(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)
So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,
and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing
but i also think:
“i write for myself, but i post for others.”
because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.
people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,
and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:
“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”
especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,
and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.
And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,
RUN DEEP IN THE PRIVATE ROOM AND YOU'RE EATING ME OUT, IS IT CASUAL NOW? <- alternative universe in which silverrruns is a lesbian and a famous pop singer and is writing a song about her situationship with doogile (butch lesbian)
I wonder what's below this keep reading button. hm. (long string of text ahead)
Danny looked down at his now bare feet, no longer sporting the netherite boots he once owned. He looked wrong without them. He felt wrong without them. He was the speedrunning champion. He had worked all the way up this ladder, not some random dude that's been trapped for years in a locked end dimension with no practice.
Admittedly, the color of the boots did fit very nicely with everything else he had going on, but that was irrelevant. No longer was Danny the speedrunning champion, but just a guy stuck on top of this random temple with a bunch of random skills he would never use.
Fuck, why did he do this? He knew better than anyone how dangerous Feinberg was. He was there when speedrunning civilization was born, when ranked was first conceived. Danny, more than anyone, should've said no to his stupid deal. But here he was, standing around like a fool in front of this random black blob dude waiting for something to happen.
He shot another glare at Feinberg, who shot him his signature smug grin back.
He hated that stupid grin.
He hated his stupid outfit, and his stupid lazy attitude. He sits there, thinking that he's so amazing for creating this world and being good at one of the four things down here. He hates all of his demeanor.
More than anything, he loathes how he used to enjoy that about him. He ha-
"Before I go, I think I need a bit of practice with someone. Just a bit of fun."
Oh. Oh shit. That could be him.
No, that's going to be him.
Almost instinctively, he steps back, ready to take off. He won't die here. He has to save speedrunning civilization. It has to be him. The old man trusted him. Who would do it if not him?
He reached in his back pocket for his hidden ender pearl, clutching it and ready to throw at a moment's notice. He knew he was screwed when he was challenged to whatever the black blob had to offer. How could he beat the person who invented... whatever he did? It's fine. He'll figure it out, he always does! They don't tell you everything in the speedrunning guide, and definitely not this.
Definitely not this.
"Alright, guess 'm ready" Danny mumbles out. He looks to the side, expecting Feinberg with his dumb grin, but instead he finds him staring off into the void, one hand gripped onto the other arm's elbow. If he didn't know better, Danny would swear Feinberg looked remorseful.
Part of him wanted to scoff at the idea and stomp it out right there, but another part of him wanted to believe it. That he cared, even just a little, about Danny.
Wait, why did he want that? Isn't he supposed to hate him? Why wouldn't he just hate him?
Focusing himself back to the moment, he steeled himself and faced directly towards the speedrunning villain.
"I'm ready. I know I'll win this match!"
Feinberg stood closer to his side now, though still a bit far, smiling a full smile. Danny smiled back.
"Can't wait to see your dumbass get beaten up."
Anddddd there it was again. Man, can't this guy decide what he wants already?
The black blob guy shifted his attention to him. He sighed. No choice but to get out of this himself.
"You."
He started walking forward but stopped once he looked at where the villain was pointing. It wasn't him.
He was pointing at Feinberg.
"Yo, what the fuck?"
"This will be satisfactory practice before I go to speedrun civilization."
"Wait! Why are y-"
"Are you a fucking brick? I helped you escape. Why the fuck are you betraying me?"
"You have served your role. By granting you a merciless death at my hands would be the greatest mercy to your soul."
Danny stood there, unable to register what just happened. The black blob was challenging... Feinberg? He wasn't sure if his ego should be hurt because he thought Feinberg was a bigger challenge than him or if he should be glad that he doesn't have to face the speedrunning villain.
What he probably shouldn't be feeling is the ache in his heart over this fact.
What was going on with him? Why did he care so much about this guy that had nothing but betray and betray him?
Feinberg was already breaking out into a sprint to get away, but the speedrunning villain pulled out a necklace of sorts and Feinberg stopped right in place.
"Oh fuck no, what is this?" Fein yelped.
Danny tightened his grip on the ender pearl. Whatever the black blob was planning, chances are it might be helpful. Maybe he could give it to Fein?
Before he could give the idea any more thought, the ground below them shook, and two end towers rose from the ground. One where Feinberg was frozen, and one about ten blocks away from the villain. The sky darkened until it was a murky black with nothing to fill it. Above the two towers, two clearly fake dragons appeared and began flying. However, the two towers were clearly slightly off. The blocks they were made out of weren't consistent, with a few pieces of black wool or crying obsidian present on the sides. The width of the towers was one of what it normally is. It was all just weird.
More importantly, how the fuck did he generate end towers out of nowhere? Only the speedrunning champion can do that by successfully hitting a zero cycle, not just on a whim like that! Why did everything cool have to be taken from him...
The black blob guy stood there for a few more seconds, eyes closed. Then, he opened them and looked up. Danny followed where his eyes went and found Feinberg starting a zero cycle.
"Uhhhhhh... mind explaining what's going on?" Danny uselessly asked.
"I challenged him to a zero cycle duel. Whoever finishes first wins."
"Okay, so why are you not going up there?"
"Like I said, I wanted 'satisfactory practice'. Competing on an even playing field with him wouldn't be that."
"Hey, he's better than you think. Don't be so overconfident," he replied, finding himself defending Feinberg.
The villain didn't bother conversing further, instead taking out his pearl and throwing it upwards. In the time that they had talked, Feinberg had used seven beds and still hadn't killed the dragon, but Danny was sure he could kill it before the other guy. All he needed was a few more beds an-
"Why is the dragon FLYING AWAY?"
Danny took his gaze off the other guy's pillar and looked at Feinberg's only to see that the dragon had flown away.
Then, in front of his own eyes, it disappeared completely.
"No, like we can't be serious," he heard Feinberg yell from the top of the tower.
What could this speedrunning villain truly do?
Without a single moment wasted, the villain killed the dragon with a 2+2 combo plus a few arrows, cementing Feinberg's fate. The dragon exploded and the pillars started to sink into the floor, the world shifting back into what it originally had been like nothing had happened at all.
The three of them stood there, all in silence. Danny stared at Feinberg, unsure of what to feel.
"It's not worth wasting my breath on you in my last moments."
The black blob simply rolled his eyes. "Any last words?"
Fein sighed, turning towards Danny.
"Guess I was the stupid one after all, huh," he chuckled out.
Danny opened his mouth, but nothing came out. All the words he wanted to say evaporated into thin air.
Fein sighed before flashing a toothy grin towards Danny.
"For what it's worth, I was telling the truth when I said I enjoyed running with you."
Danny could do nothing but stare as Feinberg died in front of him, leaving no trace of him behind.
gummygunk
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
janainaart
