Mario, please stop throwing baby penguins off of cliffs, they know how to use tumblr and complain to me about it.
- Peach! [@princess-peach-official]
I'A SWEAR I'M NOT DOING IT! NOT INTENTIONALLY! NOT'A AT ALL!
NOOT noot noonoot noot (Transaltion provided by David Attenborough: We are willing to not follow through on it charges of preplanned penguin slaughter, if Mr. Mario M apologizes, we feel we should bring up the fact we have video evidence)
Official Statement from Super Mario
To the citizens of'a the Mushroom Kingdom, the kind denizens of'a Cool, Cool Mountain, and'a ESPECIALLY to'a Mama Penguin and'a Baby Penguin,
It'a is with a heavy heart that I'a must write a formal apology for'a the repeated incidents involving'a me (Mario), the Baby Penguin, and'a the cliffside of'a Cool, Cool Mountain in which I'a repeatedly dropped into the void below.
Over many'a years, players from across all over have'a taken control of my actions and, in moments of'a poor judgment or misguided amusement, dropped the Baby Penguin from the mountain’a edge. These actions, while not of my'a own volition, occurred through my likeness, and for that, I'a take responsibility.
To'a Baby Penguin: I'a truly, deeply, humbly apologize for all of the trauma I'a have caused. No one, especially not a CHILD, should ever have to'a fall off a stage and'a fall into the endless abyss before you'a get spat out of a painting. Except for'a me, because I am playable.
To'a Mama Penguin: Despite you'a repeated attempts to'a waddle out of your small ice bath to'a stop me, I'a have not once ever actually reflected on my'a actions or how they have affected you or you'a child. For this, I apologize profusely. You'a cries echoed throughout the mountain, and'a I'a only heeded them once or'a twice to'a get the star. And then, after'a the star spawn, I'a pick up you'a baby and carry him toward'a the edge. It'a was unprofessional, unacceptable behavior, and I'a can only offer my deepest condolences.
To the players: THIS IS YOUR FAULT I'a understand the actions you'a made me take were'a usually in jest, or'a experimentation, or'a even frustration, but you'a MUST understand that when you'a take control of me and'a force me to do these sorts of things, it'a reflects poorly on all of us. We'a must treat our pixelated and'a polygonal companions with'a dignity and respect, and we have failed in that aspect so far.
Going'a forward, I'a will pledge to'a donate 1/16th of'a the proceeds of the next Super Mario game towards'a safeguarding vulnerable NPCs in'a future adventures. I'a pledge to work with developers, ethicists, and'a fence builders to'a make sure this'a sort of incident can never occur again, regardless of'a how many glitches or'a crouch cancelling abilities at the player'a disposal.
With'a deep remorse, this is signed by'a Mario Mario, certified Plumber, Hero, Doctor, and'a other things.
Noo nootnoot noo nooonot noottoot no tooon oot no ootot o noot no oot noo noo noot noo no noot oot noot toonoot noo noot too noonootnoo oot noot
Noot noo noottoot no nootnoot, oot no tooonoot noo. Noo ootot no, noo noo noot! Ootnoo toonoot noot oot noo nootnoot too. No noot, noo oot; nootnoot noo too!
Noonoot noot oot no nootnoo too, noot toon ootnoot noo. Nootnoot noo noo tooonoot. Oot noo, noot noo no nootoot. Tootnoo no nootnoot, ootnoo noot too.
Noo noot tootnoot oot no noo noo. Noo nootnoot oonoot noo oot tootnootnoo. Ootnoot too noo, nootnoo no nootootno. Nootoot noo noo, tootnoo ootnoo too.
Ooonoot Penguin: Tootnoot no noot ootnootnoo, noo ootnoot tootnoot! Noot oot noo, tooonoot noo nootnoot. Noo too noot, ootnoot nooot noo. Nootnoo too tooon noot oot.
Noot noo Penguin: Noo oot nootnoo, ootnoo noo too. Noot oot nootnoot, no nootootnoo. Oot noot, noot oot, tootnoo no. Noo no nootnoot too, oot toot nootnootnoo.
(Translated provided by David Attenborough:
To Mario Mario,
We, the Super Mario 64 Penguins, would like to extend our deepest thanks for the choices you have made to rectify actions taken in the past. We recognize that it was not of your own will that you participated in actions such as throwing baby penguins off of cliffs.
Because of this, and in light of your new movement to protect the NPCs within your game, we are honored to present you with the Friend of the Side Characters Award! (It should be delivered to your house by the end of today.)
Furthermore, we will also be ceasing and abandoning all previous legal actions which were to be taken against you. You have proven that you honestly had no intention to harm the Penguins of Super Mario 64.
Furthermore, we will be ceasing and abandoning all previous legal actions that were to be taken against you. You have shown that you truly had no intention to harm the Penguins of Super Mario 64.
For any future trips, you are welcome to stay in our domain. While we cannot guarantee that all penguins will be as accepting as we would hope, we vow to do our best to make the mountain feel accessible and safe for you—and any others of the Mario family, including your brother Luigi.
We now have a few statements from those you mentioned directly:
Mother Penguin: Mario, while I appreciate your apology and the steps you’re taking to improve the future, it will take me time to finish grieving the loss of my children. I hope you understand. However, seeing that you seem to have reflected on your actions and appear genuinely remorseful, I am inviting you to a family dinner. I understand it was not your choice to drop those children, and I want to try to separate my loss from you—to once again see you as the hero you are, rather than the figure I lost my children to.
Baby penguin: it's okay Mr. Mario sir! You said you're sorry! I accept your apology. Do you wanna have a snowball fight with me?
With understanding and acceptance: The Super Mario 64 Penguins
