The Four Chambers of My Heart

Write | Capture | Live | Love

[skarthaktheobtuse]

And of all the places, this is where you chose to break my heart---where the leaves fail to hold on to their branches, and the trees seemed to regret just standing still.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

“SCARRED” Yes, our tainted love has left its permanent mark on my coronaries. And I thought—believed— that after all these years, this scarred tissue would completely close just as gradually and surely as you have closed your door on me. I believed that though I had once bled for you and for us, my heart is strong enough to repair itself—to bridge the gaping wound between cells and cells of heartbreak. But no. On the surface the scarring may look okay. But just a few millimeters deeper it has festered. It has never completely healed. A fool I was to have only realized now that all this time it’s just been waiting for an opening—that single trigger: a song, a movie, a line, a picture—to let out its pus and infect what’s left of the rest of me.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Say

I’d like to say that my parents were the most loving couple I’ve ever seen, and that I’ve always dreamed of finding a love like theirs someday.

I’d like to say that my family was the loudest and most ebullient in our neighborhood. The kind that makes fart jokes at the dining table. The kind where parents join in their children’s game of hide and seek. The kind whose laughters often ring in the four corners of their home. And in their backyard.

I’d like to say my father was a hero. That he was a hardworking man, and did everything to make my Mom always happy. That he was diligent in providing us anything we could possibly need. That he makes us proud. That he was not only a man of words, but a man of faith. Faith that shone through his actions.

I’d like to say my mother was always understanding, and that she was there when you needed her. That she was the one thing that kept our family from falling apart. I’d like to say she was stronger than any of us to hold on. And that she, in any way, has never abandoned us.

I’d like to say my siblings were the coolest. That our house was never silent with us around. That not a day goes by we don’t fight over the silliest things. That we each got scolded at the same time because we would never tell on each other. I’d like to say that though it seemed we hated each other’s guts, deep down we knew we were solid.

I’d like to say I was always an obedient child, and an affectionate sister. The kind who had never talked back to her parents. The kind who never rivaled for her siblings’ attention. I’d like to say I was never selfish, and that I would do everything for my family.

I’d like to say that this is just me writing fiction, and that my reality is so much better than my grim characters. I’d like to say that this is just paper and that hell yeah, my life may not be perfect but I’m happy. I’d like to say …

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Letters to The Father II

Dear God, I can't begin to tell you how messed up my life is right now. It feels like it's just one mistake after another, piling and piling up like a giant snowball. I feel like my life is one huge black hole waiting to suck me into nothingness. I know I have wronged some people. Many times I've tried to justify my anger and hatred for them. But I still can't help but think about Your teachings, how you always remind me in Your special way that we should hate the sin and not the sinner. But have I really no right to feel mad? Have I really no right to feel hurt and pained? Can You really understand this heaviness in my heart, this weight upon my being? Would you understand my human nature to self-defense and thereby turning these people away? Forgive. Yes, that's the word. I've been dragging myself there. And it's hard. I've been crawling on all fours with scrapes upon my knees already. I've been reading Your Word and turning them over and over in my head. But it's still so hard. Please dear God...get this off me. This grudge. I do not want any more of it. Just please. I want to forgive. Believe me I want to so badly. But I'm afraid it will just be a vicious cycle because these people as I see it have been unrepentant and unchanging. Then I realized: who am I to judge? And as the old adage goes, if You can forgive why can't I? I fervently pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, that anyone who's been going through the same dilemma as me will find the peace and forgiveness that our hearts has long been seeking. May we offer this all to You and give it up in Your Mighty Hands so we can finally begin to see how much more You can do in our lives, and how amazing Your Grace is. May our hearts feel that Your love endures and is so much greater than all our heartaches. Amen.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

ELEGY I sit here on this soft carpet of grass, waiting for you to be here with me. Now as the seconds tick and the minutes pass I can only think of the past despondently... It all happened so quickly --- You and me together. But time robbed you from me --- I knew then nothing lasts forever. Now I must move on and be strong, Though I still can hear you laugh. It isn't easy going through life alone, But what can I do?---I can't bring you back! Now as I feel the wind gently whispering I become all too aware of your presence. I hear loneliness in the birds chirping --- the world without you is so different. How can I make you stay, when you're not even leaving? How can I chase the memories away, when your face, your smile, isn't even fading? I can only breathe and sigh, feel you living underneath. So many tears I've cried --- Are you also weeping beneath? Please, just for now Stay with me a while longer. My heart will feel whole again somehow, My heart that has been long torn asunder. -LeighMD

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Instructions: Write about the feelings you've had for someone.

1. It didn’t make sense for me to fall in love with you but I did.

2. You were the typical bad boy parents were usually wary of their daughters meeting, and I was the straight A student whose idea of a perfect crime was skipping classes.

3. You loved to draw. And every now and then I would see her in one of your drawings. It wasn’t really the full-on image; it was rather subtle and raw—as if every stroke of your brush breathe life into the canvas whenever you thought of her.

4. She was there in the color of Mona Lisa’s hair. She was there in the hands of that pretty little girl you painted holding a kite. I could swear I see the green of her eyes each time I look at that canvas you hung in your bedroom wall, the one with verdant landscapes.

5. You really took me by surprise when you asked me to be your girlfriend. Because wow, I knew you were just too in love with her to be with anybody else. And being the insecure creature that I was, I knew I never held a candle to her. Ever. But I let myself be stupid, convinced that you were over her and that you really wanted to be with me. Too.

