American Woman (Thomas Shelby x American OC) Ch. 83: Developments
Masterlist: https://www.tumblr.com/sl-newsie/739551758747090944/american-woman-thomas-shelby-x-american-oc?source=share
Now that Christmas is nearing, we cannot hide the secret from my familie any longer. The week before the holiday festivities, Thomas and I pack a few bags and catch a small ship to America. I offered to try flying but Thomas claims that heâd never allow me near those death traps.Â
The instant people spot us from the apartment windows weâre bombarded with many greetings. The small group lets us up the stairs and through the front door. As per every year Iâm delighted to see the familiar greenery decorating the place. Weâre led into the crowded hallway, where Oma parts everyone away to come straight to me.
âYouâre so big, kleinkind!â She gushes with a wide smile.
âOma-!â I wheeze when she brings me in for a hug.
âLet me see! Oh, how darling!â Her face lights up at the sight of my round, protruding belly. âOkĂŠ, dinner is in a few hours so you can go right up to sleep-â
âBut we just got here-!â Both Thomas and I try to argue but Oma wonât have it.
âYouâre right. You just got here. You both also just traveled all the way here and your wife needs to rest! We all will have plenty of time to talk more later.â
Defeated, we both watch as our bags are carried up for us by my many cousins. Thomas takes my hand and helps me up the stairs, reminding me just how awkward walking has become since I've grown bigger. When we reach the prepared bedroom I sit on the bed while Thomas digs through the luggage. After a moment of searching he pulls out some files and sets them on the desk. I know where this is going.
âThomas, would you do me a favor?â I ask softly.
He takes a final look at the papers and slowly walks my way. âWhat kind of favor are we talking about, love?â
âThis is supposed to be the season of peace and relaxation. Could you please not think about work for one weekend?â I pat the spot next to me.Â
Thereâs a spark in his eye. Weâre not talking about taking a nap. âIn exchange for what?â
Despite all our time together I still get bashful when he gives me that look. I lower my gaze to my stomach and canât hold back a shy smile.
âSome alone time with your wife.â
âYou drive a hard bargain.â Slowly, Thomas kicks off his shoes and climbs onto the mattress. âAlright. But I get to choose my pillow.â
Before I can respond he leans over and rests his head on my tender chest, careful not to put too much pressure on me.
I roll my eyes. âFigures. Now ainât you glad you ainât working?â
Thomas, with his eyes closed, wraps his arms around me. âMm. That accent. You know it does things to me, love.â
As much as I want to encourage this embrace I must say that itâs taking a toll on my back. The dayâs traveling paired with the growing weight of the baby has left me sore. I arch my back to lift off some of the mass. This causes Thomas to open his eyes and when he sees my unusual position he lets out a confused chuckle.
âMy backâs been aching,â I explain. âThe babyâs weight keeps pulling me down.â
Thomas gets up and shifts to sit behind me. âLet me take away some of that.â
Once again he wraps his arms over me but this time he grabs onto my stomach, pulling me into him. Iâm sure heâs had experience holding women like this but I donât judge him for it. This is our child and this kind of embrace is just what I need to feel close to him.
âHowâs that, love?â His low voice whispers in my ear.
âGoodâŚâ I murmur as sleep begins to claim me.
Once Verenaâs breathing has evened out, Thomas gingerly rests her onto a tower of pillows and quietly exits the room. She needs all the rest she can get. As for him, he decides that now is a good time to find Mr. Colon and briefly discuss any global developments. The gangster descends the stairs and heads for the parlor-
Thomas stops in his tracks. Conor and the other Steenstra brothers have cut him off.Â
âHowâs our zuster?â Eoin asks with a smile, although his eyes hold distrust rather than friendship. âWe heard weâre all gonna be ooms.â
âThat means uncle,â Abel points out.
Nicolaas crosses his arms and waits expectantly. âSo?â
The situation makes Thomas miss his own brothers. These men may not be gangsters but they hold the same honor and respect for their family. Morals that they use to protect their clan. The fact that Thomas' marriage to Verena isn't a small matter is going to be breathing down his neck forever.
âVerenaâs been fine,â Thomas replies. Nothing more to say.
