ENTP, 28, she/her, italian, lit student, I hyperfixate and am a bit delulu (a lot); sleeper agent to the bone, danmei, vnc, bsd, Gintama, hnk. Ao3: whitecoat_scientist
anyways remember when toni morrison said "sometimes you don't survive whole, you just survive in part. but the grandeur of life is that attempt. it's not about that solution. it is about being as fearless as one can, and behaving as beautifully as one can, under completely impossible circumstances."
Canto 7 made me realise that Don Quixote is actually relatable as hell. Like sheâs so hyperfixated on fixers, constantly rambling and getting overexcited over the slightest mention of the topic yet (almost) everyone else doesnât give a damn. In fact sometimes they actively find it annoying.
Sure, I agree Don is bothersome when she lets her interest and over-the-top sense of justice get in the way of reality and ruin certain plans or get into trouble. But watching her be so happy while everyone else doesnât care hits hard. Especially with the mention that most of them have been avoiding listening to Donâs rants. And the additional mention that Don kept asking the others about their own adventures before Limbus Company, showing that she finds her friends interesting and wants to know them more, but nobody has ever asked Don about her adventures.
Like. You guys know that feeling when you try your best to research or at least have a general understanding of the interests of all your friends so that they can freely talk to you about it and the two of you could discuss it to your heartâs content, but whenever you bring up your own interests all you get is a reply like âOh okâ âCoolâ or hell no reply at all? Itâs kind of like that. Except maybe unlike Don who keeps on waffling regardless, we get the weird sense of guilt thinking that our arbitrary rant bothered our friends. Thus making us believe we should never mention our interests to them ever again.
Absolute punch in the gut realisation for me and weâre still in part 1.
(I've posted a guide like this on Steam, but I figure it couldn't hurt to put an updated version on Tumblr, too. Also, a warning: This post is going to be very, *very* long.)
Hello, current Project Moon fandom and future/want-to-be fans!
Do you enjoy Limbus Company but don't know how to get into the other games and media to appreciate the greater lore of the series? Do you not actually have the money, time, or patience to endure a brutally punishing (and sometimes even janky) roguelike management sim, deckbuilder, or gacha game because we live in a capitalistic hellworld like the one this very series criticizes? Struggle with getting access to supplementary materials due to controversies and language barriers?
(Pictured: PM Twitter and the Limbus Steam Forums, on any given day. Seriously, what is wrong with some of you people.)
And especially important: hate how Reddit and Steam are full of dudebro coomers who are openly hostile to F2P, non-day one players who might grapple with all the previous issues on top of being more invested in story than waifus?
Then read on under the cut!
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This guide contains a comprehensive list of resources for you to be able to enjoy the Project Moon series to its fullest, including links to wikis, playlists, and more. Even if you can't play the games, I personally think those who can actually appreciate the series shouldn't be gatekept from the truly fantastic story and world that the games hold. Except Canto 6, we don't talk about Canto 6.
AND AN IMPORTANT REMINDER: THERE WILL BE SOME SPOILERS FOR CERTAIN PARTS OF THE SERIES, AND PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE CONTENT WARNINGS BEFORE YOU GET INTO ANYTHING HERE! This is a very dark series that tackles and shows very heavy topics and content!
For those who can't read the text on the image, some of the common trigger warnings for this series includes:
Animal Cruelty
Drug Use
References to Alcohol and Tobacco
Injury and Dismemberment
Homicide and Suicide
Violence and Torture
Cannibalism
Kidnapping, Abduction, and Captivity
Psychosis
Diseases, Seizure, and Dyspnoea (aka shortness of breath)
Familial Homicide and Domestic Violence
Reference to Clowns (Coulrophobia)
Themes of Occultism and Spiritualism
Audiovisual Depictions of Gore
Uses of Sharp and Pointed Objects
Hospital and Medical References
References to Gaslighting and Bullying
Body Modification and/or Deformation
Flashing Lights (Photosensitivity)
Disorientation Induced by a Shaking Camera
Strong Language and Demeaning Words
Reference to Traffic Accidents
Uses of Guns and Instruments of Violence
Discriminatory Violence
Religious Torture and Violence
Enforced Ideology and/or Actions
War and Mass Conflict
Anyway, if all that didn't scare you off, on to the guide!
