Bringing Emus to [REDACTED]

I'm just a kindly benefactor who decided to combine his love for education and emus. M!A: What's an M!A?

[sirloinlovesemus]

You know, sprogs, I do appreciate pealing summer thunderstorms. It’s a molasses season of slow creaking. Last summer I had the trip of a lifetime to NZ, and now I am pleasantly home-bound. I shan’t complain. It’s beautiful here. However, I do long for adventure. I’ve never been good at staying put long, for I am filled with such a fervent curiosity. There am I, turning over each last boulder, rock, and pebble. Each grain of sand. I want to believe that I am capable of contentment.

I am happy. For this moment, I am truly happy, and this moment is the only one that exists.

[bluntsincerity-deactivated20230]

drunkonpowerade:

Okay.

………… -eyes look off towards base camp-

[sirloinlovesemus]

Why, good morning, chap! Would you like to hear a story about when I went fishing in the south of France? Ahah, of course you would! Well, you see, it all started when Gerardo...

~~3 hours later~~

And that’s how we found the gold! Oh, would you look at the time, we better get to the bus and make our way back to civilization! 

[sirloinlovesemus]

GOOOOOOOOD MORNING, SPROGLODYTES! RISE AND SHINE! IT’S TIME FOR A BEAUTIFUL MORNING IN PARADISE! 

WHO WANTS TO GO FISHING?!

[sirloinlovesemus]

Was that murder story true?

Unfortunately, yes. Mine was indeed nonfiction.

[sirloinlovesemus]

encyclopedia-explosica:

… Ha ha.. Wow. Th-That’s a really good story Gus. Really original, n-not even sure what you based it on. I liked it a lot!

G-Guess it’s my turn? Um.. long as.. no one minds.

Keep reading

These are some primo tales, sprogs! This little jaunt down terror lane reminds me of a story.

Once upon a time, I was a young lad living in London. It was the day after Halloween. I had just come home to my building after a rousing day of volunteering, and noticed that the door in the flat next to mine was open. This was very strange, as the couple who lived there rather preferred to keep to themselves. I thought perhaps they had been bringing up rounds of groceries and had accidentally left it ajar. I knocked on the door frame, but no one answered, so I ducked my head in. I called for Dale and Charlotte, but there was no answer. However, there was a strong smell. So, I carefully tread onward and found a crimson rivulet peeping out from beneath the kitchen door. I hesitated, then opened it. Dale was on the ground, lying on his back. He looked almost perfect except for the halo of blood seeing out from his hair. I called for Charlotte again. It was silly of me to do so in a flat that potentially still held a murderer. People tend not to think much in those sorts of situations, I presume. I wanted to know if she was safe. I should have...called 999 right away. But I went forward towards the dining room, and that’s when I found her. She hadn’t fared as well as Dale. I went outside the building then, in case someone still lurked, and called 999. My flat was occupied by police for quite some time. They determined that the killer was a man who had been stalking Charlotte because he was infatuated with her, and killed her for rebuking him and fighting back. Dale had been easier to kill, just a strike to the head from the back, before he even knew anyone was in the house. The killer was prosecuted about eighteen months later. I had moved by then, but I read about it in the paper. Sometimes when I hear sounds in my house late at night I think of them. What a shame.

[quitetheruse-deactivated2023053]

drunkonpowerade:

clowningallaround:

encyclopedia-explosica:

bluntsincerity:

knickknackaugustmack:

-Shrugs-

-Puts a marshmallow on a stick and holds it in the flames until it catches fire- Fine. How are you. -Blows out the fire on the marshmallow-

-side glances Gus-

..O-Oh? That’s good. I was worried for a bit, thought something was wrong.

-sits down next to Gus- I’m doing pretty good; I really like being out here. Wish I got to spend more time with you though.

-walks out of woods and sits on a log, across from Shirlee-

-smiles at everyone- Heya! Man, I’ve been looking forward to this.

-Sits- I can’t wait to hear a scary story that doesn’t end with “and then we banned her from sitting with us at lunch. The end.”

We’re really gonna do scary stories? -sits next to Gianna- I think I’ll pass. Those are never that good anyways. Oh! Shayne! You’re actually here! Wow, I never expected this.

[sirloinlovesemus]

Oh, jolly good, a full house! 

Who would like to start the scary shenanigans as the sun sets?

[sirloinlovesemus]

knickknackaugustmack:

It’s a color test? Not a number test…?

The significance of not seeing all of the numbers, dear boy, is colorblindness... I think you may be colorblind. Did you know that?

[knickknackaugustmack]

drunkonpowerade:

Maybe you don’t know how to count.

No, I know how to count. I…know how to count, right?

[sirloinlovesemus]

Let me see what you’ve found...

Ah, yes, and Ishihara Color Test! This is one of the pamphlets I grabbed from the school clinic.

[sirloinlovesemus]

drunkonpowerade:

clowningallaround:

knickknackaugustmack:

encyclopedia-explosica:

!! A spider!!

-rushes over to Sir Loin- Oooh, it’s so cute. -takes it into her hand- Wow… What a precious creature~~

Yeah…adorable… Try not to get bitten, alright?

-jumps from last ranch-  -lands perfectly on feet- …What? That scream was just from a spider? -exhales-  -shakes head-

-looks over at Gianna- Hey, you okay?

I’m fine. Just scraped my knee. 

Hey, Mr. Benefactor, can I get a bandaid?

Certainly! Rusesprog, would you kindly fish out a large bandaid? And perhaps you could use one as well for your wounded pride.

I’m just joking, dear boy, arachnophobia is perfectly common and justified, depending on the spider. However, this is a jumping spider, and he’s more likely to leap away than to bite.

