the sweetest boy alive

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@smm-10
the sweetest boy alive
this is how bpd works:
Me: please reassure me that I'm not an awful person
Friends: what?! Of course you aren't! You are a good friend
Me: ...
Me: you're only saying that because I told you to
Friends: no, that's not-
Me: I KNEW IT I MANIPULATED YOU OH MY GOD IM JUST AS AWFUL AS I FEARED JUST LEAVE ME BEFORE I HURT YOU MORE
Friends: wtf is going on
Me: I wish I fucking knew
a bpd comic about the fear of ‘getting better’
i fuckin love these comics
me: i just had a shit memory when i was younger, that's normal, right?
dsm-5: one key symptom of PTSD is dissociative amnesia, where past events are "forgotten"
BITCH YOU THOUGHT
YESSSSSSSSSSSSs
Tbh this was a sick come back like sooo fuckin prepared for anyone’s bullshit I love it.
#😂😂😂
It's 20 degrees tonight and its early November. This is not a good look. The pnw never got to this point but once a year and it was at least in January. Every January for the 10 years I lived there. I'm scared of this winter. I'm sure I'll need tire chains for this long commute I have. If I get thru this winter without snow tires it'll be a miracle.
Always remember to reach out! Reaching out definitely doesn’t mean you weak.
{credit to the artist}
chaotic good
babies running with phones is the best thing ive witnessed in my lifetime
😊😊😊😊😊
So the roommate and I talked. I went right in and told her she needs to leave. I need to be proud of that. In my daily grind a lot of people come to me with wild stories, like shit "normal people" wouldn't believe. Like stories of trauma or psychosis that are not my place to judge or decide if the story is true or not. My job is to listen. And I do that across the board. I listen and grant them the benefit of the doubt. So when my roommate tells me she leaves the window open because she can't breathe but also has the heat going, I'm inclined to believe it. I don't have her lungs so I don't know. Anyway, I told her to move out and she asked why and we glossed over the major issues quick because I didn't want to rehash anything. We said we'll see by the end of the week. I told her it seems she doesn't care anymore. She said she does. So here we are trying yet again. I get the sense that she was playing dumb when she said she didn't recall the events of last night with the shower. I do recall she was drunk and high but I don't know if she's being honest. I'm not gonna try to judge that. I'm just gonna be on alert because I don't want her retaliating because like I said, she's passive aggressive and apparently she doesn't remember her acts of stupidity. So I'm gonna hide my valuables which are few and far between. The only things that are important are my professional clothes because I need those for work and my binders because I need those for living. Anyway, I did it. I prayed about it first and then I went out there and approached her and said what I needed to say and I didn't even know I was strong enough to do it because I've never had to do it but I did it.
She's back and doing more loud passive aggressive shit. So tomorrow is the day. I gotta tell her to get out. I need a plan because I can't stay around and monitor her moving out for the next few days as she gathers her shit. Clearly she has stopped giving a fuck so it's time for me to stop too. I'm still scared but I've reached my limit on daily dosage of anxiety meds so it's just me and my feels. I got a knife by my bed. I'm scared fr. She could attack me.
Ok she left for a while. Not sure how long exactly. She literally came home and turned on the shower and let it run for 15 minutes. I noticed the door was open and when I asked her about it, she got loud with me and very attitude-y and made up some shit about how water is "free" hence why she let it run without using it for so long. I wanted to remind her that actually heating the shower water is what costs money, not the water itself. And for someone who has paid $200 on a $500 bill out of $1225 and hasn't paid their half of the electricity, she has a lot of nerve to imply I shouldn't worry about shit around here that costs money. So I'm sitting here in the corner of my room fearing she'll get violent. Someone said you only have to be brave for 3 minutes. That seems like a really long time when a strange adult is getting testy. So I know one thing for sure and that's that she has to leave. My next goal is to have her out by the end of the week. Its lofty but I mean I have to have the conversation with her and do it in person. I should not be sitting here scared in my house that I pay all the bills for. I'm not confrontational but clearly she is, and passive aggressive. She's been slamming cabinets all night and the shower thing was creepy and wasteful and inconsiderate. Honestly it wasn't scary. I could hear her talking to me indirectly from the next room, complaining to her boyfriend about what I said. Also I tried calling a friend. X specifically. Interesting he didn't respond. This isn't really the first time he wasn't around when I needed him but now is not the time to tally missed opportunities. I sure could use a friend tho.
I told the roommate all my issues with us living together and she got big mad. She's drunk and high. So now it's show time.
Shit is hitting the fan tonight.