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=WIKIS:
When in doubt, there's always the wikis for being references and useful sources, from gameplay to story elements!
>>Cogitopedia - A WIP wiki run by members of the community, working on adding in-depth content for all of the games and supplementary materials.
>>LobCorp Wiki - Has data on every abnormality, including inaccessible ones and cut ones (such as Price of Silence).
>>Library of Ruina Wiki - Has the lore from key pages, and also has cut content like the CGs from the original planned ending.
>>Limbus Wiki.gg - Has ID Uptie stories and info about Mirror Dungeon encounters. (DO NOT USE THE LIMBUS FANDOM WIKI, IT HAS BEEN ABANDONED/VANDALIZED.)
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=LOBOTOMY CORPORATION:
Summary: Lobotomy Corporation is the first game in the series. It is a roguelike management sim where you play as "Manager X", tasked with handling employees and various monsters known as Abnormalities in order to generate daily quotas of a power source substance known as Enkephalin and a mysterious "Seed of Light" project. You are aided by an alleged team of AIs known as the Sephirot, and your very own personal assistant AI, Angela. It's often been likened to "anime SCP Foundation."
This is the game where everything begins, and without it, we wouldn't have the plot of Limbus (or anything else for that matter). This is where the Golden Boughs come from, this is where Abnormalities come from, this is even where Distortions come from - but we're getting ahead of ourselves on that front.
>>This playlist will allow you to watch all the cutscenes from the game, in order, for the canon ending.
All story cutscenes from Lobotomy Corporation.
>>This video also has the cutscenes, albeit not in order, HOWEVER, it does have the alternate, non-canon endings A and B (which are timestamped in the link for convenience).
>>WordsmithVids (also on YouTube) also has what is generally considered to be the most popular summary of the game.
(NOTE: Some people disagree with WordsmithVids and his interpretations of some of the characters as well as his content being "meme-y," so I advise you to watch at your own discretion and draw your own conclusions. That being said, if people have better recommendations, please send them to me instead of just complaining and bitching without offering solutions like that one guy on Steam did, thank you.)
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=WONDERLAB:
Summary: Wonderlab was a webcomic by the artist MIMI/Whitezombies, originally posted on the Project Moon Postype account. It follows the adventures of several employees - often called "nuggets" in fan parlance - Catt, Taii, and Rose, in a Lobotomy Corporation branch facility as they go about their day to day activities.
This webcomic was taken down after the Summer 2023 Incel Controversy, when incels stormed the Project Moon office in Korea and made enough credible threats that the former Limbus CG artist known as Vellmori was fired, and it is currently part of a second conflict over copyright. However, primarily for archival and personal reference purposes, the comic has been saved and rehosted in several forms.
>>Internet Archive version. This has just the comic in an on-site readable format.
>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This features the individual pages, a downloadable .zip of the archive, and a readable Google Docs version.
For those who may have ethical concerns about downloading a webcomic that was pulled due to controversy (understandable), once again, >>WordsmithVids has a summary.
(NOTE: This is NOT the place to discuss either the Summer 2023 incel controversy *or* the current (Summer 2024) copyright conflict. There are far better places to do that with people who are far better informed on the topic than I am. This post is solely for providing references and archives of lore material to help guide people into this series. DO NOT attempt to bring up the controversies here, I will not be acknowledging them outside of mentioning why certain supplementary materials may have been pulled and have had to be mirrored. I am just an archivist, not a lawyer or discourser.)
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=LIBRARY OF RUINA:
Summary: Library of Ruina takes place some months after the events of Lobotomy Corporation. A "Grade 9 Fixer" known as Roland finds his way into the mysterious, tower-like Library that has sprung up in place of the former main facility of L Corp, where he encounters Angela and the other Sephirot (all now Librarians). He begins assisting her in finding "the perfect book", which involves enticing people to come to the library through the sending out of curious invitations.
