love characters who are like "this is how the world works. this is how it has to be (because if i'm wrong i have to face what i've done // if i'm wrong i have to face whats been done to me) "
guy who has accidentally only ever slept with pre-op trans women, seeing a cis woman take her pants off: whoa girl i think theres something like. really wrong with your penis
[A cookie that has suffered a turmoil a great many of times, at first fearing sleep and then accepting it, finds solace in the realm of dreams, dreaming of great citys of trees that held the very sky, and animals of many different varieties. Churro cookie, despite everything, has finally found a peace in his life.]
"Please put me out of my misery already and kiss me."
(Send me a prompt) and a ship and I'll write you a drabble!
ohoho!!! >:3c this is such a good one. side note that is unrelated to anything: its my birthday today! sparkvamp is thematically appropriate for this lol
cw: mentions of alcohol, bc this is sparkling and vamp, lol
word count: 972
Sparkling's bar always cleared out around this time of night, when he gave the last call for drinks. Cookies were tired, inebriated or full of food, happy to stumble their ways home in the early hours of morning. Maybe a few would stay in the bar for a few moments longer, straggling and pushing the time and finishing their drinks until Sparkling officially closed the building.
Vampire was frequently one of these stragglers, and quite often did he stay in the bar until closing, making conversation with Sparkling. Whatever mood he happened to be in, Sparkling was subject to, and whether the day had treated him kindly or not, Sparkling didn't mind hearing about it. Vampire always treated the bartender fairly, tipping generously and immediately paying off whatever tab he might have accumulated between the nights he was too drunk out of his mind to remember to pay.
Tonight, Vampire hadn't made much conversation, content to stare after Sparkling as he worked. The staring wasn't unusual for Vampire to do, but what was odd was his silence. Sparkling did not typically initiate conversation with customers unless they were silent, and he thought they needed a little push to get whatever thoughts were in their heads sorted out. Vampire was not this customer. Rather, Vampire was loud, opinionated, and Sparkling had become so adept at deciphering the increasingly slurred words of his friend that they could carry a conversation right up until closing. Sparkling never needed to initiate conversation with Vampire, because Vampire would do it for him.
Tonight was different.
Sparkling could feel Vampire's eyes on him throughout the evening, the heat of the other's gaze almost burning his hands as he mixed drinks for customers and cleaned glasses and took payment the same way he did every night. The bartender didn't think he'd ever seen Vampire so quiet before, and other than opening his mouth to give Sparkling his order, Vampire was silent.
It was odd. Vampire's gaze lingered on his hands, those lidded eyes trailing up to rest on his face, and yet he didn't say a word. Sparkling kept waiting for the other to speak, but as the night dragged on, nothing was said.
Last call for drinks came and went, and Sparkling lost himself in the usual last minute bustle of other cookies for long enough to forget the odd way Vampire had been acting. It was only after most of the crowd had cleared out that he recalled the weird behavior of his friend, and wondered.
He turned to Vampire again, his brow furrowed and arms crossed. The other man was laying on the surface of the bar now, his cheek squished against the black fabric of his sleeves. Those wine dark, violet eyes were still fixed on him, half lidded with either exhaustion or alcohol. Sparkling could never really tell.
"Alright," Sparkling finally said, initiating the conversation for the first time since Vampire had first waltzed his way through the doors of the bar. Vampire had always spoken first, but tonight, Sparkling would. "You've been silent all night. Something wrong?"
Vampire's eyes slid up to his, something Sparkling couldn't quite see flickering in the depths of wine dark purple. The other man didn't move for a moment, simply gazing at him, and Sparkling furrowed his brow deeper.
"Ugh, I can't do this," Vampire groaned, turning his face down into his arms and breaking his gaze. Sparkling paused, raising a brow, but the other man, as he usually was, wasn't done speaking. "Please put me out of my misery already and kiss me."
The world in all its peaceful existence ground to a halt, and Sparkling did too.
"I didn't give you that much to drink tonight, did I?" Sparkling found himself asking, though he knew that either way, Vampire's words were sincere. Sparkling had never met another cookie who could hold their alcohol the way Vampire could.
"I've been trying to figure out how to say something all night," Vampire continued to whine, the words muffled into the wood of the bar and the silk of his sleeves. Sparkling could barely breathe. "Never found a good opening, couldn't figure out how to say it, and I think I'm pretty smooth when I wanna be, but you're... something else, Sparkling. You make a man forget how to speak."
Sparkling stared, Vampire's words washing over him in waves of disbelief and warmth. That his friend had been silent all night, choking on the right words to say to him, it stole his breath away. He had his doubts, but something told him that Vampire was genuine. Something told him that these words weren't just the product of a lonely man having had too much to drink and wanting company for the night.
Vampire lifted his head a little, just enough to peek up at Sparkling with one dark purple eye that was far too vulnerable to be anything but sincere. It was enough for him.
Sparkling stepped closer, unfolding his arms from where they had been crossed across his chest. Vampire lifted his head, sitting up, and Sparkling reached over the bar to cup his cheeks. Gently, careful of the empty glasses nearby, he leaned over the bar as well, and pressed a soft kiss to Vampire's forehead.
"It's late," Sparkling said carefully, pulling back and meeting Vampire's hopeful gaze. "You're drunk, and I have to shut down the bar. But find me tomorrow before I open, when you're not drunk, and I'll kiss you properly. Okay?"
Looking positively starstruck, Vampire nodded once. Sparkling smiled, enjoying the soft feeling of Vampire's skin against his hands before they slipped away. Vampire gave a little sigh, a small, dopey smile on his face, and melted into the bar, watching Sparkling finish up for the night.
'people can write whatever the fuck they want' and 'its good to approach writing about sensitive topics with some diligence and forethought' are statements which can and do coexist
first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line
second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all
third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below
fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?
fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves
sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it
seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him
eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night
ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him
tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk
eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important
twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go
thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme
fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader
fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that
sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why
Video game cutscene introducing a female non-humanoid alien who looks exactly like her male counterparts because her species isn’t dimorphic in any way that humans can perceive, but the camera angles and audio cues still do the thing. All slowly panning over her dorsal ridges before getting to her light-sensing organs and lingering on her secondary manipulator appendages just a bit too long.
I’m getting close to MAG 171 in my TMA relisten and there’s something about that episode that will never not be funny to me. Like, the Magnus Archives is a very serious (and very queer) horror podcast that touches on a lot of contemporary social issues, but as far as I can remember, the only time homophobia is mentioned in the show is the conversation in 171 where Jared Hopworth points at Jon’s boyfriend and is like, “Who’s this, your boyfriend?” Jon says “Yes, actually,” and then they just… move on. Jon monologues for twenty minutes and then Jared asks him, “Are you gonna explode me with your mind, then?” and Jon’s like, “Yeah, I’m gonna explode you with my mind.” And then he does. End of episode. Phenomenal.
When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.
The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?
This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.
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