Believing in the Possibility of Magic @socially-awkward-duckling - Tumblr Blog

The cast of Glee pay tribute to co-star Naya Rivera, who was found dead on July 13, 5 days after she was reported missing while boating with her son. She was 33 💕 RIP Naya

great-tweets

sorry, professor whats his nuts

starlit-captain

you all forgot the most important part

steadfast-deactivated20191017

I’m glad we all got closure. This is amazing.

lil-tumbles

I cannot stop laughing!!!!

cloaga

i love that charles dickens got paid by the word. like i cant even be mad when he’s boring and long-winded bc i would do xactly the same??? i wouldnt use contractions or colours at all. want to say the word red? too bad. we r now only using “the colour of freshly-spilled blood on snow; the hue of the horizon when the sun sets over the deserts of sub-saharan Africa” BOOM guess who can afford 2 eat now: me and my boi dickens

faewithoutconsequence

What I love about Alexandre Dumas, in contrast, is he got paid by the line. So it’s not really wordy, it more like 80% dialogue which makes it sound pretty modern but also ends up like-

“Where are we going now?”

“We are going to the city.”

“Which city?”

“Paris.”

“We are going to Paris?”

“Yes.”

laissezferre

# can you imagine the kind of extended torture we would have been subject to if victor hugo had been paid by the pun (via vlajean)

gothgfs

if you knew someone like this in middle school you deserve financial compensation

luchadoreofliberty

hey what happened? i think i stroked out

red-lantern-deactivated20201007

lesbian-toddhoward

goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250

>There’s people here who think this is an exaggeration

steadfast-deactivated20191017

This was the best non-political sketch of the night!

ofstarsandvibranium

I seriously love how Pete Davidson was so close to completely losing character because of Adam’s wonderfully hilarious performance.

the-wars-of-stars

I WAS JUST TALKING ABOJT THIS WITH MY FRIEND OMG

lullabyknell

Personally, I don’t really see anything wrong with giving Luke to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. What else was Obi-Wan gonna do? (He pretty much raised Anakin and look how that turned out, he’s not gonna risk Round 2.) (He could have given both kiddos to Bail and Breha Organa, actually. Luke and Leia Organa is a cool as heck AU.)

I like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. As much as people like to say Luke really is Padme’s son, he didn’t get those morals from her. (Keeping in mind I have read no comics or novelizations, and not seen the Clone Wars TV show) It’s pretty clear that Luke’s iron spine and goodness and refusal to abandon his friends come from his upbringing. Owen and Beru Lars are kinda the Ma and Pa Kent of the Star Wars universe.

And they are Luke’s family. Owen is Shmi’s stepson. Owen and Beru probably knew Anakin’s mother for years. It’s a neat circle, and in some ways it has the feelings of an apology, for Obi-Wan to bring Luke back to his family on Tatooine in the same way that Qui-Gon took Anakin. Obi-Wan can’t undo what’s been done, and he can’t start over, but he can give Luke what the Jedi denied Anakin: a loving family and normal upbringing.

Tatooine is Darth Vader’s home planet? Yeah, sure, but did Anakin ever go back to Tatooine? (Probably once or twice, I’m guessing, in the comics at least.) Darth Vader hates that place. Bad memories. Damn sand would fuck up his suit. He’d burn it all down and then the Hutts are gonna be pissed. And how many people actually know that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker? Like, about five? (Bail, Obi-Wan, Yoda, R2-D2, and Ahsoka?) Dude is not exactly getting invites to school reunions and the weddings of childhood friends, is all I’m saying.

Even if Darth Vader ever went back to Tatooine, Tatooine is a big place. The Lars Farm is in the middle of nowhere and Obi-Wan is hanging out left of the funky rock five miles past nowhere. Anakin met his stepbrother once in the entire film trilogy and idk if they even exchanged words, much less space e-mail addresses. I kind of doubt that Uncle Owen and Darth Vader are sending each other Life Day e-cards. (That’s really funny, actually.)

Anyway, the point of this rant is that I want you to imagine new parents Owen and Beru Lars caring for toddler Luke, it’s just after Life Day, and someone rings the doorbell. Owen Lars opens up to Darth Vader holding a fruit basket, because he didn’t know what else to do for Life Day and spontaneously decided to visit distant family rather than mope in his Evil Castle again.

(Everything Obi-Wan hoped would never happen, just… happening.)

Owen, after introductions, panicking, “Uh… the suit is… new.”

He has to invite Vader in, because it’s Life Day and how exactly do you tell Darth Vader to fuck off? Then Owen and Beru have a hushed argument in the kitchen while Darth Vader is sitting awkwardly in their living room with a drink that he can’t actually drink but took to be polite. When they come out, they introduce Luke as Luke Whitesun, Beru’s late brother’s kid, which they guess makes Luke… Darth Vader’s… nephew. (They can’t hide him, Vader’s already seen this 2-3 yr old Luke and the house is COVERED in baby and kid stuff.)