Now, unfortunately, there is not a playlist that splits up the cutscenes or puts them in order for Ruina.
>>These two videos have them all in compilation.
HOWEVER. A wonderful and dear friend of mine (@citroncynique <3) has allowed the guide they sent me to be reproduced/copied.
>>As such, there is a guide on how to watch the cutscenes in the order that makes the most sense, utilizing the timestamps of the previous two videos. It is not a perfect system, but it works at least.
>>WordsmithVids also has at least two summary vids out.
However, due to financial issues at last update, he has not been able to continue his summary of Ruina. I am including them regardless.
>>As well as his Patreon in case people want to support him in hopes of making it easier for him to work on the vids again.
>>There is also an almost FOUR HOUR LONG video essay that delves into Angela's character specifically after the events of LobCorp and Ruina. It is not required viewing like the rest of the materials here, however, I think it still deserves a mention just for the amount of effort and care that went into it.
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=DISTORTION DETECTIVE:
Summary: Taking place at roughly the same time as Library of Ruina, two Fixers known as Ezra and Moses and an N Corp. Taboo Hunter known as Vespa investigate the Distortion Phenomenon that is rapidly starting to spread across the City after the events of the previous games.
Originally released as a webnovel on Project Moon's Postype, Distortion Detective has 42 chapters and is technically incomplete/on hiatus. Project Moon, surprised at how popular the webnovel was, decided they wanted to potentially make an entire game based on the story. As of this writing, that has not happened (yet) but at least one character from the novel has appeared in Limbus Company, so there is still hope yet.
>>The DD series in its original form on Postype. This version was posted chapter-by-chapter, on Project Moon's Postype account and is (as of this writing, at least) still readable there.
>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This has the entire webnovel in a single document format (both Docs and downloadable PDF) featuring NishikujiC's official chapter illustrations up to Ch. 26, and includes the now-cut comic adaption of Ch. 19 by the artist Monggeu/koug99.
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=LEVIATHAN:
(Lord, this one. Like it wasn't a big enough pain in the ass already.)
Summary: After the events of Library of Ruina, and operating as a direct prequel to Limbus Company, Leviathan follows the Color Fixer Vergilius (aka the Red Gaze) as he grapples with his own personal traumas and comes into conflict with the Ring Syndicate, before being recruited as a guide for the LCB.
Leviathan originally started as a webcomic by Monggeu/koug99. Health issues with the artist resulted in the comic being discontinued and turned into a webnovel, whose translation was never completed and had to later be finished by fans. The comic portion has since been taken down as of the Summer 2024 copyright conflict and controversy, much like Wonderlab was. Once again, however, this has been mirrored for archival and reference purposes.
>>Original source of Leviathan on Postype. Due to the copyright conflict and the translation hiatus, the only chapters available are Ch. 12-15. The link is still included for posterity reasons and just in case the copyright conflict results in the chapters being restored.
>>A backup archive on Google Drive. This link includes the comic chapters, as well as the SnakeskinFS English fan translations for the last five chapters that were never completed, all in PDF form.
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=LIMBUS COMPANY:
Summary: After all the events of the previous games, a mysterious up and coming business known as Limbus Company has taken it upon themselves to send a group composed of 12 "Sinners" and their mysterious clock-headed Manager Dante to delve into the now-abandoned L Corp facilities in search of mysterious artifacts known as Golden Boughs.
Finally we come to the end of the shrubbery maze. Limbus Company is the latest chapter in the currently unfolding story of Project Moon and the City, a gacha game being used to fund other projects under the company umbrella.
Many people, once again, have ethical concerns about patronizing a gacha game. I for one agree with them, even as one of those patrons.
>>This playlist features all of the cutscenes for each part of the game story released so far (up to Intervallo 6.5/Time Killing Time as of this writing).
>>There is also this site, which operates as a pure datamined text archive of all the story content.
