Hello
I don’t know why I haven’t blogged in so long.
Short fake answer: I forget
Long honest answer: I got sick of the terrible messages. Each time I get a hateful anon I delete it when I can tell from the first time that’s laden with hate and caustic vitriol. One blog post of mine where I was simply talking about *enjoying icecream* was re-blogged ad nauseum by people who made fun of what I ate, how much I ate and how fat I am. Now i don’t care if people don’t like me. People don’t usually like me when they see me. I am not a pretty sight and I don’t even look at myself in the mirror sometimes. What upset me was that they hated me simply because I was fat. They said nasty things just because I was fat. I eat icecream. People eat icecream but I guess I deserved their insults because I did it while I was fat
Now I don’t want to leave a long winded answer that digresses from the point I am trying to make, yet at the same time I want to speak of it so I could get it off my chest. Sometimes I forget what I want to say because I repress bad thoughts and emotions when it’s time to express them but I allow them to come to me when I am silent and alone. FALSE CONCERN. I know some people have good intentions. I know some do. OTHERS however pretend to have good intentions when they’re nasty. You’re not helping me when you insult me because I don’t need help nor do you care if I died tonight. You’re trying to find an outlet for an issue you have or maybe insulting people is cathartic to you. I’ve lived with a bully my entire life. Someone who would leave nasty messages on my school stationary and would make her friends say nasty things to me at school and I had to go home and LIVE with that person. She’d play the game of concerned sister and then treat me like shit later. She didn’t even call me by name at home. She’d spew lies about me to my mother. She’d lie about me to people at school. She would come home and pretend to be my friend only because she wanted to use me or not get me to talk about shit she did at school. Whenever she would “snitch” or exaggerate the story, she would claim it came from a moral place so I know all about toxic people.
I don’t need love or respect from people who preface their statements with how much they don’t respect me for so and so reason. A human being is supposed to respect everyone by default and everything by default. I have not committed a crime or hurt someone to the point where I had to redeem myself. I don’t owe you anything and you owe me nothing.
That is all I have to say.
