there is an odd phenomenon i've been noticing since 2019 about people trying to use their mental health or disorders as an excuse to abuse people in several ways (especially sexually), and it's really disgusting to me as a mentally disabled s/a survivor.
you can't avoid consequences or accountability by using therapy speak or saying your disorder made you do it so i can’t be upset and i need to do what you say. fuck that.
"i have rejection sensitive dysphoria so you need to say ‘yes’ or else you're an abuser and an ableist."
i have rejection sensitive dysphoria too. do you know what i do? i don't abuse people. i journal about feeling hurt, and then i reflect and remind myself of stuff like "this person setting a boundary doesn't mean they hate me” and "the fact that they felt safe enough to tell me they were uncomfortable shows that they still care”. if your rsd causes you to manipulate and force people into shit, WORK ON THAT.
"i'm autistic so social cues and boundaries are hard for me so it's not my fault if i violate you" (this one especially pisses me off since i experienced this firsthand from one of my abusers and his defenders)
guess what? i'm autistic too. i struggle to tell when people are uncomfortable and what made them uncomfortable. and i know social cues are really hard for us, but there is NOTHING more direct than the word “no”. there is nothing more direct than someone outright stating they don’t want something. and sometimes a lack of consent can be subtle, i'll admit, but that’s why you should ask "hey can i do this" or "did it make you uncomfortable when i did that”. it is important for everyone to respect consent, and a disability does not exempt you from that. if your autism causes you to violate people, WORK ON THAT.
i can only speak on how people use rsd and asd as a shield because i don't have the other disorders that people try to justify abusive behaviour with, but if your disorder "makes you" abuse people, WORK ON THAT. it is not impossible to change or improve. it is not ableist to ask you not to hurt others. in fact, claiming you cannot change because of your disorder enforces the stereotype that mentally ill people are inherently dangerous and abusive. i would argue that using a stereotype that has been used to imprison and involuntarily commit people with mental health issues for centuries to justify your actions is at least a bit on the ableist side.
"you're manipulative toxic and abusive for not letting me do this / you saying no triggered me and you made me have a panic attack it’s your fault / etc..."
stop misusing terms meant for trauma survivors and people with mental health issues. guilting people into sex and romantic relationships is still bad even if you coat it in therapy speak.
it's so frustrating watching people use my disabilities to ”get away” with the same terrible actions that were inflicted on me. respect consent or fuck off. no ifs, ands, or buts.
tldr: if your disorder makes you sexually abuse people (or commit other types of abuse), get help and stop trying to act like others just have to deal with it. do not use “therapy speak” (terms made for abuse survivors and those with mental disorders) to justify shitty actions and manipulate people. respect consent.