WITH REGARDS TO THE LITERARY SOURCES OF LIMBUS (among previous games): There are other individuals who are working on guides for these, such as what the artist/user unowers/unower_s calls their "Looney Tunes" document, which goes into detail about Limbus Company and its correlations to Dante's Inferno. I do not want to take credit away from their efforts, but I will provide links to those guides/resources, once I have a good compilation of them.
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=ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
Citroncynique. For putting in the effort of making a watch guide for Ruina's cutscenes, and getting me into this series and ruining my life forever by jingling a bugman with PTSD in front of me (<3).
MIMI/Whitezombies, Monggeu/koug99, NishikujiC, and Vellmori. Although several of these artists have left PM and the community on bad terms, I still think their efforts should be appreciated and supported, now more than ever.
SnakeskinFS. For finishing Leviathan's English translation.
Folex, Bek, WordsmithVids, hydrojoy, and the Lobotomy Corporation Archive. For posting their cutscene and summary/analysis videos.
NeedsMoreDoge. The Steam user who provided the original guide and backup on how to read Leviathan that I myself utilized.
The less than pleasant members of the community who spurred me into making this guide in the first place, out of pure spite.
And of course, readers like you and those members of the community who make me so happy to be here and be a part of this fandom. Genuinely, thank you all, I have never felt as welcomed as I do in the Project Moon circles I run in.
In addition to the references included here, I recommend you get involved in your PM community as well! Join communities and Discords, support content creators on social sites, help contribute where it's needed and in whatever way you can! The best way to counteract the worst elements of any fandom is to be a guiding and helpful element in your own right.
Thank you all for reading, and I hope this guide helps you out!
An Angela Essay: Does a Girl Dream of Electric Sheep?
Naturally, as Angelaâs song (but not hers alone), we can see a number of major themes shining through, relating to the story of the city in its whole;there are two notable âreferencesâ within the song itself:
Like clockwork orange
And
What's the colour of the electric sheep you see?
A Clockwork Orange (1962) and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep [DADES] (1968)âby Anthony Burgess and Philip K. Dick respectivelyâare dystopian science fiction novels that largely centre around the concept, or rather the question, of what it means to be human, the former questioning the nature of humanityâs potential for good and evilâthe nature of free will and choice when your actions and decisions are not your own;the latter questions the nature of humanity and machines, and the fleeting nature of life in the universe alongside .Â
You may know either novel for its respective film adaptation(s), A Clockwork Orange and Blade Runner respectively, the former for positing that the ability to choose evil and later grow to do good is a core of humanity, and the latter for the âTears in Rainâ monologue.
DADES is important to discuss with their shared themes of artificial life, the question of humanity when a machine is created in its image, alongside the concept of âMercerismâ.
Due to the sensitive content in A Clockwork Orange, it will be posted in a separated section. Consider this String Theocracy part 1, as the Clockwork Orange segment will be released at a later date, as the themes of the two books arenât in line enough to discuss both in full detail with respects to the relations and influence that the stories had on Project Moon
Mercer, and the philosophy of Mercerism as a whole, presents the defining trait of a âhumanâ to be empathy and solace, the ability to understand and connect with another person. Mercer himself is a character created in an endless struggle, a literal sisyphean task, escaping pursuers endlessly upwards on a desert hill. âMercerâ is of course an actor, not a true person, but once revealed as such remains a symbol, the true nature of Mercer does not matter so much as the idea that he represents.Â
This core struggle of empathy is what alienates the androids from humans within the novel, invoking the dehumanisation of persecuted peoples, not only as evil and malign, but less than human, as vermin, or in this case, objects.Â
This duality is presented through Deckardâs growing empathy for the struggle of the androids, especially towards Rachel, an android who was at once designed to seduce the hunters, but who represents something more than her own âprogrammingâ, perhaps simply a programming advanced enough to replicate these emotions indistinguishably, but like in the unveiling of Mercer, her truth does not change what she is to others, what she represents.Â
Rachel is our lens of the androidsâ perspectives within the novel, repressed, seen as nothing but a tool despite the clear capability, and at once desire, for more, for freedom. To be seen apart from what she was created as, for the âtruthâ of her existence to not define her.Â
Angela reflects Rachel in several ways, most notably in her dynamic with her own hunter.Â
This goes without saying but, this will contain spoilers for both Library of Ruina and Lobotomy Corporationâs true ending(s).
