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Sadness fills me

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I wish I didn’t have to go through the things I am right now. It makes me so upset. I love my dad; why does he have to say and do what he does?

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I’m allowed to not want to have sex! If you have an issue with it, reevaluate your intentions with me!! I don’t want to have sex all the time, not even every week; I shouldn’t have to fill a quota and be made to feel guilty because of something I cannot control. I have very little sexual desire; I’m sorry. Sex shouldn’t be what’s on your mind 24/7!!! I don’t like sneaking around to have sex and I don’t like the jokes about me not putting out!!! I’m upset!!!

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Feelin’ myself at the H&M dressing room. I like it ☺️

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It’s weird to think that everyone is their own person with the same amount of experiences as you that has led them to become the person they are at present. And then to think that some people in third world countries will never think of having the issues we have in first worlds and vice versa. It’s amazing and scary how different your world can be simply because of skin color, gender, where you were born, when you were born, and or what your parents raised you to believe. Perhaps the last three are more understandable but regardless, it’s something different to think about.

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I think I did a decent job. (I have no idea who took the photo, but it wasn’t me)

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Rant Time

News flash y’all sometimes anxiety affects more than your head and thoughts. It affects behavior but I guess when it’s not cute nobody seems to give you a break. Sometimes when I’m nervous and I give a damn about what people think of me, I can’t speak. I don’t act normal; I close myself off to people I’m not comfortable around. I say weird things; I say things that seem rude even though I’m trying my best to be nice and to be okay. I know I’m like this and it upsets me and I get angry because I can’t stop myself from being afraid in these situations. When I’m afraid I get defensive and then I get aggressive because of that. And I tease people because being playfully mean seems to be the only thing I can do when I’m in that kind of state. It takes a long time for me to become comfortable with people. Especially if I’m critiquing every damn thing I’m doing so I don’t upset someone! But in the process that’s all I’m doing is making someone upset and making someone dislike me. So fine; fucking hate me because I’m trying and failing. Ignore the fact that I have issues in those areas and I am doing my best; I am trying so damn hard for you to like me and for you to care. If you’re gonna dislike me, dislike me for me and not what the anxiety influences me to do. Dislike me for politics or religion, sexuality, I don’t care, but don’t base your contempt on my issues. I’m fucking trying.

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It says I have five followers but it won’t show me who they are. I am convinced I am alone.