren’t in the mood for company.
“Please.. I just. If I leave now, I’ll never be able to confess this..”
You gulp, as you unlock the door. But before you open it, you remember you look like a mess. You’ve been crying for hours, since… well, since Jungkook.
“Just- before you come in. Ignore my face, and say what you’re going to say”
“I can’t just ignore your face y/n. What’s wrong?”
You couldn’t confess what had just happened. He came here to talk about himself, and you don’t want to hear it but at the same time, you don’t want to push anyone important to you out of your life, again.
“Please! If you want me to listen to you, promise me you’d ignore my face” you pleaded, as your voice went a pitch higher, and your eyes were shut; hoping to hear the words you wanted.
“I promise” he immediately responds, knowing that it will bring you to peace. But if he sees you in pain, he’ll break that promise without hesitation. He cared about you, maybe even loved you enough to let you go.
You opened the door with caution and attempted to hide your face. Mostly your eyes, since they contained the feeling you weren’t trying to show him.
You both said at the same time. Your eyes displayed worry and pain. One of you was physically hurt, while the other one was mentally drained.
You both had a rough day. You both needed comfort. But you weren’t sure if you both were the right person to comfort one another.
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