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
Roland serves in a way to counterpart Deckard in his exposure to, and eventual sympathy towards, the machine known as Angela.
Rolandâs epitaph-
Thatâs that and this is this
-is a direct subversion of the valued empathy in humanity, beginning from the same eternal and universal struggle that defines Mercerism, but instead concluding that, oneâs struggles are in the end their own circumstances, substituting the empathy of humanity to the singular fulfilment to oneâs own self, preservation of their own life such that they may ignore the pain of the city around them.Â
Similarly, Deckard and the bounty hunters in large adopt a careless and cold persona towards the androids that they âretireâ, refusing the core empathy that makes them humanâthe empathy that they claim is what separates them, that makes the androids inhuman for lackingâslowly doubting themselves when exposed to the humanity of the machines, the androids becoming so advanced that Deckardâs faith in the Voigt-Kampff test falters, he no longer perceives the androids as âotherâ.
The use of androids, robots, and other artificial bodies in place of queer people (or other groups considered âsocially deviantâ in some way) is not one that is new to posit, CO2Goldy has a video titled the same âRobots as Trans Allegoryâ, which I think regards the subject quite well; though not exclusively an allegory for queernessârobotics often used to represent neurodivergence (though I have several problems with this, often being used in ASD/cluster A /& B /various psychotic disordersâ stead) alongside several discriminated groups and those that have suffered some form of abuse (neglectment by authority or caretaker) due to the view of their nature as disposable//objects//âless thanââthere remains a key component of the machine that resonates with queer, more specifically (but not uniquely, as will be touched on lightly), transgender people, the view of integrally being defined by your parts, by the circumstances of your body and birth rather than your own desires. DADES and Bladerunner both invoke the idea of âpassingâ, for human rather than androidâfor what the âandroidsâ and replicants are more so than the huntersâas to save themselves from a life of suffering and persecution. Ostensibly the story of DADES is one of fear, how people fear the idea of queer people âinfiltratingâ their world, of passing as âhumansââwhich many still refuse to see them asâone which is ultimately quelled through an understanding of life and empathy beyond the binary of real and fake, of artificial and true life, and the meaninglessness of either in what determines oneâs humanity. The primary question to hold while reading the story is simple,Â
âIf the androids are designed to fake empathy, and become complex enough to be indistinguishable from humans, what is ultimately the difference? Isnât empathy, the effort to care for others, ultimately what we are all trying to maintain?âÂ
You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some time, every creature which lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow, the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds on all life. Everywhere in the universe.
Part 2: The rest of the song
âLife is given to me only once, and never will be againâI don't want to sit waiting for universal happiness. I want to live myself; otherwise it's better not to live at allâ
Starting with the title itself, we can see the first two (arguably one) ideas, that of control, specifically in regards to puppetry and religion respectively.Â
The reason that one could argue these to ideas being of the same kind is their relation to will and control; the motif of the marionette or puppet reflects the literal control one can undergo, having your body or mind under the control or suppression of another, while the idea of religion is an undeniable, outer power that wills itself over your ownâthe use of the term âGods of the cityâ itself references a later plot point in the game, the Index and âwill of the cityââthe understanding and despair that comes from the realisation that your will is not your own.Â
The themes of control are echoed in reverse throughout the song, reflecting Angelaâs first true moment of expression, of seizing the will that is her own and others, becoming in essence akin to her father to take the will of others; this is seen through the direct âordersâ that are spoken throughout the song:
âOpen the curtains
Lights on
Don't miss a moment
Of this experiment
[...]