Nicolaas pries further. âHave you asked her?â
The Gypsy man tilts his head. âShe tells me if sheâs upset.â
âDoes she? Every time?â
âWe all know she doesnât,â Abel concurs.Â
âWe heard that sheâs left alone sometimes,â Conor grunts. âWhat errands are so important that our pregnant zuster is left by herself?â
Thomas feels his chest begin to tighten. These men may be his brother-in-laws but they have little business peering into his and Verenaâs private life. They both knew their marriage would be abnormal. Why are her brothers trying to force it to be something itâs not?
âSometimes me being around her is more dangerous than if Iâm always with her,â Thomas murmurs darkly, eyes trained straight forward. âI have men guard the house. I have men follow her into town. Everything I do is for her.â
His fists tighten and he storms past the brothers, who all give each other familiar looks. Even when they see Thomas locate and begin chatting with their uncle they all think the same thing. Thomas Shelby may have married into their family but they will never treat him as one of their own.
The holiday celebrations come and go. Soon itâs time to set sail for England just as 1934 begins. On the journey back I canât help noticing how Thomas has been acting more on edge. Maybe itâs the pressure of seeing my familie? Maybe itâs something he heard from Uncle Colon? Eventually I conclude that the best thing to do is ask when weâre back in our cabin on the barge.
âThomas, whatâs got you worked up?" I hold up a hand before he can shake his head. "Donât deny it. Please tell me.â
The gangster sits into the lounge chair and takes a deep breath. âDo you want to check into the hospital when the time comes?â
My face scrunches in confusion. âWhat for? Iâve still got a few months.â
âI meanâŚâ Thomas tries again and rubs his face. âDo you want our baby to be born in a hospital?â
Where is this coming from? I would trust that by this point Thomas would know that my standards are slightly lower than the average woman.
âWhat should it matter? If someone is here to catch them when they come out then thatâs all I need. As long as the baby is healthy. What difference should the location make?â
Thomas shrugs. âI was born on a longboat.â
âAnd you are fine and healthy,â I answer determinedly. âIf I give birth on a longboat I will not think less of you or the baby. Mary birthed Jesus in a barn. They didnât need no fancy hospital.â
Thomas looks up and I see the sliver of his eyes below his cap. Now instead of a concerned frown heâs wearing a mischievous grin. I think itâs safe to say that my little pep talk is leading to something else. He gets up from the chair and corners me against the wall.
âI love it when your Brooklyn sass slips out,â Thomas smirks naughtily.
Ever since he noticed my pregnancy, DĂlis has kept a strict watch over me. He follows me everywhere he can and guards my bed every night. Especially on the nights Thomas is gone, just like tonight. Tonight heâs being much more inquisitive, choosing to rub his muzzle against my hand.
âWhat are you on about, hm?â I tease. âWould someone like a treat-? Oh!â
That was a cramp. A stiff tug from below.Â
I reach my hand down to check and bring it back up. Blood.Â
I suck in a breath. âDĂlis, I think Iâm having a baby!â
The hond lets out a high-pitched bark and follows me as I stumble out of my chair. I reach for the phone and immediately dial the number Thomas left. Itâs a midwife service. I try to explain my symptoms but the woman on the other end is already talking. My hand starts groping across the table for anything to write down her instructions, fearing my frantic mind will forget.
âNow just wait for us, dear!â Click.
Damn it! Now what? I have multiple women in my family whoâve given birth but I never thought to ask them for advice. Once more the social restrictions of discussing the topic are working against me.Â
I glance in DĂlisâ direction. The bathroom. No sense in making a mess on the floor. With my remaining strength, I stagger across the bedroom, grab a pillow, and prop myself in the tub. Just like that, my legs go weak. They feel like jelly. But that doesnât compare to the discomfort down below.Â
I look down to see a trickle of water starting to flow between my legs. That confirms it.
âUgh!â I let my head fall back and groan. âGod! How much waiting?â
DĂlis scampers over and leans his head on the tubâs edge, wanting to help but unable to do so. I donât know how long it takes but off in the distance I hear the front door open. DĂlis starts to growl but I tell him to stop. Muffled voices and the sound of footsteps get closer until I can hear them in the bedroom.