6. Did you really love me? Did you really want to be with me? Or was it just because she was too perfect, too good for you, that you know you can never have her? Was I just some girl you place beside you to take her place, like some cheap substitute for whipping cream?

7. I have learned the real meaning of the word PARADOX while I was with you.

8. Loving you was both pain and happiness. It’s like having your heart cut right out of your chest and wishing someone immediately take it just so you couldn’t feel anymore. But you can’t live without your heart now can you?

9. It hurts. It hurts so much, everywhere.

10. I’ve lost count of the times I had to spill my tears and tuck my heart out in between sheets of papers and books because I couldn’t pull the trigger.

11. Nothing ever made sense the day you fell out of love for me.

12. Nothing.

13. Nothing ever made sense the day you fell out of love for me. For how could I still be incurably in love with someone who bled me dry? Why do I find it so hard to unlove the person who stripped me away of everything and gave me back ugly scraps and distorted versions of what I had given?

14. I’m still pathetically lying on this same spot on the cold marble floor where we had our first kiss, wishing for a time travel machine so I could take it all back—every single, nerve-wracking, heart-wrenching evanescent shade of the times we had together. Then maybe I wouldn’t hurt this much. Maybe.

15. Still in the floor.

16. Still on the floor

17. I’m feeling grateful that I couldn’t move just yet. Because I know if I could, I would only crawl back to you. Then I’d be back at square one.

18. You don’t deserve even half of this list. But I do deserve more than the number 20 just so I could feel better about being dumb enough to even consider that what we had was real—that you felt even just a fraction of what I had for you.

19. God, it still hurts.

20. They say there will always be that one unforgettable great love. They say there will always be that one guy who will always be a part of you. That one guy who will take a splinter off your cardiac tissue with him—the reason your heart will never feel whole again. Believe me, I didn’t want it to be you.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Raw Runes of A Broken Heart | LeighMD vicrylthreeo can this pass as my assignment?haha

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Instructions: Write about the feelings you've had for someone.

1. It didn't make sense for me to fall in love with you but I did. 2. You were the typical bad boy parents were usually wary of their daughters meeting, and I was the straight A student whose idea of a perfect crime was skipping classes. 3. You loved to draw. And every now and then I would see her in one of your drawings. It wasn't really the full-on image; it was rather subtle and raw---as if every stroke of your brush breathe life into the canvas whenever you thought of her. 4. She was there in the color of Mona Lisa's hair. She was there in the hands of that pretty little girl you painted holding a kite. I could swear I see the green of her eyes each time I look at that canvas you hung in your bedroom wall, the one with verdant landscapes. 5. You really took me by surprise when you asked me to be your girlfriend. Because wow, I knew you were just too in love with her to be with anybody else. And being the insecure creature that I was, I knew I never held a candle to her. Ever. But I let myself be stupid, convinced that you were over her and that you really wanted to be with me. Too. 6. Did you really love me? Did you really want to be with me? Or was it just because she was too perfect, too good for you, that you know you can never have her? Was I just some girl you place beside you to take her place, like some cheap substitute for whipping cream? 7. I have learned the real meaning of the word PARADOX while I was with you. 8. Loving you was both pain and happiness. It's like having your heart cut right out of your chest and wishing someone immediately take it just so you couldn't feel anymore. But you can't live without your heart now can you? 9. It hurts. It hurts so much, everywhere. 10. I've lost count of the times I had to spill my tears and tuck my heart out in between sheets of papers and books because I couldn't pull the trigger. 11. Nothing ever made sense the day you fell out of love for me. 12. Nothing. 13. Nothing ever made sense the day you fell out of love for me. For how could I still be incurably in love with someone who bled me dry? Why do I find it so hard to unlove the person who stripped me away of everything and gave me back ugly scraps and distorted versions of what I had given? 14. I'm still pathetically lying on this same spot on the cold marble floor where we had our first kiss, wishing for a time travel machine so I could take it all back---every single, nerve-wracking, heart-wrenching evanescent shade of the times we had together. Then maybe I wouldn't hurt this much. Maybe. 15. Still in the floor. 16. Still on the floor 17. I'm feeling grateful that I couldn't move just yet. Because I know if I could, I would only crawl back to you. Then I'd be back at square one. 18. You don't deserve even half of this list. But I do deserve more than the number 20 just so I could feel better about being dumb enough to even consider that what we had was real---that you felt even just a fraction of what I had for you. 19. God, it still hurts. 20. They say there will always be that one unforgettable great love. They say there will always be that one guy who will always be a part of you. That one guy who will take a splinter off your cardiac tissue with him---the reason your heart will never feel whole again. Believe me, I didn't want it to be you.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

[skarthaktheobtuse]

[skarthaktheobtuse]

- Dismembered Runes of A Broken Heart | LeighMD

[skarthaktheobtuse]

[skarthaktheobtuse]

[skarthaktheobtuse]

A prayer for my fractured soul.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

Sometimes I get tired of waiting. I feel like a dog waiting for the scraps to fall off my master's table to the ground, patiently hoping I'll have my own share of his undivided nonattention.

[skarthaktheobtuse]

vicrylthreeo finally wrote it down. Pen and paper, as you requested. Lol

[skarthaktheobtuse]

and if you don't like me, as I do you; I understand because who would really choose a daisy, in a field of roses? -anon