genre : tooth rutting fluff, domestic, established relationship.
summary : to be very straightforward, this was inspired by his ig live in hongkong.
word count : 1648 words.
warnings : reader has period cramps, make-out session, suggestive.
a/n : i wrote this mainly for myself 😔 i love haechan so much 😭
masterlist
buy me a coffee 🥹🫶🏼
if there is a way you could translate the perfect morning, it’d be the way haechan always wraps his arms securely around your body, holding you close to him. it would translate into the way he nuzzles his cute nose into the deepest crook of your neck and breathe in your scent calmly before he opens his eyes. it would be the way he hums softly as his hair tickles your nape and his eyes would notice the goosebumps that would prickle your skin.
but this time, your perfect morning doesn’t seem so perfect anymore when you wake up with atrocious cramps eating out at your lower belly. you can’t open your eyes as you try to control your breathing, your frail fingers catching on haechan’s to ease the pain, or barely try to as it gets stronger.
you curse inside your head and prepare yourself mentally for the hell of a week that’s ahead of you. before an accident would occur, you gently peel yourself away from haechan’s strong grip and hurry to the bathroom. with a deep sigh, you quickly put on a pad and go back to the warmth of the bed.
haechan’s eyes are still closed as he senses you back beside him and without wasting a second, he fumbles around the sheets to wrap his arms around you again, squeezing you into a hug and stretching his body at the same time. you instantly snuggle into his neck before guiding your lips to the mole sitting just below his neck and kissing it gently.
“good morning,” he softly whispers, voice gruff and still dripping with sleep. his morning voice never ceasing to give you butterflies deep inside your tummy.
you hum in response when his fingers start dancing around your lower back, gently massaging your achy muscles. you feel comfortable beside him and your body always seems to feel lighter whenever he’s cuddling into you.
“do you have practice this morning?” you ask with your eyes closed. haechan smiles down at you, a hand still massaging your back while the other slithers inside your hair. his fingers deliver the most tender touches around your ear, the gestures helping you relax even more and melt into him like a burning candle.
you secretly wish he’d have a late start of the day today, just so you can stay glued to him all morning.
“do you want me to stay longer with you?” haechan smiles, his eyes squeezing shut in the process.
your response is just you snuggling closer to his body, your legs wrapping around his.
“hm, clingy girl?” he chuckles as he ruffles your hair, waiting for a verbal answer this time.
you deeply breathe his scent that’s drifting to your nose with every movement of his body. placing another gentle kiss to his neck, you hum. “yes, i want you to stay longer. don’t want you to leave me just yet.”
“okay baby, anything for you,” his thumb dances on your face, the pad kneading around your forehead, temple and the space between your ear and cheek.
“you’re gonna cancel practice?” you pop your eyes open, lifting your face to come closer to his.
“you know i can’t do that, baby,” he pouts, kissing the bridge of your nose before kissing your lips. “but it won’t hurt if i go a bit late.”
you can’t hide your disappointment but you also can’t be greedy while dating an idol. you try to wipe the pout off your face and end up smiling up at him. a stubble has started to from on his chin, giving him a vary sexy look and his lips are beautifully puffy and so kissable, hypnotizing you into pushing your arm up from the sheets and placing your fingers on his pillow-like lips. on instinct, he pressed the tip of his tongue on the corner of his mouth before biting his lower lip and giggling at your sweet actions.
with the pad of his finger still caressing your cheek and yours running through his lower lip, you couldn’t believe that this is true. how he’s here by your side and he loves you way too much for his his own good. and you…your whole existence now has meaning with his name written all over the corners of your body and mind, with touches and kisses and words and hugs imprinted on the map of your skin that he knows oh so well.
you’re not afraid of being an open book to him because he’s so gentle and generous with you. he knows you so well and you don’t mind it one bit. and the same goes for him. he’s never afraid to be vulnerable with you and to unveil his deepest thoughts and feelings because he knows that you’d always have his back, and would love him the way he deserves.
“i’m so in love with you, i can physically feel it.” you confess, taking haechan by surprise.
“yeah?” he whispers, the corners of his lips stretching into a wide smile. with his thumb traveling down to caress your lips, his face gets closer to yours before he places the tenderest, most gently powerful kiss on your lips. your heart skips two beats at a time as he seems to take you into a place far from reality with only his lips dancing around yours.
his soft lips push into yours and mold together to create the perfect pace. your fingers grip his waist, legs pulling him closer into you as if it’s possible to merge into one. your body exudes warmth that can burn his bones down to ashes down your feet, but you would bring him to life over and over again with just one pinch of your fingers. haechan’s heart drums crazily over the curves of his ribcage as his fingers take their usual path to lodge into the swell of your hips, and going down to strongly grip on your butt.
the smallest yet most sinful whine escapes the back of your throat as you arch your back into him, your chest pressing into his, nipples hotly poking his naked chest and igniting a speedy rush of blood to pump angrily down his bundle of nerves. haechan’s breathing quickens and he latches on your lips as if it’s his last mission.
he makes you feel good with everything he does, from his passionate kisses to his sensual touches, he’s got your small heart full of him. and with one last bite on your lower lip, he gently pulls away with it still between his teeth, before it bounces back to its place, a visible thread of saliva stretching between your mouths.
“can you feel it now?” he breathes, hard on top of you. “how much i love you?”
your hazy eyes gaze at each other as if you guys were up in the clouds, your chests rise and fall through a crazy rhythm with fingers still gripping into each other because you can’t get enough.
“more.” you whisper.
“more?” haechan chuckles, pecking your lips softly. “more what, baby?” he tilts his head to the side, his childish side quickly making an appearance after he has just managed to swipe you off your feet, not quite literally since you guys were laying down on the bed.
“i can feel it more now,” you guide his hand to place it on top of your trembling heart, and he smiles proudly at that. “and i always want more of you, haechan. always, always, always.”
“i’m always yours baby, and you can take whatever you want from me, i’m all yours.” his arms wrap around you, giving you the warmest hug before softly pulling away.
“i’ll be back in a sec.” he quickly retreats from your embrace before getting back to bed with a tissue in his hand. you look at him confused before he starts wiping the droplets of sweat that have gathered on top of your cupid’s bow and all around your neck.
your heart swells at his actions and you can’t help the smile from reaching your lips as you notice the pout forming on his mouth from concentrating on wiping your sweat away from your skin.
“are you having bad cramps?” haechan asks, worrisome visible on his face. “you’re sweating so much…” he trails off, voice softening towards the end.
“yes,” you answer, only now realizing the state you’re in. “but you made me forget about them,” you smile tenderly at him.
“i love you so much,” he wraps both his hands around your face, before kissing your forehead. “my strong girl. let me go grab some painkillers for you, hm?” he kisses your forehead again.
you nod your head at him with a smile on your face. you see his silhouette disappear behind the door of the bedroom before you turn to lie on your back. the butterflies inside your tummy getting wilder by the second, with every kind touch and word coming from haechan, you seem to only drown in his love even deeper, especially when he knows what’s wrong with you without you saying anything to him.
you deeply inhale from your nose, when you see him enter the room again, a cup of water and painkillers in hand.
“here,” he helps you sit up, pulling your body up with a hand gently placed on the back of your neck. he then grabs the cup of water and guides it to your lips, smiling at you until you take a sip. “there you go.”
“thank you.”
“anything for my baby,” he smiles before turning his attention to the window behind you. “it seems like it’s gonna rain this morning, how about we put on a movie of your choice?”
“sounds like a perfect morning then.”
and with that, period cramps are long forgotten, and your perfect morning is back again.
back and better.
a/n : this was supposed to be a small haechan drabble…i got carried away SO MUCH!! but blame haechan, don’t blame me 😔 i hope you enjoyed what i wrote, please reblog if you did🫶🏼 my heart is still beating so fast!!🤭
haechan — settle down (rockstar hyuck) | part 3 of 3
wc: 11k (lol)
genre: angst, smut (18+ minors dni), fluff
warnings: unprotected sex, making out, creampies, fingering, oral (f recieving), lowkey don't have that dog in me anymore so this is kind of vanilla, dirty talk, aftercare...?
needs to be read after part 1 and 2
a/n: fucking finally. so so so sorry for the wait and also this is lowkey probably so BAD because its been a hot minute since i've written for tumblr. because this could be written/ended in so many ways, AN EPILOGUE IS COMING with a 'happy' ending, just not putting it here in this part because i think i should post this out first on it's own. i love you guys so much, thank you to every single person who's read, commented, let me know how much you liked it, and waited so patiently. i cannot express how much it means to me.
—
"whose party is this again?"
"jaemin's friend chenle," mark says, placing his drink down on one of the tables. "think they should be around here somewhere."
through the smoke, he can see your eyes shine. you've come even closer now, and it's as if every movement of yours is liquified, rendered in slow-motion – you flick a strand of hair out of your face and it's like he can feel the damp air on your cheeks, a slow smile spreading across your face like sunrise spilling over the horizon, that lovely curl of your lip that he's memorized. he feels his chest cave in when he hears you laugh, feel you take another step closer to him even though your eyes never meet his, even though you never look his way – every memory he has of you threatening to burst through his seams.
your skin glows under the dizzying lights, and all he can think about is the fact that you’re so close, he could reach out his hand and touch you. but he can’t. you weren't his – and he was the one who had thrown you away.
jisung comes up to you, and haechan can see his friend's shy smile met with your beaming grin as you turn to face him. jisung is saying something to you – a hand gently placed on your shoulder as he speaks into your ear, the other gesturing vaguely towards the upstairs rooms. and then you're nodding, and haechan watches wide-eyed as he takes your hand in his and begins guiding you up the stairs.
he can't help it – he only waits a beat, enough for you to disappear up the stairs, before he's rushing through the crowd, climbing the stairs two at a time. he rounds the corner just as he sees the flick of your skirt as you disappear into the nearest room, the door clicking shut softly. taking a moment to calm himself down – chest heaving, wringing his hands – he pads softly towards the room, placing both hands on the door, straining to hear anything that might be going on.
low voices. the rustling of fabric. haechan's imagination spun out of control – jisung's large hands on your skin, his plush lips exploring your neck, your soft sounds, the way you might look under him. he heard a light laugh, and he pressed even closer to try to catch what was being said – what if he had you on his lap? what if you laughed because he'd kissed you behind the ear like haechan did once? it had caught you by surprise, and you'd giggled – burying your face in the crook of his neck. you were sorry. you were just sensitive. haechan had wanted to pull you into his chest and never let you go.
he knew he was breaking his own heart – over-analyzing each muffled sound that came through, all his thoughts drifting back to memories of you. but he couldn't seem to peel himself away as the party raged on and on downstairs, didn't want to be anywhere else but near you even if you didn't know he was there. he had never felt this way with anyone else before – never needed anyone else like this, never afraid like this – and the realisation roared loud in his ears along with the feverish ghost of your fingerprints all over his skin.
–
jisung knows haechan's going to talk to him.
can see it in the way he hangs back after practice, fiddling with his guitar and placing it back on its stand, before picking it back up again for no real reason. there was something off, slightly, about haechan these days. not enough for jeno or mark to comment about it, to hold an intervention, but things had definitely changed – haechan never brought around girls, or showed any interest when jeno and mark would discuss them. he was quiet, and subdued during practice, absorbed in his own guitar, or else discussing new songs with mark in low voices. and strangest of all – jisung mused, slinging his own bass over his shoulder as he ambled to the door – haechan started to seem afraid of jisung.
jisung – who had for the longest time been the most timid and shy of the group, the least experienced by far. he remembered how haechan would tease him if a girl paid him any slightest bit of attention: half-joking, but half trying to build up his friend's confidence. he remembered how he used to be wary of haechan's attention at after-show parties, because haechan would watch him like a hawk and push him into any girls he showed the vaguest interest in. he remembered his shock at haechan, who had never been mean or vindictive – a pain sometimes yes, but never truly cruel to him –, standing there obstinately in his place on stage, staring down at you in the crowd.
to the version of haechan now, who could barely look him in the eye.
"jisung?"
haechan clears his throat. jisung stops in his tracks, turning back to look at haechan.
"yeah?"
haechan's gaze is directed at his shoes. swallowing, he takes a moment before he asks. "uh…how was…um…how've you been?"
jisung has to stop himself from laughing out loud. "i've been good," he says, amiably. he's not going to let haechan have it easy.
"haechan," he keeps his tone light. "come on." he moves towards where haechan is standing awkwardly, taking a seat down on one of the stools. after a beat, haechan sits down too.
"how did it go with y/n?" haechan sounds almost timid – like a child asking a question, but scared of knowing the answer.
"can't you ask her yourself?" he knows he's making things difficult, but he needs haechan to work for it. needs haechan to articulate, because he knows that's the least you deserve.
"i…i could," haechan says. "but i…i don't want to seem possessive. i already fucked up by wishing her luck on the date and i just…" he buries his face in his hands. jisung doesn't say a thing, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "i don't want to hurt her anymore…but i need to know. i need to know what to expect.…" haechan's voice is so small, like he's disappearing into himself.
"haechan…" he starts, slowly, but haechan cuts in, hurriedly.
"if you really love her, jisung, if you're happy together, i'll back off. i won't see her again. it'll be…it'll be too hard to see her with you but that's for me to figure out. you…you should both be happy. she deserves you, ji. you'll be good for each other."
"what are you even saying…" jisung lets out a nervous laugh. he knows haechan tends to get dramatic – loves blowing moments out of proportion, lingering on stories that were fun to tell and relive. loves to exaggerate – always taking the smallest details too seriously and making light of things that had real consequences. but as he watches haechan – curled in on himself, he sees that this is something else entirely. this haechan was anxious and overthinking, unsure of himself, fractured into a thousand different wants and needs.
"i'm serious, jisung." haechan, the vocalist he is, keeps his voice as steady as possible. "i'll back off if you tell me to. if i'm making it hard for you in any way…"
"haechan, it's…it's going to be fine. it's not what you think."
"you…you're not together now?" a hint of hopefulness.
jisung chooses to be kind. "we're not," he says, gently. when haechan's lips part, he continues on, interrupting him. "it had nothing to do with you. we're just…not."
"i'm sorry," haechan murmurs, finally lifting his head. "i know you wanted it to work out." he truly means it.
"i'm happy with the way things are now," jisung says it, and he means it too. "but…but you know she's going to start seeing other people, right?"
a beat. "yeah…yeah of course."
"you can't go after all of them and ask them if it's working out or not, you know?" jisung says, wryly. "at some point…you need to just talk to her."
"i…" haechan break off, a pained expression flitting over his face. "i don't have anything to say. but i really want her to be happy. i just want her to be happy. but it sounds…" he catches the look on jisung's face. "i know it sounds like a guilt-trip. i know what it sounds like."
"give her space," jisung suggests, quietly. "figure out what you're willing to give. who you can be for her."
"hyuck or haechan." he says it almost spitefully. he had never hated the difference more.
-
you were in the crowd today.
it had been a little over a month – 6 days more, to be exact, – since haechan had last seen you in the crowd, each time spotting your face easily, everyone else fading to nothing. each time noting every which way your eyes shimmered under the lights, the ways your pretty lips curved into a smile or a shout, or even each time you looked away, distracted.
he'd practically rushed into the dressing room after the show ended, anxious hands tugging at his clothes, trying to fix himself up just in case you decided to come find him. questions had spun around in his mind so much during the show, he was afraid he would start singing them in place of mark's carefully written lyrics. he's thought of a thousand ways to bring it up, but he wishes he could just ask — how've you been? have you forgotten me?
he's still lost in thought when the dressing room door opens softly, the lock turning gently in the door barely louder than a whisper.
"haechan?"
he turns, and you're there. you're wearing a new dress, probably the shortest one he's ever seen on you, black glittery fabric barely brushing the tops of your thighs. but he doesn't linger on your body, his eyes seeking out your own, the flush of anticipation and adrenaline in your cheeks, the way your hair falls slightly loose, framing your face. the question is on the tip of his tongue, his lips are parting, his breath catches in his throat –
" – don't worry," you say, breathlessly, as you catch the look on his face. "no one saw me."
oh.
walking towards him, you pull him into a hug, arms wrapping around his neck, so you can brush your lips against his cheek. pulling away, you peer at him, wondering why he's looking at you so lost. like he was wondering something since he laid eyes on you tonight.
you frown. "were you going to ask me something else?"
his lips part, soundlessly. you've never seen him so speechless. his arms tentatively circle around your waist, fingers brushing the fabric of your dress, and understanding dawns on you.
"yes, it's a new dress," you smile.
he swallows, the cloudy look clearing from his eyes as he finally runs his heavy touch down your back, a feeling you've grown used to.
his tone is slightly darker when he plays along, masking the traces of disappointment. "for me?"
you nod, letting his hands wander to the zipper, eyes traveling to the mirror to catch the way he fiddles with it, slowly starting to drag it down your spine.
what you don't catch, is the way he's looking at you – lip caught between his teeth, eyes focused on the side of your face, regret and sadness and a desire he still couldn't shake coursing through his body. you had come back – and maybe that was all that he should care about.
"come home with me," he blurts out, suddenly. "i have to show you something."
confused, you look back at him, frowning. "now?"
he swallows. "yes. we'll still…it's just…" he stammers, confidence draining as he watches you zip your dress back up. "i mean…i just…thought you'd like my bedroom more than this dressing room. you said- you said it was uncomfortable, that last time…" he trails off. his head droops, fingers picking at his nails.
you place your hands on his chest. his head lifts just slightly, glancing at you through his lashes. "haechan," the ache in your chest making your voice soft – barely above a whisper. "why are you so nervous today?"
"i'm sorry," he starts, but you shake your head. "it's been awhile."
"that's fine, i'll go home with you," you say, smiling, hoping to reassure him. the words instantly relax him, and he lets out a breath. you can feel his chest move under your palms.
"i'm sorry," he repeats, softly, but you don't know what he's saying it for.
–
you don't know how you ended up here.
one moment, haechan was unlocking his door, one hand fumbling with the keys as he held yours tightly in his other palm. the next, you were pushing him against the door – his plush lips, soft and tasting slightly like honeyed lip balm, finally kissing you deeply in a way you'd craved. and then he was sweeping you up into his arms, your legs locked in around his waist, his bag slumping to the floor as he focused all his attention on you. placing you on the countertop, he takes his time with your lips – his hand first cupping your face, then working its way down your neck, as if he was making sure you were wholly real through touch since his eyes were closed for the kiss.
"hyuck?" you murmur.
guilt pricks at your conscience when you feel him falter. you would never admit that you realized the name did something to him – made him more desperate and more tender all at once. you used it sparingly, only in certain moments, and tonight seemed just right for it, what with the way his touch was already so infused with longing.
he hums in acknowledgement, pausing. a gentle palm tilts your face towards his, and his eyes are wide and patient.
"what's wrong?" he asks.
"i want to suck you off," you mumble, your words coming out rushed and careless. you almost think he might not catch it, but haechan goes still. his hands, caressing your face, stop moving.
"what?"
your mind explodes with a million thoughts. did he not want you to? how many girls had sucked him off before you – did he think you wouldn't be good enough? was he not attracted to you enough?
he was still just looking at you – something unreadable in his eyes.
"do you not want me to?" you ask, doubt making your tone come off a little more insecure than you'd have liked. "is it…is it because i've never done it before?"
he blinks. "what?" he repeats, again.
you shift, uneasy. "you can teach me," you insist, holding onto his arms, wanting to be closer to him. "i'll practice…"
"oh god," he whispers. "oh… oh y/n…" his hands barely skim your skin, nervously tucking your hair behind your ear. "don't," he says, quietly.
"why?"
i don't want to hurt you," he says, voice so tender it wavers under the weight of his feelings for you. "being able to touch you is already everything to me-" he trails off, biting his lip, and then he's weak in the knees, and you melt into his embrace as he holds your body against his. "i don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
"i want to please you like the girls before," you protest, weakly. "i want to…i want you to tell me your fantasies."
"all that matters to me," he says, slowly, eyes suddenly grave and solemn. "is that i'm here with you. just you." he holds your hands up to his lips and kisses the tips of your fingers.
you don't know what to say. the charged atmosphere from before has dissolved into the night, leaving a balmy and sweet taste on your tongue. the only thing that feels right is to hold him in your arms and hold him as close as you can.
he's looking at you, before suddenly pulling you into him as if he could read your mind – arms wrapped protectively around your back, one hand coming up to stroke your hair as you lean into his chest.
the memory of that first night comes back to you – the first time he rejected you. he hadn't wanted to hurt you then, either. and then he proceeded to in all ways possible – playing with your heart in a terrible back and forth. and then he disappeared from your life, and then he came back and something was different – in the way he touched you, looked for you, looked at you, was careful with you.
but you moved on – told jaemin, told yourself you weren't waiting. you'd gone on a date with jisung, and then to some more with a few other guys on campus. you didn't hang around the band all the time now – didn't show up for every concert. and even when you did, you rarely stopped by to see haechan – spending more and more time with jisung, who was steadily becoming one of your closest friends.
you tried to keep things light when you did visit haechan. always easy, relishing in how well he knew how to please you, how he always knew what to say. and for the most part, he was able to play along – a smile always tugging at the corner of his lips, or his tongue poking into his cheek as his eyes turned dark.
but it was on nights like these – when the moon was a bit too bright and the air between your lips and his dense like honey, your skin heated and his face flushed – when you used the wrong name, or he said things too vulnerable and too intimate. it was on nights like these when you are faced with the reality that he made you feel the way no one else could – even as he was ever-changing, ever showing you a different side of himself. on these nights you plunge your hands deep into the kaleidoscope of him, and its like diving into shattered glass.
–
"i wanted to show you this," he murmurs, shyly.
he places a pair of headphones clumsily on your head, his long fingers scrambling to adjust it on your head, trying not to pull at your hair. your hands come up to help, and you shoot him a reassuring smile.
it was even later in the night. you were both showered and dressed for bed – you in a long-sleeved shirt of his that you liked. when you came into the bedroom, he was fiddling with his laptop – and you could hear snippets of his honey-sweet voice starting and stopping as he tapped at his keyboard. it was natural, to head over to the bed and lean your head on his shoulder, as he started to explain to you what he was doing, eventually grabbing his headphones from the bedside table. his skin smells faintly of baby powder, and his bare face under the dim light is so soft – mellowed curves, the constellation of moles on his cheek ever visible, eyes tired but warm.
he clicks play, and his voice fills your ears – clean, without any backing vocals or instruments. you try to catch the lyrics, but he mumbles through his words, voice meandering effortlessly around the melodies, drawing beautiful loops. his voice is delicate and gentle, flowing water with a current of electricity running through it, humming and buzzing with dangerous life.
it ends all too quickly, and haechan – who was watching your face carefully the entire time, clicks on a few more tracks. you can hear his voice, muffled from under the headphones, start to explain.