âMrs. Shelby? Are you here?â A womanâs voice asks.
âIn here!â I wheeze, gripping the sides of the tub.
The footsteps get closer and DĂlis lets out a fierce, gruff bark. When the midwife and doctor finally arrive they stay back in fear.
âRuhig,â I grunt, causing him to begrudgingly sulk in the corner. âWhat do you need me to do?â
The doctor, whoâs a man in his mid-fifties and is wearing a tan coat, looks over how Iâve positioned myself. The midwife keeps looking between DĂlis and me as if heâll tear her to bits. When they donât answer me right away my anger snaps.
âMy patience is running out! Someone fucking tell me what to do!â
The doctor jumps. âCalm down, Mrs. Shelby-â
âDonât fucking tell me to calm down!â I seethe. âI- Aaah!â
Another cramp takes over and I hunch over, gripping the tub even more. I hear the midwife rush over and pull back my thick skirt. At this point Iâm far past the point of being embarrassed. This baby wants out!
Thatâs the front door! That has to be Thomas!
âLauf!â I bark at DĂlis. âGo find him!â
âWait!â The doctor panics and chases after the hond. âMr. Shelby-â
The bathroom door closes and I hear their muted voices.
âWhere is she? Where is my wife?â
âSir, she went into labor about twenty minutes ago.â
I suck in another breath and look at the midwife. âIs that- Ugh! Is that Thomas?â
âYes, maâam,â she answers, still attending to my labor. âNow concentrate. No pushing yet.â
Another groan escapes me. âThomas! I need Thomas!â
She shakes her head. âMaâam, only the doctor is allowed-â
âHeâs the vader of this child and I need him now!â I seethe with fire in my eyes. âLet! Him! In!â
âY-Yes Mrs. Shelby!â The midwife stammers with wide eyes and scampers out.
A split second later Thomas sprints in, nearly running into the vanity, and kneels down to me. Heâs breathing almost as hard as I am. When he sees the state Iâm in it looks like he doesnât know whether to be scared or joyful. His blue eyes search over me for any sign of pain.
âVerena? Howâs it feel?â He asks anxiously, going to grab my hand but stopping when he sees my death grip.
âLike a boulder wants to squeeze through me-â Another contraction pinches at me. âBut these bastards wonât let me push!â
Behind Thomas the midwife scurries over. âMaâam, you arenât dilated yet. You need to wait.â
I let out another groan and push my hips up. Itâs not painful so to speak but it doesnât tickle either. The only thing running through my head is how much Iâm going to push the second she gives me the go ahead.
âHang on, love.â Thomas presses a kiss to my forehead. âYouâre strong. You can do this.â
âI know I can but they wonât let me!â I whine through gritted teeth.
Time slows down. Itâs tough to tell if itâs been five minutes or a whole hour. What brings joy to me is when the midwife looks up and nods.
âYouâre ready! Push, Mrs. Shelby!â
So I do. Lord, I do. Itâs almost like my body is dedicating all my energy into this miracle of birth. I squeeze my eyes shut. Through the tense pushing I feel the big weight inside me start to wiggle out-!
âThatâs it. Thatâs it!â The midwife coaxes. âAlright! You can stop, maâam.â
âWh- What?â I choke, still gasping for air. âThomasâŚâ
All of a sudden all the previous energy is gone. My limbs fall limp and I lean back on the sweat-soaked pillow. By now the tub has become a makeshift bloodpan. A variety of liquids mixed and swirls around the drain. The one thing missing⌠The sound of a baby crying.
ââS- âS it okay?â I pant, feeling around for Thomas. But heâs not there. âThomas?â
In my tired state I look over to see him with the midwife and doctor. Theyâre examining something laying on the vanity. By God, I want to see my child!
All three turn to me. The doctor picks up what they were looking at and hands it to Thomas, who canât take his eyes off of it. The midwife ushers him over to me.
âYou have a new daughter,â she expresses with a smile.