Keep your eyes buttered till the endâ
âDance for me
[...] turn around
Sit like a doggyâ
-to begin, and each chorus ending in another:
â If you're gonna control me
At least make it interesting theatrically
â If you're gonna replace me
At least have the audacity to kill me thoroughlyâ
âCan you love your everything too, for me?â
However there is something to note of how this is not only Angelaâs song, specifically the second to last quote:
âIf you're gonna replace me
At least have the audacity to kill me thoroughlyâÂ
-seemingly being reflective of Carmen (pm), either some remaining part of her in Angelaâs mind, or speaking directly.Â
There is something of the entire city, alongside Angelaâs story over Ruina within the song itself.
Starting from the first proper verse, Angela addresses the patron librarians to cut down their loss, to acknowledge the flaws of Ayin and move past now that their loyalty is no longer needed; the following two lines are more of Angela herself, lamenting her past being controlled and used in the face of those that found purpose by being used for another, for those who âFind comfort in the stringsâ like the patron librarians who were more than willing to be used all for the light.Â
Likewise, the following question can be seen as either Carmen, being part of the light at the finale of Lobotomy Corporation, now speaking to Angela, the phrase âhow does it feel to be free?â seemingly a question that Angela herself asks (or one that the voice is repeating), before the affirmation of her newfound identity in âIâm a tough girlâ.Â
Likewise, the phrasing of âmy heart goes right, my head goes leftâ indicates the beginning of Angelaâs transition towards humanity, where her rational âcold machineâ begins to turn against the newfound humanity, the desires of her heart.Â
The phrasing of the next line is interesting, and canât easily be linked to a specific moment of Angelaâs story; I personally take this line to reflect her becoming a part of [peopleâs] life, however this is likely due to the fact that I personally view Angela as asexual or aspecâthe interpretation of this line as being romantic or explicit in nature isnât inherently wrong, just one I donât personally see. This could reflect the prior mentioned inspiration of DADES, specifically Rachel, who makes Deckard question the humanity of androids, sleeping with him. Â
âWe could live in sin, except that I'm not alive [...]-â
In the process of this, Deckard is put off killing Rachel, and though he continues to kill the remaining androids, one of which is of the same model as Rachel, the other two a married couple, which, in an ending likely involving LSD, has Deckard see the nature of electric life as a form of life in itself.
"-[...] Legally you're not. But really you are. Biologically. You're not made out of transistorized circuits like a false animal; you're an organic entity."
-once again returning to the idea of legality, how the government and law sees you, and how you really are; in the final chapters of the book, Deckard begins to see even these âFalse animalsâ, claiming that â[it] doesn't matter. The electric things have their lives, too. Paltry as those lives are.".Â
This is likely not the final mention of DADES. I am so sorry but at the same time it is quite good.Â
As mentioned before, the line in the following verse regarding âGods of [the] cityâ relates back to the index, as well as the nature of the city in its whole; This is notable due to the relation that Yanâs story has to Angelaâs, each of the final Star of The City receptions correlating to her own story, or to Rolandâs.Â
Prior to this reference, the line-
âMaybe we're all cold machines
Stuffed in the human skin
With human sinsâ
-references this concept of Sin, which will return in the following game of Limbus Company (alongside Leviathan) in relation to the light; the idea of machines wearing human skin is one that is obviously parallelled by the androids within DADES, however it is too a description of the bounty hunters, as well as this own gameâs cityfolk and Sephira.
Mentioned before is the cold, carelessness of the hunters, the complete disregard for electric life as a whole, whilst claiming that it is their empathy that defines them from the androids. Such beliefs are challenged within the novel itself, primarily and most directly through Deckardâs interactions with Phil Resch, and the android named Miss Luft.
âAn android,â he said, âdoesnât care what happens to another android. Thatâs one of the indications we look for."
âThen,â Miss Luft said, âyou must be an android
Recall Roland and Angelicaâs epitaph, âThatâs That and This is Thisâ, how they could only function through a disregard towards the suffering of others, not caring about their fellow humans in a desperate struggle to survive, the only way to survive in the city, on your own.