"that's…that's my draft for the melody. i made it for this, uh, it's one of mark's demos–"
a sultry, low beat now plays, low strings filling in the gaps. when his voice leaks in, you feel your cheeks start to heat up. the same melody from before – so innocuous and sweet, maybe something even vulnerable – sounds sinful all of a sudden. you can practically hear the scream of the crowd punctuating each line, and now even the way he mumbles is hazed with a sort of suggestive glow.
you look at him, wide-eyed. he's still watching your face, this time his lip caught between his teeth, looking up at you through his lashes. when the song ends, you tug the headphones down from your ears, and he takes them from you absentmindedly.
"mark told me to try writing for that. he said it suited my voice —"
"it does," you respond. your hands reach out to play with his, tracing the way his fingers curved, running your touch along his calloused finger-tips.
"but i…i don't know. i want to write something…something that feels…" he stumbles over his words, eyes lingering on the way your hands play with his, the gentleness of your touch. "that feels like this," he finishes, softly.
"like what?" you hum, tracing loops on the back of his hand.
but he doesn't respond.
"do you like it?" he asks, quietly.
you give his hand a squeeze. "sing it for me?"
his hand trails off to the keyboard again, but you hold it steady in your palm. "no, sing it for me now. here."
he's still. you almost think he won't do it, but then he's pushing the screen of his laptop shut, and he turns to face you.
this time, when he sings, he gets all the words out.
in person, his voice is hushed and soft, like every word is a secret. his eyes flutter shut, and he ducks his head shyly as he continues. when he ends, his voice trails off, and he doesn't turn to look at you, staring at his hands. you stay silent, until it's like he can't bear it, and his head turns to face you, eyes seeking reassurance.
"i like it just like this," you tell him, softly.
his smile blooms.
—
"keep haechan on his toes," jaemin says, leaning back in his chair. the steam from the coffee he made – a 2am jaemin specialty — curled gently in the air, your hands nursing the mug in front of you, sipping just to have something to do. "don't see him for awhile. keep him guessing."
"that's cruel," you mumble.
"he's done crueler," he points out. "you know you don't owe him anything, right?"
"i know i don't," you say, slowly. "i just think that it would kill me not to know how he's doing. if he was going on dates with other people…"
"and would he tell you?"
no, is your automatic answer, one you can't run from in your head, but jisung cuts in.
"he wouldn't go on a date with someone else," he shakes his head, leaning back in his chair so he could stretch out his long limbs. blinking sleep from his eyes, he shook his head again to clear his bangs away from his eyes. it had been late already when he showed up, after a show, bringing food, a tired but giddy smile on his face. "you really fucked him up, that's all i'm going to say."
"he may not go on a date, but he'd fuck someone else, probably." jaemin rolls his eyes.
"we actually haven't fucked in awhile." the realization feels like butterflies in your chest – an uneasy, fluttery feeling.
"what?" jisung looks at you in disbelief. "sorry," he adds, suddenly sheepish when both you and jaemin stare at him. "i just thought that was the big part of your relationship."
"it was…" you say, slowly. ignoring how jisung said 'relationship' when it was really never that. "but…but i don't know. recently we always get distracted…or… or he's… i don't know."
you think of his unmade bed. the careful, tender loop of his arm around your waist. you think of the way his lashes flutter when you lean in to kiss him –
and yet, there was something bigger bothering you about this, something that tugged at your gut, the words forcing themselves out of you.
"i hate that it feels like there's nothing more to me than this."
"y/n, what are you talking about?" jaemin asks, his voice quiet. when you pause, he presses on, urgency in every word. "what did he say to you?"
"nothing," you shake your head. "he didn't say that to me, it's something i feel. no matter who i'm with…even when i'm alone….i can't run from it." you take a breath. you hated admitting this, but jaemin's eyes were kind as they looked into yours. "even when we weren't talking, i was thinking about him…and tonight…jaemin i don't think anyone should be able to make me feel like this."
“there's nothing wrong with being in love," he says, carefully. when you don't say a word, he continues on, as gentle as possible. "you know that no amount of attention he gives you will change the way you feel, right?"
he was right. if you really dared to dream – to use up every last shooting star, count on all of the angel numbers — and haechan, donghyuck, gave himself to you fully like you wanted, you would still be afraid of losing him. a sick flutter beats in your chest at the passing thought of him slipping away again – that all this fight would have been for nothing.
it was as if jaemin could read your mind. "there was a life before him," he reassures you. "there is so much more without him. you just need to start living like it, to really see it."
you had nodded, but you couldn't shake the feeling that no matter how many shows you skipped, no matter how many times you drove by his apartment or ignored his messages, it wouldn't change a thing: that even though there was a life before him, maybe it wasn't one that you wanted anymore.
—
you're cutting through the park on your way home from class, when you hear a shout of your name. you barely have time to turn before a small girl is launching herself at your legs, standing high on her tip-toes to throw her arms around your waist.
"slow down!"
you'd know that voice anywhere.
haechan looks different. he's dressed in a striped sweater, glasses askew on his small nose. your heart skips a beat – he looks warm, and cozy, and comfortable. behind the frames, his eyes glow when he looks at you, an involuntary smile tugging at his lips.
the two of you just stand there, looking into each other's eyes. every sense of yours is heightened – the autumn air cold on your skin. the light catching everything around you. and your heart beating in your chest, speeding up with every moment you continue looking at him. you can't help it: even now you smile looking at his face.
he raises his eyebrows.
"what?" you blurt out, caught off-guard.
he laughs lightly. "what are you doing here?" he asks, like he's explaining a question.
"just…passing through," you say, slowly. "you?"
"the…uh…kindergarten's right near here." haechan point vaguely at a point in the distance, you only look at it for a second before you focus back on him. you can't help it. he smiles again. "you're just passing through? can't you stay for awhile? we were going to get ice cream."
his sister tugs at your sweater, excited at the sound of ice cream. you look down at her face – she has the same nose as her brother, the same bright smile.
"just for a bit," you concede. haechan pumps his fist, playing up his excitement to make his sister laugh. it makes your heart go still and race all at the same time.
—
"we need to talk."
there was something wrong with haechan.
the smell of rain and cigarettes hung in the alley behind the dingy venue. haechan sits on the steps with his head in his hands, jeno leaning on the wall opposite, jisung against the doorway behind. it's mark who stands directly in front of him, as he rubs his face with his hands, trying to calm down. mark who crouches down, mark's prying hands which make haechan lift his head to look at them.
"what happened?" he asks, his eyes blazing.
haechan swallows. "it's been a bad day," he tries, weakly.
"it's been a bad month," jeno corrects. at haechan's glare, he raises his eyebrows in a silent challenge, and it's jisung who pipes up.
"i think people are starting to notice something's off," he says, softly. "that you play differently, sometimes."
"you mean that he messes up when she's not in the crowd," jeno says, bitterly.
"i only messed up today," haechan mumbles. "it won't happen again."
"what about yesterday? it's like you weren't onstage at all." jeno protests.
haechan opens his mouth, but closes it. he knew this conversation had to happen, that things would lead to this – his fingers faltering, his mind going blank as his solo began. jeno's drums continuing relentlessly, mark's eyes on him, as he shook his head fiercely, trying to clear his mind and focus all at once. unsure of what to keep — the image of you, or the chords he'd worked so hard to get right.
"hyuck, do you need a break?" mark asked, his words slow and gentle. "we can stop performing for awhile, cancel some of our gigs…"
"no," he breathes. "don't." he doesn't want to lose all of it – and because he knew that if he stopped performing, he didn't know if he would ever see you again.
and it's like jeno reads his mind. "she's not going to like you like this," jeno says, his voice impersonal. "she likes the version of you onstage, remember? it's how she first met you, it's what kept her coming back for more."
"jeno." mark's voice is stern, but haechan looks up right past him, hurt pooling in his eyes.
"i know," he breathes. "i know that. but i don't know if i can be that around her anymore."
"not just around her," jisung notes. "you're not haechan anymore. it doesn't make you happy."
"i know," he repeats, quieter this time.
"hyuck, listen," mark sighs. "you're not doing yourself any good going onstage like this. i'm canceling the next few shows –" as haechan protests, he cuts him off with a hand on his shoulder. "no. we could all use a break."
"mark," haechan croaks. "i can't."
"we'll still have practice," mark says, firmly. "you still have to show up for all of it. and those songs i told you to work on —"
"you should go home," jisung adds. "take care of your sister."
there's a pause, as they wait for jeno to chime in.
"none of it matters if you don't figure it out with her," he says, a tone of finality ringing in his words. he straightens, broad shoulders squared, suddenly much bigger under the lights. "if you need to get over it, you have to. staying like this is hurting everyone."
haechan's lips part, soundlessly. there's a sharp creak, as jeno stalks back into the venue, followed by mark – who pats haechan gently on the shoulder. vaguely, haechan waits for the sound of jisung's soft steps to fade, but they only shuffle closer, until the lanky boy drops down next to him. his legs stretch out into the dingy alley, as haechan hugs his knees closer to his chest, for the first time perhaps truly afraid of what he was about to hear from his friend.
"sometimes, we meet the right person at the wrong time-" jisung's voice is quiet, almost a murmur, but the words still scrape against haechan's skin, rough like sand.
"don't say that." he bites his lip harshly, a sudden rush of anger at the pity in jisung's responding sigh. "don't fucking say that."
"haechan, it's okay. she liked you, but then she moved on after you realised you —"
"she didn't –" his fist clenches, restless in his lap. "she didn't move on."
"really? not at all?" jisung's eyes are fixed on haechan's, holding his gaze. "after weeks of telling her you couldn't give her what she wanted…you think she's still waiting for you?"
"ji-"
"why should she wait for you?"
haechan swallows. "she shouldn't," he mumbles. "i…i need to really let her go. jeno's right." he truly means it.
jisung hesitates. he's been spending more time with you, as friends – joining on your movie nights with jaemin, or else baking together, or letting you style him for shows and concerts. and the more time he spends with you, really gets to know you, the more he can see why you and haechan seem to need each other. your patience and gentleness matched the soft way he's seen haechan take care of his sister and at times, mark. he watched the way you sometimes falter – worry overtaking your features for a split second when you stop at a red light, or your teeth tugging at your bottom lip as you stand in front of the stove – and instinctively he can imagine haechan's confidence, his natural propensity to make everything seem easy, fitting in with you and taking care of you.
but he knew that haechan could only give you his attention – not his heart, not until he was brave enough to admit how much you meant to him.
your resolve to stay friends with him was as flimsy as haechan's promise to let you go. jisung almost wanted to laugh at the insistence both of you had, upon lying to yourselves.
"be honest," he says, gently. "what do you want?" when haechan doesn't answer, jisung's low voice continues on, coaxingly. "what's your best-case scenario? what do you want to happen?"
haechan takes a deep breath. "i don't know."
jisung tries to hide his disappointment. "do you not know, or are you not ready to say it?"
"i don't know," haechan mumbles again, burying his face in his hands. i don't know if i deserve it.
the two of them sit there for a long, long, time.
–
there was something wrong with haechan.
something's different. that's what jeno had said earlier, after the show. exhausted from sleepless nights, screaming fans making him feel nauseous, haechan barely paid attention to anything during his performances except for his own guitar. he hardly looked at the crowd, didn't acknowledge their pleas of his name, as if it wasn't one he recognised at all.
he'd started missing parties, and was barely there even if he showed — ignoring the way girls swarmed around him, wondering if he was playing a new game, one where they had to work harder to earn his attention. it was a game they never won, his eyes trained on his cup, or else on the door.
but out of all of haechan's bad habits, this might be the worst of them – sitting in the living room past midnight, sipping down to the last dregs of his alcohol, waiting for the knock on his door.
it was late now — so late that the hours had bled into the next day. he hadn't seen you at the concert, not at the party, and despite telling himself not to dream, not to hope, he still carried enough desperation in him to stay up again.
he's relieved he did.
his hands shake as he opens the door. his hands falling to his sides as he drinks in the sight of you, letting you in.
"hi," you breathe, and you don't ask before you lean into him, soft lips brushing his plush ones.
he's at a loss for words, his tongue numb in his mouth, limbs still heavy from how tired he'd been all day. he lets you guide him to the couch, into the cushions. lets you straddle his hips, holding your body close to his with careful arms, as he meets your kisses gently.
something's different, but haechan's not the only one who's changed. on nights like these, all you do is take and take and take.
"i haven't seen you in a while," he murmurs. quietly, softly, the words almost getting lost between kisses. immediately after he says the words, he slots his lips with yours firmly, as if afraid of what you would say if he let the space between you and him grow.
"i've been busy." at the crestfallen look on his face, a small smile tugs at your lips, and you lean in to brush your lips with his. "why? did you miss me?"
"i did," he says, almost timid. "i missed you."
at this, you raise your eyebrows. "you could have had anyone else."
but he shakes his head. "i missed you," he repeats, hands mapping your skin, as if checking if you were really here, seeking the familiar way you fit into his palms, your slopes and your edges.
"i missed you too," you say, meaningfully, letting him pull you in for another kiss. but when you push against him, body rocking into his and mouth open and wanting, the glow in your eyes tells him you're talking about something else entirely.
his mind races. the feeling of you against him wakes him up like nothing else, the way you touch him, your smell and your taste setting fire to all his senses. there's something sweet about your lips tonight, something he wants to savor on his tongue and drown in all at once.
he doesn't want to waste any of this, because this was the only thing you ever wanted to see him for — and that's what he tells himself as he pulls you into his body, because finally, finally, your attention is all on him, an electric heat simmering over each fibre of his being, the feeling of your body too sweet to be true.
but it's been one too many nights he's waited, a weight on his chest and a drowsiness he can't shake overcoming him like a cloyingly sweet poison.
"i–" he's cut off by a shuddering inhale as your lips travel down to his neck, your hips grinding against him just right. "baby, i'm sorry," he tries again, his hands now gripping onto your waist, trying to steady you, even as he gives up. "i don't think i can take care of you tonight."
you still.
"don't go, please," he begs. "i'm sorry, it's been…it's been a long day and i…" he breaks off. the performance. the fight with the band. the fact that he'd been drinking for hours, the starless sky inky black outside his window, his fingers still stinging from plucking at guitar strings all night. "just give me a second," he stammers, burying his face in his hands, tugging at his features, before looking up at you with tired eyes. "i'll be fine in a minute, then we'll go to the bedroom, i just —"
your hands slide down the slope of his shoulders.
"don't go," he repeats, hands fumbling for yours as he brings them up to his lips, like a prayer. "i can take care of you, i promise. just…"
"donghyuck," you say, softly. again you smile, cupping his face in your palms. his round cheeks, plush lips, the slight flare of his nose. he almost goes cross-eyed staring at you, as you lean in close and kiss him again – this one different from the rest, close-lipped and chaste.
"hyuck, let me take care of you tonight, okay?"
caught in a riptide of his own longing, he lets go.
"you don't have to do anything," he mumbles. his hands tentatively touch your waist, the barest brush of his fingertips, before he's encircling you in his arms, easing you into his chest. slowly, tentatively, he holds you close by the weight of his arms, a large hand reassuringly patting the space right beneath your heart – clumsy, rhythmic thumps that trailed off into a lingering warmth. "i just want to hold you here, like this."
he can feel the tension that spreads down your spine, your breath caught in your throat. your lips are parted, your eyes looking at his in an unreadable expression.
"do you not like it?" he asks, his voice small. his hands fall from your waist, nervously tugging his sleeves down over his palms. "i…i'm just…"
"i do," you say, slowly. and because your faces are so close, the thought is barely crossing your mind before you press your lips against his. it's supposed to be quick, reassuring, but the look on haechan's face when you pull back makes you lean in again right away.
it was a look that was open and hurt, his hands still tangled in his lap. his eyes stayed open as you kissed him, as if he couldn't dare believe it was real — finally blinking shut when you kissed him again, his slight relief melting on your tongue. his teeth sunk into his bottom lip as you clumsily got up off the couch, and as you straightened, he ducked away from your gaze, staring at his hands.
"hyuck," you start, but he shakes his head.
"it's fine." he still wouldn't look at you - fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "you don't have to stay, it's late."
"hyuck, listen to me."
"i know," he says, quickly. the slightest trace of fear in his voice. "you don't….you don't have to remind me, i know. it's too…you said we couldn't…"
" — hyuck, i wasn't going to say that."
his fingers falter, but he stays silent.
"i can't fall asleep properly in your lap," you explain, slowly. "let's go to bed, okay?"
he looks up then. "really?"
"i said i want to take care of you," you repeat, his wide eyes making you feel shy all of a sudden. "i mean it."
he lets you take his hands, body following pliantly as he stands from the couch, as you lead him to his bedroom, his eyes focused on your intertwined hands. it's both a familiar and unfamiliar feeling — crawling into his bed with his clothes on your body, sinking into the soft sheets and letting the senses of him wash over you. the usual buzz of pleasure isn't there, and its a different tiredness that seeps through your veins, one that comes with feeling safe.
since when did you start feeling safe with him?
you feel his weight sink in behind you, the duvet rustling against skin as he turns. an arm curls around your waist. his head lowers into the crook of your neck – you can feel his soft hair, his pouty lips brushing your shoulders in a light kiss.
"the band is taking a break," he mumbles. "because of me."
"hyuck?" you try to turn in his arms, but his grip only tightens on your waist. he shakes his head. "hyuck, what happened? are you okay?"
"m'yeah, i'm okay now." he shifts. "just…i just don't know if i like playing in the band anymore."
there's a pause.
"are you…are you disappointed?" the thumb drawing circles on your hip stills. "say something," he whispers. "please."
"why would i be disappointed?" you ask, quietly. placing your hand on his, you turn, facing him as he encircles you in his arms. his eyes are half-lidded, tousled hair falling over his brows, his cheek squished against the pillow into a half-pout. it's almost instinct – the way your hand goes up to his face to brush his hair out of his face, fingers absentmindedly tracing his moles.
you can feel his lips move against your fingers. "would you still come to see me?" he wonders, softly. "if you didn't have a reason to?"
you bite your lip. "i would want to…" you say, slowly. "but i don't know if i should. haechan, what's going on? does music not make you happy anymore?"
his heart aches. your care for him fills his lungs, making his eyes begin to prickle with tears.
"i don't think the haechan…donghyuck thing is good for me."
"oh." your thumb brushes over the bridge of his nose. "hyuck…" you start. "i don't…i don't want to overstep."
his face falls. "sorry," he says, his voice small. "i won't bother you with it…you don't have to…"
"no, i don't mean…hey, listen to me." you wait until he looks up at you through his lashes, nervously. "i think i've gotten to know haechan and donghyuck, you know? i mean…" your heart skips a beat, suddenly shy at your own honesty. but you've already let your guard down – it's no use. "of course i like haechan. haechan's the one who invited me backstage, haechan's the one who made me go on that rooftop…but…" you take a breath.
the sleep had worn off from haechan's eyes – he was alert as he watched you now, hanging onto your every word.
"i've gotten to know donghyuck too, i think. i hope. donghyuck makes the best sandwiches for his baby sister, donghyuck has a bear tattoo because he looks as cute as one, donghyuck is always gentle with me even when i ask him not to be." your thumb traces the constellation of moles he has again, tracing down to his neck. you draw him closer – the way he's looking at you: like you're his entire world, like your words were the only thing keeping him breathing, filling your chest with a tender kind of ache that didn't go away.
"donghyuck and haechan aren't that different, not really. they're still you. i like them both. i like all of you. if you woke up tomorrow and told me you were someone else, if you were suddenly becoming someone new, i think i'd still want to fall asleep next to you anyway at the end of the day. because i know you –" you breathe in, sharply. "i…i think i do. i…hope i do."
he doesn't say anything. just leans in, and brushes his lips with yours lightly – once, twice, and finally sealing them in a kiss. he kisses you deeply, intensely – it wakes you up, that familiar feeling stirring in your belly as your hips move of their own accord. a liquid euphoria fills your veins as he pulls you into him – him on his back, you laying on his firm chest, the toned muscles on his chest grounding you, a feeling so familiar, one that you craved for a long time. you've never felt safer, in his arms. he kisses you like with every moment apart, he wonders if you're still there, and each time he sighs into your mouth it's with relief that you're still here, with him.
"do you want to…?" he asks softly. he's breathing heavily, but he tries to calm himself down. his tongue darts out to wet his lips, and it's that act – so innocent, so nervous even though you've both done it a dozen times with each other, that makes your heart beat harder in your chest.
"it's been awhile," you murmur.
"i know." he nods, swallowing. "it just…it hasn't felt right. don't…don't get me wrong, i want you all the time-" he practically groans with frustration. "it's just recently i just…i've been really confused. it's so stupid, but i didn't know which version of me you wanted –"
"just you," you assure him, softly.
"let me make it up to you then." his tone is just as soft.
you take his hands, and slide them under your shirt. gently, he tugs it off of you, sitting up slightly to take his shirt off as well before focusing back on you. you're giddy with the feeling of his touch again, nostalgia heightening every single sensation. it's not just hyuck tracing his hands over your chest – his lips finding your nipples, tongue darting out to tease them lightly. it's every single time he's touched you before – in the backseat of his car, hands moving urgently. in your bed that first time – so careful because you were extra sensitive. you have to focus to get back to the present moment, where he's watching you carefully again – noticing that you're lost in your thoughts.
"everything okay?" he murmurs.
you nod. "i just missed you so much," you whisper, and you can feel his desperation in the kiss that follows. "i need you now."
"need to prep you, baby." gently, he eases you onto the bed, crawling down your body as you tug off your shorts and panties. your legs spread, needily, as you can feel him inch closer to your core, his hands coming to hold your hips. "stay still for me?" he mumbles, his eyes dazed as he watches you nod, his own head bobbing along absentmindedly, guiding you through it as he encourages you to bend your knees, baring yourself to him.
the first flick of his tongue on your clit makes you mewl, hands coming down to grip onto his hair.
