Random Life Of A Wayward Creative

Fan of pretty much everything (Hot Topic could eat my entire life savings): Harry Potter, LOTR, Disney, Star Wars, Marvel, RWBY, Kingdom Hearts, Twenty One Pilots, BTS, Dungeons and Dragons, and probably a ton more that I just can't think of right now. Enthusiast of food, film production, and mental health awareness. Enjoy my random with a side of awkward.

[qrow-tho]

… @rwbyjesus and I made an Oscar ‘Pine’

[rwbyjesus]

Ayyye check out me poster in the mirror

[snoeleppard]

@qrow-tho @rwbyjesus I hope you know I spent the entirety of the Disneyland Main Street Electrical Parade soundtrack looking for this exact post to show my husband.

Highlight of my Christmas season. Every year.

[guerrillatech]

[hobibestboy]

“As my name is J-Hope, I only tried to show the bright side of our group and myself. But as the time passes by, one cannot feel the same way forever so I also felt other emotions. So I tried to express those emotions through music or dialogue, to express them in a very beautiful way.”

- Hoseok for Rolling Stone 

[everythingfox]

Shiba gets a winter coat brush down

(via)

[snoeleppard]

It’s like those cattail plants that people try to eat.

[squeeful]

[snoeleppard]

Does this work for places that aren’t restaurants as well?

[catchymemes]

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Fun fact, The Questing Beast of Arthurian Legend is the result of people attempting to describe what a giraffe was, then being explained and drawn by people who have never actually seen it.

The Questing Beast was said to have a head and neck of a snake (long neck), body of leopard (coat pattern), hind legs of a lion (tufted tail) and feet of a deer (”hooves:).

[thespectacularspider-girl]

My work here is done.

[thefabulousweirdtrotters]

Compilation of weird trees 

[clever-creature]

 Me: *researches adult adhd extensivly*

Me: hmmmm, maybe im jumping to conclusions here i probably shouldn’t diagnose myself with such a serious condition 

Also me:

-procrastinates watching a movie i like for three days

-gets so into tv shows, youtubers, book series, etc so much that 

✧・ﾟ:* I cannot think about anything else ✧・ﾟ:*

-i can bike a mile in like 5 mins, right?

- saves all my noteboks since middle school ~just in case~

-literally never stops moving: leg bounce, pen spin, glasses push, pull out ponytail, earring twirl, watch tug, ring spin, ear tug, put hair back up, shirt pull– 

-tries to trigger hyperfixation or has to wait for an energy burst in order to do any work or important thing whatsoever

-needs to leave at 9:10for the 40 min drive so I can have time to walk from the car to the 10 o’clock lecture….

- leaves at 9:38

-cannot start working without music, now too loud, now too soft, too hard, wrong noise, good noise bad speed, not Thinking Speed

-is in biology club and the spring musical and chem club and the honors program and applying for internships and working with the children’s theater and volenteering at the state park and yes I can be a student ambassador and yes i can be a dance captain and yes I can lead that project but…

-still bored, need more things

-drama class notes in my chemisty textbook next to gym shoes stuffed with dnd dice underneath a clean(?) tshirt and a cocoa mug from last week

-knows I talk too much and am too loud and opinionated and am dominating the conversation and am taking up too much space I do not dersERVE THE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION IM PULLING RI- “haha! And this other cool thing that I learned last night”

-in a constant state of stress because my work is never done and theres so much work and it keeps piling up and its so much easier to ignore it so i rewatch youtube videos with my Angry Brain turned on 

-has so many symptoms that could explain why life seems so much harder for me that it seems for everyone else

Also me: Am I, perhaps, just a Bad Person??

[jouanasblog]

Do I think I have ADHD because I have all of the symptoms ?? Yes

Am I scared to get diagnosed because if I don’t have it I’ll just be a fucking idiot ?? Also yes

Can anyone else relate to this ??

[inkskinned]

i knew in the 2nd grade that standardized testing was bullshit. harry potter book 4 had just come out and i was at a good part. harry had just found out someone put his name into the goblet of fire.

during the standardized test, we were allowed to keep a post-test book on our desk. i diligently got started on part 1: english. at the time, all of the answers went on the same sheet, but all of the questions were in different booklets. so i finish all my english questions, read in my extra time, and then it’s part 2: math.

i realize i have answered all of my english questions on the math portion of the answer sheet. at first, annoyed but undeterred, i’m like. okay great i gotta erase every bubble. but i get bored around question 5 of doing this because… like… harry potter is sitting on my desk and i could just give them the wrong answers. so i answer maybe 10 whole questions in the math portion, copy the english answers over to where they actually belong, and then crack open the book and call it a day.

i obviously failed. this is the real life, not a movie. my parents were called in. i had scored in the lowest percentile. i was bad at math. i was concerningly bad at math. i could have done better just guessing than how i did with the english answers. 