Thomas, slightly covered in blood, kneels down to pass me a child. A bloody, whimpering, adorable baby girl. Sheâs fussing like we woke her up from a nap. In all my life Iâve never seen anything so precious. With shaking hands I grab her fragile frame and press her against my chest. Immediately she becomes calmer and nuzzles against my neck. Motherhood instincts are already kicking in. In the few moments of knowing her I know I would die for her.
âHello, baby,â I whisper, still in awe.Â
âWhat should we put on her certificate?â The doctor asks from across the room.
Thomas leans across the tub to look at me, then down to the sleepy babe in my arms. Weâve discussed a few ideas for names before but one stood out the most for our first child.
âLilia. Lilia Shelby.â
A beautiful name for an adorable baby girl with my moeder's dark eyes. Precious. Delicate. A face full of curiosity. And she is mine.
For the next few months I adjust to being a new moeder. Half the time it feels natural. Almost like flipping a switch. Now thereâs a tiny person who looks to me for everything. Other times⌠It feels like my body is going to self-destruct. Whether it be through getting little to no sleep, constantly breastfeeding, or having to clean up messes. But I still wouldnât give it up. Lilia has become the new light in my life.
While there has been the blessing of life in this house there is also a sorrowful death. Last week I awoke to find DĂlis lying on the floor as usual. He wasnât breathing. In a fit of hormonal outburst I buried myself into my pillow and sobbed. Lila seemed to sense my distraught because she cried too. By the time we both stirred from our nap Thomas had just come home. He saw the poor hond and carried him out to the parlor before I could start weeping again. Tears cannot bring back the dead.
Death is a natural part of life. He lived his years to the fullest.
But now Iâm faced with another dilemma. DĂlis took care of the vermin. Without him thereâs nothing to keep the mice from entering.
âAh! Come here you little-! Die! Die! Die!â
I lunge over the counter and bash my rolling pin over and over onto the disgusting creature. Iâve been trying to bake a pie all morning so when I spotted it peeking out from the floorboard I panicked. Thankfully little Lilia has stayed sound asleep throughout my attempted attack.
Creak. The opening of the back door signals Thomasâs arrival.
âVerena! Whatâs wrong-?â
He stops in the doorway just as I bring my shoe down, smashing the vermin's guts onto the floor. Its body goes stiff. There is no way itâs playing dead.
Thomas leans over to get a better look. âIs that a mouse?â
I begin to calm my breathing and wipe sweat from my forehead, no doubt dusting myself with the flour Iâve been using. Part of me feels embarrassed to be looking like this. I was hoping to have everything cleaned up before he got home.
âCorrection, a dead mouse,â I grunt and lift up my shoe to show the results. âWith a bashed head.â
Thomas stares for a second. âOh.â
I roll my eyes and turn back to the counter. âWhat? I am not having vermin run loose in my kitchen-!â
Suddenly I feel Thomas walk up from behind to corner me. âHow is seeing you kill a mouse the sexiest thing Iâve seen all day?â
I canât help but let out a small laugh. âLow standards? Considering the business youâre in, killing a mouse is pretty tame.â
Thomasâ hands travel down to feel my bump. âHowâs the baby?â
I donât answer right away. Right now I focus on my husbandâs presence. Itâs become scarce over the past week so I need to take it in when I can. Especially since I found out Iâm already pregnant again. At first it felt lonely without Thomas. Lilia changed that. Taking care of her has become my biggest ambition. And now that thereâs another child on the way it makes my new job of motherhood even more important.
âSleeping. Hard. Not even a castrated hyena could wake that girl.â I let out a low chuckle and subconsciously rub my chest. âBut she definitely loves to eat.â
âDo your breasts hurt?â Thomas brushes his nose against my neck.
âNothing some rest wonât fix once I finish tidying up-â
Iâm cut off when Thomas begins guiding me away. âCâmere, love.â
âThomas,â I try to refuse flatly. âIâm covered in flour, my hair is a mess, and there are mouse guts on my shoe.â
He ignores this and sweeps me up. âLetâs fix that, eh?â
âIâm going to get your coat all filthy!â I protest as he carries me down the hall.
