Six the Musical: If it was written by CisHets

Blog inspired by @straighttma, run by @oh-peacemaker

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Hello el gee bee tea community (read: queendom), I’d like to introduce you to your new least favorite blog!

It’s become a recent trend in podcast (and podcast-adjacent) fandoms to make submission-run blogs dedicated to “what if this gay show was written by straight people” so that we can appreciate the bullets we dodged.  

And I’ve decided to bring that concept to the gayest medium of all:  musical theatre!

So get ready queendom because we’re here to strike fear into your hearts as you start to realize, “hey, this sounds like it’d be written by ALW.”

To avoid this blog and all others like it, just block the tag “hetcanons” because that’s what we all use.

For clarity’s sake, the queens will mostly be referred to by their fanon names (Catalina, Anne, Jane, Anna, Kat, Cathy).

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H*nry would use really bad slurs (especially towards Anne and Kit) and it'd either just get ignored or he would pull the old 'it was just a joke' card and everyone would accept that'

his actor would whine about cancel culture on twitter

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If the multiverse theory is true, there’s a multiverse where Six the Straightsical actually happened

it’s the same one as @posts-from-a-darker-timeline

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What would the song titles be called?

no idea, but if they did have the same titles then don’t lose ur head would be spelt don’t lose your head 

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Instead of being creative, they reuse the same jokes over and over again (and the insult-jokes are mostly towards Anna and Kat).

there’d be “six but it’s just the times they call kat a slut” videos on youtube that are 30 minutes long

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The moment H*nry walks on stage the queens start acting like those three girls in Beauty and the Beast.

^^^ cleves, aragon and boleyn

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Ok ngl, I find this entire concept satirically funny

don’t we all?

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so... who would play henry?

uhhh the most boring broadway man you can think of, maybe ben platt? i don’t necessarily have anything against him but he’s. very boring to me.

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All the costumes are super revealing and "sexy". Can't have the actresses feeling comfortable, and you can't leave the guys with nothing to jerk off to

ew.......

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all the actors are cishet too so there's no gay spice of randomly throwing up peace signs and stuff- and they don't dance together :( but they all will fight over who gets to dance w h*nry

:(

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well. it's been over a month since i last cleaned out the askbox. oops.

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they have all you wanna do chereography but there are men looming over the sidelines and the queens and most especially, howard, looking like they're enjoying it.

EW

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ew mod i hate that. burn it lmao.

i’m so sorry

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idk all their costumes are black and white for the aesthetic >:((

:(

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i’ve seen a lot of asks either saying that they attempted historical accuracy but in a bad way, or saying that they put the queens in something “sexy”, so i came up with a compromise

here are straight! aragon, seymour and kleves faceclaims

i’m so sorry

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the all you wanna do choreography? removed. girls can’t touch each other in the straightsical, that’s gay

i feel like they might leave it in for the sake of fetishizing wlw though

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any colors of the rainbow are removed from the color scheme bc oh no we can’t be associated with gay

is nothing sacred here anymore?