"i know, baby," he comforts you, drawing small circles on your thigh as he leans into suckle your clit, making your hips buck up. he holds you still, patiently continuing to circle your entrance and lap at your clit. "fuck…you're getting so wet, angel." he slides in a finger, and the intrusion makes you clench around him in sensitivity, especially as he kitten-licks your clit shyly while easing in another finger.
"need you now," you whine, voice reaching that pitch only he seems to bring out in you. his fingers pump more urgently, now curling towards the front of your walls, as he applies more force to your clit with his tongue, massaging the sensitive bud.
"need you-" you choke out. "need you inside."
"just give me one right now," he says, a slight plea to his voice. "please, angel. cum for me please, –"
"wanna cum with you inside," you sniffle. that gets his attention. he crawls right up your body until you're face to face, kissing you deeply, palms coming up to hold your face, careful to keep his fingers away. it's heated – your hips rolling into his as he finally loses control, hips bucking into yours until he's practically humping you as he kisses down your neck. your hands go to his waist, and he whimpers into your skin, finally tugging down his sweatpants, and you feel a familiar weight against your core.
"condom-" he gasps, breaking away. the muscles on his body flex as he reaches for his bedside table, you can feel them move against your hands.
"have you been fucking anyone else?"
he blinks. "no, not since…" he breaks off. "no. and i'm clean. mark made me check." the sound of your giggle makes him smile momentarily – a goofy, lopsided grin that makes your heart squeeze painfully in your chest.
"i want to feel you-" you say, slowly. "please."
he sucks in a breath. "this…this isn't one of those things you're trying to do to please me, right?" he looks at you, skeptically. "it doesn't make a difference to me, you know that right? i just want you to feel comfortable. and safe…"
"i am comfortable," you assure him. "i'm on the pill. i really just want to do this with you."
"because-" he suddenly sits back, running a nervous hand through his hair. "i'm fine with using protection, you know that. i…i love how you feel either way. i never want you to do anything you don't feel absolutely right about…"
"is this about the blowjob?" you raise your eyebrows at him, smiling when you see his eyes widen. "because i'm going to do that too, with you. i want to make you feel good."
now it's his turn to laugh, tilting his head back. his adam's apple bobs in his throat. "you have no idea-" he murmurs, voice suddenly low and serious. "you have no idea how good you make me feel just by the way you look at me. by the way you say my name."
"hyuck," you say, patiently. "i need you. don't make me beg."
"i should be the one begging," he murmurs, and this time when you reach your arms out, he lowers himself right into your arms, letting you wrap your arms around him. he strokes himself a few times, eyelashes fluttering, before slowly easing into you – a soft sound escaping his lips as his eyes went unfocused. it really had been awhile – his length filling you up, stretching you out in a way that was almost painful, but that pain was quickly dulled by pleasure as his body pressed against yours.
"fuck-" he curses, eyes screwed shut in concentration. "can i…can i please…"
you rock your hips against him, letting him in even deeper as he bottoms out. "move-" you whimper, "please-" you barely finish your words before he's already drawing back, barely pulling out before fucking himself back in, short intense thursts feeling dizzying. his slender fingers find your clit again, applying a light pressure as the blunt tip of cock perfectly hits the spongy part of your walls, the sound obscene in the quiet room. you were so aroused, you felt that you were making a mess of his thighs – wetness making the scene seem ever more lewd, creaming around his length as he increased his speed, groaning lowly to himself.
"cum for me, princess," he pleads, lips dipping down to mark the sensitive part of your neck. you were already close from all the teasing – and once again the familiarity of every touch and movement sends your senses into overdrive. your entire body tenses as you climax, and you can hear him hiss out another string of curses, mixed with your name and every term of endearment under the sun.
"where do you want it?" he all but whimpers, hips still fucking into you like a reflex.
"inside-" you mumble, ankles loosely hooking behind his back, trying to stop him from moving away. "hyuck, please come inside, fill me up please-" with a soft cry, he pushes in deep – and you can feel him cum inside you, making a mess between your thighs, the feeling so arousing that it awakens something inside you, and your hips begin to move – begging for more.
"wait-" he pants. "give me a minute, angel-" his eyes are closed again, head lowered, as he pushes through the overstimulation, feeling his soft cock slowly begin to harden again. the sounds falling from his throat now are scratchy, hoarse whines – a sound so dirty it makes your heart beat even faster, a sense of defiled innocence you've only ever heard in his music. the angle in which he's rutting into you stimulating your clit, pushing you closer to your edge as you fuck up onto him.
"hyuck?" you push his bangs out of his eyes, tracing your hands over his shoulders, his chest. your fingers brush past his nipples and his mouth falls open with need, an achy sound releasing from the back of his throat, his puffy lips parted obscenely. you pinch his nipples again, gently, experimentative, and you feel his body shudder as he cums again, this time going still. it's so fucking arousing, an different side to him that you've never seen, that you feel yourself climax as well, the stimulation overwhelming.
the both of you lay there for awhile, before he seems to come to his senses — a shaky hand moving the hair out of your face.
he looks at you, and you look at him.
and as if he can't help himself, he kisses you again – this time so soft and gentle, almost as if it were the first time all over again.
"you alright?" he mumbles.
you nod.
"let's clean up in a second," he breathes. "just…let's stay like this for awhile."
you nod again. you don't trust your own voice. something is happening – something tastes different in the air, something in the way you're looking at each other, something in the way he's touching you now – as if you might break or bruise if he even let his fingerprints get onto your skin. in the way he's looking at you now – something urgent in his gaze.
"are you…are you free tomorrow night?"
"i am." you sound stronger than you feel.
"can i take you somewhere?"
pause. "yeah." you give him a small smile. "i'd like that."
the smile that breaks out across his face is one that you know like the back of your hand.
–
sitting across from you now, with your plates already cleared away and all that's left is your last few sips of wine, it hits you how that this is the most normal setting you've been in with him, possibly ever. his long legs stretched out under the table over by your chair, gently placing down his wine glass as he looks at you, his expression soft. his face is lit up by candlelight, hair falling over his brows in a hopelessly endearing way.
"you good?" he murmurs.
you nod. things feel cozy, and comfortable – it's a feeling so foreign but at the same time so familiar, you have to keep reminding yourself that this is real.
he bites his lip. "pretend i'm jisung," he says, impulsively. "and…and you're describing how this went to him. how…how did you find it?"
you give him a look, but he looks so shy, so nervous to be asking you this question, that you decide to play along.
"well, jisung-" you take a deep breath, smiling when you see him smile too. "haechan picked me up today, that was really nice-"
"-sounds like the bare minimum," he mumbles back, head bent.
"well, yeah it kind of is. but he doesn't have the best track record." you see him wince, so you let that comment linger for awhile before continuing on. "he's been a gentleman today. he…he took me to a restaurant that he found out i've been meaning to go to for awhile now, because he asked jaemin beforehand."
"and that's…creepy? doing too much?"
"it was thoughtful," you mused. "even though he made the reservation for the wrong date…"
"fucker," he shakes his head.
"...it was nice because we got to go to walk around, and there was this moment, um…" his head darts up. now you can see him break character – something piercingly vulnerable in the way his bambi-brown eyes shine.
you swallow. "we were crossing the street…and he put his hand on my lower back, just to guide me forward, and when we got to the other side he took my hand in his and just…held it-"
he's looking at you, slightly confused and a little nervous.
"yeah?"
"he…he usually only acts like that when we're alone…when there's no one around." he still looks lost, so you reach forward across the table, taking his hand in yours. as if on instinct, his hand squeezes yours. "it's sweet," you reassure him. "it was really sweet."
he bites his lip, but nods to show that he understands.
there's silence, for a bit. you think of breaking the silence, of saying anything, when suddenly he clears his throat slightly, sitting up a little straighter.
"hey, mark-" now he's doing the same bit, and it catches you by surprise a little - making you smile. "yeah, i'm still with y/n. i...uh...i fucked up the reservation, you were right, i should've checked again..."
"i really like spending time with her," he says, slowly. "i...i can't stop staring at her - she looks so beautiful tonight. and...and i can't believe she's finally here with me, that i somehow didn't fuck this up. and um...we were in this record store just now...and i was listening to her talk about an album she liked -" a smile plays on his lips as he recalls the memory. you suddenly become aware that your heart is beating hard again, pounding in your ribs. "and she was so excited, and she kept laughing as she talked, and...and i just realised i would do anything to make her that happy, all the time. and that i want it to be me, i want to be the reason she smiles like that."
you swallow.
"haechan..."
"you don't have to say anything-" he rushes to say. "i just...i just wanted you - i mean, uh, mark - to know."
"okay." you take a deep breath. "and um, i want jisung to know that-"
"yeah?"
"i like spending time with him too," you say, faintly.
he nods, but he doesn't smile.
-
as the car pulls up to your driveway, the quiet hum of the engine is silenced – headlights turned off, only the soft glow of streetlights casting their pools of gold over haechan's face. it's so quiet, you hear the shaky breath he takes as he steadies himself.
"i have something for you," he murmurs. you can feel the warmth radiating off his body as he leans to pick something up from the backseat, the comforting smell of his perfume making your heart warm. but then you hear the crinkle of paper, his hair falling over his face as he sits back into the driver's seat, and your heart falls in a completely different way – your insides rushing with inertia, dizzy and heady – because he's holding a bouquet of dark red roses. they're wrapped sweetly, tied off with a piece of red ribbon to match the blooms, and your eyes linger on the way his fingers tremble as he holds them out to you with both hands.
his starts to speak, but whatever he falters as he watches you stare at the soft petals, stems completely stripped of their thorns – and he bites his lower lip, breath caught in his throat.
"too much?" he asks, softly. "i just thought…i just…mark and jisung said it would be a good idea," he stammers, lowering the bouquet as one of his hands falls to his thighs, nervously clenching his fists. "i was supposed to give them to you when i picked you up, but i got scared…you don't have to take them, i just thought…i wasn't thinking-"
your hand closes around his hand holding the flowers. your other goes to his face, your thumb brushing his cheek as he falls silent, his eyes fixed on yours, caught in the haze of your touch. slowly, so as not to startle him, you lean in and kiss him gently. it's a beat before he kisses you back, as if he couldn't believe it, and when you pull away just slightly with a soft sound, you can see the nervousness in his eyes. and so you lean in to kiss him again – you kiss him until his lashes flutter shut, until you can feel him settle in his seat, sighing into your mouth as he kisses you deeply. you pull the flowers into your lap, his hand giving up control easily, coming up to your face to hold you in his palms.
"hyuck."
he pauses, leaning back – but his hands only leave your face when you hold them in your own, guiding them down to rest against the center console, your fingers intertwined.
"i never want you to feel like i'm ashamed of being seen with you," he blurts out suddenly.
"what?"
"i never meant to let it get that far," he continues on, looking at his hands. "when i first met you…i wanted you to be like everyone else. i tried to do what i always do, but i just couldn't. you kept getting in my head, and i kept hurting you, and i didn't know how to stop and i just-" he exhales. "i never want to make you feel like that again."
"hyuck, was this a date?"
he swallows. "if you want it to be," he starts, but then he shakes his head. "the truth is, i was afraid you would say no if it was. but i really want it to be. i really really do."
"hyuck," you take a deep breath. "whatever you're going through, you're not going to find the answer in me."
"y/n, i love you," he says, quietly, tenderly. he says it like it's the easiest thing in the world. "i want to be a person who deserves to be with you, and love you, and i know you think you can't change me, and it isn't your responsibility to try at all…but you already have, and you can't take it back. when i'm with you i feel like i can see this version of donghyuck that i want to be all the time for the rest of my life."
"no two people should change to be with each other –" you start, but he shakes his head.
"we aren't a scenario," he insists. "this isn't a hypothetical. there's no should and shouldn't, because you know me –" he's pleading. "i'm not the same boy you saw onstage that first time you came to our show, and you're not that same girl on the roof," he pleads, voice breaking, tears welling up in the pretty cut of his eyes. "why is it so hard for you to believe that this version of us is meant to be together?"
there's silence.
"i can believe it," you start, quietly. "that's what terrifies me."
you can see him start to lose hope. he can't force you to stay with him when you're not ready, and he doesn't want to be that person either.
"i…" he hesitates. he wants to say so much more to you – that no one else makes him feel the way you make him feel. that he feels like he'll never love anyone again, not the way he loves you. the fact that you're it for him in a million different ways, a love he never thought he'd find. that he'll never be able to give anyone else a fair chance.
but he can tell his love makes your shoulders heavy, makes your eyes go foggy with tears. already, you look shattered sitting in the passenger seat of his car, his love a weight on your chest that you don't know what to do with. already he's losing whatever bravery he had before – the bravery his love for you had given him.
"sometimes-" you start, breaking off, your voice quivering. "when we're together, i feel like i could do it for the rest of my life. that you're the only one i've met to make me feel this way, that i'm the only one who knows you so deep."
"you are," he breathes.
"but-" your voice rises, agitated. "you hurt me. again and again. i came back when i wasn't ready, i should've given it more time, i just couldn't stay away. and then you came back into my life, and i forgave you to be with you again, and i tried to give other people a chance but i just…i just couldn't. what if this is too soon again?"
i'll wait. the words are on the tip of his tongue, but he knows its the wrong thing to say, wrong thing to want. there's nothing romantic about waiting for someone – it's a cruel promise, one that rots each day going by in the wait for the future.
"do you…" he takes a deep breath. "do you want to let me go?"
you nod, slowly. haechan can feel his heartbeat in his ears.
"i'm not sorry," you whisper. "it's not right. you…i know you think you know what you want, but i need you to be sure of who you are, and who you want. i can't give you the answers."
haechan remembers how – and it seems so far away, almost like a dream now – the night you went out with jisung, he dreamed of you. dreamed up the final version of you and him – everything good and always good, coming backstage to you, coming home to you. and some part of him had dared to hope, that despite everything, despite himself, the two of you would make it to that final version.
but maybe the final version of you and him was this – the sound of the car door shutting as you walk up the steps to your apartment, and him crying all the way home, roses left in the front seat of the car, the ghost of your hands burning on his face.
genre : fair amount of fluff (i hope) + smut (minors dni)
summary : there are a lot of things that you love about haechan and tonight you’re letting everything off your chest. while you used your words to express your love for him, haechan chose another alternative for the same purpose.
word count : 3060 words.
warnings : haechan is in love with your smell, body worship, make out sessions, pet names (baby, pretty baby, sweetheart), curse words (fuck), oral + fingering (f receiving), squirting. (let me know if i missed anything)
a/n : …nobody talks to me. this wasn’t supposed to be a smut work but i let my intrusive thoughts win over.
masterlist
buy me coffee if you like my work 🥹🫶🏼
his nose nuzzles in the crook of your neck while his lips curl up into the perfect shape, to draw small kisses on your skin. he kisses you very slow, taking all his time. his eyes are closed and his breathing is uneven, gentle sighs are leaving his lips after every kiss. his breath blows against your skin, causing butterflies to erupt in your lower stomach.
everytime you weave your fingers through his long black hair, his kiss would last longer, would go slower and you’d feel his lips push more through the soft flesh of your neck. his lips are plump, plushy and more swollen than normal with desire.
your back curves into the perfect arch off the mattress, like the rainbow. he’s the sun and you’re the rainstorm with raging goosebumps hitting your skin like lightning with each of his touches. your heart thunders inside your ribcage he can feel your fast pulse through his lips on your heated skin.
his hand travels habitually to the prominent swell of your boob, specifically on the cusp of it, fingers boldly brushing over your hard nipple, traveling till your under boob and settling there, thumb pushing into your ribs. you breathe hard beneath him, trying to contain the feeling of wetness pooling down your panties. everytime you have the reflex to close your legs and rub them together to ease the pain of pleasure, he’d lustfully nudge his pelvis into you, spreading your legs even more. the hand that’s on your boob swiftly goes down to the underside of your thigh, helping you settle it around his waist, securing it completely still.
everytime you even think of closing them, he pushes his body further down on you, rutting his hard on into your clothed, juicy cunt. you’re flushed against him, heat bubbling inside your tummy and rising up from your back, expanding through your shoulders and rushing to your cheeks. the situation you’re in is so lewd and very arousing and you’re so in love with everything that is haechan right now.
“haechan…” you moan out, chest heaving and breathing speeding up. your perfectly round and deliciously period-in-one-day swollen boobs are jutting into his black t-shirt clothed chest with each sharp intake of your breath. “baby…”
he hums. he hums for god’s sake. he hums for your misery. he hums while not stopping. he hums while only continuing to give you more and more pleasure with every kiss, every lick, every bite. and his little, honey glazed voice, thick with pleasure is all it takes for you to let out a ridiculous whine.
“you’re so sweet,” haechan sucks on the skin just above where your breasts meet. where you spray your fresh coconut perfume every day, where droplets of sweat travel down under your clothes. and the mixture is just about enough for him to go crazy, for blood to pump harder through his veins, all down to his cock. “could drown in your scent all night.”
he takes a deep breath, taking in your intoxicating smell before he starts going down on you, painfully slow, his lips kiss down between the alley of your boobs, and he goes down until his nose disappears between them. when you look down, the only thing you can make out of his face is the slit in his eyebrow, one of the many things you die but not be in love with.
“can’t get enough of you,” he chants after every kiss on your skin. “can’t get enough of you, goddamn.” he takes a deep breath, filling his lungs deeply with your scent. you look down at him with a loving gaze, a hazy smile tugging at your lips. he’s so engrossed in his own thoughts, he’s so full of you, to the brim.
“you smell so good,” he licks a strip from the top of the space between your breasts till the base, burying his nose even deeper into your skin. “you’re so soft, and you smell so sweet…god, fuck.”
his entire body hums with pleasure with just his face between your boobs, nibbling on your skin gently and brushing his nose horizontally on your chest. his fingers slither from your thigh up to the hem of your camisole, tugging on it before slipping his fingers past the silky tissue and gripping on your waist. he doesn’t even flinch when you rake your fingers through his hair, he only swims deeper into his pleasure. a whiny moan escapes his throat, his breathy voice vibrating through your chest and eliciting sparks to erupt along the skin of your spine.
haechan barely pulls his head away from your skin just to bite on your right nipple from above your silky camisole. you moan out loud, pelvis bucking up into his own. “haechan…” you pull onto his black strands of hair. “baby look at me.” you meekly whisper, trying to contain yourself. the soft makeout session you had earlier turning into something you didn’t even expect, but you both happened to be so horny and so needy for each other that this was bound to happen.
first you needed to bring haechan back to you because he’s way too gone to be even conscious of what he’s doing. “baby look up.” you tap on his forehead three times, rubbing your thumb on his steamy skin, caressing the slit on his eyebrow until you reach his cheekbone that’s plastered on your inviting skin. you tap your finger again on his cheek and that seems to gain his attention.
his eyes shoot up and he gazes at you devotedly, lust filling his siren eyes. your insides clench around nothing when you make eye contact with him. you bite your lip and breathe deeply before smiling down at him.
“hi,” you brush his hair out of his forehead.
“hi,” he whispers in a low voice, breathing labored and lips swollen. a smile blooms on his face while scrambling up to you.
you smile at each other, foolishly in love. your fingers keep playing with his hair as he makes his way to position himself right on top of you, leveling his head with yours and supporting his body with his elbows.
“welcome back,” you comment when you see him breathing normally, eyes back into their round shape. “feeling good?”
he pecks you softly. “you drive me fucking crazy.” he breathes on top of your lips and you giggle at that. “let’s make out some more, please.” he whines, making you chuckle even louder.
“let’s take a small break, yeah?”
he hums. “what do you wanna do?”
“let’s just talk.”
“talk?”
you hum and he makes himself comfortable in your arms, feeling tired after having his body propped up on top of you. he snuggles into your chest and you wrap your arms around him lovingly.
“what do you wanna talk about?” he asks softly. almost like a small kid whose parents promised him some candy if he keeps calm. he’s gazing up at you with tender eyes, he looks comfortable and you smile at that.
you caress his cheek sweetly, leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead, then on the bridge of his nose to finally arrive at his lips. when you pull away, he stretches his neck cutely to chase your lips again for another kiss, but you gently push your palm into his chest.
“i love your eyes. i love the shape of them.”
“really? how much?” he smugly asks.
“so much.” you reply instantly, finding it a great opportunity to just express your love to him, since he loves to be complimented. “i love how you look at me. i can see so much love inside them when you do. they always look so soft…and gentle. they’re so small but when you concentrate on talking about something, you sometimes zone out and they go big, so big actually,” you laugh when he looks at you quizzically. “but it’s so cute.” you scrunch your nose at him.
he contemplates your words for a moment, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “what more do you love about me?”
he takes you off guard and a small hum escapes your throat but you smile down at him.
“i love when you press your lips together and the dimple on your cheek pops up. i think it’s so stinking adorable.”
haechan is impressed to say the least at how specific you’re being but he doesn’t seem to be able to form a sarcastic comment to tease you. he listens to you quietly and you’re both grateful and worried because he’s always been the type to have an obvious reaction for everything.
“what else?”
“eh?”
“tell me,” he shrugs. “i know there’s more.”
you sigh. “there is.”
he looks at you expectantly.
“okay. i’ll tell you.” you whisper and you don’t even have to take long to think before you give him an answer.
“i love how your face is heart shaped.” you see him laugh soundlessly, eyes squeezing shut in the process. you smile as you continue. “like your entire face.” you trace his cheekbones with your index finger and he relaxes under your touch. “from your forehead, to your cheeks down to your chin… it looks like a heart for me. i can also see a heart in the shape of your nose.” you boop his nose as you talk and he scrunches it before you pinch it. “and i think your lips are also heart shaped, i don’t know if that’s true, maybe i’m just hallucinating but god, you’re so adorable.” you breathe out.
haechan puckers his lips up at you, waiting for a kiss after you complimented his lips. you do as he wishes without hesitation. afraid you might pull away from him too soon, he places his hand behind your neck and sets you in place, deepening the kiss. it’s still a soft kiss. it’s the kind of heated kiss that keeps you wanting more. his tongue is daintily caressing your lips, pulling hotly on them with his teeth and inhaling your faint moans.
your hand travels to his cheek, thumb caressing his prominent cheekbone. he drags the hand that was placed on your neck to place it on top of your hand that’s on his face. his fingers wrap around your small hand, engulfing it completely, like a soft blanket. a smile sneaks to your lips, halting the kiss to a stop.
haechan breathes hard against your face and butterflies erupt inside your stomach when he brings your palm to his lips and kisses it, softly and unhurriedly. you gaze lovingly at him, his eyes are closed, hair slightly curtaining over them.
