dimes square society

alex. 23. self indulgent writing blog. mostly series. a sideblog. leave a comment pls and ty <3

[slothgiirl]

the pitfalls of spiraling (xiao x reader)

1.1k. fluff. body image issues. suggestive. established relationship. comfort. tried to keep it gn neutral but lmk if u disagree.

You look yourself over in the flat's only mirror. Xiao’s bathroom didn’t even have a mirror. You didn’t mind before, avoiding mirrors as a general rule so you didn’t have to linger only any of your physical insecurities, out of sight therefore out of mind, but you needed to check how your bathing suit looked on. The angle was awkward.

You felt awkward, so exposed. Your mouth was dry, palms sweaty as you zero in on all your insecurities: the way your stomach jiggled as you moved; the stretch marks on your hips; the hyper-pigmentation on your knees and chin; your large pores and the stubborn acne that had followed you into adulthood. . .

Spiraling. 

You were spiraling. 

You squeeze your eyes shut looking away. 

The bathing suit had looked nice in the store but you were starting to think you’d be better off in shorts and an oversized shirt this summer. People would stare at the beach. They’d think you're fat. You were fat. (and ugly, an awful voice in your head adds.) 

It was bad enough being surrounded by your wonderful friends. Who could compare to Ganyu? 

Maybe if you stopped eating dessert from now until summer. . .cut out breakfast. . .you sigh. You walked up and down the steps of Wangshu Inn daily and you were still fat. (Even if you weren’t fat there was no fixing your face.)

You knew you were spiraling, hugging your arms around your chest, and yet you couldn’t stop. You’d been doing so well lately. As spring had arrived in Liyue, you’d worn a cropped top, you’d had more servings of almond tofu than you could count without feeling guilty, you’d felt beautiful when Xiao caressed every inch of your skin kissing you for what felt like hours. 

But right now, all you felt was worthless. 

You could still return the bathing suit. 

You’d have more fun this summer if you felt comfortable anyways. 

There was always next year. You could join Xinyan and Yun Jin when they went out dancing. That would be a fun way to exercise. And you could keep working on feeling good about yourself. Whichever one worked first. 

You sigh, pinching the fat that bulged over the waistband of the bathing suit. 

“Are you ready for lunch,” Xiao utters softly. You hadn't even heard him come in. Your boyfriend is swift as the wind, standing awkwardly, red dusting his cheeks as he stares at you. His eyes kept glancing from your face, then lower, then back to your visage again. 

“Ugh,” you squeak, embarrassed that he’d caught you like this, feeling awful about your body. “Yeah, give me a moment.” Your face burns, you feel even  more self conscious with Xiao here. 

He was an adeptus that could have anyone he wanted. Xiao was breathtakingly beautiful, all defined muscles and sharp angles. You couldn’t help but feel lacking in moments of wallowing self hatred. Like this one.

“Alright,” he nods, making an effort to keep his eyes on yours instead of your body, “I assume that this is not what you were wearing to Wanmin Restaurant. It is not exactly the beach.”

You snort, easily amused by Xiao. Then, without planning on it, you ask him in a small voice, “what do you think?” It was Xiao. He was blunt, never mincing words or sparing feelings. An objective opinion would be nice. It’d be nice to know if you really did look bad or if it was all in your head. 

“About?”

“My bathing suit,” you clarify, biting your lip right after, shifting your gaze back to the mirror. There was no hiding your belly rolls. 

“It looks,” Xiao swallows thickly, “good.”

You frown. 

“Is the fabric uncomfortable?”

“No, it’s not that,” you shake your head. Why was it so hard to tell Xiao what you told yourself all the time? (Saying it outloud would make it all the more true.) Your eyes stung. “I just don’t think I look good,” you look down at your feet, “I’m too. . .it’d look better if I was thin.”

“Mortal beauty standards are subjective, it is worthless to pursue them,” Xiao states evenly. 

“I know. . .” That didn’t change how you feel though. 

Xiao tilts your chin away from the mirror, “the tailor did a poor job if your clothes do not fit to your satisfaction.”