And Darth Vader just… fucking falls for it.

And the Lars family has to spend the holidays with Uncle Darth Vader who is super keen to have a step-nephew-in-law. Beru is showing off her cross-stitching to Darth fucking Vader as Luke plays at their feet. Owen is in the kitchen sending a desperate space text to Obi-Wan, who basically has a heart attack on the spot when Owen sends a shitty stealth-pic of Darth Vader on their couch.

Bonus points if the Lars’ don’t even move after this, because Vader left without issue and Uncle Owen afterwards was like, “It turned out fine. I don’t want to move, that’s too much hassle.” So, every major holiday, Luke gets a visit from his Uncle Darth Vader, which works out fine so long as they instigate a “Don’t Talk About Politics” rule when Luke starts getting excited about Rebellions and starts bad-mouthing the Empire (Vader making small talk at a Star Destroyer water cooler to his terrified staff: “Ugh, I’m going to have to debate my liberal 13-yr-old nephew at the dinner table again.”), and Vader even helps with the dishes and stuff, and every time Obi-Wan ages an extra year from stress.

lullabyknell

Guys, please, the way this continues is that the general events of the Star Wars universe continue as normal (Leia, having literally just left a space battle: “Darth Vader, the AUDACITY of attacking an innocent diplomatic vessel!”) UNTIL the stormtroopers show up at the Lars Farm. (Luke is desperately chasing down the droids he lost and properly meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi.)

At first, it’s business as usual, y’know? Stormtroopers break down the door and interrogate the occupants and start prepping to burn the place down, and the leader is in the middle of shouting, “TELL US WHERE THE DROIDS A-” when he pauses and just… stares… at the mantlepiece.

Because on the Lars family mantlepiece and walls are, like, a hundred family photos and roughly half of them have Darth Vader in them. There’s Darth Vader wearing a Life Day party hat at a dinner table. There’s Darth Vader holding a toddler and playing with model ships. There’s Darth Vader and a pimply thirteen year old in the stands at the Boonta Eve Classic. There is a cross-stitched pillow on the couch that says OUR FAMILY on it, consisting of a man, a woman, a boy, and Darth fucking Vader.

Stormtrooper Grunt #1: “What… what… what the fuck.”

Aunt Beru, who has HAD it with these guys wrecking her house, already angrily jabbing at their space phone: “I am calling Mr. Vader RIGHT NOW about this.”

Darth Vader, excusing himself from the bridge of his Star Destroyer to take a call from his stepsister-in-law: “Beru. This isn’t a good time-”

Beru: “Well, MAKE TIME, because your stormtroopers broke down our door and tracked SAND all over my nice clean floors and they won’t stop yelling about the droids we just bought! You better have a good explanation for this!”

Darth Vader does not, actually, have a good explanation for this. The stormtroopers can feel his wrath from across the galaxy. It’s a work thing and he’s very sorry and he’ll make the stormtroopers fix their door, but he does really need those droids and could they hand them over, please? He’ll have the Empire compensate them. Yes, he’ll pay them back and send new droids. Yes, kicking doors down is very rude, Beru, you’re absolutely right.

So Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru promise to pick up Luke and the droids, and hop in the spare Landspeeder to go looking for them. Owen is Not Happy to find that Obi-Wan’s given Luke a lightsaber, and Aunt Beru is Not Happy to find out that the Empire’s made some superweapon. Of course they have to get these plans to the Rebellion! Yes, she promised Vader, but he should have told her it was for such a terrible thing! Yes, Owen, they’re all going to Alderaan.

So the Lars family runs away to Mos Eisley and get on the Millennium Falcon to Alderaan, while the stormtroopers are standing around like, “Are they… coming… back???” And Han Solo does not know what the hell is going on or what to do about the Weird Old Wizard talking about “universe-penetrating magic”, or the Grumpy Farmer who keeps trying to fix his “piece of junk” ship that excuse you does not need fixing, or the Sunny Farm Boy waving a light sword around, or the kindly old woman who is currently cross-stitching in his back seat and gossiping with Chewie like he’s not even there.

Later, after the Death Star’s been destroyed, Owen and Beru Lars are now a part of the Rebellion with Luke. Beru sends Darth Vader a piece of fabric in the Space Mail, and it’s the little cross-stitched Vader from her OUR FAMILY pillow who’s been cut out because she’s mad at him. (Except her note says DISAPPOINTED and that’s worse.) Darth Vader is more upset about this than the Emperor being mad at him for the destruction of the Death Star.

deadcatwithaflamethrower

This is such a wild ride and I want more.

grrlcookery

Please, kind writer, may I have some more?

lullabyknell

See, the thing about Uncle Darth Vader is that the Lars family lives in the middle of nowhere Tatooine. Luke has to get his news off his friends, who have to get their news from shitty Space Radio, and the Empire’s suppressing a good three-quarters of the terrible things it does. The Lars family, largely, has no idea who this Darth Vader guy is except that he’s Anakin, who did a bunch of shit in the Clone Wars and he’s evil now? (Obi-Wan is dying, guys. He’s dying.)