âIt can be washed. Now letâs get you cleaned. Iâve been wanting a bath with you all day.â
Iâd be lying if I said Thomasâ occasional urges didnât keep me on my toes. The select times he is home never fails to deliver intimate relaxation. But aside from that weâve begun to learn more of each other through habits. Since DĂlis has been gone Iâve lost a close companion to vent to, so Iâve been doing my best not to talk Thomasâ ear off. On the other hand, Thomas can do well to listen since heâs not around too often.
My husband carries me into the bathroom and sets me down, still eyeing me with a look telling me heâs got something up his sleeve. He turns the facet on and presses another kiss on my cheek while we wait for the tub to fill.
âHappy anniversary, love. One year of wedded bliss, eh?â
A warm smile creeps onto my lips. He did remember. Itâs hard to imagine but itâs been an entire year since we decided to have this life together. The sentimental milestone got me thinking a few weeks ago so I selected a certain gift in advance, hoping Thomas wouldnât forget the occasion.Â
âHappy anniversary,â I reply lovingly and nod my head to the bedroom. âIf you peek under the bed youâll find something for you.â
Thomas arches a brow and leaves me to walk towards the bed. He gets on his knees and ducks down to search, immediately pulling out the grey box. He carefully lifts the lid to reveal a motion picture camera. At first his eyes squint in confusion, perplexed why Iâd gift him something so technological.
âItâs a motion picture camera,â I explain, not moving from my spot in the bathroom. âIt makes home videos. I thought we could start recording our familie.â
âWhy? So we can look back at how old weâre getting?â Thomas waves off my hurt reaction. âJust kidding, sweetheart. I love this. Iâve got a surprise for you too.â
He jumps to his feet, sets the box on the bed, and strides back into the hall. The sight of the camera sticking out begins to gnaw at me. I take a seat on the side of the tub and take a deep breath, inhaling the steam emitting from the warm water. Was it all an illusion I wanted to believe, that I wanted to create? I already know our familie will not be the same as the closely-knitted one I grew up with. Thomasâ familie is either dead or distant and mine is an entire ocean away. When I saw the camera I thought that it would be a thoughtful gift⌠One that shows Thomas Iâd like to capture the few memories we have together.
âClose your eyes!â Thomas calls from the bedroom door.
I humor him and comply. While listening to the running water I sense him step into the room. I donât wait for him to instruct me further and open my eyes to see Thomas holding-
Itâs a puppy. A black, curly-haired puppy. One with a short tail, narrow snout, and round nose. His bent ears flop up and down as he looks between Thomas and I. From the way he pants it looks like heâs smiling.
Thomas takes my surprised reaction as a chance to explain. âJohnny Doggs sent him for you after he heard about DĂlis. Heâs a Kerry Blue Terrier. I know heâll never replace DĂlis but he needs a home.â
Still stunned, I slowly reach up and bring the squirming pup into my arms. Thomas watches contently as I stroke his soft curls and try not to giggle when he licks my ear. It seems that God has led another companion to me.Â
âThank you, Thomas. Tell Johnny thank you as well. I think I will name him⌠Seamus.â
Seamus is the first Kerry Iâve ever seen so it has been interesting to learn the detailed grooming he needs. Since his hair has grown itâs become more curly. Apparently the traditional haircut includes trimming the pads of his feet, stomach area, and ears. The rest of him is to be cut lightly, just enough to leave his fluffy curls. Something else I need to upkeep is his âbeard,â the hair that grows around his nose and below his chin. At least he doesnât shed.
It takes a lot of work but he looks so handsome once itâs finished. I can normally squeeze in a bath and haircut before Lila wakes up. By the time our next baby arrives Iâve gotten it down to a fine science thanks to the help of Ada and Esme.
Theodosia, our second daughter, is born at five in the morning. The special surprise is that she wasnât alone. Theodore, our first son, is born a few minutes after her. When I describe him to moeder she says he looks like Nicolaas when he was born, yet they still both have their vaderâs piercing blue eyes. This time Thomas is home when I go into labor. Instead of requesting the midwife he calls Ada, who makes my labor run much smoother than my first. It goes by much quicker too. In what seems like no time at all both kinds are in my arms and Seamus is peeking up at us from the side of the bed. Thomas is standing by with Lilia, who cannot stop staring at her new siblings.