“this is a weirdly specific one but i love your finger’s shape, you have slightly big joints and i love it. especially your thumb, i don’t know your hands are just so manly,” you say as you caress the shape of each of his fingers. “even this weirdly shaped pinky of yours is cute.”
“oh god, you’re so in love with me. nearly three years into the relationship and you’re still as obsessed with me as the first day, aren’t you?”
“i actually am, i won’t deny it for once.”
“you know exactly what you’re setting yourself up for, mhmm sweetheart?”
you bite your lips, suppressing a smile. you know how bad he’s going to use this conversation in his advantage whenever he’s going to want to tease you in the future. he’s going to be so cocky about it, always rubbing it in your face, how much you love him. he’s going to show off to all of his friends and your family, whenever, wherever he wants.
but you don’t care. there’s so much love for him inside you that you sometimes feel suffocated. and telling him seems to be your only remedy, because you can’t seem to control how you breathe when he’s all over you. you can’t seem to control yourself when he’s around.
your brain is full of him, always lingering on the thoughts of him. he’s just so attractive to you, from his personality to the way he treats you, the way he treats his family and your family as well. there’s so much to him than his teasing. he’s so respectful and so loving, he tries so hard to always understand you and he never ceases to make you feel loved.
he’s truly wonderful and you feel blessed everyday to have him in your life. you never saw a boring day with him and he always knows how to keep the sparks alive.
“yes. but i don’t care. i’m so in love with you. and your moles and your lips and your eyes and voice and hands and smile and how good you are to me and to everyone around you. i just love everything that you’re made of, haechan.” you breathlessly blurt out.
in the blink of an eye, haechan’s expression changes. it’s still soft and loving but his eyes are now reflecting a burning emotion. his body tenses up with desire and he feverishly kisses you.
it’s passionate, breathtaking, and so messy but filled with yearning, eagerness. he’s suddenly so greedy to mark you, to make you all his over and over again. his ego is boosted to the max, your words burning into him like embers. heat travels up his ears, buzzing with a strident sound and his mind is gone crazy. he’s so infatuated with you, so crazy in love with you he feels his heart on the verge of exploding.
“god, oh god how do you expect me to just not eat you the fuck out after saying those things to me.” he whispers in defeat.
he doesn’t even wait for you to recollect yourself and go back to your consciousness after the breathtaking, tipping-you-over-the-edge-of-insanity-kiss. he’s already taking off your camisole and going down on you, leaving burning kisses all over your stomach while fondling with your boobs. he’s licking and biting and nibbling on every crevice of your skin and you might just dislocate your jaw because of how wide your mouth is open, crude moans slipping past your throat but oh it sounds so pretty to haechan.
his kisses become steamier, needier and he peels the last piece of fabric covering you from him off your body. and just like that you’re completely naked and exposed to a still-fully-clothed haechan.
“god you’re so pretty.”
his mouth waters at the sight of you. already so fucked out and blissful. pussy wet and still glistening from the previous make out session. he gazes up at you from his position between your legs, siren eyes back again, full of heat and desire.
your cunt aches at the sight, clit pulsating with nerves, craving his touch like it’s the only thing you need to survive.
“i’m gonna eat you out so good, you’ll forget about everything you just said and only think about how good i fuck you.”
“oh god, fuck,” you moan out in a high pitched voice, too surprised with his filthy words. his tongue lies flat on your pussy and you buckle your hips up at the shock. “oh haechan…”
after licking a bold stripe from your entrance up to your clit, he quickly wraps his lips around it, sucking on it with fevor. your fingers pull at his hair, the intensity of his lips being too much for you to handle. he alternates between licking, nibbling and full on sucking on your sensitive bundle of nerves, not giving you any chance to register your own emotions.
when he places his index at your entrance, that’s when you lose it. before he even gets to do anything, you’re already trembling and quivering underneath him, trying so hard to close your legs. he slaps the skin of your thigh as a warning and you desperately moan out when he forces your legs open.
wetness gushes from you as he keeps sucking on your clit without a halt, building your orgasm slowly, making you reach the top of the cliff steadily, driving you over to the edge. your legs shake, you’re feeling too sensitive and so out of breath that your heart is pounding against your ribs.
when you’re just about to come undone, he thrusts his finger inside you easily, too lubricated for him to move in and out from you effortlessly and your insides subconsciously clench around him. your walls suck him in as he keeps assaulting your clit with bold movements of his lips.
“oh fuck fuck fuck fuck!”
you scream out as you feel the knot coiling at your pussy breaking loose, mind going foggy and back arching off the mattress. haechan quickly pushes another finger inside you and that adds more fuel to the tension, desire coiling at your lower stomach before you come completely undone by his mouth, wetness rushing out of you as you uncontrollably squirt on his face.
he pulls away quickly, mouth glistening and moaning in surprise along with you.
“wait fuck, did i just squirt?” you plop yourself on your elbow to look down at the mess that you created, wetness pooling down your legs, staining haechan’s t-shirt and the bedding.
“fuck you did, oh my god.” he chuckles at the sight and you throw yourself on the bed, body going numb, still trembling with the aftershocks.
haechan pulls you to his body and hugs you so close and so tight, bringing all your shattered thoughts back together. “you did so well for me, pretty baby.” he whispers against your temple. “i’m so in love with you.” he keeps whispering sweet nothings in your ears, rocking your body from side to side to calm you down. “you did so good.”
his fingers deliver feather touches to your arms and he notices how goosebumps start to rise on your skin. he quietly smiles, heart swelling at how sensitive you are and how you still so easily get affected by him. he leans down to kiss you slowly, and you can taste the tangy remnants of your cum on his lips. you inhale deeply, melting into him.
“don’t relax too much, i’m still standing by my words. i’ll fuck you so good tonight, you’re not even prepared for it.” he snickers as he pulls away.
and you’re in for a long (ass) ride.
a/n : please reblog if you liked it 🫶🏼 it’ll encourage me to write more 🥹
Unfortunately for you, no man has ever given you some good head. Fortunately for you, your best friend is more annoyed by it than you are. It’s just a favor, right?
or the one where your best friend jake eats you out as a way to admit his own feelings for you, also, apparently sunghoon existing is an issue.
minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog to give bestie jake conflicting feelings
WORDCOUNT― 16.1 k
PAIRING― jake x afab reader (ft. sunghoon)
CONTENT― a lot of waiting, like to the point it even annoyed me, very fluffy stuff , typical best friends to fuck buddies to “actually, I had feelings this whole time”, jealousy, jake is whiny and needy when he’s horny, reader thinks it’s cute. angst if you’re a baby about it
OTHER CHARACTERS― sunghoon as the mutual friend who bangs reader
NOTE― this was originally written by me on my other blog [@/ncteez], if you’ve read it before, that’s why!
smut tags under cut::
smut tags― BIG DICKED BESTIE, pussy eating (he gets IN THERE), masturbation in the form of dry humping a mattress and then into his hand, finger fucking, cum eating, sunghoon hook up, morning sex, lazy fingering, lazy fuck, dirty talk , unprotected sex, awkward build up,raw grinding, no blowjob in sight sorry lmao, deep penetration, cream pie, kind of cum stuffing but like not entirely intentional, cheesy love stuff
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“What? Again?” Jake says, leaning back against the couch with a groan and a smack to his own forehead.
“Yeah, so basically he went down on me for less than a minute but expected me to, like, go long enough to ‘swallow’ or whatever.” You continue the story in a frustrated huff, shaking your head in self-pity.
Jake groans louder, leaning himself forward again and swiping his drink from your coffee table to take a long and thoughtful sip.
“How many times is that, then?” He says between sips, glancing around the room as if he’s in deep thought. “I can’t help but think you pick these kinds of guys on purpose at this point.”
You look at him in mock pain, grabbing his drink and taking your own thoughtful sip of it.
“I dunno, they always talk big game during phone sex and stuff. I figure eventually one of them will live up to it.” You drone on, internally marking your recent date’s name off of your call-back list.
“Be honest with me, have you ever actually gotten good head? Like how would you know if they’re bad if you have nothing good to compare them to?” Jake asks, letting you mindlessly drink his beverage.
It’s not weird to be having these types of conversations with him, if at all, something would seem off if you didn’t. He’s the only person in your life that you’ve ever felt this close to. At this point, you think he’d have to chase you down with a bloody hatchet for things to be awkward. Which is…kind of interesting, you guess.
“Well, I mean,” You think for a moment too long for his liking, but he gives you the space to finish your answer. “It feels good and all but it’s not like I’ve ever gotten off by it.”
“Correction –” Jake starts, blinking right at you. “You’ve never been given the chance to get off on it.” His bright smile shows through his words, and you’re sure he’s mocking you at this point.
“Yeah, yeah. Yada, yada. I have terrible taste in sexual partners but to be fair, it’s not like the pool is that big to choose from.”
He nods in agreement, humming as if to end the conversation and still watching you sip at his drink.
“Would you be opposed to–” He pauses, making eye contact with you. “Y’know, I could do it for you.”
You pause, nearly dropping his drink out of your hand but thankfully your grip actually tightens on it instead. You swallow as you look at him, searching his face to see if this is some kind of joke.
“Jae-fucking-yun,” You deadpan, sitting his cup back down on your coffee table and leaning toward him, staring him down. “You’d really do that, for me?”
You bat your eyelashes at him, mostly playing it off as a half-joke just to see if he’s fucking with you or not.
“How else are you gonna experience it?”
You stare him down harder.
“You say that like you’re some sort of pussy-eating-god,” You narrow your eyes. “Are you?”
He shrugs casually with his little smile, leaning back on your couch and stretching his arms out. One of his hands lands behind your shoulder and you lean into it.
“I’d let you be the judge of that if you’re up for it.”
Finally, you decide that he’s definitely not joking and you’re definitely gonna do it because like, that’s your best friend. Experiencing your firsts with him comes almost as naturally as walking. You had your first kiss with him, albeit it was a dare. You experienced your first concert with him, your first break up, your first failed exam, and even your first legal drink in a club. What’s so bad about letting him eat you out?
“Right now?” You ask, quirking your brow and tilting your head.
“Now, tomorrow, next week. Whenever.” He runs his hands through his hair as he says it and only now are you starting to really tune into his features that you’ve already found handsome.
Day after day you’ve seen him on this couch and in other states of dress without really thinking twice about how his lips would feel on you (despite that short first kiss). You’ve seen him kissing all up on other people, you’ve seen him in the club with wet lips from alcohol, you’ve seen him all messy and eating spaghetti at his parent’s house– but for some reason, his lips seem different now. His sleepy eyes seem different, his messy hair seems like something that should be tugged on, his fucking jawline–
“Why’re you staring at me like that?” He looks at you up and down as if he’s judging. “You wanna go right now?”
You nod slowly, letting the traces of any lusty thoughts you’ve had about him in your life come to the front in waves. Then you quickly shake your head.
“Wait, no,” You roll your eyes more at yourself than him. “I haven’t showered since my date, maybe I should, uh…”
“Uh – yeah. Please do.” He grimaces, that same dopey smile coming back after a moment.
“Fair.” You roll your eyes. “Gonna go shower then.”
Part of you wonders if like, he’s being totally legit. For all you know, you’ll get out of the shower and he’ll be too busy doing something else, or like, he’ll go home or something. No hurt in seeing though.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
In the bathroom, you can’t help the feeling in your chest at even the thought that this may be about to happen.
Excitement. That’s what you feel. Not because it’s Jake. Well, maybe a little bit because you wanna see what his tongue is all about but more so because you’re about to get some presumably good head.
You shower thoughtfully, cleaning every part of your body and feeling little goosebumps rise and fall with each sensation of your air conditioning snaking its way past your shower doors. When you get out, you lotion your body so you’re all nice and soft and brush your teeth just in case things go a little further. You’re not expecting it to, but y’know, nothing wrong with having fun if it comes to it.
After all, he’s doing you a favor by going down on you, the least you can do is smell good, be soft, and totally prepared for if he were to suggest more, right? Right. Anyway, you’re all showered up and opt to just let your hair do its own thing as you throw on your shirt and shorts. You ignore the panties at this point, because why not?
When you get back to the living room, Jake isn’t there. Naturally, you check your bedroom and there he is, still his normal self and lounging against your headboard while flipping through videos on his phone.
“And she’s back,” he comments, reaching a hand out as if to invite you to your own bed. “Change your mind yet?”
“Not even for a second,” you smile as you take a spot in front of him, your entire body facing him as you pull your knees up and lay your chin against your arms. “Have you?”
He seems to fall into a more serious tone now, locking his phone before tossing it to the side and flicking his eyes up to look at you, scanning your legs in the shorts.
“No,” he chokes back, shocked to see straight between the gap of your shorts and actually lay eyes on the point of this whole situation for the first time. “And you’re not wearing anything under those shorts.”
You watch his face and the way it turns from your best friend into something you’ve seen time and time again from men you’ve gone home with. It’s sexy on him though, for some reason.
“Figured I’d save you the trouble?”
He smiles, now moving himself toward you and reaching a hand behind to cradle your head.
“Lay back,” he says softly, in a voice you’ve only heard a few times from him, “you could have left the shorts off too though.” He adds with an even softer laugh.
For some reason, it makes you feel shy. His hand guiding you to lay back all while grabbing the pillow from behind him and placing it under your head so that you’re nice and comfortable. You watch him look at you and honestly, it’s in a way you can’t remember him ever looking at you before. If this is how he looks at other women, you may be a little jealous.
It feels more intense right now than you thought it would.
“You’re being weird.” You say offhandedly, looking away from him and trying to keep the heat from flushing to your cheeks.
“You’re letting me eat you out, how am I being weird?” He leans up from you, putting two hands on your knees but still waiting for your eyes to meet his again. “You want me to act like the other dudes? Dip my tongue in then wrap it up?”
You groan, rolling your eyes back to him and analyzing the way his big hands drape over your knees.
“Okay, fair.” You admit defeat, feeling his warm palms move down the back of your thighs and to your ass.
“Lift up,” He says, quickly pulling the shorts off of you when you do as he asks.
“Oh–” He gasps quietly. “Damn.”
He stares directly between your legs, bracing his hands back at your knees and spreading your legs a bit. He angles his head in different ways to really look at you, seemingly enamored with your pussy as a whole.
“Look who’s staring now.” You chuckle, instinctively hiding your face from him despite knowing he isn’t looking up at you.
“Yeah– I am,” he admits, now adjusting himself on the bed to lay down, his head easily slotting between your legs as he rests his chin on your lower belly and looks up at you. “You can pull my hair or do whatever, I’m just gonna…like, start I guess. Tell me if it’s something you don’t like.”
As normal as this isn’t, he’s speaking similar to how the two of you had taken on projects before. He typically takes the lead but offers you control more often than not. All you can do is nod at him, trying to comprehend that it’s your best friend’s head between your legs right now.
When he pulls his head back up with one last nod of confirmation, the first thing you feel is his fingers slipping up your folds, the other braced on your thigh and holding your legs open. You release a short sigh of relief at the feeling and he instantly smirks at it.
“I haven’t even started yet,” He whispers, glancing up at you before fixing his eyes back on the expanse of your pussy. He uses his ring and pointer finger to spread your lips open, and the middle finger to rub against your hole only for a brief moment before he licks his lips and releases his own sigh of relief. “God, Sunghoon would be so jealous right now.”
You look down at him, wanting to ask him what the fuck he’s talking about and why he’d bring up Sunghoon right now, but you find yourself staring at him instead. Breath caught in your throat with the way his eyes meet yours before letting his tongue hang from his mouth as if presenting it to you in a cheeky way.
He’s so fast with it too, with the way he replaces his middle finger with his tensed tongue, forcing you to swallow your words and hold your breath even more. You can feel him lick and nibble against each of your lips before moving inward, flattening his tongue to lick one long, languid, and wet stripe up until meeting your clit.
He wraps his lips around it, sucking once, hard, before releasing it and pulling back to look at you.
“This okay?”
Goddamn him for making you have to talk right now. You’re still trying to comprehend the fact that he said Sunghoon, fucking Sunghoon of all people would be jealous that he’s doing this right now. That’s definitely a question for later, because yeah, it’s fucking okay.
More than okay.
You nod to him, throwing your arm over your eyes and instinctively bucking your hips up towards his hovering mouth.
“Oh, that was hot,” He groans out his compliment, watching the way you hide your face before he pulls his eyes back down and uses his fingers to spread your pussy open wider, enough to see your hole pulsate when he dips down to blow against it, “I can see how wet you’re getting, Is it because of me or is it just because someone is playing with your pussy?”
You half groan half moan at that, mostly because hearing these words from him is something that feels entirely too sexual. As if he hasn’t already tasted you, as if you’re not spread out by his fingers right now. You ignore his words, yet, your brain holds onto them with white knuckles and your hips buck toward him again.
“Not a talker, got it.” He notes, watching your hips chase his breath.
He watches for much longer than you’d like for him to, and you’re about to lift up and accuse him of being just like the other guys but he shuts your thoughts off so fucking fast when you feel his lips on you again.
His tongue explores every part of you, licking and sucking against areas you didn’t even know would feel good until his mouth lands against your clit again. This time, you can’t help it, you grind up and he hums at it as he braces your legs open just enough to skew his head and move his tongue back down.
He’s slurping. Lost in the moment as he does it. Tasting you in full and getting a warm, pleasant feeling each time your legs try to close and your hips buck up for more. He…can’t believe this is finally happening. Fucking finally.
Unsure if you’d let him, he tries anyway. He stiffens his tongue, circling your hole before pressing just a bit, giving you just enough pressure that you feel frustrated. So frustrated that you’re the one who ends up finishing his attempt at something new. You reach down and lace your fingers in his hair, and let out a soft, needy little moan for him.
That sound forces one from his chest too, he can’t help it, really. With the way you’re grabbing his hair and holding his head in place, pressing yourself against his mouth so much harder than before. Ah, he really, really loves doing this for you.
To think any man would already be done? To think anyone could like, not wanna eat you out? Insanity. Stupid, stupid fucking men.
He can taste how wet you are now, truly taste it as he stretches your hole as much as he can with his tongue and another groan of his own. It’s probably embarrassing, truly, but he doesn’t care.
Both of you are moaning at this point as you hold his head in place and grind your hips harder than you think you are. He loves it, you love it. So much that you really are barely comprehending that your best friend could do this the whole time?! And never told you until now?!
Jake is just as drunk on the moment as you are though. Totally lost in the scent and taste of you as he continues to lap away, constantly trying to prove that you can and will get off from his mouth alone. And honestly? It’s at the point that he figures he can use his fingers now too considering you let him spread you open with his tongue. What’s a little more gonna hurt, anyway?
The taste of you alone has him in heaven, cursing any man who didn’t take advantage of your pussy against their mouth. He can easily slip a finger into a hole this wet and needy, gasping in awe before glancing up at you.
God, the way you immediately ride his finger, no huff or sound of irritation that he’s pulled his tongue back now. Your face. Fuck.
He watches as you shamelessly chase the small amount of pleasure he can offer in terms of just head and fingering. He can imagine how hot you’d be without that shirt on, with your legs around his hips, with your mouth wrapped around him. You look blissed out, soaking his finger and keeping your hand in his hair, mindlessly grabbing and scratching at him.
Making quick work, he goes back for your clit, circling his tongue around the bundle of nerves and noticing how you ride his finger harder. He can’t help but smirk against you when you do it either.
The movement of your hips constantly humping against him is enough, and he can’t help but groan at the sound of your slick squelching out of you and warming his chin, he can’t fucking help but grind his own hips forward when you act like this. His cock is so painfully hard for you right now, at the taste of you, that all he can do is chase the mattress beneath him. Tensing his muscles and moaning against your clit shamelessly at the jolts of pleasure he gets from it.
He slips another finger in with ease, feeling how much wetter you’ve gotten in the way the slide is filthy and audible. You groan out at that too, feeling his tongue flick relentlessly against your clit and only now moving your free hand from your face and trailing to your stomach.
You can’t even talk, so you don’t. You lift your shirt up until you can at least rub against your nipples, just to heighten the pleasure your best friend is so graciously giving you.
His eyes roll back when you do that, only to fall back on you and get a frustrated grunt from him. He’s a bit annoyed that the shirt is still covering you despite your hand under it, fondling yourself. He’s thinking with his cock, so fucking aroused that he doesn’t think twice when he aggressively lifts your shirt up to your chin and watches the way your fingers poke and prod at yourself.
He inhales a sharp breath at the image, and his hips fuck harder against the mattress at that. His fingers speed up and now he’s focused. You feel him all over you from the waist down, his tongue flicking and lips sucking against your swollen clit, his fingers relentlessly fucking into you, your fingers heightening those sensations by playing with your own tits– then, oh, then you notice.
Jake, you’re best fucking friend, is so goddamn horny that he’s dry humping against your bed and whining out moans against your clit. Probably to avoid asking for more, to avoid making you feel obligated to get him off too, to avoid anything you may not want or consent to. And that’s why he’s your best friend.
It doesn’t take long after that, your hips come to a stop as you watch him get himself off all while getting you off, and you find your orgasm bubbling up much faster than if you’d have imagined solely because of the image in front of you.
“Jake, you’re fucking whining.” You groan almost as needy as he does, rolling your hips up in a stutter.
He was almost gonna stop, because yeah, he is whining. Gasping for air but only tasting you, only swallowing up the moans you give to him, only inhaling the dull scent of the fruity soap you used when you showered. But, you moan louder after you say that. You like it. You like seeing him act so desperate. So he continues, shamefully reaching one of his hands between himself and the bed and quickly shoving it down his pants, circling around his cock and continuing to fuck into it.
If he thinks hard enough, you’re what he’s fucking right now, and technically, he is. With his fingers and mouth at least. When your hips stutter more, he fucks harder against his hand and holds his fingers inside of you as deep as he can get them. There, he sucks against your clit until you’re the one whining louder.
You’re shocked at how quickly you’re getting off. Releasing a splash against him in a breathy, choked up sob. Nearly squeezing his head between your thighs to the point he almost misses the way you breathe out strings of praises toward him. But he hears them.
