Hi I'm Ian

25 | your friendly florida transmasc

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Fuck it this account is for everything now that tiktok is going away! Here's a drawing of a dnd character!

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Fuck these hurricanes man 😭 It's estimated i won't have power until THURSDAY. The fridge is fucked but I have a home and my car has gas so I'm thankful anyways. Might make a commission sheet for small drawings so I can buy all my food back.

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I had to shave under my chin the other day :) I can already feel the hairs growing back

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Having my voice get deeper is really odd only because it feels physically like it can't get any deeper but it's obviously going to. Just how gravely is my voice going to get?

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So many things to update about!

Firstly, I fucked up.

I wasn't able to get my bloodwork done in time (my fault entirely) so I need to call them back in a few days about how my T levels are and if we can up my dose.

Secondly, my voice is really dropping now. People around me are taking more of a notice and I can hear a difference when recording my voice. Before this I was only feeling the difference in my voice but not super hearing it. Thirdly, Anyone else feel super fucking awkward at these appointments? Growing up under the assumption that I was a woman, I've only ever talked about body stuff with women, and now having to open up about my second puberty to a man has been so so weird to me. And this time around with my appointment there were two men, because for some reason there's always another doctor there (I'm assuming they're there to learn how to practice trans healthcare appropriately) and this time they were a guy. Thankfully everyone's real professional so I am getting more comfortable about it.

And, this part doesn't have anything to do with anything really, my doctor keeps joking with me at my appointments and I keep not realizing it's a joke until it's a little too late. This time he tried joking that 'he heard I liked DeSantis'. I stared at him for five seconds before finally asking if that was a joke and we had a good chuckle about my delay in response.

Anywho that's really all I got. I'll post again when I find out my T levels and all that.

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Can't sleep so y'all're getting an update. Had my third t shot the other day and it's so easy now! I really don't feel a thing. My hands still shake afterwards for some reason but that's fine by me so long as I can actually do the injection, yk?

My voice hasn't dropped much farther yet, only enough for people to ask if I'm sick. I love that I didn't need a lot of T to get that change started. I'm finding satisfaction in being able to see and hear and feel the changes.

Speaking of changes. Content warning for talking about libido so if you're not cool with that, don't read farther, obvs.

I have bipolar disorder and have personally chosen to be medicated for it. The medication kills my libido. Like nearly totally. Testosterone is giving me something to work with, but it's not turning me into the horndog I thought it would. I'm personally thankful for that. Maybe 30 days on T is too early to tell, though. My favorite saying lately has been "Who knows?".

Anyways. It's about to be four in the morning. Bye 👋

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25 days on T and it's already easier to speak in a deeper register! Not by much at all but ever so slightly! Enough to notice! Also ever so slight bottom growth pains? Part of me wonders how much of this is wishful thinking.

I'm surprised I haven't experienced more acne yet. My skin has actually been very clear overall.

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not to be dramatic but I’m crocheting and rewatching my favorite video, it’s raining outside and my fiancé is upstairs asleep with our pets and it’s days like this I’m really glad I didn’t kill myself

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I started T!

So I finally got my hands on my prescription. I went with Xyosted auto injectors. Took me an hour to calm my nerves (I hate injection needles. Tattoo needles are fine). Was an idiot and looked at the needle in the tube. When I finally tried doing it I didn't realize how hard I had to push it down, so i chickened out and had to take another break lol. trying the second time was a lot easier, and thanks to the sensation of the plastic ring digging into your skin, you seriously cannot feel the needle at all! I'm a sensitive guy and I thought surely i'm going to feel something, anything, but no! So if you're using the auto injector because you're scared of needles, don't be afraid to put the injector down and do something else for like half an hour to calm down. It helps a lot. Okay, bye!

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Making some patches to give out at a punk show I'm going to :) I don't go to shows ever so hopefully this is a welcome thing to do

First I put my design on the rubber using carbon paper, then I carved it out. I used oil based block printing ink and a brayer to apply it to the rubber stamp. The fabric I used is from an old tshirt I cut up <3 I'll be making the patches fancier in a few days when the ink has dried

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My Second Endocrinologist Appointment

Yesterday I saw my endocrinologist for the second time. I did my homework, got my blood work done and my second letter of recommendation acquired. My doctor had, since our last appointment, spoken with my therapist about me going through with HRT, and he said he now felt confident working with me. So that's nice! I did still have to give him my psychiatrists letter of recommendation though.