“It’s not that. I just wish I looked like the people in the adverts do in clothes.”

Xiao raises a brow, uncomprehending, “the kamera manipulated models?” 

“It sounds stupid, I know and I’ve been better about it lately,” you cover your face with a hand, feeling small, “I guess it’s harder with a bathing suit because I’m more exposed. . .”

Your boyfriend pulls your hand away from your face, placing a soft kiss on the back of your hand, “mortals place too much importance on physical appearance.” Xiao places another chaste kiss on your cheek. “I know I do not often tell you, but you have always been exquisite in my eyes.”

You flush red for an entirely different reason. “Really?”

“Yes. Why would I lie,” Xiao asks redundantly, caressing the side of your face, “You are lovely. Since the moment I first saw you, long before we exchanged even the slightest greeting, you entered my thoughts and have yet to leave.” He’s as red faced as you are. 

“Xiao,” you utter softly. 

It was so easy to spiral into self hatred, but somehow hearing that you were pretty from someone you loved made it easier to be alright with yourself. You believe him. 

“And I love this,” Xiao, caressing your soft belly with his hand. 

You chew your lip, finding it hard to believe him when you’ve been insecure about your body for so many years yet knowing Xiao was not a liar. 

“If you do not want lunch,” Xiao’s voice is low, as his hand trails down you back, squeezing your bum. 

You jump at his touch, entirely different from the self doubt spiral you had gone on this afternoon. Of course, Xiao may be an adeptus, but he was also a man seeing his lover in a bathing suit and he was hungry for more than chaste kisses. 

“Xiao,” you yelp when he sucks a kiss under your jaw, “Zhongli and Shenhe are expecting us. And I want noodles.” Unlike Xiao, you needed three meals a day, probably some fruit for a snack. Not everyone could live off Almond tofu. 

“Tt,” Xiao frowns against your skin, “I suppose we will continue this later then.”

Heat burns under your skin in anticipation, but not enough to stand your friends up. “Let me go change. I know you’ve been looking forward to seeing Zhongli again,” you remind Xiao before he decided that you could eat at Wangshu Inn after he was done with you.

[buginateacup]

Every single fic update there is an author trying frantically to find the right balance between a nonchalant aside of "leave a comment if you enjoyed =)" and clinging desperately to the coat tails of a random stranger, dragging along behind them on the street wailing "Please, please! I have to know what you thought! I'm desperate to talk to people about this! Ask me about the alliterative repetition! Ask me about the symbolism!"

[eros-fixx]

misunderstanding

childe x reader // genshin impact.

—when it comes to childe, it's difficult to define what you two are. or is it? maybe you've been misunderstanding him this entire time.

You didn’t even think you and Childe were anything.

After all, neither of you have bothered to label the strange arrangement you have. Sure, he likes to off-handedly mention you visiting his family in Snezhnaya whenever he’s around, and yes, he does often joke about starting a family, but you thought those were just friendly things. Something a family man like Childe would say to any fuck buddy.

(Though in hindsight you suppose there are things that make it seem like more than just that. Like the fact that he came over to make you borscht when you were sick, even if he'd just come from a month-long Fatui excursion. And fed it to you by the spoonful, jokingly commenting about being by your side "in sickness or health." Or the fact that apparently even Teucer knew who you were, and kept saying he was excited to meet his "big brother's girlfriend."

But surely, surely these could all be misunderstandings, right? Childe hardly seems like the relationship type.)

From your perspective, you and Childe are nothing more than two comrades who spent time battling and fucking it out. Nothing more and nothing less. But when you step out of your room in Inazuma, intent on picking up some tonkotsu ramen for dinner, you're certainly not expecting to open the door and for your entire field of vision to be blocked.

You blink.

Upon closer inspection, it looks like a ginormous whale plushie, nearly as tall as you. Big enough to fill your doorway.

You poke your head out the door, looking around. There's no one in sight.

After lugging the whale plush into your room—it really was a ridiculous size, certainly something a child would love--a note affixed to its fin catches your eye.