[sirloinlovesemus]

Goodness, sprogs, what’s going on here?

[quitetheruse-deactivated2023053]

GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!

[bluntsincerity-deactivated20230]

KADEN STOP RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES! I CAN’T HELP IF YOU KEEP MOVING!

[sirloinlovesemus]

Shenanisprog, stop running--Kaden--if you just--Aha! 

Got it! Look, boys, it’s just a little spider friend. There’s no need to go scaring him.

[sirloinlovesemus]

Goodness, sprogs, what’s going on here?

[sirloinlovesemus]

Can you believe how fresh this air is, sprogs? My goodness, who needs mint gum here! Oh, there’s nowhere like the wops. Let’s do roll call, and then set up camp.

Righto! Henry Adams. Gianna Barsetti? Thank you. Shirlee Brooks. Alright. Kathrine Day. Thomas Edgin. Geoffrey Fortune. Angus – Yes, alright, thank you. Maisey Jones? John Larison? Mary Long? August Mack. Daniel Pattmore. Kaden Ruse – Ruse Sprog, my dear boy! Shayne Ruse. Star Smith, hello. and last, but certainly not least, Chelsea Wainswright.

And of course, we have our chaperones, Mrs. Larison, Ms. Davis, myself, and my nephew, Quentin.

The gang is all here! Fantastic. Mrs. Larison had the wonderful idea of implementing the buddy system, so everybody buddy up! Or should I say…every-buddy buddy up?

[drunkonpowerade-blog]

-Suddenly links arms with Shirlee- I call Little Red! :)

[encyclopedia-explosica-deactiva]

-widens eyes-  -freezes in place-…w-what???

[sirloinlovesemus]

Write that down, please, Quentin. Gianna and Shirlee.

Who else? Daniel and Thomas. Kathrine and Chelsea. Geoffrey and Mary…

[clowningallaround-deactivated20]

! I-I’ll be Kaden’s partner!!! Me! Star! Star and Kaden! Buddies!

[quitetheruse-deactivated2023053]

!!!    /////

Star and Kaden buddies! You heard it here, Benefactor!

[sirloinlovesemus]

Splendid! Star and Shenanisprog! 

Maisey, yes, you and Angus can be partners. Henry and...John, alright.

Well! That just leaves Shayne and August!

[sirloinlovesemus]

Can you believe how fresh this air is, sprogs? My goodness, who needs mint gum here! Oh, there’s nowhere like the wops. Let’s do roll call, and then set up camp.

Righto! Henry Adams. Gianna Barsetti? Thank you. Shirlee Brooks. Alright. Kathrine Day. Thomas Edgin. Geoffrey Fortune. Angus – Yes, alright, thank you. Maisey Jones? John Larison? Mary Long? August Mack. Daniel Pattmore. Kaden Ruse – Ruse Sprog, my dear boy! Shayne Ruse. Star Smith, hello. and last, but certainly not least, Chelsea Wainswright.

And of course, we have our chaperones, Mrs. Larison, Ms. Davis, myself, and my nephew, Quentin.

The gang is all here! Fantastic. Mrs. Larison had the wonderful idea of implementing the buddy system, so everybody buddy up! Or should I say…every-buddy buddy up?

[drunkonpowerade-blog]

-Suddenly links arms with Shirlee- I call Little Red! :)

[encyclopedia-explosica-deactiva]

-widens eyes-  -freezes in place-…w-what???

[sirloinlovesemus]

Write that down, please, Quentin. Gianna and Shirlee.

Who else? Daniel and Thomas. Kathrine and Chelsea. Geoffrey and Mary...

[sirloinlovesemus]

Can you believe how fresh this air is, sprogs? My goodness, who needs mint gum here! Oh, there’s nowhere like the wops. Let’s do roll call, and then set up camp.

Righto! Henry Adams. Gianna Barsetti? Thank you. Shirlee Brooks. Alright. Kathrine Day. Thomas Edgin. Geoffrey Fortune. Angus -- Yes, alright, thank you. Maisey Jones? John Larison? Mary Long? August Mack. Daniel Pattmore. Kaden Ruse -- Ruse Sprog, my dear boy! Shayne Ruse. Star Smith, hello. and last, but certainly not least, Chelsea Wainswright.

And of course, we have our chaperones, Mrs. Larison, Ms. Davis, myself, and my nephew, Quentin.

The gang is all here! Fantastic. Mrs. Larison had the wonderful idea of implementing the buddy system, so everybody buddy up! Or should I say...every-buddy buddy up?

[sirloinlovesemus]

Evening, sproglodytes! Thank you so much for making the trip out. It’s wonderful to see the room so chocka. Special thanks go out to my fellow chaperones, our janitorial crew, DJ Mike Drop, and to the planning committee, who have been hardout to the days. 

Now, I have the honor of announcing your king and queen. An electro synth drum roll please, DJ Mike Drop. 

Your king and queen are...Kaden Ruse and Victoria Hollendonner! Congratulations! Please come to the front of the stage for the coronation.

[sirloinlovesemus]

Shenanisprog!! There you are, old boy. And Shayne Ruse. The Rusesprogs! Good to see you both. Say...if you’re quick, there are still elephant ear cookies. A favorite in my clan! 

Here are your wristbands. 

[sirloinlovesemus]

Dance-a-Sprog-a-Thon

Welcome to the Big Top, little sprogasauruses! Please exchange your tickets for a wristband at the door. And remember! Tomfoolery is encouraged...but don’t tell the other chaperones I told you that. Be responsible and have a time!