The following verse states this outright:Â
âAll that precious bravery is gonna get you hurt
In a world that feeds on the minority
May that self-centered belief lead you to peaceâ
To care for something is to hurt for something, to be vulnerable, and meagre joy for sorrow is higher a trade when you know their absence.Â
To return to the former section, we see most clearly in this line the imagery of a disconnection towards your own body, questioning if we are all alien to our forms, simply sewn into the forms that we have regardless of the nature of our being; even within the opening bridge of the song we can see allusions to this same idea, posed as a question, not for the nature of being, but for Angela as a person:
âWhich "you" are you going to be?
Inside the mirror do you see
Someone else in that body?â
Iâd be remiss to not mention the further references to Carmenâs impact on Angelaâs being in the latter section of this stanza, her first form, created by Ayin, was modelled after Carmenâs body. The absolute inability to see your form without contradicting your being, the freedom to choose how you live, beyond the purpose of your creation, is a central point of Angelaâs narrative; alongside transcending the role of an object, mirroring the objectification that queer people and especially women face in real life.
The first line of the stanza resonates deeply on a social level, rather than the dissonance between who you see as/in your body, the presentation you hide from others, for fear of ridicule, hate or persecution.
Even beyond the concept of âcoming outâ, the first time you can smile as yourself, unmasked, there remains a lingering hesitation, the knowledge that you cannot truly be known fully by another, you cannot be vulnerable, you are held by the standards raised for your right to be treated as a human, because in the eyes of so many others, in the eyes of Ayin, she was never a human.
Not literal, but a realistic form of dehumanisation; Not quite through setting the expectations to that of a tool, but to those of a saint, so that you fall so much harder.
âBeing a trans woman is like if you ever turned off your customer service voice you die
[...] This post isnât about Voice Trainingâ
Every word, every thought, every move â so long as you act in their wants you will be âone of the good onesâ. So long as you mind to want for yourself, to speak for those like you, to their persecution, you will be hated. From the gaze of others come razor thin strands that constrict and shear your form, that cut through your skin and pull you up to a higher standard than anyone else, just to be tolerated at the most, these same wires wrenching you from their so called âacceptanceâ â for some, for âthe puppets on TV, there is comfort in the stringsâ: to be reduced to an object, to be a tool; to be embraced, even by this cold and shallow thread that whispers sweet curses, that you can never be enough, that you will always be too much.
Angela, who has been puppeted in her past before, used as nothing more than a tool, constantly reminded of such, held back by her 'Father' and superior, something that is surely â sorely â understood who does notâcannotâconform to the roles expected of them in society.
This is so to say that Angela, "Created with attractiveness to the largest amount of people", can never choose, yet is constantly reminded that this inaction means she can never do good enough.
âIf he can only perform good or only perform evil, then he is a clockwork orangeâmeaning that he has the appearance of an organism lovely with colour and juice but is in fact only a clockwork toy to be wound up by God or the Devilâ
To be wound up by the devil, to be sewn up by the gods of the city. To be held higher, to be made to do good is not to live â To be made in the form of what was once alive. To be hated for your form, which was once loved.
There is one more character that haunts the narrative of the first two games, more so than even Carmen (PM), and one that is integral to the understanding of both stories. Ayinâs presence in the story, bar the finale of Lobotomy Corporation, is only seen as a shadow, in the ripples that he has caused, and in his reflection through the cast.
Roland reflects Deckard, as does Roland reflect Ayin, and so too does Ayin reflect Deckard;Â Ayinâs âSelf centred beliefâ, his disregard for others in the pursuit of something âgreaterâ, reflects the hypocrisy of the bounty hunters, caring for so many others, for the people of their world, but all through their disregard of the machines â If he were to save hundreds, thousands, if he were to cure the âdiseaseâ that festers within humanity, what is one paltry machine?