You open it, only to snort. It's an invitation.

Dinner with me, tonight? Be at Uyuu Restaurant by 7.

(You don't even need to ask who left it. The whale is his signature animal after all.)

“Did you like the present?” he asks you as you slip into the seat across him. The restaurant is alive tonight, bustling with customers, mostly couples.

"Was it a reference to our first fight?" He seems puzzled by your question, cocking his head slightly. "You know... when you summoned a giant Hydro whale to slam me into the ground?"

He laughs good-naturedly. "Oh, so you do remember!" You glare at him, pouting as you swipe some of his tempura. He already ordered everything on the menu. Classic Childe; spares no expenses to get the best. "I didn't pick it in jest, though. I'm... surprised you remember our first battle. It seems so long ago."

"How could I forget? It knocked me out, you asshole."

He laughs again, and you decide to drop the banter, at least a little. "It is a cute gift, though," you say, softer now. "It'll help me make much fonder memories with whales."

A wide grin stretches his face. "Of course. Only the best from Snezhnaya’s Number One Toy Seller.” He says it so earnestly you can't help but laugh yourself.

"Of course. How could I forgot you're not only the big bad Harbinger, but also a hard-working toy seller. And you have enough time to keep a lonely, little thing like me company? Truly, a man with many commitments."

"Ah, but you're forgetting." Something in his demeanor changes. He shifts slightly in his seat. "The last one is just as important as either of the first two, especially now--"

The waitress arrives with your drinks, setting down sake along with two small cups. You thank her, looking up to notice that Childe is staring at you peculiarly, with that same serious intensity he often slips into, so unlike the playful side he often shows to others.

“That necklace you're wearing..." he says suddenly. "I haven't seen it before. Where's it from?"

"Ah." You grasp the pendant. It's a simple but elegant necklace of cor lapis, Rex Lapis' symbol engraved into it. "Zhongli gave it to me. After the whole... Liyue fiasco. As thanks."

Childe's stare turns peculiar. "Have you... been wearing it since then? I haven't seen it on you."

"No! Just occasionally."

"Occasionally, huh," he repeats, before bringing his thumb to his chin, seeming to think. You pick a piece of karaage off his plate, munching. You think you catch him muttering something about "that sly old man making his moves," but snort, deciding to let him work through whatever he's thinking.

He looks up suddenly, as if he remembered something suddenly.

"I did get you another gift."

You swallow roughly, nearly choking on the piece of chicken. "Another—Childe, you didn't have to! My room can't fit anymore plushies."

"It's not a toy," he says, reaching into his back pocket, before pulling out a plush velvet box. He opens it, showing you an intricately designed silver necklace, set with bright rubies.

“I was thinking... we could match," he says, pointing to his ruby earring.

You're stunned speechless for a beat. "Childe..." Matching jewelry? The plushie? The dinner? While he's always spotted you food, and you've never thought twice about it, the gifts are a lot. They seem to hint at a more serious relationship between you two. "Are you sure you want to—"

"I..." He runs a hand through his hair in agitation. "It doesn't go well with Zhongli's gaudy gift though."

“Gaudy… you mean the necklace? Well, I could wear both.”

His smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I dunno... I think red suits you better."

"Childe..." You stare him down. "Don't tell me you're jealous. Over a piece of jewelry."

He shrugs offhandedly, toying with his rice. Hilariously, his chopstick skills are still terrible; he's spilled rice grains all over his table. Yet he pretends he's still eating it.

"Maybe you could wear the necklace off whoever you're thinking about. You know. As a sign."

"I'm not thinking about Zhongli right now," you say in exasperation. "Are you serious?"

He locks eyes with you.

"It's a gift from a friend! Of course I'll wear it."

"Then..." He pauses. "Then do you mind wearing mine? Dear friend?"

You take off the gift you're wearing, and Childe stands up to help you latch the necklace on. Sitting back down, only then does he seem to relax into his seat, seeming much more at ease.

"I just think it suits you better."

"...You mean having your claim on me suits you better?" you say wryly.