He definitely heard you say that he looks sexy with your hand in his hair, and god, did he ride off of the fact that you encouraged him to get off with you. Regardless of if you knew if he could or not, regardless of if you knew his hand was providing just enough pleasure for him to do just that.
There, as your orgasm subsides with his tongue still flicking your sensitive clit, you watch him writhe his hips against your mattress, his eyes slammed shut, and his breath coming out in pornographic moans. So this is what Jake looks like when he cums. It’s desperate, but somehow, it feels passionate too.
You’re all dazed after the fact, pussy pulsing and tingling from the loss of his lips and fingers once he pulls back and lays against your bed with a lazy smile. His pants are uncomfortable, but he doesn’t mind as he wipes his hand across his shirt and watches the way you catch your breath.
“So,” He tries to say, clearing his throat. “I– um– hope that’s what you needed?”
You’re shy. You’re never fucking shy, especially towards Jake, but god.
“Um, yeah,” you sigh out, lifting from the bed and looking back at him. Part of you wondering if that’s what it’s supposed to be like when someone gives you good head, or if that’s just…what it’s like when Jake gives head.
For some reason, you genuinely don’t think another man would ever eat you out to that level again. There’s no way, based on experience.
“It was definitely what I needed.”
He nods in a shy way, reminding himself that his pants are fucking nasty right now. So, he goes to stand up and extends a hand out to you.
“Let’s go clean up.”
You shake your head, not at all wanting to move from this bed. He nods again, pulling your shirt back down for you and leaning to look at you.
“I’m gonna bring you something to clean up with, and I’m gonna shower.”
You smile at him, a bit dazed as you make yourself comfortable on your messy sheets as you think hard about the fact that this dopey motherfucker really never told you how good he was at this? Rude.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Jake looks all proud of himself when he comes back to your room and cuddles into bed with you much like he always has.
“I didn’t expect to sleep over, I have work in the morning.” He whispers in a rasp against your back, curling around you like the perfect big spoon.
You’re quick to turn on his work alarm on your phone, like you always do when he crashes during weeknights. Because, what best friend doesn’t have alarms set for each other anyway?
After a few more long moments of silence, you try to talk. Mostly because your brain is swimming with the fact that, like, you’re not sure but it’s just– wow.
“Hey, um–”
“Hmm?” He hums out in a sleep-heavy voice.
“Did you actually enjoy doing that?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I literally came in my pants.” His sudden louder voice causes you to jump, but you relax back into his gasp.
“Oh,” You think hard. “Is this gonna change stuff between us?”
“Probably, but not in like, a bad way. More like in the can-i-eat-you-out-all-the-time-way.” He responds with mock-confidence, shifting a bit and hugging you closer to him, as if to hide the way he’s trying to make this sound like a joke. For his own comfort, really.
You smile.
“And don’t tell other dudes my secrets.” He adds.
“I won't.”
Jake has his own smile from behind you, wondering if he really is just that good at eating pussy. The truth is, he’s done it a handful of times but he was just really really interested in doing it for you. For…reasons.
・・・・・・THIS WAS ORIGINALLY TWO PARTS, NOW IT’S ONE. YOU’RE WELCOME・・・・・・
“Hey, um,”
“Hmm?” Jake hummed out in a sleep-heavy voice.
“Did you actually enjoy doing that for me?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I literally came in my pants.” He responded in a sudden, louder voice.
“Oh,” You think hard. “Is this gonna change stuff between us?”
“Probably, but not in like, a bad way. More like in the can-i-eat-you-out-all-the-time-way.”
You remember the conversation that happened after he went down on you like it was yesterday, and he’s a goddamn liar. Nothing changed in your friendship with him, and he certainly doesn’t ask to eat you out all the time either. If anything, you’ve felt disappointed time and time again with the aftermath of that night.
It’s weighing on you in a strange way. At first, the weeks following the first and apparently, only time Jake went down on you, you almost expected him to ask for a repeat. You wanted to return the favor. You wanted him to ask but he never did. Even when he came over to hang out, even when you tried to lay down hints.
Nothing changed.
In fact, he doesn’t even talk about it. He doesn’t look at you as if he’s tasted you, and he doesn’t act like he came in his palm against your bed, right in front of you. He’s just…Jake. Sweet, caring, aloof, Jake. And you’re just you. Except you want to be someone else at this point. Someone that he does feel differently around after that.
Maybe you weren’t a memorable event for him when it comes to intimacy. Maybe he prefers to pretend it never happened? Maybe he was really just doing you a favor and intending for it to never go past the initial act. Even with his sweet words after the fact. Maybe, that was just to reassure you so it wouldn’t be awkward.
You’re a version of you who wants to know what the fuck he’s thinking about. Did it taste bad? Did he get cold feet about it all? Arguably, if things did get weird after what happened, you’d feel more comfortable than you do with the situation as it stands.
It is weird now, but only because it’s not weird for him.
Even now, as you lay across the same bed where he had his head nestled between your legs, you can almost feel the tingle of what it felt like. The way his hair tickled your thighs, and the way his fingers laid against the flesh of your legs. The sun is beaming in through your windows and it still doesn’t feel as warm as it did when he cuddled against you that night. It’s been weeks and your heart is sick for him by this point. Sick with confusion, angst, lust, maybe even love if you think hard enough.
You miss him a lot more than before as you throw your hand up to your face in a gentle slap as if to knock yourself out of it. This is insane. Every day you wake up feeling this way, thinking of him, and where you stand with him. It wasn’t like this at first, you truly expected him to come back for more and now you’re just sitting here with a loop of reasons as to why he never did.
Insane. You’ve gotten head from so many people and didn’t think twice about them the next day, Jake is different though. You knew he would be too.
Why is Jake any different? Why do you miss him so badly right now? Why couldn’t he pick up on it either? Even worse, why do you feel like doing that with him was a mistake?
He’s with his parents for the weekend, and you’re here still thinking about shit that should have been released with your orgasm.
You haven’t gone on any dates since that day, you haven’t met up with any one other than him to hang out, and at this point you’re starting to feel a little pathetic for falling in so deep. It’s entirely one sided, he makes that very clear.
So, naturally, you hop up with the confidence of a damn lion and decide that today, it ends. You will stop making it weird between the two of you, if he has even noticed anyway. You’re gonna get dressed, look hot as fuck, and sit on your couch swiping left and right until you find a hot piece of man that’s willing to take you out tonight.
That’s when something dawns on you. You remember Jake briefly mentioning Sunghoon to you, which seemed more like an implication if anything at the time.
Why would Sunghoon be jealous of what happened? You can admit to being attracted to him but it’s not like the two of you hang out often or anything, and it’s also kind of a rule for yourself that you don’t fuck within the friendgroup. Jake was an exception, solely because that’s your best friend. Or, well, was your best friend.
Now though? Who cares about these little rules you create for yourself? You need a confidence boost. You need your mind to be taken off of this little spiral you keep falling into. Most of all, you need to be proven wrong that you can still get off without it being him.
So, texting Sunghoon? Easy.
Thankfully, Sunghoon texting you back at lightning speed seemed even easier for him.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Well, Sunghoon sure did a great job at getting your mind off of Jake for the past couple of hours.
You lay here in his bed, feeling your body tingle from the sensation of just how well he lived up to the promise of a good time. For hours he touched you, licked against you, fucked you. And yeah, you did fucking enjoy it.
But why now? Why did you only just decide to give Sunghoon a shot? Why are you lying in his bed, with his heavy arms thrown across you as he snores gently behind you, feeling the need to cry? Why do you wish it was Jake, your best friend who seemed so eager to please and then suddenly leaped ten feet back as if he never suggested it in the first place?
Your brain is confused despite your body relaxing itself from the state of bliss you were able to experience. You really did enjoy this time with Sunghoon and think that maybe, if you continue to make late night visits to him, the need for your best friend will weaken in time.
God, if only Jake would just talk about it.
And you fall asleep thinking about that. About how you’ve let your feelings weaken you to the point that it’s genuinely hard to enjoy being pleasured by someone who actually has the capability.
And, well, you wake up much the same, except Sunghoon was quite quick with his fingers upon waking up himself. Showing you that even if the person you want doesn’t have a thing to do with you, he sure does.
“Good morning,” He rasps in a sleepy voice, fingers already traveling down your stomach as he hugs up against you from behind. “Glad you finally came through for me.”
You quirk a brow. Right, Jake is the whole reason you're here. If not for mentioning him, at least.
“I finally came through?” You chuckle, your body jolting at the ticklish sensation of his lips brushing the back of your neck. “You knew I was single, why didn’t you call me?”
You feel a harsher kiss against your neck, and his fingers only travel further down now.
“Bro code.” He whispers, dipping his fingers between your still naked thighs. “I’m not overstepping if you’re the one asking for it.” He slides his fingers gently back and forth between your legs, trying to work you up. “And you did.”
You think hard about that. Bro code, overstepping limits, not coming onto someone unless they do first solely because someone must have asked him not to. And you’d think even harder about who that someone might be, but instead your brain is quickly thrown into the morning sex routine Sunghoon must offer to all of his lovers.
You enjoy it too, the small moments of bliss where you’re not in your head about what you could have possibly done wrong with Jake for you to end up feeling this way. It’s a brief moment of numbness though, feeling his fingers pleasure you gently can only do so much to quiet your thoughts.
“Are you saying one of your friends had dibs on me or something?” You laugh in a half-joke, arching your back to rub your ass up and against the bigger and warmer man behind you.
“You could say that, I’m assuming he missed his chance though–” Sunghoon whispers snidely, now satisfied with how you already drip for him and sliding one of his fingers into you. His other hand, being used to hike one of your legs up and against his hip to open you up for him. “You wouldn’t be here doing this if he didn’t.”
You clench around his finger unintentionally, pretending you don’t know who you’re both referring to. Mostly because there’s no way in hell it’s your best friend, seeing as how he’s acting like you don’t exist outside of platonic friendship with him. Then again, who else could it be? Jay? Heeseung? Fucking Jungwon? As fucking if.
“I guess he did miss his chance–” You breathe, now allowing yourself to give into the lazy and slow pleasure being offered. “Deeper.”
And he listens. Sunghoon goes deeper and deeper with one finger, then two, then three, up until you slip his fingers out of you and plead through your body to have more. Deeper still, holding you from behind, plunging in as if to intentionally fuck the confusion out of you. As if to, maybe, prove that Jake isn’t the only man who can please you now.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
When you eventually find yourself walking through your front door, you do feel better. Sunghoon did have some type of capability to make you feel as desired as Jake did. After all, it’s not often that you sleep over with a man, better yet get fucked again as soon as you wake up with him.
Even so, you know Jake will be back tomorrow, wanting to hang out yet again as if nothing happened. Thankfully, with Sunghoon around, maybe you can pretend alongside him. Maybe even forget it ever happened.
You can argue that for the first time, you’re even a bit annoyed when you see his name pop up in your notifications with a call as if you’re not right in the middle of texting Sunghoon. It’s not that you were trying to go back over to his house or anything, but man, he sure is trying to get you to come back for a third round already.
Maybe you just like when people are eager to please you, or maybe you don’t like to feel as if you’re the one chasing another person. Still, you answer Jake, seemingly releasing all of this resentment you’ve built up for him in an instant.
“What?” You huff into the phone, feeling it vibrate with another text from Sunghoon and wanting nothing more than to see what his fourth reason would be for you to come over not even two hours after you left.
“What?” Jake responds in confusion to you. “What do you mean ‘what’?”
“I mean what do you want? I’m busy.” You huff again with a roll of your eyes, flopping back on your bed.
“Oh god, something happened.” Jake groans, though he was simply calling you because he missed your voice. “What’s wrong?”
“No, not really. Was just trying to figure out what I’m doing tonight when you rudely interrupted me.”
Something is off, Jake can feel it. Your voice has a bite to it, one that feels like you’re mad at him. Not to mention, he knows what you mean when you say you’re trying to find something to do for the night. He tries to reserve his feelings though, despite wanting that something to be him.
“Oh, I know there’s an event at one of the clubs downtown tonight I think. Jay mentioned it–” He pauses briefly to hear another annoyed breath from you. “You’re not gonna go with him?”
“Nah,” You wave off dismissively. “I think I’m just gonna go hang out with Sunghoon.”
You don’t notice at all the brief and panicked silence for a solid second and a half before Jake reacts.
“Wait, what?” He says quickly after managing to process those words, trying not to sound as panicked as he knows he feels. “Sunghoon? Why?!”
God, he knew he shouldn’t have said anything about Sunghoon that day, but his confidence was overflowing and he couldn’t help but boast at the time. It’s come back to shoot him in the dick, knowing full well that Sunghoon has been trying to get you into bed since he fucking met you. Hearing you ask for him in this context is something that makes his blood run cold.
“Relax, I was with him last night. It’s kind of like, maybe gonna be a normal thing now.”
You refuse to pick up on Jake’s tone. He had all the time in the world to make you feel something other than confusion, and this is just fucking petty at this point. He clearly doesn’t want to have anything with you, so why in the hell should you just sit around hoping? Waiting?
“Sunghoon? You want to fuck Sunghoon?” He asks in a lower tone, trying to convince himself that he has to be mishearing you. You can hear him shuffle around and close a door behind him, showing that he doesn’t want his parents to hear him. But the frustration showing blatantly in his voice is somehow…satisfying.
“I already did. I figured he would show me a good time since no one else can, and he did.” You shrug with slight disobedience. Resentment bubbling up in your gut to the extent that you almost want to grill him for having any type of opinion about it.
Jake hangs on those words for a second. “Since no one else can.”
He really thought he was the one who could do it for you.
“Yeah, but–” Jake starts, feeling like a child almost in the way he protests despite not being in a position to have a say in who you sleep with. “You know what? Nevermind. Do what you want.” He adds blankly, hanging up before you can get another word in.
Honestly, he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong because you acted like he was fully capable of doing everything right. Hanging out with him consistently after the fact, not making it weird, flirting with him, asking him to sleep over.
He wasn’t sure if he should ask you for more or if he should ask you to be his girlfriend first. The whole reason he’s with his parents right now is because he felt the need to run home to his Mom for girl advice. Embarrassing? Yes, but he really wanted to do things right. He cares about you.
He needed just one single weekend away, and the second he’s gone you’re out fucking other dudes? Fucking Sunghoon?
By now, that asshole is probably feeling like he’s on top of the world for getting to touch you. Not even he has done what Sunghoon managed to do with you by now and he can’t help but feel pissed about it.
Whether you’re his or not, Sunghoon never should have been a fucking option.
So, he calls you right back, pushing back the feeling of how pathetic it seems considering he’s the one who hung up on you. Then, when you don’t pick up, he immediately feels his stomach drop.
You must be talking to Sunghoon, you must be setting up a time and place to meet with him. And Jake has heard that Sunghoon knows how to fuck. Other people have said he’s good in bed. Surely, if you’ve already been with him once and you’re still wanting to go back to him, those other people weren’t lying.
To Jake, it feels like he’s losing you to his own friend with each passing second, and it’s weighing so heavy that spamming your phone with calls to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing right now feels like the right thing to do. In fact, it feels like it is the best thing in the world to do.
He calls again. You don’t answer.
Again.
“What?!” You answer, annoyed.
“Why would you even want Sunghoon?! Is he really that much better than I am?” He doesn’t think before he says it, because if he did, he wouldn’t have been able to say it at all.
It’s his turn to experience that awkward silence because in all fairness, you don’t know how to respond to that. You feel annoyed now, you feel confused and quite frankly, blind sided. Since when did he care?
“What’s that supposed to mean? You came onto me once and then never followed up.” You dead-pan at yourself in the mirror across your bedroom, speaking into the phone with a voice that seems scolding. “I don’t see why you’re mad that I’m hanging out with Sunghoon. We aren’t dating, Jake.”
“Since when? Who said I didn’t want to do it again?” Jake argues back in a whispered voice, showing you that he still can’t be as loud as he’d like to be. He chooses to ignore that last sentence though, pretending as if it doesn’t strike him in the center of the heart.
“Nobody! That’s the thing, you haven’t said anything about it. Not that you want to, not that you don’t. You’re just being you and it’s driving me up a fucking wall.”
Pause.
“You’re mad because I didn’t make it weird?” It’s like his brain clicks.
“Pretending it didn’t happen somehow makes it worse.” You lower your voice, ignoring the string of texts Sunghoon is sending you and listening closely to what Jake might say next. Your heart is racing through this hushed argument, and it feels good to admit that you kept thinking about it, even if he hasn’t.
“I wasn’t pretending that it didn’t happen,” He pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “I just wasn't sure what the next step was.”
You’re fucking appalled.
“Jake, I have been flirting with you since it happened because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. You’re the one who didn’t make any moves, so I figured you wanted it to end there.” You sigh loudly, but somehow feel a bit lighter. “Do you have any idea how that fucked with my confidence?”
Jake sighs along with you on the other end of the line.
“That’s why I was annoyed earlier, and that’s why I’m going to Sunghoon’s tonight.”
“What?” Jake’s voice raises a bit higher. “Still?!”
It’s the fact that he’s trying to explain himself. Had he known that you were confused by his lack of, um, touching you, he would have done it every day since it happened! Yet, you’re still considering Sunghoon an option? Knife to the heart, honestly.
Or maybe he’s not being clear enough with you about this.
You, on the other hand, nod your head as you hum a confirmation to him, smiling and wondering if this conversation will turn into an event that would, perhaps, have you cancel the hook-up with Sunghoon.
“Why? Are you jealous?” You pry.
“You really called him, and now I’m just sitting here in my old room trying to find a way to get to you before he does….again.” An inhale. “ Yes! I’m fucking jealous!”
You remain silent, trying to pretend that your pettiness isn’t solely to confirm what he seems to be implying to you. Then, an unintentional chuckle leaves your lips.
“Why are you laughing?!” His voice is raised again, and he doesn’t seem to stop spilling what he needs to say. “I wanted to do that for you for years and you somehow still didn’t know?” He pauses. “I always made it weird between us, what? You thought I treated all of my friends like that?”
You just listen, feeling your heart beat in time with each word he speaks. Strings of sentences like, “I’m going to kick his ass.” and “You thought I’d just eat you out as a friend?! You’re insane.” and “I would have come home last night if you wanted to feel good so badly, why did you have to go see him, of all people?”
The confirmation of Jake being the friend who forbade Sunghoon from making a move on you is right there, clear as day.
“Ah, so the Jake I know isn’t the Jake everyone else knows?” You respond, trying to force the tingling feeling in your gut to calm itself. Hearing him be so blatant to you has your heart doing flips, and it’s not an easy task to make it stop.
“Of-fucking-course not!” He rolls his eyes, you can definitely tell. “You had me wrapped around your pinky from day one.”
“And you really thought that, with the way you seemed so uninterested–” You pause, processing his words. “I would have asked you to come home from your parent’s house to get me off? For what? Funsies? You thought I'd be brave enough or selfish enough to ask such a thing?”
Jake sighs deeply, seemingly fed up with the situation.
“It wouldn’t be because you are selfish.” He breathes out, almost angrily. “And for the last time, I’m not uninterested. I was just trying to do things right. I don’t just want to fuck you, you know.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me until weeks after you ate me out?” You smile harder, trying to contain the heat flushing over your cheeks. “Until after I thought I had a pH imbalance and maybe you were just grossed out by me?!”
“I’m genuinely shocked you didn’t know already. Made me think you weren’t interested enough to like–” He pauses, not wanting to be too telling. “I guess waiting and being polite isn’t really your style. I should have known that though.”
You let him continue, because you can tell he’s simply taking breaths and small pauses to figure out how to express his thoughts to you.
“You can’t tell me that over the years, you never once noticed how often I stared at you.” He lowers his voice again, softening it to an extent that you actually feel the butterflies fly from your belly to your chest.
”The fact that I jumped in head first and offered to do that for you? I didn’t think I had to tell you at this point…”He breathes out a chuckle through the line this time. “And for the record, I couldn’t get enough of it. I was just trying to like– I don’t know.”
You listen to him breathe deeply, again.
“I didn’t want you to think I was in it just for the sex, I guess.”
There. There it is. You’re nearly kicking your feet, feeling him confirm feelings and erase any hint of doubt within you. Despite never truly noticing that he treats you differently compared to his other friends, despite never thinking too hard about the way he looks at you.
“You acted like it wasn’t a big deal, Jake. I’m not joking. If that’s how you act when you like someone, you shouldn’t blame me for not noticing.”
“I literally tongue fucked you.” He dead-pans. “Friends don’t just do that.”
“I thought we were friends who could do that.” You argue. “But I guess you’re not quite looking to just remain friends, are you?”
“No,” Jake sighs. “Mom told me I needed to take you out on some extravagant date and express my undying love for you with a handful of red roses, but I guess this is just how it’s gonna be. After all, this is you.”
“And this is you.” You confirm.
“I was going to come home tomorrow and try to lie our way to the restaurant, which I still can, if you want. You kind of fucked up my plan though.”
You pause at his words, suddenly feeling like shit for not realizing sooner. In your defense though, if he really did like you from day one, you didn’t exactly have a chance to see how he would have acted without feelings. The Jake you know is your best friend, and someone you trusted with everything, you thought he treated everyone as well as he treated you. That’s why, when he didn’t change, you couldn’t read him anymore.
Then again, all of this could have been fucking avoided if he had just voiced it to you.
“Romance is dead and it’s your fault.” Jake tries to joke, his soft tone somehow coming out even softer as he waits for some type of response from you.
“So, are we done fighting?” You ask meekly, tapping your finger against your phone and looking up at the ceiling with a smile that by now, you can’t escape. “Since you’ve just expressed your undying love for me and I very much wouldn’t mind going on a date with you so we can work this out face to face?”
“Are you still going to fuck Sunghoon?”
You laugh.
“Oh yeah, for sure–” To his silence, you immediately take it back. “Oh my god, relax. It’s a joke.”
“Get better jokes, asshole.”
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“What the fuck?” Jake deadpans into the phone, his heart beating far too fast for his health, but vibing with it anyway because by tomorrow night, he’ll be next to you again. “You seriously had sex with her?!”
“Hey, she’s the one who called me.” Sunghoon shrugs as he listens. “To be fair, Jake, I did tell her that someone else had dibs on her.”
Jake slaps his forehead and rolls his eyes.
“You’re such a dick– I told you at least three hundred times that I like her! I don’t have dibs.” He gripes, trying to pretend that he’s not imagining Sunghoon with you, the person he wants the most.