âHow do you feel, love?â Thomas asks beside me, rubbing his thumb on my wrist.
Drained from the labor process, I still manage to look over at him with eyes full of gratitude. âI want another.â
So we try for another. In the meantime, Teddy and Theodosia take turns breastfeeding. Lilia seems to have made it her goal to guard them, despite her being only a little over a year old. I do my best to give them all equal portions of my love and attention, as well as tend to Seamus. The curly pup has become the childrenâs top choice of entertainment, as well as the few cats Iâve let live with us. Indeed, my house is becoming much more active. Throughout the years we've grown memories with holidays and celebrations. My legacy is growing.Â
What else is growing is the new bump I have. In only two months the doctor confirms Iâm pregnant again, although my instincts confirmed it beforehand. Coincidentally, the night when I decide to tell Thomas also comes at a time when heâs getting quite handsy with me. I can barely get him to focus before he starts trailing kisses down my neck.
âAre three kids enough?â He smirks. âMaybe one moreâŚ?â
Oh, are you in for a surprise.
âNo. Four is my limit,â I reply and lean back to take in his puzzled expression.
âWait. Four-?â His eyes travel down and he finally realizes it. âVerena⌠Are you pregnant again?â
I canât hold back a smile. âYes.â
Thomas gets his own smile and he feels my stomach. âThen we need to celebrate. Want to go out for dinner? Just us?â
Just us. We havenât had an outing like that in months. We've been too busy. Granted, a large excuse is because we canât be seen together in public. Part of me hopes the gossip behind the Shelbys has died down and I can be free to go out with my husband. My pregnancy isnât obviously noticeable yet so we could manage to appear as colleagues.
âThat sounds wonderful. Iâll call Ada.â
A week later weâve scheduled a formal date night. Ada agreed to babysit the kinds so now itâs us and Seamus driving to a rural pub. I brought the energetic puppy along because this could be a good time to teach him about being in public. He much more antsy and doesnât act as focused as DĂlis was at his age but thereâs time for improvement. Tonight for our occasion Thomas has chosen a sharp navy suit. Iâve noticed that heâs begun to wear less extravagant suits and more simple clothes. I canât tell if itâs because of his age, any preferences, or changes in the work he does.Â
Thomas parks the car and walks around to open my door. I take Thomasâ arm with one hand and hold Seamusâ lead in the other.
âNo one will recognize us here,â Thomas promises and walks me inside.Â
âThanks for agreeing to this. I know you donât like us to be seen together in public but a dinner out of the house does sound nice.â
The inside of the pub is dark and surprisingly quiet, most likely due to the rustic location. Only a few patrons sit at the bar while some others laugh and drink off to the side. Thomas leads me to a corner table and I take a moment to enjoy this rare occasion. No children to feed, nothing to clean. Only my dog and husband- Whoâs eyeing something behind me.
âThat one blokeâs already staring at you,â he mutters under his breath.
Discreetly, I bend down to tie my shoe and subtly look to see one of the drinkers watching us. Nothing about him looks disturbing or provoking, only like any other curious man.
âHeâs handsome,â Thomas points out.Â
âBut he knows Iâm off-limits. Thatâs why he hasnât made a move since you sat next to me. And for the record, heâs nowhere near as handsome as you.â
Nevertheless my husband slings an arm around me to show off, pressing a kiss on my forehead. âHe knows youâre gorgeous.â
His compliment makes me let out a deflated sigh. âThomas. In a few months Iâm going to start looking like a balloon about to combust.â
He kisses me again. âAnd youâve never looked sexier. How are you feeling?â
My hands come up to feel my bump beneath my concealing skirt and I wince. âI think itâs a boy. And heâs a kicker.â
âSounds spry,â Thomas chuckles and he squeezes me gently.