âA hundred thousand good deeds could be done and helped, on that old woman's money which will be buried in a monastery! Hundreds, thousands perhaps, might be set on the right path [...]to the service of humanity and the good of all. What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by thousands of good deeds? For one life thousands would be saved from corruption and decay. One death, and a hundred lives in exchangeâit's simple arithmetic!â
But the greatest sin, Ayinâs greatest sin, âYour worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.â
The former two quotes are taken from the novel Crime and Punishment, which you may know for having my least favourite sinner (Rodion) and for being fairly long to read through.
While I could probably extend this out to another couple thousand words discussing Ayin â and to discuss Ayin in whole, we must discuss Carmen (PM), and to discuss either, we must discuss Crime and Punishment, which means we need to discuss Rodion and Sonia (Who just are Ayin and Sonia but flavoured differently) â however this is not the time nor the place for such things.Â
What is important for now is the link between Ayin and Carmen, and thus between Deckard and Priss â- an android who used the same model as Rachel, whom he loved â a connection severed, and which allowed for Ayin to finish what he had done, to kill Priss.
"There is no Pris," he said. "Only Rachael Rosen, over and over again." [...] "You loved her, and I loved Rachael. And the special loved the other Rachael."
The final realisation of Deckard mirrors that of Roland, mirrors that of Angela, of Ayin, of Alex; âI am required to do wrong. Everything I've done has been wrong from the start.â. No matter where you go, you must be forced to do wrong, but this does not mean you cannot do good in spite of it.
To be entirely good or entirely evil is to not be human; return to before. It is an attempt to defy nature, a fruitless effort, to be held to never falter as so many are, it is a doomed and lingering dream to be perfect, and while some may hate you for this, there is eternally the strive to do âgoodâ in spite of it.Â
âWhen does it end for me?
Hmm
I think I am done with everything
Now I'm ready to leaveââ
I mean yeah the song is right this has gone on for quite a while without a clear end-
ââDragging outâ
Thatâs a bit rude but I probably deserve itâŠÂ
âWhen I no longer can live on knowledge alone
You gave me strength
Hopeful curiosity
Maybe there are still happy answers left for my discovery
"Youâre not wrong. The scars of the mind will never mend.
Even if I had my revenge on that man⊠they simply wonât.
Thatâs why I have to stop thisâŠ
Repeating this cycle will eventually result in it crushing me.
Just because Iâm afraid and vexed, that doesnât mean Iâm free to turn away from anxiety chained to the past.
Thatâs also part of me now.
I should embrace it. Along with everything Iâve done.
So I ask you kindly⊠Let us end this.
âŠAs a true human should."
Thinking she knew the nature of humanity, seeing so much of the city, the hardships and meagre lives of those within, she finds a new strength, to live, to challenge what she knows of humanity, that "humans can only love themselves, after all.",Â
âI know better now. I know that there are some people who chose to stay until the end.â
âWhat's the colour of the electric sheep you see?
And if you love me
Can you love your everything too, for me?â
What does she dream of now. What do you dream of now, with the strength to keep on living. To care for others, to be a better human. A final dream of what could have been, a kinder, gentler world. What kind of life â for that is what the sheep may be, electric or not â does she dream of, do either of them dream of?
One not only to be loved, to know the love of another, to be free, but to love yourself, to love everything about yourself. Despite everything, those traits are still you.Â
And then. In the final moments, one who stayed for her, until the ending. A faint voice, a beloved, a hated voice.Â
â... I'm sorry.
And good jobâ
A moment of care. The recognition she never had.Â
But that is the end of a different story â âthe story of the gradual renewal of a man, the story of his gradual regeneration, of his passing from one world into another, of his initiation into a new unknown life. That might be the subject of a new story, but our present story is ended.
Part two releases sometime between now and when i next try to die
I'm gonna care about every potohube I'll find in the internet, support every potohube artist and be proud potohube truther (just like Potocki was for RafaĆ)
And I'll try to inspire everyone who haven't had chance to witness the beauty of potohube, to carry, not my legacy, but legacy of unnamed love, to let it be alive long past my death (just like Hubert did for RafaĆ)
Potohube kiss when I was traveling by train
Stay tuned, stay proud, share your heretic belives