“Damn right you don’t, because she seemed to have a great t–”
“Sunghoon, stop. I don’t want to know what happened, but like, stop texting her.”
Sunghoon’s brow raises in curiosity.
“Ah, did you finally make a move?”
If there’s anything Jake knows Sunghoon won’t do, it’s go for a woman that is actually unavailable. He has his fun, and he’s not one to turn anyone down if he has an interest in them, bro code be damned. And yeah, he’s still a little pissed at him for hooking up with you…but, it is true, Jake made you feel like he wasn’t even an option in his attempts to be a gentleman.
Still, boundaries need to be set now. Real boundaries.
“I did, and I would really appreciate it if you back off. I’m trying to make something out of this, you know?”
Sunghoon lightens up, sighing at his loss of a would be fuck-buddy that seemed more promising than some he’s had in the past.
“Jesus, you’re serious about her aren’t you?” He smirks as he speaks, feeling proud of Jake for finally stepping up for himself. “I mean, I can totally see why. Please excuse me as I mourn that sweet, sweet, pu-”
“Sunghoon.” Jake warns. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Relax, jesus.” Sunghoon plays it cool, though he actually is mourning it a little bit. “Good on you though. I’ll back off, don’t worry.”
Jake rolls his eyes yet again, his love-hate relationship with Sunghoon becoming more fond than ever by this point. Only because the confidence he had in himself before all of this wasn’t entirely where it needed to be. It’s true that he wasn’t exactly a pussy eating god before, nor could he even say he’s amazing at sex but, when it comes to you, he can’t help but be excited. He wants to do it all, be it all for you.
Never in his life has he eaten pussy like that, and never in your life have you felt a mouth so eager to please between your legs.
Sunghoon could have been something, but he couldn’t have been Jake, ever.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
The day couldn’t go by any slower than it already has.
Jake comes home tonight, and by home, you mean to your apartment where he doesn’t live.
Your mind goes in loops on what could possibly happen. Scenarios of him getting cold feet and ignoring that any of this happened at all again. Scenes of him unlocking your door, closing in on you, and kissing you before you can even say “hello”. Images of his hands on you, his mouth on you, what it would feel like if he were to…well, oh.
You snap yourself out of it, every bad scenario in your head gets replaced with one where you’ve got Jake working himself on and inside of you. It’s making you feel hot, insane, and entirely too horny for the proposed date night full of talking that needs to be had first.
Then you freeze, your hand on the handle of your mug as you wonder a bit too hard.
What if he doesn’t show up at all?
You did run off the second he left the city and fuck one of your mutual friends. Arguably, you were equally as bad at communicating with him as he was to you during the past few weeks. Sure, you flirted, but was that even enough when he literally put his tongue inside of you “as a friend”?
God, he’d have every right to not show up. To move on, to never speak to you again.
You’ve been so stupid. Both of you have, stumbling together but apart into something neither of you could even begin to navigate. For you? Sex is easy. Feelings though? That’s where it gets complicated. Yet, still, you find yourself more willing than ever to let these feelings roam free if he accepts them at face value.
Solely because of how shitty it felt when you were trying to pretend that Jake was nothing but a one time thing for his sake.
And when the time comes, after hours of brooding, getting worked up, and feeling insane, you’re looking like a mess when he knocks on your door. So much for looking good for him. You’re an absolute fucking wreck when you open that door and dead-pan stare at him and his bags.
“Hi,” He smiles, not quite making eye contact because he really is kind of embarrassed by all of this. “I’m here.”
You step back from the door, eyes remaining on him.
“You’re here.” You say quietly, watching him step into your apartment and drop his bags.
You feel his breath before you hear his voice. So much closer than just moments before, right up against your ear, and his arms wrapping tightly around you.
“Felt like I was gone for too long–” He whines slightly against you, breathing in a breath and taking in your scent. “Didn’t know I could miss you like that.”
You fucking melt. Out of all of those scenarios and fantasies in your head, this wasn’t one of them. Which goes to show that Jake is the one person in this world who can surprise you time and time again. You’ve hugged him like this hundreds of times, but this one, oh this one. He feels so close after feeling so fucking far away.
“You were gone for two days,” You smile, nuzzling against him and gripping his waist in your own hug.
“Two days too long, though.” You feel him smile, that little upturn of his lips pushing his cheek up and against you as he chuckles and pulls back. “We don’t have a lot of time, but we can still make it to the restaurant if you still want to go? I can shower when we get back.”
You pull back, offering him a small nod and feeling a bit let down. You wanted more, especially after that hug. The fact that he can contain himself right now feels isolating. Are you the only one who has a vibrating brain right now? He really wants to have the conversation at the restaurant?
He really wants to do this the right way?
You look like shit, but arguably he might think he looks worse considering the long trip back to you. Still, the restaurant is the chosen option to have this conversation, and you’re ready to get it over with so that finally the two of you can take a step forward.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
The restaurant is nice. There’s a buzz of conversations surrounding the two of you but most of it feels muffled because the only sound you can truly hear is Jake’s hushed and awkward attempts to get the ball rolling.
“So, I guess that’s why I went to my parent’s house. It’s embarrassing, I know–” He says before you cut him off.
“Tell me how you felt the past few weeks when we were together.” You say boldly, wanting so badly to have the confirmation that he really does want this, and that he suffered much like you did.
You watch a fan of rosy tint cross his cheeks as he breaks eye contact with you, looking to the table and then back up at you.
“Okay, um–” He stiffens a bit, glancing around to make sure no one is looking or listening in. “When we weren’t together, it was a lot easier for me to think, but when we were together, I could only really think about one thing.” He admits, nodding to himself.
You look at him curiously before you see his eyes light up in panic.
“No! No, no. Not like, sex…” He looks down. “I mean, yeah maybe sex too but mostly I just couldn’t stop thinking about ways to make you want me more than anyone else.”
Your heart swells at his panicked save, and then the words that follow.
“I think I already did want you more than anyone else.” You admit back to him. “Even if I didn’t know I had feelings until you did that to me– I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”
He smiles, reaching over the table as if to ask for your hand.
“What about you? What did you think about when we were together after that night?” He asks for his own confirmation now.
“Sex. Mostly, I guess. I felt like no one else would ever be able to make me feel that good again.” You look away, feeling ashamed and seen. “Goddamn, I sound so dramatic.”
Jake snorts, laughing at how he should have expected this but the confidence boost is a happy surprise to him.
“To be fair though, Jake, I think I had my feelings and my lust for you mixed up.” You continue. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I still feel both of those things every time I see you, or even think of you.”
“Feelings and lust?” He nods with a smile and wiggling his eyebrows, his eyes glistening in the warm lighting of the restaurant.
You nod in confirmation, side eyeing the waitress who walks over to take down your order.
Both of you are somehow dissociated outside of each other, there’s no way you’re not because you don’t recall what you ordered, nor what he ordered, and he appears to be feeling much the same. The moment she walks away, he’s continuing.
“I was really that good, huh?” A smirk from him, and a nod from you.
“What about right now then? How do you feel when you look at me?” He follows up, looking down at the table.
“Both of those things.” You dead-pan, squeezing your legs together as you look at him and feel the warmth radiating from even this far away. The confirmation of feelings is enough by itself to have your thoughts in the gutter about him, especially after weeks of wanting him.
Especially after having to be in this stupid fucking restaurant in the first place.
He quirks a brow before lowering his voice, his eyes drooping a bit.
“Do you have any fucking idea how badly I’ve wanted to get my mouth on you?”
God, there he is. That same bold best friend who originally suggested eating you out in the first place. Not entirely unfounded that he said it, but fuck, your cheeks are searing.
“Jake, we’re in public.” You warn, knowing damn well that you’ve not been able to think of anything else either, but for the sake of the foundation of this relationship, you want to tame yourself a little bit.
“Since we started hanging out, every fucking time.” He continues, ignoring your warning. “I would get so mad when you’d go to your little hook-ups. Sometimes I even wondered if you did it intentionally to piss me off.”
Your cheeks are still hot, but now there’s a bit of guilt filling you.
“You really had no idea how badly I wanted that to be me?” He continues with his streak of confidence, unintentionally dirty talking to you solely because he, genuinely, cannot deny his attraction or his feelings for you by this point. “Even right now, I want nothing more than to have you to myself.”
You pause, the guilt leaving you in an instant as it’s fully replaced with Jake’s eagerness to have you in full, finally.
“Why–” You sigh, dropping your head into your hands to hide your face from him. “Why are we at this restaurant again?”
You feel his hand reach back over to you, removing your hands from your face and dipping down to look at you.
“It’s so fucking hard to contain myself right now. I can admit that.” He whispers, blinking at you. “If you feel satisfied with where we stand, I’d be more than happy to leave this table now and prove everything to you.”
An instant nod from you, and an instant confirmation from Jake.
You’re both out of the restaurant before a single sip of water, before a single visual inspection of the forgotten food the two of you ordered, and before any doubt could creep in to ruin the electrifying atmosphere you were indulging in with him.
For Jake, his self control wavers with each passing moment as you sit next to him in the car. You look so calm as he drives as quickly and safely as possible back to your apartment, shaming himself for ever considering the two of you go in the first place. Still, the outcome is somehow more satisfying. Both of you wanting to leave just so you can truly be alone together? He couldn’t ask for a better night.
Still, your calmness contrasts the way his insides vibrate the closer he gets to your place, and he wonders how the fuck you manage to do it. If you were to simply glance at him at the right moment, you’d see his entire body melt in the fantasies of what the two of you may be willing to do tonight.
Years worth of pining in his head and heart are bubbling up now. You’re inviting him in, you’re accepting him, you’re wanting him back.
What he doesn’t know though, is that you are quite literally imagining yourself wrapped in chains to this seat. Why? Because if it weren’t for those astral chains, you’d be on top of him in an instant, reassuring him that if there’s anything in the world you’ve wanted within the past few weeks, it’s him. You’d be apologizing for never taking note of his feelings before, and kissing away all of the moments he wished he could have had with you before, replacing them with very real, firm, hot kisses.
Thankfully though, you manage to tame the beast from within and somehow, so does he. Up until you get through your apartment door and the electrifying atmosphere sizzles away in an instant.
You expected to have the confidence to, quite literally, jump on him as soon as your door closed. Instead, you find yourself standing in awe at the entryway.
Jake, on the other hand, would love nothing more than to have you right this moment, speeding and parking crooked be damned, he will not allow it just yet.
“Listen,” He reaches out to you, pulling you up and against his chest. “I need to shower before I let myself do anything.”
You breathe a sigh of relief, noting that the awkwardness came from the fact that Jake’s energy is seeping out of him, lust and worry for possibly not being as clean as he’d like to be for this.
It feels strange, actually. You can imagine you’ve had many hook-ups with men who wouldn’t even consider a shower before inviting you over.
“Hurry up then, before I decide to call Sungh-”
“Don’t you fucking dare make that joke right now,” Jake squeezes you tighter against you, hating himself for constantly bringing up reasons to wait.
“If we are going to like,” He pauses, struggling to say it out of pure nervousness that you might change your mind. “You know, be exclusive, Sunghoon’s name is forbidden.”
You chuckle against him before shoving him back in a playful way.
“Deal. Now, can you fucking hurry?” You roll your eyes playfully, internally a little thankful for the short moments you will have to prepare yourself for this.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Damn this shower for feeling so good. Jake could fall asleep under the warmth if it weren’t for the fact that he’s been half-hard this entire time and truly fighting with himself on how to approach this situation.
It’s kind of awkward, actually. Knowing exactly what the two of you are about to do but having to wait even for fifteen minutes makes it seem like you both have a scheduled hook up and nothing more.
It’s not a hook up though. Jake is finally where he’s always wanted to be with you, in your shower priming his body to go absolutely fucking insane on you. Before, when he ate you out, he really was controlling himself. He wanted to do more with you so bad, and now? God…
He’s flushed as he finally makes his way out of the shower, length still stiffening and softening with each thought that passes. He can barely look at himself in the mirror without wanting to laugh at how embarrassing he truly is.
You’d probably laugh too, and he’d love the sound of it.
Then, he’s faced with a dilemma.
You, on the other hand, find yourself lying quietly in your bedroom after doing your best to fix the mess of yourself for whatever Jake may offer. Waiting for him, and ultimately wondering what the fuck is taking him so long when you finally hear the bathroom door open.
Faintly, you can smell your shampoo and body wash that he used as you hear him make his way to the living room and not find you.
Then, you hear him making his way to your room. He doesn’t open the door any further than it already was and instead, stands behind it quietly before muttering out.
“Um,” He starts, putting his hand on your door and only peeking his head in. “I wasn’t sure if there was a point to putting my clothes on–”
Fucking pause.
God, he must sound so stupid saying that, especially after looking into your room and seeing you lying against your bed changed into the exact same pajamas you put on the night he initially made a move on you through the guise of friendship.
Well, now it’s not even a question and he was right to assume that all he needed to do was wrap a towel around his waist and come to you.
You watch his eyes travel your body curiously, a smile forming on his face.
“If you’re wondering if I put panties on this time too,” You smile, reaching a hand out as if to invite him to open that door and come have at it. “I didn’t.”
That’s all it takes, really, to have him pushing the door open and not-so-calmly making his way to your bed.
Seeing his naked and damp chest is one thing, but smelling your scent all over him is another, especially when the first thing he does is practically envelop you with his body and plant his lips straight on your own.
The first real kiss. Despite his lips having been on you before, you melt into it and find yourself forgetting how differently he’s acting now compared to before. He was so confident, so cocky, and now he’s almost docile. Meek.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” He leans back to whisper, adjusting his body so that he’s more comfortable and leaning down on one arm while the other holds your cheek. “Can’t believe you let me eat you out before ever letting me actually kiss you.”
Your face heats up at the comment, making you feel more scandalous than you ever truly tried to be. But he’s not wrong, and you regret making him feel like eating you out was the only way to get to your heart.
Strangely though, it was the way to your heart. Him doing that for you practically threw you into the deep end in search for more, from him, specifically.
“Can’t believe you decided that you should just eat me out rather than admit your feelings for me.” You counter with a smile, lifting your head to kiss against him again and pretending you can’t feel the weight of his length under the loosely knotted towel on his waist.
“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” He says through the kisses, quickly losing the ability to speak when you lick against his bottom lip and, ultimately, take control of the act.
He wonders what your mouth could do to him. His entire body reacts to the way your tongue flicks and licks against his own, it takes everything in him to try and control himself from pushing too far too soon– until he realizes that there is no reason to control himself now.
Never has making out gotten him this turned on, and it’s not a surprise because it’s you.
He half moans, half chuckles into your kiss when he does it, pressing his hips down and against your thigh much like he did previously to the very mattress he’s got you lying against.
“There’s so much I want to do,” He finally admits, pulling back from the kiss and hanging his head to feel how his cock reacts to the flesh of your thigh. “Please, let me do all of it.”
You sigh, somehow feeling a pang of arousal radiate between your legs despite not yet being touched there. The weight of him on you is enough, and all you can do is nod and await the ways he intends to relieve himself with you.
Hours of head, he could give. Even more hours of burying his cock between those pretty lips and watching you return the favor for him. His confidence grows as your body moves under him, waiting, waiting, waiting for what he will do next.
First, he plants another kiss to you, pressing his hips hard against your thigh with a breathy sigh before moving his lips down, against your neck.
At the same time, his hands work their way up your loose shirt, cupping one breast in his palm and easily teasing your nipple with his fingers. He works his lips down the center of your clothed chest, down to your stomach, and then up again. His nose nudges your shirt up with each kiss, until his lips replace his fingers and he’s sucking your nipple into his mouth.
You’ve never felt so wanted in your life with the way he appears to be savoring you. Leaving his own pleasure neglected once again, his entire focus is on you. You arch your back up a bit, hands shooting to his head and cradling it there against your breast.
He groans when you scratch against the nape of his neck, wiggling your hips under him and chasing the sensation that his mouth manages to send to your clit. He groans again when your nipple remains firm between his lips, and he begins to nibble.
And this time, he moans when he manages to trail one of his hands down just to see how much it will take of this to get you wet. He tucks one hand under your shorts, only to find that you’re already dripping, soaking his fingers with a mere single slide up your folds.
“Fuck,” He sighs as if it’s a compliment when he pops his mouth off of you, flicking his head up to look at your already dazed eyes. “Already?”
You glance away, embarrassed by how badly you want the man who was once your best friend, and is now….more than that. You can feel his fingers graze and gently play around with the heat your body has already released for him, rolling your eyes back each time he pretends he’s going to offer pressure to your clit.
He’s fucking teasing you, and you know it.
He knows it too, because of fucking course he is. After years of torture, wondering if you’d ever manage to get wet at all with the thought of him, here you are, dripping under him when all he’s done is kiss you and fondle your nipples.
Briefly, he remembers how needy your hips were when his tongue was seeping into you. He remembers the taste of each thrust you pressed against his face, and the smell of how badly you needed him at the time.
As used as he was by you that night, he wants nothing more now than to pull those same desperate moans from you, to taste the wet inside of you that no man ever managed to release for you.
“I feel like I’m going insane,” He finally breathes out, still toying with your folds and keeping an eye on the way your eyes glare back at him. “I want you so fucking bad–” He stutters now, instantly sliding his fingers into you and scooting down on the bed at lightening speed, pressing your loose shorts to the side just to get the taste of you against his lips again.
Your legs instantly shoot over his shoulders, and one of his hands reaches up to hug your thigh against him as his tongue immediately laps at every dip and crease of your cunt. His eyes nearly roll back at being able to experience this again, his fingers holding firm without a single movement just so he can feel your body confirm that you want him just as much.
The clench around his fingers are enough, and he licks around them only for a moment before returning his lips to your clit and giving you all he’s got.
All he can feel is your legs tightening around his head, nearly lifting your ass up and off of the bed, all he can hear is his own moans vibrating through him each time he hears you react.
Arguably, even after that brief moment of teasing from him, feeling his mouth so eager, much like before, sent you straight into a blissed state and made you forget about the restaurant, the shower, the weeks of pining before this. His mouth is so warm, and his vibrating moans sooth your clit through its desperate attempts to beg for more.
You can’t help the fact that your legs hug his head, or the way your hands shoot down much like before, scratching through his hair before dropping down and spreading yourself open with two fingers solely to expose your clit in full to the assault of his tongue he’s giving you.
He missed you so much, he missed this so much. Never again will he leave you wondering, from this point forward, you should be well aware that if you so much as pushed him to his knees and lifted a leg over his shoulder, he’d be eating like a fucking king.
Still, even with his immense love for kissing your pussy until your legs shake, there’s more to be experienced here than just this. His pace slows with the reality of that, and only now does he move his fingers with intent, and he pulls back to see how you’re spreading yourself for him, even as your legs fall from his shoulders.
“Fuck.” He rasps, lips glistening with a mixture of his own saliva and your slick.
You lend him a drunken smile, nodding slowly as you focus in on the way his fingers scissor you open. Within a blink though, his face is right there hovering above you, staring intently at the way you react to his fingers.
“You look so good right now, you know that?” He compliments, leaning down again to plant a kiss against you, only pumping his fingers in faster when your kiss appears to be more hungry than his own. “God, I can feel you squeeze my fingers–”
And it’s true, he’s seeing stars solely because he can feel the clench of your pussy walls pushing his two fingers together, almost pushing against his attempts to scissor you open and curl them into the spot inside he knows you have. He can only imagine how good that would feel if he were to…
His eyes squeeze shut in a drawn out moan at the thought, his own kiss growing more hungry as he releases the towel from his waist and quickens the pace of his fingers inside of you.
You can feel him press his cock against you, and the weight of it only becomes heavier when his fingers pause inside of you just so he can slip them out and use those same slick-coated digits to hold his length down and against you before he slides it between your lips. Now coating himself in the same wet sensation.
You listen closely to his moan, knowing that he seems fond of neglecting his own pleasure to the point of doing near-embarrassing things to get it back when he needs it the most. It’s strangled, almost. You can hear him swallow around it when he slides up harshly, bumping your clit and causing your shorts to stretch against the crease of your thigh.
He seems so…desperate. Yet, he can have anything he wants.
“Keep it spread open–” He mutters when he feels you try to remove the hand that had been holding your pussy out on display for him. “I want to feel all of it.”
God, you’ve never heard him say something so sexy. Easily you do as he says, now using both hands to hold either side of your pussy open for him, and feeling the underside of his length slide against your hole.
You let out a pleased sigh, despite your shorts becoming a nuisance at this point. It’s easy to forget you’re still wearing them though, because they only become drenched more and more as the moments pass with Jake.
You can genuinely just assume that his cock must be aching as he does this, leaking all over you. That’s something you don’t mind at all, because the stimulation is far beyond what you could ever ask for.
“Jake–” You try to speak, only to be cut off by his hand sliding under your head and his lips attaching yet again to you.
There, you can’t help it when you remove your hands and shoot them up to his face. Holding him there, feeling the way his jaw moves when he licks into your mouth in a desperate attempt to get as much of you as he can in this moment.
His hips fuck forward much like they did into his palm all those weeks ago, and the anticipation of if or when he finally plunges it into you drives you to kiss him just as hard as he does you.
There is nothing but the sound of kissing in the room save for muffled moans from both of you, entirely tangled up together as he does nothing more than grind himself against you. His hand cradling your head and the other still pressing his length down and against you as close as he can manage. Yours, cupping his cheeks as he kisses you, up until you run one hand down to take over for him.
In that moment, with his free and now shaking hand, he pulls back entirely and just looks at you.
He’s out of it, entirely gone from this world as he stares down with his hair drying by the minute from that shower, messy as all hell with darkened hooded eyes. He continues to stare, each thrust against you becoming pointed to the extent that it almost feels like he’s already fucked you for hours.
And then, you feel it. The weight lifting, your shorts being stretched until they’re sliding down your thighs and off of you, and then the warmth as he adjusts his hips just barely enough to line up with your quivering hole, practically begging for him to stretch you out for the first time.
His eyes falter only for a moment when he realizes that this is a moment he will never forget. The way you look up at him with glassy and needy eyes, out of breath, seemingly loving him as much as he’s always loved you.
“Yeah?” He whispers, not breaking eye contact even for a moment.
“Please.” You mutter out, not fully intending for it to sound so broken.
