Mostly-Useless Superpowers

A brainstorm of the most minor superpowers possible.

[cookiesketches]

Useless superpower: you’ll always look like you’re floating even if you aren’t

[koloss-part-2]

somebody: If you had a superpower, what would it be?

most people: *some comic book shit*

me:

[mystrothedefender]

“What’s your superpower?” “Bethesda glitch.”

[tunnelsnakefool]

[tunnelsnakesfool]

It’s a unique skill set

[thecooltrashcat]

Very unique

[amethystasari]

[imsopopfly]

The best superpower

[editorincreeps-deactivated20180]

Super power wish: being able to tell if orange juice is from California or Florida in a single sip.

[fantasticworldofflanneldoodle]

Does something ever happen to you and you’re like, “this is it. This is how I become a super villain”

[evilsupplyco]

Sometimes, it’s a simple matter of being born (hatched, whatever). Sometimes it is the economy. Occasionally boredom or revenge or love or lust.

And once, long ago, it was to acquire simply stupendous amounts of maple syrup. Just… unfathomably large amounts.

I cannot stress the size enough.

Maple syrup is not a controlled substance – it is, on paper, legal to purchase unlimited amounts of it. But there are always questions when you buy that much of anything.

Unfortunate.

Questions.

[pr1nceshawn]

Functional Adults Who Look Like Superheroes To the Rest of Us

[owlgams]

Amelie is a slug girl who’s most useful attribute is her ability to create copious amounts of slime from her hands! Not very pleasant tho…

[billciipher]

Click on it twice. These are your two super powers.

[buzzfeed]

Did somebody say cats wearing capes in mid-air filmed in slow-motion?

[slightlysuper]

(via 496 - Hit At Raves)

[slightlysuper]

[slightlysuper]

[cat-boots]

Much like lucid dreamers, Glitch trait classes have figured out they’re in a videogame and use it to their advantage.

The Stretcher's model and textures can extend infinitely, allowing infinite range attacks and grapples as well as freaking the hell out of everyone.

The Clipper moves at such speed his model can burst through walls and objects while his limbs flap about making that BBBBBBBBB CRASH CRASH PSH CRASH BBBB noise. Touching one of his limbs will generally result in one or both characters flipping out and ragdolling into the skybox.

The Hidden Files Summoner has got into the debug menu and can summon creatures like 000000 and create powerful weapons such as _sword.

[coolaftbh-deactivated20190813]

And now for a useful but unconventional superpower

The best super power ever has to be the power to refill things. Think about it, your glass is empty, refill it without getting up. Your bank account empty, power to refill it. Your bed is empty of a person of your preferred gender, refill it and have some fun.

[draconisblog-deactivated2014052]

At first I was all:

Well that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.

But then I was all like:

GENIUS! PURE UNADULTERATED GENIUS!

[that-australian-guy]

person annoying you? refill their bladder

[blackfemmejeanvaljean]

[alafrenais]

I’M READY FOR THE BIG LEAGUES, PUT ME IN COACH

[slightlysuper]

ALL HAIL GLITRA.

[vodni-deactivated20221111]

what if when you killed someone you gained their best trait

[crazyassmurdererwall]

#what if you only got what THEY thought their best trait was (via tickatocka)

[cinematicnomad]

#you think you’re killing someone for their brain and you get their nose instead #you think you’re killing someone for their strength and you get their baking skills instead #you think you’re killing someone for their cunning and you get their ability to parallel park (via crazyassmurdererwall)

[slightlysuper]

Mostly-Useless Superpowers will return in 2015

tl;dr Interrupting this unintentional hiatus to announce an intentional one.

Diligent readers will have noticed by now that superpowersdaily has not been quite as daily as of late. It has had skipped days before, but rarely this many in a row.

The fact is this: I simply haven't been able to reliably keep the queue going. Although I still enjoy thinking them up, Mostly-Useless Superpowers can't really be a priority for me right now. Especially not one I stress myself out about updating daily. 

The submission box will still be open, and I may post related media as I come across it, but for now I will not be posting daily powers.

I do have plans to return. I already have a few powers saved up—they just aren’t in image form yet. Additionally, have been thinking about present more varied content to present in the future. I will continue to post powers, of course, but I would also like to do exercises to flesh out the characters that might have these powers, and what they might actually do with them. Character profiles, little comics, illustrations—someday I’d like to put together a book of mostly-useless superheroes and villains. However, the feasibility of taking on such a project while I’m a graduate student is… peripheral at best.

Happy holidays to all, and see you again in 2015!

[slightlysuper]

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Photo by Germán Póo-Caamaño.