as much as i adore the redwall post that's like: delicious food / countless deaths, it's never really the abbeydwellers who get slaughtered en masse, usually the vermin, so IMO the diary entry should be from the perspective of some luckless rat or ferret named like Soggyclaw like so
entry one: me and the lads pinched the grog off our ole capn and some biscuits that ain't stale yet and we sat around the fire and talked about the days out at sea back when we was pirates but now we're going to some place called redhall nabby where there'll be treasure for all of us and we'll get an even better ship than ole Bladedancer (wot a good ship). and then Stinky got up and did his dance and we all threw things at him becoz we hate em
entry two: a big stripedog came and killed all me messmates