"Exactly!"

You sigh.

Does he think you're Teucer, his little brother? Easily swayed by shiny objects? 

You eye the beautiful necklace he's gifted you, the way it seems to drape around your neck perfectly. He really did put a lot of effort into the gift.

Maybe he's right.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?" you say.

He shrugs off your complaints once more, seemingly back to his cheery disposition now that you're wearing his necklace. Now that you've chosen him, in a sense.

He truly is a piece of work.

"Also... this really isn't a way to ask me to be your girlfriend, you know."

Childe’s eyes widen. “Comrade…” Now he sounds exasperated. “You mean you didn’t know…? I'm not one for labels, but I thought we’ve been a thing this entire time!”

[spincrystal28]

Is this a safe space. Can I pitch my chilumi yuri vision to you all.

I keep seeing people in passing branding it as like “straight ship people are creepily heteronormative about” and this is a deep tragedy to me personally because Im operating on 7 levels of absurd silliness and think it can be insane yuri

[spincrystal28]

I FELL ASLEEP BUT IM BACK. ok so the first thing about the chilumi yuri vision is…while obviously of course I think Childe’s sexuality is based less on appearance or gender and far more on how much he wants to fight someone in hand to hand combat as a form of quality time, and therefore a part of it is him going “wow I love the kind of woman that can kick my ass” about Lumine that some ppl do…but also I have elaborations on this

I think Lumine works for Childe because if he reaaaaally wants to fight her and is like “pleeeaaase Traveler i havent seen you in forever and want to catch up with you on what my siblings are up to over a friendly spar, i’ll even forgo using a weapon and/or tie a hand behind my back so I’m at a disadvantage if that would be more fun (I would definitely find it more fun). Pleaaaaaseee?”, Lumine is down to fight him. So they do, and at some point after said recreational sparring session they both got really into, Childe is like sprawled out on the ground with a bloody nose looking very emotionally enriched by this experience, and looks over to Lumine (who also has a bloody nose and is brushing the dust off herself while chilling) and is like “heyyyy Traveler. Question” and Lumine is like “yeah”, so Childe is like “do you think that I could be a #girl to you”

And Lumine, who is very used to having to pause to process Childe saying peculiar things especially about himself and his own self image, is like “please elaborate”, to which Childe goes on a tangent explaining he doesn’t exactly mind being viewed as a guy or a girl per-say because his ultimate ideal gender is A Well Crafted and Cool Looking Weapon, Lumine’s Cool Gender has given him much to think about, and you know he would personally love to be girl best friends with someone

The key factor here is Lumine is actually hilariously not unfamiliar with accidentally causing Sapphic Awakenings in other genshin characters, because sometimes said awakenings come less in the form of “oh girls are pretty” and more-so seeing a lesbian with cool gender (in this case Lumine) and being like wow 1) I am gay 2) I want whatever she has going on gender wise here so bad it’s unreal. Usually when I say this people think it exclusively applies to the women in thr genshin cast, but no…..you arent gender impacting hard enough. Childe is also included here. If you are me you will understand perfectly. He’s like if a weapon was either a man or a woman. He’s like, 110% coolest big brother ever but also in the context of Chilumi here is Lumine’s girlfriend. Is Childe the local white boy? Yes. this a gay relationship? Yes. Is it yuri? Also yes. Does Childe specifically ID as sapphic? No/it depends. Is Lumine a woman? No, she is simply a lesbian with cool gender. Chilumi yuri transcends the gender binary and confuses absolutely everyone around them for several reasons