After we established that he was ready to help me with HRT, we went over my bloodwork. He informed me my testosterone levels were a little high already. I personally thought it was kinda cool to have high levels of testosterone already, but he informed me it was not, in fact, 'cool'. He said it was a likely indicator of PCOS, as I do also have a little facial hair (I don't really think so, but my doctor does. I thought I just had mad peach fuzz).

Other than the high testosterone, everything else was fine! He did mention I could look a little weight for my health (I'm 5'3", 165 pounds), but that'll be easy. I have a sweet tooth I could just ignore.

Then we went over my testosterone options again.

This time around he was the one to mention Xyosted. In case I didn't mention it in my first post, Xyosted is a testosterone auto-injector. It was my first choice because I'm not great with needles. I was prepared to pay full price, but today I got a call that my insurance is covering it a little, and that means I can use Xyosted's company co-pay card! I don't know how much I'll save yet but I'll include that in a future post.

So we went over my choices, I chose Xyosted, and we decided my best course of action right now is to take one 50mg injection bi-weekly. In two months, after four injections, I'll get my blood taken again 5 days after that fourth injection.

After we set that straight, he had his scribe write the specifics of the prescription and it was over!

Again, today I got that call about my prescription being covered a little, and the woman on the phone also said it would be filled within a few days, so hell yeah man. I'll likely post again after picking it up.

Have a good day y'all out there :)

P.S. I'm curious about what other people are experiencing. What were you diagnosed with to get HRT? Did you need any kind of diagnosis at all? My official diagnosis is Gender Identity Disorder. I don't really agree that what I'm experiencing is a disorder but hey if it gets me the medicine I need, yk?

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My First Endocrinologist Appointment

Note: This was written on 6/20/24

Today I went in for my first endocrinologist appointment with the goal of getting on testosterone. I'm a 25 year old transmasculine individual living in Florida. My name is Ian. I've known about myself for ten years, been open and out for eight, and am just now getting to medically transitioning. 

    I arrived early for the appointment for check-in. Everyone I talked to was friendly, thankfully.

    I anticipated the appointment would go something like this; We'd meet, check me out, go over what'll happen as I take T, I'll give them my therapists letter of recommendation, they'll take blood, and then write me a prescription for testosterone. 

Not quite how it went, but it didn't go badly.

    I at least knew it was a long shot to get my first dose the day I was there. My doctor (Who, for privacy, will not be named) explained that we need to know my baselines for different shit in my blood before testosterone. That way if anything fucky happens we can catch it. I already knew this was a thing, hence me expecting the bloodwork being done on site. 

I'm getting a little ahead of myself. So. The appointment started with my doc sitting next to me asking me questions about my life. No idea why any of it was relevant, maybe to make sure I had a stable life situation? 

    During the questions I gave him my letter of recommendation from my therapist. We spoke about my mental health and it appears I also need a letter of recommendation from my psychiatrist, which I had not thought to get. After we squared that information away he gave me a checkup- nothing special- did do a swallow test of some kind though. My guess is he was checking out my thyroid. All went well, and we proceeded to sit and go over the fun stuff- Testosterone! 

    Now I'm not a medical professional so I have a very simple understanding of how all this works. Through bloodwork my doctor will monitor the shtuff in my blood that we need to pay attention to. Our plan once I get my other letter of recommendation is to get that blood work done, meet up again, and if all is clear we may be able to start me on subcutaneous injections. They're going to start me on low, more frequent doses and work me up until my testosterone levels are at 300 ng/dL.

    Also y'all should now I hate needles. Specifically the ones used to inject; tattoo needles are fine. I'm not entirely pleased that I'm getting injections, but I do want the speed of results associated with injections as opposed to patches or gel. Anyhow, I'm just happy they're subcutaneous and not intramuscular. And I'm sure it'll get easier as I have the shots done. I didn't mention this but he said they'll teach my partner how to do the shots, so that means I don't have to do them to myself! Fuck yeah!

    Along with talking about T we briefly went over everything to expect from T. Body hair, acne, thickening skin- one thing though, I'm kinda surprised he didn't mention bottom growth at all? It seemed like something, from doing my own research, that's fairly common- expected, even? Anyways. 

    After we spoke about the T plan and T changes to expect, the appointment was officially over. It felt like it had zipped by. 

And yeah, that was it. 75 days of waiting for this appointment and now it's over and I get to take the next steps. Wish me luck!

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In future posts I'll go over how I found my endocrinologist, how I got my letter(s) of recommendation, and more stuff related to being trans. Bye for now.