I Loved You Then Not Anymore

18 Welcome to my heart, soul and mind Just trying my best to write some poetry

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“Tonight we asked the magic 8 ball if we’d last”

- it said ask again later //

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“Our hands touched

You looked into my eyes and smiled

I thought I stood a chance”

-boy was I wrong// you never wanted me I just wanted you to want me

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“If you give him all your air, you won’t be able to breathe.”

-why are you giving him all of you//

[bandaidsfortheheart]

“Maybe I am Winter and you are Spring. Or maybe we are both trying to grow, but I can no longer thrive in your soil. All I know is I am wilting again, and it seems as though a storm is brewing. How I wish I could take root in something, though. I’m so tired of letting go.”

— Wilting, V.P.

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“I think I’ll kinda miss you forever.”

-how do you fall out of love // you can’t

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“I just wanted to dance with you.”

-you looked at me like I had stars in my eyes so why didn’t you take my hand that night?

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“My body has never been home

Never been the place where grandma gives a hug

Or where my dog licks my face,

It’s been the hotel you stay at for your grandpa's funeral

Where the water is too hot and the bed too soft

And the pillowcases stained with salty tears.

My body is a snail shell

And I have outgrown it

- I’m looking for a new shell in the mirror but I forgot I can’t see

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“I can’t look you in the eyes anymore.”

-everything that was there, is now lost.

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

As of tomorrow I will have circled the sun 18 times

I don’t know much from 18 years

But here’s what I do know

Youth is fleeting

High school flies by

Friendships are the most valuable currency we have next to kindness

Love sucks and hurts and sometimes makes you want to die but, if even for a single moment you have it, it’s worth it

Learning to love yourself is harder than any math problem I’ve ever tried to solve

Learning to accept that not everyone will love you, is even harder

I will never understand comma splices but I do understand that that every person I meet deserves to feel loved

I know that painting, even really badly, can cure almost any pain

And that writing bad poetry can heal broken hearts

I know that the future will not crumble just because I stumble

I know that stopping to smell the roses is a bad idea if you have spring allergies but taking the long way home to feel the sun puts your mind in the right place

That the world is mine to fix

That I can’t just wait for others to create change

To make a difference

The world is on my shoulders but I’m not holding it alone

I know to laugh every chance you get because yes the joke was stupid but why hold onto a pride that keeps you from smiling

I know to take bike rides and go to farmers markets and listen to music you love

To tell people how you feel when you feel it

And that every chance you get, you should take because regret is worse than failure.

I know that car rides at sunset And picnics in the park are the holiest of moments that God himself gifted to us

I know that singing loud and whispering are two of the most important forms of communication

I know that who I am is a stepping stone to who I can be

And that growth is hard work but so is living

I’m sure I know more

I have to

But at least for now

Here’s what I know

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

I took the long way home today

To walk a little longer,

feel the sun on my face

And try to remember warmth

It’s been two years

I still don’t feel heat

the same way since you left

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

You still live everyday like you’re afraid of being alive

I beg of you to start watching the stars

I beg of you to lay in the sun

To make a snow angel and kiss in the rain

To feel more than disappearing.

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“mouth”

let the stars drip into your mouth and fill you,

let them make you whole.

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

oh my this is the world in a song

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

“I see you everywhere I go. I miss you.”

-I should have told you I loved you before it was too late.

[konoko]

i feel so alone without you

[poetbitesback]

“To the boy who told me he was the Night and that I could be a star in his sky: I have daydreams darker than you.”

— and you would get lost in me || O.L. (via poetbitesback)

[sleepingwithwindowsopen]

I just like, really dig you