So in response to Childe’s gender tangent Lumine is like “well Childe we can be girl best friends if you really want” and Childe is like OMG….really? And Lumine is like yeah sure go for it👍 Which starts the most bizarre situationship known to man. Again. It confuses absolutely everyone for several reasons. Neither Childe or Lumine are really looking to pursue a longterm committed romantic relationship or anything (Childe isn’t in the most stable headspace for one + Lumine just isn’t interested in it) so instead what we get is Childe walking around looking like he got mauled by a small beast and everyone’s like Dude what the hell happened to you and he’s like oh I just got back from a great date with my girlfriend ^__^ we hiked up one of the local trails and then fist fought each other in the woods before closing off the evening with me showing her how to wrestle large fish in the lake to eat them. And everyone turns to Lumine desperate for a proper explanation and she’s just like “yeah see I just think this is emotionally enriching for him. And for me. I’m kind of fascinated with his peculiar white boy and/or girl charm and tendency to say things only someone with under-diagnosed disorders would say. Solid dude. Get you a gf who can catch fish with his teeth you know” Which, of course, clears up absolutely nothing

Another factor here is Lumine isn't really saddled with fixing Childe's issues or anything she just treats him like a person and is very chill/accepting of him being “a little odd” sometimes, and this sort of presence is just good for Childe mentally IMO, bc I think it’s good for him to not have to swap between different facets of his identity (Ajax vs Tartagilia, for ex) and have people he can just be himself with in a more middle ground way. A lot of the time its just very silly but Lumine is probably someone Childe would feel more comfortable opening up to or at least trying to process his issues around. There’s a bit of a tragedy here where it genuinely could work well for them but Childe kind of struggles to connect with people as a person bc of his dissociation from his own personhood to cope with his trauma, and, of course, while I think Traveler enjoys forming meaningful emotional connections and is down with a lot of flings or casual relationships Lumine’s traveling lifestyle isn’t really suited for settling down for a committed stable one in the way that might work best for Childe, esp now when he’s still an active Harbringer

They work for each other and there’s a lot of good self realizations about identity they can glean from one another but their circumstances are always hovering over everything in the background. This is yuri to me

[veroniikus]

The Young Harbinger

[blood-orange-juice-deactivated2]

This is just… afghjhgfhj. I have no words. Captures both his sides perfectly.

author

[renxamamiya]

Genshin Impact [9/??]

[finalgirlabigailhobbs]

cosmic horror (god loves you too much and keeps resurrecting you)

[slothgiirl]

hiii i just wanted to know if there will be a part 2 of "an understanding" (the morpheus fic)?

i looked through all your stuff but i couldn't find anything exept the asks you answered around a year ago on the matter

(the fic was so good istg)

ty sm !!! no plans now mb when next season drops ill hav inspo but tbh im not writing much right now srry

[d4n1elll4]

KEITH KOGANE RECS

MASTERLIST

He ate my heart by @vnmpior

I could be yours by @sukisheadlights

Kinks by @writing-vld

Shy by @vnmpior

Space princess by @voltronisanobsession

Say it again by @bbykeijis

Sexy black dress by @savetheblackpaladin

Wet dream by @palalovin

Boyfriend hcs I by @keiffeine

Make up by @kiwibirbs-library

Boyfriend hcs II by @tamayakii

Break out by @fandomlit

Lucky charm by @floating-inthevoid

The medic by @slothgiirl

Looking sharp pt.1 | pt.2 by @crybabyddl

The spy pt.1 | pt.2 by @slothgiirl

Electro vision by @paperpeacock

Sm*t hcs by @keiffeine

[fatuifucker]

I plan on writing a full Childe character analysis on his birthday but since I'm writing a Childe x character fic rn, here's what I think of his character (warning: very long and wordy and keep in mind this is prior to me reading other people's analysis of him and going really further in depth. ofc this would have spoilers of Childe's story quest, his backstory and the Liyue archon quest):

Childe is actually a really simple character that I think a lot of people overcomplicate. He is really straightforward and to be honest, even if he was trained to be somewhat cunning in the Fatui, he's actually very simple even when he's being manipulative. Whenever he has problems, his first instinct is usually to fight through it (eg: Childe's story quest when he had to deal with debt collecting, he immediately tried to fight them before Teucer saw him and he had to verbally maneuver through the situation. When he had to do the whole speech in front of the new Fatui recruits, he realised using the metaphor of toys wouldn't work so he immediately challenged the recruits to a fight).