And as broken as your voice was in that instance, he grows much weaker by it. Dropping his head with a deep sigh, a smile, and then a chuckle.
“You really, really, can’t look at me like that and expect me to be gentle…” He pauses to look at you again. “For your sake, please tell me to slow down.”
You can barely comprehend a word he’s saying when you can feel the head of his cock teasing where you need it the most.
“Please.” You rasp out again, wrapping your legs around his waist and forcing his body forward, ultimately sliding the tip of his length into you yourself.
“Oh, fuck–” He chokes out before sucking in a breath and letting out a moan at the feeling. His body jerks at the sensation, the sound of your voice, the way you pulse around him. “Fuck, so good.” He continues to mutter, controlling himself for only a few seconds longer just to see if you have the ability to understand that he truly and honestly will not have the ability to go easy on you at this point.
“Deeper.” You plead, squeezing your legs tighter around him, uncaring of his attempt to control the situation.
That’s all it takes. Your broken voice already had him shaking, and now he’s giving up any and all control that he could have possibly hoped to have.
Right there, with your legs hugging his waist, your hands gripping the pillow behind your head, and his hands finding purchase on either side of your shoulders, he sinks himself into you as deep as he can go and feels as if the life is being choked out of him over how fucking good it feels.
He throws his head back in an erotic and attractive moan of relief, allowing you a glimpse at the expanse of his stretched neck, naked of any marked territory. Still, your vision goes white when the stretch hits you.
So big, so strong on top of you. You can imagine he really could fuck you hard, you hope he doesn’t go gentle on you at all, actually
“Shit, please,” You moan brokenly again, releasing your pillow and gripping his forearms. “Jake, god–” You have no words to describe how good he feels inside of you, you couldn’t begin to fathom trying to explain to him how perfect he is.
It feels deep, deeper than you ever could have imagined. His length alone should have been enough to tell you that, but you hadn’t yet factored in the girth of it. So heavy inside of you, touching each soft and sensitive surface your pussy has to offer.
Your body jolts in adjustment, knocking the breath out of you despite him not moving just yet.
“Shh–” He soothes, not at all actually wanting to hush your cries for him. In fact, he’s simply saying it because he could quite literally release at any moment if you continue to speak and clench him like this. And when he finally looks down at you, he can’t fucking help it.
His hips move at their own volition, and he was right in believing there is no gentle fuck to be had here. He slides out only slightly, with the intent to fuck you as full of him as he can. He wants to stay deep, because you asked, and he wants to keep you feeling stretched around him because he can truly never get over the way you look and sound right now.
You shake at the feeling of him pressing impossibly deeper into you, keeping his hips flush against you before snapping his hips back more now. A slightly empty feeling inside of you being filled once again within a second.
His moans sound beautiful, he feels beautiful, and all you can do is stare up at him with watery eyes and a slack jaw, wondering why it took him so long to do this with you.
Wondering why it took you so long to want it at all, when now, you think you could never feel this good with another person again.
His arms flex in your grasp with each thrust, and his eyes land on each visible part of your body before he weakens his stance and lowers himself to you, hips still fucking you open at a pace that’s only becoming more and more rapid, more and more fucking blinding.
“Yeah, yeah–” Jake suddenly chimes with out of breath words, kissing you before you can comprehend or respond to those words. “No one has ever reacted like this for me–” He continues, pointing his thrusts harder into you. “Feels so good, so tight around me.” He chokes up at the last few words, stuttering his and picking up a different pace.
This time, those harsh thrusts pull back further, emptying you before slowly pressing into you again.
“I want you to remember how this feels,” He continues, seemingly rambling against your lips with each slow thrust. “No one will ever fuck you like I will.”
Your hooded eyes shoot open with arousal at his confident boasting. Those words feel so final, as if it isn’t even a rule, but a logical fact that only the two of you could ever find to be true.
You can’t even manage a response, and instead moan before tucking your lips up and against his neck, using one hand to grip his hair and skew his head.
That once naked and markless neck is no more. He is yours, and you’re lucky enough now to know that this is exactly how he wants you to feel.
“Ahh, you like that?” He questions your reaction to his words, feeling your hips make attempts to meet him halfway with each thrust. “You like when I talk?” He continues to urge your sucking lips to speak out to him, to answer him, to boost his ego just a bit more.
“So much,” You nearly whimper against his neck, moving your lips to another spot. “Love when you’re confident like this–”
He’s in heaven hearing those words. As if it’s a confirmation that he wasn’t just talking dirty. You both truly take those words and will fuck by them from this point forward. He truly doesn’t want anyone else, and hopefully, you’d never give another person the chance to make an attempt to fuck you the way he does.
And then the room falls silent again, as if Jake is focused on reminding you with each passing second that he’s never been more sure or right of something in his life. Despite you already believing him, the way his cock pulses inside of you is enough of a reminder even if he had never said it in the first place.
His pace quickens again, and then slows, and then stutters. Only to fall back into a good rhythm before his entire body starts to shake through the act.
You wonder if this is it. Is this how his body reacts when he’s about to cum? Is this what his face looks like? Is this what his eyes do? Did his arms strain like this the first time? Did his moans come out as choked and desperate?
None of that matters, because as quickly as it started, he buries himself into you again and stays in that one spot, shaking and timidly looking down at you.
“Don’t move, please, don’t move.” He practically begs, losing himself to the way your hips chase the feeling of constant stimulation. “Stop moving.” He pleads again, pulling his chest from you and sitting up on his knees, keeping his cock in place deep within you.
You watch him, unable to keep your hips still, and he watches you– trying to keep his orgasm under control before seeing your fingers trail down your stomach and to your clit.
There, he loses himself, watching you rub the soft spot just above where his cock stuffs you full.
“I can’t,” He chokes out, snapping his hips back and allowing himself to get lost in the feeling. “Fuck, I really can’t.” He continues to mutter out, pressing his strings of cum ever deeper inside of you as he feels every muscle in his body tense.
It feels so sensitive, but he can’t stop moving, feeling his cum fill you up to the point it’s surely being pressed out of you by his desperate length wanting nothing more than to stay inside of you.
You moan through it with him, encouraging him to lose himself inside of you, and he’s so beautiful when he does it. The fact that he does it at all has your body tensing on its own. Teetering on the edge of your own orgasm with the way your fingers almost aggressively chase after the feeling he appears to still be releasing inside of you.
And then, emptiness. You are left empty and dripping, fingers still chasing your release before–
“What the fu–” You moan, squeezing your eyes shut at the feeling of his tongue instantly back on you. As if he’s looping back to the beginning of it all, uncaring of tasting himself solely because through it all, he can still taste you. “Jake, Fuck–yes, right there.” You continue to groan when he replaces his tongue against your hole with his fingers, fucking into you as quickly as he can before nudging your fingers away and taking over the chase of your orgasm.
You’re entirely amazed by how eager he is to pull it from you, and that alone is enough. The desperate ways in which he decided to pleasure you right in this moment, it’s enough.
Your hands instantly reach for his hair, gripping so tightly that you can hear the pained sound he lets out at the sheer force behind it. You very nearly rub his nose in the mess he’s made of you out of the sheer arousal you feel through your orgasm.
You’re seeing white, feeling his fingers expertly work you open and somehow don’t feel disappointed at all that you didn’t get there before he pulled out of you. You can still feel him dripping out, fingers squelching and sliding through the mixture of both orgasms inside of you. And his tongue, good lord his fucking tongue, licking up every bit and eagerly flicking your clit at a pace much faster than he offered before.
And now, you find your legs nearly kicking him across the room. As soon as the orgasm subsides, your body goes into overdrive with the overwhelming sensitivity between your legs and all he can do is laugh at the way you practically do kick him.
Right off the bed, actually, he tumbles.
You lay there, staring into space as you attempt to bring yourself back to reality when you see his messy hair and glistening eyes peek from the edge of your bed at you. His shoulders huffing with each deep breath he takes.
“Jesus fucking christ.” You manage to gasp out, spread eagle and almost completely naked on your bed save for the forgotten shirt that’s still pushed up to your collarbone.
He makes his way back up to you, pressing your legs together, lowering your shirt, and planting his heavy dead-weight right on top of you.
A solid ten minutes pass as the two of you lay there in the mess you’ve both created. Heavy breaths turn to easy, balanced breaths together. You can barely hold your eyes open when he finally rolls off of you and right up against your side.
“Can I ask you something?” He mutters, throat dry and stomach growling embarrassingly loud.
“Hm?” You hum out, entirely ready to just sleep in the mess.
“Are you always like that?” He questions, a little hint of doubt breaking his confidence. “Like, did Sunghoon see you act like that too?”
You crack your eyes open and instantly turn to face him.
“You’re insane if you think Sunghoon is that good. I’ve never used the word ‘please’ in my life.”
Jake glances away, thinking to himself and letting those words sink in.
“Well,” He starts, pausing and feeling that little pit in his stomach return. “That’s a lie because I’ve heard you use your manners at least twice in the years I’ve known you.”
You smile, loving that the two of you can still be somewhat catty and playful even after the fact that you just realized how insanely in love with him you are.
“Jake, no one has ever made me act like this in bed.” You try to reassure him. “I don’t think anyone else could, besides you.”
He smiles with a nod, running his hands down your body before pausing at the half dried cum that managed to make its way up to your stomach. And then? He groans.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
It’s insane really, that all it took for you to fall in love with the person you think you were always meant to love was him admitting it. Even more insane that he decided to take the route that involved faux playful head, with no feelings attached despite his feelings being deeply fucking attached.
Still, the route taken to get to this point, he thinks, is fitting for the two of you. Especially now that he can look at Sunghoon without wanting to strangle him, and he can look at you knowing you’d very much invite him to strangle you, you know, considering the fact that you’re now trying to explore every sexual realm in the fucking universe with him.
Even with the desperate need to have you under him any chance he gets, and the fucking, and the arousal, none of it shines brighter than the small intimate moments he has with you that aren’t weighed down by pining or lust.
As playful as the two of you are together, there is so much love here. So much love to still be discovered too, and he can’t help but feel excited by it.
Romance isn’t dead, despite how the two of you tried to fucking butcher it.
this fic came up on my page by surprise because i dont read enhypen stuff on tumblr (it’s just that i haven’t found anything that suits my taste) and i followed you so that i can read your fic later BUT OH GOD.
oh god. i was NOT disappointed. it’s so good, i can’t even find words worthy of complimenting the way you write. it’s so fluid and gets you right where you need it the most. and now i can’t look at jake the same way because the way you depicted him on this feels so real. i enjoyed reading this so BAD 🥹🩷
as a haechan stan, as a delulu and as a “haechan being in casual black attire after schedule/ domestic haechan pictures that make me even more delusional than i already am” enthusiast, as a person who loves writing self indulgent, domestic, fluffy and mature moments especially with haechan…you already know that i’m gonna write something inspired by this haechan, because let’s be real….it’ll take a long while for this to leave my mind, might as well take some ideas and thoughts off my chest.
so i’ve been listening to guess by charli xcx on repeat as one does, and the part ‘you wanna put ‘em in your mouth, pull ‘em all down south?’ has sent me on a downward spiral thinking about san….
a lil bit of choi san x reader smut under the cut 🙈
specifically riding san into oblivion on your couch with his favorite pair of your underwear (that you wore on purpose tonight to celebrate being reunited after spending one too many weeks apart) stuffed in his mouth.
it’s not like either one of you needed to keep it down, just one of the many perks of you having your very own apartment was that you and your boyfriend could fuck each other’s brains out as loudly as you wanted to without disturbing anyone. you’d learned early on that thankfully not even the neighbors could hear anything through the walls.
but there was something about the way he was panting up at you…mouth agape as loud, needy moans poured out of him. paired with the way his sweat slicked hair was half covering his dark eyes that locked right into yours shining with pure want and desperation-
you hadn’t even realized you’d grabbed the flimsy bit of white cotton with little cherries printed all over it and one delicate silk bow along the top (what could he say, choi san was a simple man with simple tastes when it came to your undergarments) that had been carelessly tossed aside until you were balling it up in your first and shoving it into his open mouth. his eyes widening in shock at the same moment his hips faulted their pace, but the moment was over before it even began. his head suddenly rolling backwards to rest against the back of the couch, his eyes fluttering shut almost immediately, long lashes kissing the very tops of his high cheekbones as he let out a long drawn out groan of appreciation. the sound muffled around the wad of fabric in his mouth. he didn’t need words to tell you to keep moving your hips against his- the tight grip of his hands in the flesh of your ass was all the encouragement you needed as you rocked yourself against him as deeply as you could.
you don’t think he’s ever looked so beautiful as he does in this moment all fucked out beneath you. tendons straining against his thick neck, strangled sounds of pleasure desperate to escape his mouth that’s still engulfed with your panties. you can feel his cock positively throbbing inside you and you can’t help but let out a breathless little laugh at just how fucking good you feel, how fucking good he feels-your nails digging deeper into his broad shoulders in an attempt to steady yourself when the very tip of him suddenly brushes against the very end of you.
does he end up cumming almost embarrassingly quick? yes. is that pair of your underwear still missing to this day? also yes. but you have a pretty good idea as to where they might’ve gone…
"were you even listening to a thing i just said?" hongjoong raised his eyebrow as you snapped out of the trance you were in, staring at your boyfriend. if you were being honest, whatever event he was heading out too completely slipped your mind as he stood in front of you in his black slacks and white button down with the top few buttons undone, showing the chain you had gifted him for your anniversary.
"earth to yn?" hongjoong walked over to where you sat on the edge of the bed. "huh?" you blinked, confused. "baby," he cupped your cheeks, making you look up at him, with a smile on his face, "i just had a whole conversation as you were zoning out." "i wasnt zoning out," you retorted. "oh yea? then what was i telling you about?" your boyfriend stared into your eyes as you sat there in silence. his smile grew and he let out a laugh. he down to kiss your forehead, necklace unintentionally hitting your nose.
he went to move away but you grabbed the fabric of his shirt, pulling him to stay in front of you. he gave you a confused look but you started speaking. "you look really good. like really really good," your voice was shy and quiet, leg bouncing from nerves. "is that why you were zoning out my love?" hongjoong questioned and you nodded. hongjoong cupped your cheek in his hand again, picking your gaze up from where it was glued to your lap, "my poor girl all bothered. cant leave the house with her like this, yea?"
do you think when jongho gets tired of the "aww so cute" comments from reader, he would just grab their face and make out with them. like a sloppy, tongue, and teeth make out that leaves reader breathless and speechless. and jongho just pinches readers cheek and goes "aww so cute"
genre : fair amount of fluff (i hope) + smut (minors dni)
summary : there are a lot of things that you love about haechan and tonight you’re letting everything off your chest. while you used your words to express your love for him, haechan chose another alternative for the same purpose.
word count : 3060 words.
warnings : haechan is in love with your smell, body worship, make out sessions, pet names (baby, pretty baby, sweetheart), curse words (fuck), oral + fingering (f receiving), squirting. (let me know if i missed anything)
a/n : …nobody talks to me. this wasn’t supposed to be a smut work but i let my intrusive thoughts win over.
masterlist
buy me coffee if you like my work 🥹🫶🏼
his nose nuzzles in the crook of your neck while his lips curl up into the perfect shape, to draw small kisses on your skin. he kisses you very slow, taking all his time. his eyes are closed and his breathing is uneven, gentle sighs are leaving his lips after every kiss. his breath blows against your skin, causing butterflies to erupt in your lower stomach.
everytime you weave your fingers through his long black hair, his kiss would last longer, would go slower and you’d feel his lips push more through the soft flesh of your neck. his lips are plump, plushy and more swollen than normal with desire.
your back curves into the perfect arch off the mattress, like the rainbow. he’s the sun and you’re the rainstorm with raging goosebumps hitting your skin like lightning with each of his touches. your heart thunders inside your ribcage he can feel your fast pulse through his lips on your heated skin.
his hand travels habitually to the prominent swell of your boob, specifically on the cusp of it, fingers boldly brushing over your hard nipple, traveling till your under boob and settling there, thumb pushing into your ribs. you breathe hard beneath him, trying to contain the feeling of wetness pooling down your panties. everytime you have the reflex to close your legs and rub them together to ease the pain of pleasure, he’d lustfully nudge his pelvis into you, spreading your legs even more. the hand that’s on your boob swiftly goes down to the underside of your thigh, helping you settle it around his waist, securing it completely still.
everytime you even think of closing them, he pushes his body further down on you, rutting his hard on into your clothed, juicy cunt. you’re flushed against him, heat bubbling inside your tummy and rising up from your back, expanding through your shoulders and rushing to your cheeks. the situation you’re in is so lewd and very arousing and you’re so in love with everything that is haechan right now.
“haechan…” you moan out, chest heaving and breathing speeding up. your perfectly round and deliciously period-in-one-day swollen boobs are jutting into his black t-shirt clothed chest with each sharp intake of your breath. “baby…”
he hums. he hums for god’s sake. he hums for your misery. he hums while not stopping. he hums while only continuing to give you more and more pleasure with every kiss, every lick, every bite. and his little, honey glazed voice, thick with pleasure is all it takes for you to let out a ridiculous whine.
“you’re so sweet,” haechan sucks on the skin just above where your breasts meet. where you spray your fresh coconut perfume every day, where droplets of sweat travel down under your clothes. and the mixture is just about enough for him to go crazy, for blood to pump harder through his veins, all down to his cock. “could drown in your scent all night.”
he takes a deep breath, taking in your intoxicating smell before he starts going down on you, painfully slow, his lips kiss down between the alley of your boobs, and he goes down until his nose disappears between them. when you look down, the only thing you can make out of his face is the slit in his eyebrow, one of the many things you die but not be in love with.
“can’t get enough of you,” he chants after every kiss on your skin. “can’t get enough of you, goddamn.” he takes a deep breath, filling his lungs deeply with your scent. you look down at him with a loving gaze, a hazy smile tugging at your lips. he’s so engrossed in his own thoughts, he’s so full of you, to the brim.
“you smell so good,” he licks a strip from the top of the space between your breasts till the base, burying his nose even deeper into your skin. “you’re so soft, and you smell so sweet…god, fuck.”
his entire body hums with pleasure with just his face between your boobs, nibbling on your skin gently and brushing his nose horizontally on your chest. his fingers slither from your thigh up to the hem of your camisole, tugging on it before slipping his fingers past the silky tissue and gripping on your waist. he doesn’t even flinch when you rake your fingers through his hair, he only swims deeper into his pleasure. a whiny moan escapes his throat, his breathy voice vibrating through your chest and eliciting sparks to erupt along the skin of your spine.
haechan barely pulls his head away from your skin just to bite on your right nipple from above your silky camisole. you moan out loud, pelvis bucking up into his own. “haechan…” you pull onto his black strands of hair. “baby look at me.” you meekly whisper, trying to contain yourself. the soft makeout session you had earlier turning into something you didn’t even expect, but you both happened to be so horny and so needy for each other that this was bound to happen.
first you needed to bring haechan back to you because he’s way too gone to be even conscious of what he’s doing. “baby look up.” you tap on his forehead three times, rubbing your thumb on his steamy skin, caressing the slit on his eyebrow until you reach his cheekbone that’s plastered on your inviting skin. you tap your finger again on his cheek and that seems to gain his attention.
his eyes shoot up and he gazes at you devotedly, lust filling his siren eyes. your insides clench around nothing when you make eye contact with him. you bite your lip and breathe deeply before smiling down at him.
“hi,” you brush his hair out of his forehead.
“hi,” he whispers in a low voice, breathing labored and lips swollen. a smile blooms on his face while scrambling up to you.
you smile at each other, foolishly in love. your fingers keep playing with his hair as he makes his way to position himself right on top of you, leveling his head with yours and supporting his body with his elbows.
“welcome back,” you comment when you see him breathing normally, eyes back into their round shape. “feeling good?”
he pecks you softly. “you drive me fucking crazy.” he breathes on top of your lips and you giggle at that. “let’s make out some more, please.” he whines, making you chuckle even louder.
“let’s take a small break, yeah?”
he hums. “what do you wanna do?”
“let’s just talk.”
“talk?”
you hum and he makes himself comfortable in your arms, feeling tired after having his body propped up on top of you. he snuggles into your chest and you wrap your arms around him lovingly.
“what do you wanna talk about?” he asks softly. almost like a small kid whose parents promised him some candy if he keeps calm. he’s gazing up at you with tender eyes, he looks comfortable and you smile at that.
you caress his cheek sweetly, leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead, then on the bridge of his nose to finally arrive at his lips. when you pull away, he stretches his neck cutely to chase your lips again for another kiss, but you gently push your palm into his chest.
“i love your eyes. i love the shape of them.”
“really? how much?” he smugly asks.
“so much.” you reply instantly, finding it a great opportunity to just express your love to him, since he loves to be complimented. “i love how you look at me. i can see so much love inside them when you do. they always look so soft…and gentle. they’re so small but when you concentrate on talking about something, you sometimes zone out and they go big, so big actually,” you laugh when he looks at you quizzically. “but it’s so cute.” you scrunch your nose at him.
he contemplates your words for a moment, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “what more do you love about me?”
he takes you off guard and a small hum escapes your throat but you smile down at him.
“i love when you press your lips together and the dimple on your cheek pops up. i think it’s so stinking adorable.”
haechan is impressed to say the least at how specific you’re being but he doesn’t seem to be able to form a sarcastic comment to tease you. he listens to you quietly and you’re both grateful and worried because he’s always been the type to have an obvious reaction for everything.
“what else?”
“eh?”
“tell me,” he shrugs. “i know there’s more.”
you sigh. “there is.”
he looks at you expectantly.
“okay. i’ll tell you.” you whisper and you don’t even have to take long to think before you give him an answer.