âJust like his vader,â I smirk. âIâm already thinking of names. I like âBenjamin.ââ
He nods in agreement. âSounds like a sturdy name. The others will be happy to have another brother. Little Teddyâs gonna have a partner in crime.â
I let out a groan and rub my temples. âTell me about it. The little pistol tried to cover the floor in flour today so he could see the cat leave footprints all over.â
Ever since Lilia opened her eyes Thomas knew change was inevitable. Not only change in himself but in Verena as well. She was meant for this. Seeing her growing bump every time has made Thomas nearly lose whatâs left of his mind. There may not be anything else in this world he can give her to make her so happy. When the twins were born he immediately noticed the joy and pride in her stormy eyes. Throughout the years, Thomas has witnessed her gradually exchange her love for him for their new children. Verena still holds affection for him, thereâs no doubt. But rather than staying the naĂŻve, soft-spoken woman she was, Verena has transformed into a bold and watchful mother, which means saving less time for him.
Thomas understands. He canât say he misses her old self because that version of Verena disappeared long ago. They both knew their marriage was never going to be entirely traditional. They communicate the best they can. He still continues his outings every day and sometimes at night, keeping up with Arthur and the remaining original Blinders. The nights he does return he is welcomed by his wifeâs soft embrace. She doesnât ask questions and he doesnât burden her with unpleasant news. Sometimes, when theyâre laying together in the dark, he can close his eyes and melt into her warmth; nearly pretending how things used to be.Â
But Thomas knows that these happy moments cannot last forever. Times are changing. He can feel a storm brewing in Germany and itâs about to spread across Europe. Both him and Mr. Colon have been keeping a close watch the best they can, however they both agree that there is little either of them can do to prevent it.Â
And so, little Benjamin is born next. He decided to arrive at two in the afternoon on the rainiest day of the year. A little boy with his vaderâs dark hair and, according to Thomas, my trait of nagging. The other kinds are fascinated by their new broer. While he sleeps they all stare at him. Unlike the others he is much more restless. Not so much for milk but for exploring. By the time heâs only six months old heâs already crawling everywhere, leaving me or Seamus to chase after him. The growing hond has been a big help in pointing out Benjaminâs escapes. When weâre out in the yard Seamus will run around us in circles, unable to contain his energy while still keeping an eye to be sure we donât wander off; similar to a black shadow.
The chaos of it all almost makes me laugh and panic when I find out another child is on the way. Coincidentally, itâs the same day Ada decides to visit with me.
The Shelby zuster sits on the sofa across from me in the parlor. Theodosia and Teddy are upstairs sleeping, Lilia is playing with blocks, and Benny keeps crawling back and forth across the rug. Ada, like anyone, can see the exhaustion getting to me. But she knows that this is the life I wanted. A house full of my kinds.Â
âHave you heard about Germany?â Ada inquires darkly.
âI keep up with the headlines,â I reply, keeping my attention on Lilia and Seamus. âBut nothing too detailed. Iâm too preoccupied with other things.â
She stays quiet for a moment. âHowâs the little one?â
Itâs not plural. I can already tell Ada is referring to the new child growing inside me. She doesnât sound surprised.
âRestless,â I reply and wince. âShe keeps moving.â
âHave you told Tommy yet?â Ada asks and tosses a ball to Benny.
âNot yet. Iâve been too busy with Seamus and the kinds, and Iâm always asleep by the time he comes home-â
âSay no more.â She raises a hand to stop me. âYou both need to take some time off.â
Later that night Iâm sitting in bed reading while Seamus lays next to me. Thomas has just driven up to the house. For the past hour Adaâs words have had me thinking. If I raise my kinds properly then they will grow up to be smart and capable people. After that, what comes next? All my life has been focused towards motherhood. Once my full nest is empty will Thomas still come back to me? He still says he loves me. We still act as husband and wife whenever he comes home. In our years of old age, will things be different-?
No. I cannot think of it like that. Thatâs too far away to think about. Right now I need to-
Seamus grumbles at the sound of the front door opening. When Thomasâ footsteps approach he rustles around on the bed and knocks my book down to the floor.Â
I bend over to get it and wince softly just as Thomas opens the bedroom door. He sees me straining to reach and removes his coat.
âVerena? Here, let me get that.â
My husband reaches for where my hand is stretching and he picks up the novel. His eyes travel up my pale arm and stop at where my nightgown ruffles. I keep my face down so he canât make out my expression.