Oh, yeah, quick summary: the events on the Death Star proceeded more or less as they did in canon. Except Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t make convincing stormtroopers, so they tagged along with the droids and found the Death Star Laundry Service and dressed up as an Empire officer and his wife on their way to a vacation on Beach Resort Planet. Luke and Han sneaking Leia out is a lot easier with Admiral Lars and his wife loudly complaining to every stormtrooper they come across that their ship isn’t being fixed fast enough and sending stormtroopers marching off in every direction.

(The Empire… does not… have high standards… for officers. It is corrupt as hell. The stormtroopers look at this middle-aged, slightly chubby guy complaining obnoxiously about his ship not being fixed fast enough, and his overbearing wife complaining shrilly about not being able to get their deposit back, and are like, “This is legit. Also, sir, I’m part of sanitation, I don’t fix ships. I don’t know where customer service is… this is a Death Star. We don’t have customer service. Uh, I guess my ‘manager’ would be Admiral Bob??? Oh, well, you’re right, I should go clean up that mess you saw on the other floor. I will agree to literally anything you say to get away from you.”)

So, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru get to the Rebellion, right? (And they have already adopted the heck out of Leia, who has been given ALL the Aunt Beru hugs.) And someone starts listing off ALL of the awful stuff that Darth Vader has done, like, the dude is SUPER EVIL. And the Lars family is just… what. (And it’s a good thing that Obi-Wan is already dead by this point, or Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru would bring him back just to kill him again.)

Luke goes to destroy the Death Star and Vader is just like, “Luke???? What are you doing???” And Luke is ignoring all of Vader’s attempts to comm him and blows up the Death Star while giving his uncle the cold shoulder.

And later, at the Rebellion, people are like “Darth Vader is your uncle???” And Luke’s just like, “YEAH, AND A LIAR!!!” (Later, Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru will have a long talk with Luke about the truth and the lies they told. And Luke will forgive them because he loves them and they love him, but this doesn’t really change much, especially about how mad he is at his dad.)

Later, when they finally meet again. The rebels are just… completely stunned… because Darth Vader is desperately trying to get through to Luke, like, “Luke, nephew, please, let’s just talk about this. Beru won’t answer my voice mails. Owen unfriended me on Space Chat. We can talk about this.”

And Luke is angrily shooting at Darth Vader and shouting, “What’s there to talk about?! It’s not like you LIED TO US ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DID BY TELLING US YOU WORKED IN I.T.?!??”

“Luke…”

“YOU DON’T WORK IN I.T.!”

lettering-is-my-music

I love this and I die every time I read this

I had to

tastefullyoffensive

“I have been failing to get my comics published in the New Yorker for months now. Here are some of my favorite rejects.” - Phil Jones

mittensmcgee-deactivated2018033

These are fucking amazing what better stuff do they have that they gotta reject these

catchymemes

link-the-feral-anon

When you remember the anti-vax movement

burger-prince

tatsutahimet

I first reblogged this in January, and here my ass is in March 2020 self-quarantined at home.

mastersamwise

kitoky

#people who don’t like Nine don’t deserve him anyway

jehovahhthickness

I wanna be that CEO that pays their employees 70K a year like that white guy I be seeing all over the Internet. I can’t remember his name.

I’m not gonna be like Jeff Bezos but I do wanna be a multimillionaire 😂😂😂

jehovahhthickness

He took a pay cut. I’m not doing all of that. Ima just pay my people well and give top notch benefits.

jehovahhthickness

It gets better.

inkksupportscreators

always reblog the guy who looks like business jesus

chocmartini-deactivated20210419

why is it not more wellknown that women can have an actual literal disorder that not rarely makes them literally suicidal for up to 10 days every month before their period lmao like… teach this in class? it’s not a joke?

lunasdarling

Wait what??

chocmartini-deactivated20210419

here here here (there’s more sites saying the same thing)

it’s called PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) and it’s basically PMS but make it Super Hardcore, it’s a hormonal disorder and to my knowledge they’re not exactly sure what causes it - there’s theories tho - but there seems to be little research on it anyway. As I said it’s similar to PMS in terms of symptoms [mood swings, lethargy, cramps, changed sleeping pattern, libido, appetite] but the symptoms get so severe that they are interfering with your daily life and impacting it negatively. Especially in terms of psychological symptoms, while it doesn’t go that far for everyone who has it and also not every month, a lot of the people who experience it are sent into a severe depressive episode beause of it and it’s really not rare at all for them to experience legitimate suicidal thoughts that go away the second they get their period (or up to two days in from what I’ve read).

