Y’all like insults? MORE INSULTS
“He’s got a bright future as a redundant middle manager in Hell.”
Grandmother, upon seeing the scandalously tight pants and Veneral dancing of the 80′s: “That’s an awful lot of advertisement for not much product.”
“Why do you always talk like you’re giving a presentation to a bunch of kindergartners?”
“I think it’s important to adjust your means of communication the the auidence present.”
“Aposematism. An intersting fashion choice.”
In reference to a loud neighbor: “Does he have any idea what time it is?”
“That would require a degree of cognition that is capable of abstract reasoning. I don’t think Norm understands pants.”
“You might have better luck with romance if you tried dating within your own Genus.”
“That’s a rude thing to say about Ricky!”
“I’d call him one of the Great Apes but that involves attatching a superlative to his name.”
“Truly, you are the astigmatism of your father’s eye.”
“Look at you! All feathers like a half-plucked moldering theater boa and a hiss like a deflating bicycle! To think that your ancestors would have sparred with the likes of T-Rex! Away from me, Lesser goose of Greater Ganders! Go slather yourself in herbs and sit under a broiler you useless excuse of an herbivore!” (Yes, directed at a Canada Goose. Yes, IT WORKED).
“Glenn, if the comapny really wanted someone to repeat what everyone else said in a more annoying way, they’d hire a parakeet.”
“How did you like the Movie?”
“Ten out of Ten, best nap I’ve had in weeks.”
“You are the persistent hemorrhoids on the backside of humanity.”
“They say art is whatever you can get away with, but the artist clearly thinks they’ve pulled off a baffling hesit when they’re barely managed a back-alley mugging.”
“All the Animals in the world to emulate, and she picks a Tick.”
(If you’ve enjoyed these please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or PayPal, or if you want the stories behind some of these, you can pre-order my book and get exculsive content on my Patreon! Thank you!)
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