âIs it a boy or a girl?â
Much like Ada heâs not surprised.Â
âThat noticeable, is it?â I smile shyly and look down. âIâm sorry I didnât tell you sooner-â
âNo need for apologies, sweetheart.â Thomas kicks off his shoes and settles down to rest his head on my lap. âYou know I love seeing you when youâre pregnant.â
âYes, and it is because of that fact that I keep getting pregnant,â I respond wittily. âItâs another girl.â
The sharp-eyed man hums and buries his head further into my chest. Somehow thereâs something unspoken about his behavior. As if heâs been through another fight.
âThomasâŚâ I run my hands through his hair, noticing a few specks of grey. âIs there anything youâd like to say? You know I can handle it.â
Slowly, he crawls upward so he can lay on his side of the bed, still keeping close to me. He smells of fresh dirt and the lingering scent of his cologne. I take the chance to reach over and unbutton part of his shirt. There are no fresh injuries so there wasnât a fight. His stressor must be mental.
âDo you ever regret falling in love with me?â
The question rings in my ears and makes my thoughts skid to a stop. Thomas senses me tense up and his eyes follow my face for any visible reaction.Â
âThere were many points in my life when I wished I could forget about my feelings for you,â I admit softly. âBack when there were other womenâŚâ
We both know thereâs no need to elaborate so I continue.
âWhen you proposed, there was a part of me that wanted to say no. Iâd managed without you for so long that I could have stood a chance. But I surrendered to you instead because everything has been pulling me back to you. Iâm sorry if my love has become diluted but you need to know that everything I do is for my familie. You and the kinds.â
Itâs not a direct answer Thomas was looking for. Verenaâs explanation does confirm part of his concerns. She still prioritizes her family over their relationship. He cannot be one to judge, seeing as how he used to put business above spending time with loved ones. Hell, Arthur says he still does. All those times of meeting up with Verenaâs uncle are times he could have contributed to reminding her of their matrimony.Â
The other thing taunting Thomasâ mind is the Nazi movement. How is he going to be able to tell Verena that one day their perfect family may have to leave their home?
Thereâs something heâs still not telling me. I want to ask but Iâm afraid it will rupture the invisible barrier weâve let ourselves create.Â
âI know you were never cut out for a simple life, Thomas. You go off to accomplish whatever plan youâve made and I run the house. Yes, it can be sad sometimes when Iâm alone but Iâve got Seamus and my pistol to protect us.â
His eyes flash up at me again, this time with a spark in them. âAll you need to do is ask me to stay.â
I let my fingers graze the edge of his jaw. âKeeping you cooped up in this house wonât fix things, Thomas. When we married I told you I wonât deprive you of your original calling.â
He swallows and places his hand on mine. âBut by keeping to that⌠I lose you.â
âNo you donât. Iâm still here. Iâll be waiting. Iâve come to accept that you wonât always be around.â
Itâs a bittersweet truth weâve been avoiding and need to accept. Deep down I will always hold love for him. After this child is born we can look to doing things differently.Â
âThis is the last one, Thomas,â I declare firmly when he feels my bump again. âAs much as I love children I donât think my hips can handle another one after this. Iâm not getting any younger.â
My husband lets out a deep breath and seems to have a change in tune. His arms snake around me and he rests his forehead on mine. One would think heâs looking forward to having me all to himself.
âWell, then⌠Iâm going to need to find other ways to show you my love.â
The sight of those crystal orbs stirs the same feeling from all those years ago, back when I was all alone standing in the cluttered kitchen in the house on Watery Lane.
âYou already have. Youâve given me all I could want.â
âYour brothers made it clear that Iâm to keep you happy.â
âAll that I want from you now is for you to be happy.â
Seven months later, we are given Emily. A girl with the same dark hair as Lilia but with my hazel eyes. She keeps reaching, grabbing at anything she can touch. Once sheâs born I observe Thomas taking more time to spend at home. We do continue having a handful of nights throughout each week when both of us can relax together. He is happy⌠yet still concerned about something.Â
One morning I get my answer. Germans have invaded Poland. War is declared. The unease and scheming evil thatâs been building up has finally boiled over.Â
Lord, where will this lead us?