I’ve read different claims on how many people it affects, some sources say 5%, others 8%, others say 2% so I don’t know about that, but menstruating people need to know this lmao. Not knowing that your suicidality is caused by a literal physical disorder that you have can be so dangerous, especially when you already struggle with such issues anyway or are trying to recover from mental illness and don’t realize that your “relapses” are symptoms of an actual disorder.

also I originally said women but of course this applies to menstruating trans men and nb folks too.

lavender-lily

I’ll reblog this every time I see it because YUP

hollowedskin

the amount of times me or friends are having a Seriously Bad Time and then a few days later be like “oh, i just got my period, everything makes sense now” and like, let out this huge sigh of releif because it means you’re not relapsing and it will go away soon…

gluten-free-pussy

The older I get the more fiercely protective I get of younger girls. I was heading into work yesterday and I saw that 12 year old (I mentioned her before, the one who wore makeup) talking to this older man. She’s normally really bubbly but she looked a little more subdued talking to him so I go over and loudly say “Hey sweetheart, who’s this?” And the guys just glares at me and she says “oh um his name is Justin.” And I’m like “Hi Justin, how do you know her?” And he gets nervous and is like “I just saw her jogging and thought I’d give her pointers.” So I just kinda tilted my head and looked at him for a minute. He literally asked me “are you a cop or something? I haven’t done anything wrong.” So I took her to the McDonald’s near by, bought her something and had a talk about not talking to strangers. Low key I’m debating the next time I see her parents (they drop her off at the gym and leave her there for hours) to maybe have a talk with them or something. Idk if it’s my place tho

gluten-free-pussy

Just to add because some messaged me saying that I was being a nosey bitch: so a woman who used to go to my gym (and my same university. Like I used to see her at my job and on campus) actually went missing not far from my intersection (literally a 5 min walk away from the major intersection) on may 10 and they found her body literally last week (June 19). Everyone has been on high alert lately so when I saw this random dude talking to this little girl, my brain immediately went into defence panic mode. So yeah call me nosey if you want

parttimepup

This world could use more nosey b*tches.

cocksmasher69

I’ll stop being a nosey bitch when males stop being predators

monarda-fistulosa-deactivated20

Always be a nosy bitch where young girls are concerned. Always be a nosy bitch where creepy old men are concerned

ruby-white-rabbit

His first reaction was to go on the defensive and ask if she was a cop. HE WAS UP TO NO GOOD AND KNEW IT. That girl he was talking to was 12. TWELVE.

Be a nosey bitch til the day you die. No regrets.

clonesdreamgirl

Reminder, BE A NOSEY BITCH

misanthropemom

Embrace being the mama bear/lioness the world needs.

elfwreck

There are middle-aged men who can have entirely innocent reasons for talking with a 12-year-old girl: Confirming that she’s not lost/knows the way home, noticing something amiss (shoes not tied, backpack unzipped, jacket is torn, etc.), she’s new in the neighborhood and he’s saying hi, he has a kid near her age, he has a dog that sometimes needs pet-sitting, he teaches at her school sometimes… whatever.

None of those reasons will result in him saying, “why, are you a cop?” to someone else who asks how he knows her. Instead, he’d say, “I don’t, we just met, and [reason he introduced himself].”

And he’s not likely to make her shut down and look nervous in the first place, because even when we can’t articulate why someone is creepy, we recognize creepy when we find it. Even if his reasons are not friendly - “I raise exotic flowers and I don’t want kids on my lawn!!” - it wouldn’t set off the creep-o-meter. And, again, he wouldn’t get defensive when someone else asked why he’s talking to her.

A guy who recognized her as Girl-Scout-aged and wanted to know if she’s involved in a local cookie drive, would not be dimming her normally bubbly nature.

Occasionally, autistic people will come across as creepy. This, again, is mitigated by asking him what he wants. An autistic person will not say “are you a cop?” He’d say something like, “I saw Wonder Woman on her t-shirt and I have a comic collection and wanted to know if she reads comics or if she likes the movie more.”

People who have a non-predatory reason to interact with kids will give that reason when asked. If pestered about it because the initial explanation sounds weird, they’ll double down on that reason, not jump to “why are you accusing me of wrongdoing?”

If the guy in this incident were a track star (”wanted to give her some pointers”) and he saw her jogging and wanted to correct her posture or tell her she’s got the wrong kind of shoes… he’d talk about how much he knows about running, not insist that he’s not breaking any laws.

TRUST YOUR CREEP SENSE.