Feeling like my own worst enemy lately. Any shred of happiness that I seem to experience, is quickly swept away, like a rug being pulled out from underneath me. I have so many things in my life to be grateful for, but its getting harder and harder to see them. My self esteem has been slipping too. I feel like anything I have to say, has no value, so I keep it in but then end up beating myself up for not saying it sooner. I never used to be like this. I feel like I have to pick and choose my words so carefully. And then those responses end up being the less truthful ones. Like its not even me talking. Im just trying so hard to make the conversation a positive one for the person I'm talking to, that I forget my own feelings. And end up making it uncomfortable for the both of us. I wish I could be more like 18-19 year old me. Not giving a fuck what anybody thought, saying whatever comes to my mind, and having the confidence to do so...its just so much harder now. And I have no one to blame but myself for this. I think thats the shittiest part....knowing that I know and not knowing what to do about it.