His straightforwardness is the reason why he is deemed to be so strange among the harbingers. The harbingers don't like using force and prefer to work behind the scenes while Childe is bold and confident. He is very direct not just in combat but also in his interactions. Mf also almost revealed his true identity to Xinyan until we interupted him and he also immediately introduced himself as a Fatui harbinger to us in our first meeting. The only time he isn't is when his missions absolute require him to be secretive (which is why he had to give us half-truths about his agenda in the Liyue archon quest) and when he has to protect Teucer who he believes shouldn't be involved in the dark life he lives. He really isn't that manipulative or sly at all.

He revels in being in the "fucked up" side of the world. He is part of the harbingers, he enjoys the thrill of battle and that thrill is his core motivation and drive to live and experience life. He is an ambitious warrior through and through who thrives in the battlefield and willingly gave himself as a weapon to the Tsaritsa because he enjoys it. He wants to "conquer the world" because he enjoys challenges as he sees them as thrilling. It's very similar to Jabami Yumeko from Kakegurui. They both enjoy the thrill (of gambling and fighting respectively) and live for it. They don't care if they get hurt or if it may lead to their death because the thrill is what makes it fun. Even so, I don't think he enjoys being deceived and used given how offended he is by Signora and Zhongli lol.

I think Childe was traumatised by the abyss but in an interesting way, especially since in one of his voicelines he said he wants to return to the abyss and fight the monster that he was once afraid of. It's more like he saw some dark and fucked up shit in the abyss, his master trained him to toughen up and then slowly as he lived there he began to learn how to survive and thrive in that kind of environment. Think about it like you were stranded on a deserted island. Obviously most people would be terrified right? But then you meet someone who live there and taught you how to survive. With no rescue in sight, you became stronger and stronger to survive and by the time you manage to return back home, the experience has altered your personality. For some people the experience may be severely traumatising but for others, it's more like an "it was a learning moment and I'm ready to face the challenge if it happens again". If he ever returns to the abyss, he wouldn't be afraid because he knows he is stronger than before. But do I think he may possibly have some nightmares that he was back as a child, helpless and alone in the abyss, unable to protect himself? Yeah, likely. I feel like although he is proud of who he has become, he knows that a child shouldn't have to see what he saw which is why he is protective over Teucer.

That's one part of him. Childe is also a family man who knows how to clean, cook and he loves his family very much. He is also kind — mf willingly allowed Zhongli to use him as a walking wallet lol — and even though he tried to drown Liyue, he was reluctant about it because he didn't want to involve innocent people into it but was forced to because of the Tsaritsa's orders. As kinda fucked up he is, he is a sweetheart perfect future husband as well.

Little Ajax got his wish to become a protagonist of his own story. And now, he marches into the world with that typical shonen protagonist goal of becoming stronger and stronger to one day be on top of the world.

[eternalgirlscout]

earlier today i told an acquaintance in passing that i'll often be in the middle of a novel and think "man i wish this shit were more ambiguous" and had to reiterate twice that i wasn't being sarcastic before they believed me, so this post is to say: i love when writers don't bother to explain everything, i love when stories end uncertain and unsettling, i love being required to think as a reader, i love when stuff makes no damn sense, no i'm not kidding

[chateauofmymind]

im really into romantic friendships, but specifically ones where the lines are already so blurred & yet the concept of romance hangs like a guillotine over both heads

[samairuart]

If these cards arrive in time, I’ll be handing them out at the Genshin Concert in Chicago ☺️🫰🏽

[stardrifting]

touch starved but for physical violence

[valtsv]

yeah sorry i just don't think i can make it out tonight. i have to pick up my wife from her murder trial.

[valtsv]

yes of course she did it. why do you think i married her.

[sporesgalaxy]

"I can fix him" good for you. I need to craft a scenario in which he betters himself, to prove to myself that I can meaningfully atone despite how much of myself I see in him.

[sporesgalaxy]

"I can make him worse" I can too but first I have to prove that there was hope for him somewhere, at some point, which he rejected. Because if there was never any hope for him, what hope is there for me?