if this was just a funny story, someone would ask me “why did you do so badly when you usually get fairly average grades” and i would have said “i wanted to read harry potter, not take this stupid test.” but it’s the real life, and nobody asked. instead, i was branded stupid and bad at math. i got placed in a lower math than i needed to be in; got bored, stopped paying attention. knew i was in the “worst at math” group, started saying “i’m bad at math” and 100% stopped trying because the further i fell behind, the worse i got. through the rest of my academic career - until senior year in high school, i never got above a c on a math test, because i was “just bad” at math.

i had undiagnosed adhd. the only reason i know now i have adhd is because at 22 years old, i finally went to a therapist, who effectively said, “are you kidding me you have the most obvious case of attention deficit i’ve ever seen.”

but nobody had been looking. my one test grade had given teachers permission to not look, because, obviously, i was bad at math. the one time i got 100% on a math test - that one time in senior year - i remember my math teacher looking at it and saying “it’s clear that if you just focused, you could do the work.”

in college i’d take a math class and i actually “just focused” for the first time in my life - meaning i treated math as a challenge, but one i could overcome with the skills i’d learned all on my own, through constant work and practice. i got the highest grade in my class. i still think i’m bad at math. 

which makes me wonder: how many people got fucked over because of something stupid like “i was too preoccupied with harry potter”. who had nobody looking out for them. who slipped under the radar because - come on, aren’t some people just bad at things?

[drdrunkpigeon-phd]

Anyone else fear that much of our upcoming generation is going to be lost to time due to the digital nature of the majority of it?? or is that just me

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

Another 1920s Lost Generation?

[nunyabizni]

I'm thinking along the lines of there's not going to be physical things like photographs and journals/diaries. It's all digital so the physical record basically won't exist, wipe a server and you cease to have ever existed, you've had everything about you wiped from the record. If that's it at least then ya that's an eerie thought.

[toastbutteregg]

[bpdvanillaice]

[oursaviorkellinquinn-deactivate]

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

[snoeleppard]

Alright by Jain.

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I think an extremely important part of mental health awareness and intervention is acknowledging that no, help isn't actually always available. Or the "help" that is, isn't actually helpful.

When I was 22 I hit a wall. I called the suicide hotline from my car so my roommates wouldn't hear me crying. I explained that I could barely shower, feed, or dress myself. I needed immediate intervention.

They asked me if they could send an ambulance for me. They wanted to hospitalize me. I explained that I was a week away from finals. And graduation. If I were hospitalized, I couldn't graduate. The inpatient program also didn't allow phones or visitors, and I knew how disastrous it would be for me to lose contact with my family support system.

I didn't need to be hospitalized. I needed daily solutions. Simple ones, even. I needed a few precooked meals in my fridge so I could use my menial energy to keep my body going. I needed a doctor to contact my school and ask if I could have some extensions on my class assignments. I needed a few excused absences so I could catch up on my lost sleep.

They told me there was an intensive program that allowed residents to live in an inpatient care facility and get daily help with tasks like eating, therapy, medication, and showering, while still leaving for work and school, but it cost $30,000. I told them half the reason I was calling them was because of my financial pressures and fear.

In about 10 minutes of back-and-forth, it became clear that they had no true solution for me. I could go into the hospital and an inpatient program which would interrupt my entire life, and which I knew did not create very good results and had traumatized some of my own friends, or, well, I couldn't even go into debt for the other program. They didn't accept any new patients without half of the cost upfront. So it wasn't even an option.

No therapist or psychiatrists or social workers could fit me in for 3-8 weeks.

So I said thank you and hung up, emotionally spent. I felt utterly empty.

Sitting in my car I realized I had a choice, to live or to stop. Nobody was going to save me. Nobody was going to help.

So I went inside, and I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up I still hadn't made a choice. So then I did. I chose to live no matter how terrible, just in case things turned around down the road.

It was unspeakably difficult. I didn't shower. I barely ate. I either slept too much or not enough.

But I did survive, and a year later I got with a therapist who started to make things a little lighter for me.

I still struggle now, but things are usually much better, and I'm glad I'm still here.

I just think it's important to acknowledge that for many people, especially in rural areas, and for people without money, which is most people, that the "help is always available" line feels hollow. Because often times it isn't, actually.

But that doesn't mean there will never be.

Overall, we need to build an entirely new system for mental health support in this world.

But for now, ask yourself or your friend in crisis what might make things a little more bearable until help actually is available.

A meal? Emailing a professor? Clean laundry? What might make things a little lighter?

I know that on the very brink, things like this may seem totally pointless or trivial. But if you can't stop yourself or someone else from falling, sometimes the only way to save someone is with a softer landing.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[snoeleppard]

Try like, five minutes.

[twocubes]

she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath

[nardacci-does-art]

[snoeleppard]

Guys, I just turned on the wrong burner again.

The last time I did it I was trying to make spaghetti but turned on the burner the empty kettle was on and burned it so badly. Thankfully (or not thankfully) it was an empty burner this time.

I was boiling hot water for apple cider instead of making hot chocolate so I could take my iron supplement with it. And then I forgot to take my iron.

So now I’m taking it with regular water which is a real letdown after the apple cider.

And I have to wait until the end of May for an ADHD assessment...