“i love how your face is heart shaped.” you see him laugh soundlessly, eyes squeezing shut in the process. you smile as you continue. “like your entire face.” you trace his cheekbones with your index finger and he relaxes under your touch. “from your forehead, to your cheeks down to your chin… it looks like a heart for me. i can also see a heart in the shape of your nose.” you boop his nose as you talk and he scrunches it before you pinch it. “and i think your lips are also heart shaped, i don’t know if that’s true, maybe i’m just hallucinating but god, you’re so adorable.” you breathe out.
haechan puckers his lips up at you, waiting for a kiss after you complimented his lips. you do as he wishes without hesitation. afraid you might pull away from him too soon, he places his hand behind your neck and sets you in place, deepening the kiss. it’s still a soft kiss. it’s the kind of heated kiss that keeps you wanting more. his tongue is daintily caressing your lips, pulling hotly on them with his teeth and inhaling your faint moans.
your hand travels to his cheek, thumb caressing his prominent cheekbone. he drags the hand that was placed on your neck to place it on top of your hand that’s on his face. his fingers wrap around your small hand, engulfing it completely, like a soft blanket. a smile sneaks to your lips, halting the kiss to a stop.
haechan breathes hard against your face and butterflies erupt inside your stomach when he brings your palm to his lips and kisses it, softly and unhurriedly. you gaze lovingly at him, his eyes are closed, hair slightly curtaining over them.
“this is a weirdly specific one but i love your finger’s shape, you have slightly big joints and i love it. especially your thumb, i don’t know your hands are just so manly,” you say as you caress the shape of each of his fingers. “even this weirdly shaped pinky of yours is cute.”
“oh god, you’re so in love with me. nearly three years into the relationship and you’re still as obsessed with me as the first day, aren’t you?”
“i actually am, i won’t deny it for once.”
“you know exactly what you’re setting yourself up for, mhmm sweetheart?”
you bite your lips, suppressing a smile. you know how bad he’s going to use this conversation in his advantage whenever he’s going to want to tease you in the future. he’s going to be so cocky about it, always rubbing it in your face, how much you love him. he’s going to show off to all of his friends and your family, whenever, wherever he wants.
but you don’t care. there’s so much love for him inside you that you sometimes feel suffocated. and telling him seems to be your only remedy, because you can’t seem to control how you breathe when he’s all over you. you can’t seem to control yourself when he’s around.
your brain is full of him, always lingering on the thoughts of him. he’s just so attractive to you, from his personality to the way he treats you, the way he treats his family and your family as well. there’s so much to him than his teasing. he’s so respectful and so loving, he tries so hard to always understand you and he never ceases to make you feel loved.
he’s truly wonderful and you feel blessed everyday to have him in your life. you never saw a boring day with him and he always knows how to keep the sparks alive.
“yes. but i don’t care. i’m so in love with you. and your moles and your lips and your eyes and voice and hands and smile and how good you are to me and to everyone around you. i just love everything that you’re made of, haechan.” you breathlessly blurt out.
in the blink of an eye, haechan’s expression changes. it’s still soft and loving but his eyes are now reflecting a burning emotion. his body tenses up with desire and he feverishly kisses you.
it’s passionate, breathtaking, and so messy but filled with yearning, eagerness. he’s suddenly so greedy to mark you, to make you all his over and over again. his ego is boosted to the max, your words burning into him like embers. heat travels up his ears, buzzing with a strident sound and his mind is gone crazy. he’s so infatuated with you, so crazy in love with you he feels his heart on the verge of exploding.
“god, oh god how do you expect me to just not eat you the fuck out after saying those things to me.” he whispers in defeat.
he doesn’t even wait for you to recollect yourself and go back to your consciousness after the breathtaking, tipping-you-over-the-edge-of-insanity-kiss. he’s already taking off your camisole and going down on you, leaving burning kisses all over your stomach while fondling with your boobs. he’s licking and biting and nibbling on every crevice of your skin and you might just dislocate your jaw because of how wide your mouth is open, crude moans slipping past your throat but oh it sounds so pretty to haechan.
his kisses become steamier, needier and he peels the last piece of fabric covering you from him off your body. and just like that you’re completely naked and exposed to a still-fully-clothed haechan.
“god you’re so pretty.”
his mouth waters at the sight of you. already so fucked out and blissful. pussy wet and still glistening from the previous make out session. he gazes up at you from his position between your legs, siren eyes back again, full of heat and desire.
your cunt aches at the sight, clit pulsating with nerves, craving his touch like it’s the only thing you need to survive.
“i’m gonna eat you out so good, you’ll forget about everything you just said and only think about how good i fuck you.”
“oh god, fuck,” you moan out in a high pitched voice, too surprised with his filthy words. his tongue lies flat on your pussy and you buckle your hips up at the shock. “oh haechan…”
after licking a bold stripe from your entrance up to your clit, he quickly wraps his lips around it, sucking on it with fevor. your fingers pull at his hair, the intensity of his lips being too much for you to handle. he alternates between licking, nibbling and full on sucking on your sensitive bundle of nerves, not giving you any chance to register your own emotions.
when he places his index at your entrance, that’s when you lose it. before he even gets to do anything, you’re already trembling and quivering underneath him, trying so hard to close your legs. he slaps the skin of your thigh as a warning and you desperately moan out when he forces your legs open.
wetness gushes from you as he keeps sucking on your clit without a halt, building your orgasm slowly, making you reach the top of the cliff steadily, driving you over to the edge. your legs shake, you’re feeling too sensitive and so out of breath that your heart is pounding against your ribs.
when you’re just about to come undone, he thrusts his finger inside you easily, too lubricated for him to move in and out from you effortlessly and your insides subconsciously clench around him. your walls suck him in as he keeps assaulting your clit with bold movements of his lips.
“oh fuck fuck fuck fuck!”
you scream out as you feel the knot coiling at your pussy breaking loose, mind going foggy and back arching off the mattress. haechan quickly pushes another finger inside you and that adds more fuel to the tension, desire coiling at your lower stomach before you come completely undone by his mouth, wetness rushing out of you as you uncontrollably squirt on his face.
he pulls away quickly, mouth glistening and moaning in surprise along with you.
“wait fuck, did i just squirt?” you plop yourself on your elbow to look down at the mess that you created, wetness pooling down your legs, staining haechan’s t-shirt and the bedding.
“fuck you did, oh my god.” he chuckles at the sight and you throw yourself on the bed, body going numb, still trembling with the aftershocks.
haechan pulls you to his body and hugs you so close and so tight, bringing all your shattered thoughts back together. “you did so well for me, pretty baby.” he whispers against your temple. “i’m so in love with you.” he keeps whispering sweet nothings in your ears, rocking your body from side to side to calm you down. “you did so good.”
his fingers deliver feather touches to your arms and he notices how goosebumps start to rise on your skin. he quietly smiles, heart swelling at how sensitive you are and how you still so easily get affected by him. he leans down to kiss you slowly, and you can taste the tangy remnants of your cum on his lips. you inhale deeply, melting into him.
“don’t relax too much, i’m still standing by my words. i’ll fuck you so good tonight, you’re not even prepared for it.” he snickers as he pulls away.
and you’re in for a long (ass) ride.
a/n : please reblog if you liked it 🫶🏼 it’ll encourage me to write more 🥹
YES this is exactly what i tried to convey in this one shot, just two love bugs being completely into each other 🥹 this is literally my FAVORITE piece of work that ive written so far and im so sad to see that even after a year of it being posted, it didn’t get as much attention as i would wanted :((
genre : non idol au, established relationship, newlyweds au, mature, fluff, the morning after. (minors dni pls, or it’ll make me feel uncomfortable)
word count : 1k words.
note : this is my first work for ateez, pls be nice 🥹 and this is pretty much VERY self indulgent lol
masterlist
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when his mind is stirred awake from his sleep and the rays of sunshine dimmed by the dark beige curtains penetrate his eyelids, his mind is blank.
it’s empty, almost numb. he’s at peace. and he’s happy.
all he can hear is silence, except for his heartbeat resonating deep inside his ears. a deep breath is taken all the way in and he’s feeling liberated, stripped from any heaviness that comes with life.
no thoughts weigh on his mind, or his heart or his entire body that feels like a heap of feathers on top of the softness of the bed.
it takes him a moment to open his eyes, even if he is eager to explore his surroundings, discover new feelings and create new habits now that his life has changed. for the better, he claims. with you.
he doesn’t rush because he feels like something deep inside his chest would burst once he lays his eyes on you. and he wishes he was exaggerating.
he wants to slowly savor the feeling of sleeping with remnants of you, of waking up next you, of seeing you curled up next to him, body still, calm, glowing, beautiful.
when he finally opens his eyes, what he sees exceeds his expectations by a thousand of deep breaths, a million of shooting stars and a billion of blazing fireworks. you’re there, he still can’t believe it but you’re there. on his bed, beside him and his. for life.
san presses his lips together, tongue swiping against his lower lip and he’s reminded of what happened the night before. when he showed you his love in more ways than one. when he painted your body with promises of care and devotion. when he tainted your soul with everything that is him.
you’re there, your bare back is facing him and traces of love are littering your skin. he smiles, eyes crinkling and dimples popping, a sigh leaving his lips and a hand placed on his raging heart that he thinks might turn to liquid from how much he loves you.
his eyes trail on your figure, the light blanket sitting dangerously low on your body, leaving nothing to his imagination. the valley of your hips sitting high and dipping into your inviting thighs, eyes staring a bit too long at your ass.
san stifles a little moan, dying it down with a deep breath that ends with a small hint of a groggy purr. it’s early in the morning and he can’t seem to calm down himself, his own body aching to hold you, be close to you, to own you.
without thinking—he always seems to never think when he’s around you—he stretches his arm out and let his fingers gently graze against your skin. you’re cold under his warm touch, goosebumps instantly forming. hot blood races through his veins and down his already loaded morning wood. puffs of breath escape his lips as he draws a pattern with his fingertips from the middle of your back, and down, down, down. until his entire hand is covering your ass cheek.
“it tickles,” you say, a breathy chuckle airing from your chest.
“did i wake you?” san asks softly. he comes closer to you and nuzzles his nose deep into your neck. the hand that was pressed on your bottom slithers up and around and settles in the soft crevice of your lower stomach, fingers brazenly reaching lower.
you shake your head. your breath stuck in your chest, sending you into a dizzy state. “no, i was awake.”
he hums softly into your skin, before pressing your lower body closer against him. his lips place feverish kisses on your neck, arriving at the slope of your shoulders and down your arms.
you instinctively lean into him, ass molding gently against his hard dick.
“babyyy,” he whimpers, his brain already turning into mush.
you giggle at him. “hm?” you jokingly answer. and san is incapable of forming one coherent sentence. all he can think about is you, mind clouded with you, your skin, you warmth, your body, your smell, his smell on your body and your ass pressing into him.
“can i?” a pause, then a sigh, then a whine. “can we…?”
you turn to him smiling when you see his face crumpling into the most defeated expression ever. cheeks flushed, eyes glossy.
you wrap your hand around his face and place gentle kisses on his lips. one after the other, softly. calming the ripples of chaos in his mind, or so you thought. he only grows eager, needy, demanding.
his hands caress all over your body, fingers curling into the inside of your knee and hooking your leg around him, his dick pushing into your pussy in a hurried action. his hips start bucking into you with every push of his lips on you, swallowing your hisses and breaths, inhaling your moans, intoxicating himself with you.
but he’s soft. despite all his fierce emotions, he’s gentle with you, so gentle he makes you melt. he makes your soul turn into liquid gold. you’re his prized possession. his treasure.
when you try to pull away to catch your breaths, san’s head duck lower down your chest and between your breasts. he’s heaving, mind racing and heart beating so fast. he holds you close, telling himself to slow down, reminding himself that he doesn’t want to rush with you now that you’re his.
he vowed to keep you by his side, to love you and protect you and he will do just that.
and without him asking twice, or even once, you give him everything and he takes it. he takes, doubles it and gives it to you. without a doubt.
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when it comes to you, his mind is blank. a white canvas, ready to be painted by you.
note : i originally had this idea for mingi but san is clouding my mind rn so i couldn’t help it 😭😵💫this was so difficult for me to write because my mind and thoughts are full of him rn oof🥲 pls like and reblog if you enjoyed reading <33
genre : non idol au, established relationship, newlyweds au, mature, fluff, the morning after. (minors dni pls, or it’ll make me feel uncomfortable)
word count : 1k words.
note : this is my first work for ateez, pls be nice 🥹 and this is pretty much VERY self indulgent lol
masterlist
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when his mind is stirred awake from his sleep and the rays of sunshine dimmed by the dark beige curtains penetrate his eyelids, his mind is blank.
it’s empty, almost numb. he’s at peace. and he’s happy.
all he can hear is silence, except for his heartbeat resonating deep inside his ears. a deep breath is taken all the way in and he’s feeling liberated, stripped from any heaviness that comes with life.
no thoughts weigh on his mind, or his heart or his entire body that feels like a heap of feathers on top of the softness of the bed.
it takes him a moment to open his eyes, even if he is eager to explore his surroundings, discover new feelings and create new habits now that his life has changed. for the better, he claims. with you.
he doesn’t rush because he feels like something deep inside his chest would burst once he lays his eyes on you. and he wishes he was exaggerating.
he wants to slowly savor the feeling of sleeping with remnants of you, of waking up next you, of seeing you curled up next to him, body still, calm, glowing, beautiful.
when he finally opens his eyes, what he sees exceeds his expectations by a thousand of deep breaths, a million of shooting stars and a billion of blazing fireworks. you’re there, he still can’t believe it but you’re there. on his bed, beside him and his. for life.
san presses his lips together, tongue swiping against his lower lip and he’s reminded of what happened the night before. when he showed you his love in more ways than one. when he painted your body with promises of care and devotion. when he tainted your soul with everything that is him.
you’re there, your bare back is facing him and traces of love are littering your skin. he smiles, eyes crinkling and dimples popping, a sigh leaving his lips and a hand placed on his raging heart that he thinks might turn to liquid from how much he loves you.
his eyes trail on your figure, the light blanket sitting dangerously low on your body, leaving nothing to his imagination. the valley of your hips sitting high and dipping into your inviting thighs, eyes staring a bit too long at your ass.
san stifles a little moan, dying it down with a deep breath that ends with a small hint of a groggy purr. it’s early in the morning and he can’t seem to calm down himself, his own body aching to hold you, be close to you, to own you.
without thinking—he always seems to never think when he’s around you—he stretches his arm out and let his fingers gently graze against your skin. you’re cold under his warm touch, goosebumps instantly forming. hot blood races through his veins and down his already loaded morning wood. puffs of breath escape his lips as he draws a pattern with his fingertips from the middle of your back, and down, down, down. until his entire hand is covering your ass cheek.
“it tickles,” you say, a breathy chuckle airing from your chest.
“did i wake you?” san asks softly. he comes closer to you and nuzzles his nose deep into your neck. the hand that was pressed on your bottom slithers up and around and settles in the soft crevice of your lower stomach, fingers brazenly reaching lower.
you shake your head. your breath stuck in your chest, sending you into a dizzy state. “no, i was awake.”
he hums softly into your skin, before pressing your lower body closer against him. his lips place feverish kisses on your neck, arriving at the slope of your shoulders and down your arms.
you instinctively lean into him, ass molding gently against his hard dick.
“babyyy,” he whimpers, his brain already turning into mush.
you giggle at him. “hm?” you jokingly answer. and san is incapable of forming one coherent sentence. all he can think about is you, mind clouded with you, your skin, you warmth, your body, your smell, his smell on your body and your ass pressing into him.
“can i?” a pause, then a sigh, then a whine. “can we…?”
you turn to him smiling when you see his face crumpling into the most defeated expression ever. cheeks flushed, eyes glossy.
you wrap your hand around his face and place gentle kisses on his lips. one after the other, softly. calming the ripples of chaos in his mind, or so you thought. he only grows eager, needy, demanding.
his hands caress all over your body, fingers curling into the inside of your knee and hooking your leg around him, his dick pushing into your pussy in a hurried action. his hips start bucking into you with every push of his lips on you, swallowing your hisses and breaths, inhaling your moans, intoxicating himself with you.
but he’s soft. despite all his fierce emotions, he’s gentle with you, so gentle he makes you melt. he makes your soul turn into liquid gold. you’re his prized possession. his treasure.
when you try to pull away to catch your breaths, san’s head duck lower down your chest and between your breasts. he’s heaving, mind racing and heart beating so fast. he holds you close, telling himself to slow down, reminding himself that he doesn’t want to rush with you now that you’re his.
he vowed to keep you by his side, to love you and protect you and he will do just that.
and without him asking twice, or even once, you give him everything and he takes it. he takes, doubles it and gives it to you. without a doubt.
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when it comes to you, his mind is blank. a white canvas, ready to be painted by you.
note : i originally had this idea for mingi but san is clouding my mind rn so i couldn’t help it 😭😵💫this was so difficult for me to write because my mind and thoughts are full of him rn oof🥲 pls like and reblog if you enjoyed reading <33
okay so i just blocked an account ran by a minor who interacted with my last san work. i insisted that it’ll make me feel UNCOMFORTABLE if that ever happens and they just simply didn’t respect the boundaries i set and liked the post. after checking their account, i found that they reblogged a couple of posts claiming that WE (writers who kindly ask for minors not to interact with their mature work) need to get over it and that we won’t ever stop them from reading smut.
first of all idc if y’all read smut, but kindly read it from writers who are COMFORTABLE with you MINORS reading their mature work. if someone says that they’re uncomfortable with something then just don’t read past that and make it seem like we’re asking for too much.
Hongjoong would be an absolute menace if you have a praise kink. He'd give you constant praise and validation for anything you do throughout the day. What he's saying could be as mundane as a simple "Good work, honey!" But it's the way he says it that drives you up the wall. He makes it a point to lower his tone and whisper it right into your ear.
This being said, Hongjoong is also the type to talk you through it. A simple "I know, baby" falls from his lips when he hears you whimper as he bottoms out. Maybe a quiet "that's it, baby, just like that" when you wrap yourself around him.
genre : non idol au, established relationship, newlyweds au, mature, fluff, the morning after. (minors dni pls, or it’ll make me feel uncomfortable)
word count : 1k words.
note : this is my first work for ateez, pls be nice 🥹 and this is pretty much VERY self indulgent lol
masterlist
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when his mind is stirred awake from his sleep and the rays of sunshine dimmed by the dark beige curtains penetrate his eyelids, his mind is blank.
it’s empty, almost numb. he’s at peace. and he’s happy.
all he can hear is silence, except for his heartbeat resonating deep inside his ears. a deep breath is taken all the way in and he’s feeling liberated, stripped from any heaviness that comes with life.
no thoughts weigh on his mind, or his heart or his entire body that feels like a heap of feathers on top of the softness of the bed.
it takes him a moment to open his eyes, even if he is eager to explore his surroundings, discover new feelings and create new habits now that his life has changed. for the better, he claims. with you.
he doesn’t rush because he feels like something deep inside his chest would burst once he lays his eyes on you. and he wishes he was exaggerating.
he wants to slowly savor the feeling of sleeping with remnants of you, of waking up next you, of seeing you curled up next to him, body still, calm, glowing, beautiful.
when he finally opens his eyes, what he sees exceeds his expectations by a thousand of deep breaths, a million of shooting stars and a billion of blazing fireworks. you’re there, he still can’t believe it but you’re there. on his bed, beside him and his. for life.
san presses his lips together, tongue swiping against his lower lip and he’s reminded of what happened the night before. when he showed you his love in more ways than one. when he painted your body with promises of care and devotion. when he tainted your soul with everything that is him.
you’re there, your bare back is facing him and traces of love are littering your skin. he smiles, eyes crinkling and dimples popping, a sigh leaving his lips and a hand placed on his raging heart that he thinks might turn to liquid from how much he loves you.
his eyes trail on your figure, the light blanket sitting dangerously low on your body, leaving nothing to his imagination. the valley of your hips sitting high and dipping into your inviting thighs, eyes staring a bit too long at your ass.
san stifles a little moan, dying it down with a deep breath that ends with a small hint of a groggy purr. it’s early in the morning and he can’t seem to calm down himself, his own body aching to hold you, be close to you, to own you.
without thinking—he always seems to never think when he’s around you—he stretches his arm out and let his fingers gently graze against your skin. you’re cold under his warm touch, goosebumps instantly forming. hot blood races through his veins and down his already loaded morning wood. puffs of breath escape his lips as he draws a pattern with his fingertips from the middle of your back, and down, down, down. until his entire hand is covering your ass cheek.
“it tickles,” you say, a breathy chuckle airing from your chest.
“did i wake you?” san asks softly. he comes closer to you and nuzzles his nose deep into your neck. the hand that was pressed on your bottom slithers up and around and settles in the soft crevice of your lower stomach, fingers brazenly reaching lower.
you shake your head. your breath stuck in your chest, sending you into a dizzy state. “no, i was awake.”
he hums softly into your skin, before pressing your lower body closer against him. his lips place feverish kisses on your neck, arriving at the slope of your shoulders and down your arms.
you instinctively lean into him, ass molding gently against his hard dick.
“babyyy,” he whimpers, his brain already turning into mush.
you giggle at him. “hm?” you jokingly answer. and san is incapable of forming one coherent sentence. all he can think about is you, mind clouded with you, your skin, you warmth, your body, your smell, his smell on your body and your ass pressing into him.
“can i?” a pause, then a sigh, then a whine. “can we…?”
you turn to him smiling when you see his face crumpling into the most defeated expression ever. cheeks flushed, eyes glossy.
you wrap your hand around his face and place gentle kisses on his lips. one after the other, softly. calming the ripples of chaos in his mind, or so you thought. he only grows eager, needy, demanding.
his hands caress all over your body, fingers curling into the inside of your knee and hooking your leg around him, his dick pushing into your pussy in a hurried action. his hips start bucking into you with every push of his lips on you, swallowing your hisses and breaths, inhaling your moans, intoxicating himself with you.
but he’s soft. despite all his fierce emotions, he’s gentle with you, so gentle he makes you melt. he makes your soul turn into liquid gold. you’re his prized possession. his treasure.
when you try to pull away to catch your breaths, san’s head duck lower down your chest and between your breasts. he’s heaving, mind racing and heart beating so fast. he holds you close, telling himself to slow down, reminding himself that he doesn’t want to rush with you now that you’re his.
he vowed to keep you by his side, to love you and protect you and he will do just that.
and without him asking twice, or even once, you give him everything and he takes it. he takes, doubles it and gives it to you. without a doubt.
when he is asked about love, there are a plenty of things that san can think of. his family, his hometown, his hobbies, his friends and everything that contributed and still contributes in making him the person he is today.
but when it comes to you, his mind is blank. a white canvas, ready to be painted by you.
note : i originally had this idea for mingi but san is clouding my mind rn so i couldn’t help it 😭😵💫this was so difficult for me to write because my mind and thoughts are full of him rn oof🥲 pls like and reblog if you enjoyed reading <33
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