Blah.Ramble.Rant.

Mandy. UT Austin. Theatre Education. Queer shit. This blog is thought vomit.

[softerbutch]

[softerbutch]

TW: ED talk

I’m very triggered in my ED rn and it’s the most at peace I’ve felt in a while which is like bad but also like? Idk. It’s helping me feel less anxious. Which is nice. But disordered eating is bad. Very bad. I’m aware. But like? Y’know?

[softerbutch]

Hi I bought a really nice harness and I’m really excited and this is too risqué for twitter so congratulations tumblr!

Also it’s supposed to be delivered the same day I need it so let’s all collectively cross our fingers ok?

[softerbutch]

Hi I’m doing better and I’m actively “””””””dating”””””””” someone and she’s great. Work’s ok. I’m ok.

[softerbutch]

One of my best friends/former roommates just got engaged and all of my friends will be engaged in the next few months and I haven’t gone on a date in well over a year so like y’know it’s cool I’m just going to die alone

I’m reminding myself of queer time but also like! I’m lonely!

[softerbutch]

Just had a good old cathartic cry and was able to talk to my mom. It’s like she knew I was having a bad week. I was feeling really self destructive yesterday and today and almost fell into some old bad habits this morning. But, now I’m going to shower and drive to work to do some stuff on this fine Sunday.

[softerbutch]

Being alive is stressful my job is stressful but I love it and today I cleaned my apartment even tho I couldn’t get out of bed until noon despite waking up at 6am

[justtwothings]

[twofigs]

“do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. do justly now. love mercy now. walk humbly now. you are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it.”

from the talmud

[lollipopatrice-deactivated20210]

You know what the Green Heron is basically the best heron because it is like 90% neck so when it is all folded down it looks like a giant head with wings and legs

but then suddenly ZOOP

fucking green herrons

[seastarcrunchies]

What the fuck

[kazoohira-miller]

[drillsergeantcrazy-deactivated2]

@hussainthemvp

[softerbutch]

Hi everyone I have a car and a license and have had a few good days but today I am very anxious and depressed today because I feel like things are too good and I feel like I was never supposed to live this long and everything is a mistake and I’m going to get fired and everything I’ve worked for will be taken away and as I’m writing this I’m realizing that this probably roots from being evicted and homeless at various points of my life or that my mom got cancer right when I got accepted into my dream university so y’know good things for me are usually a bad sign idk I feel like I’m about to be crushed at any moment and I’m kind of spiraling today and also my best friend and I are drifting apart and I think I may be fine with it except not at all because I love him so dearly but he has not supported me lately when I really needed a friend just to say that they hear me and I am always here for him wholeheartedly at any moment idk idk idk I’m so anxious.

[bonerfart]

i just did the BOFA thing to my mum and she goes “that’s very rude” and I said “i’m sorry, i meant it as a parody” and she said “of what?” then i said “a parod-eez nuts” and i heard my dad laugh from the other room

[softerbutch]

I’m sorry I still read it as Bank of F America

[softerbutch]

My eating disorder is still acting tf up and I feel Dysphoric as heck but I also made an ok Cupid account so that’s where I am

[softerbutch]

Today is the 8 year anniversary of when I converted to Christianity for like a week as a last ditch effort to try to not kill myself lol

[softerbutch]

HI i’m making a zine and yes i made that image in MS paint. it isn’t edgy because no glue was involved but i don’t have a printer!!!

Anyway, 

Submit to my zine, queers. 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe7sh08aupB5caP-OUAmhLcIsrl8kvkS_Sf7sPZi5T7zn8jsw/viewform?usp=sf_link

Hi! I am making a zine called Chickpea Soup for the Queer Soul because I am nostalgic and want to make the world a more tender place. Submit any short stories, personal essays, poems, quotes, haiku, photography, text messages, lyrics, art. As long as it's somehow queer related, you're good! I want inspiration, heartache, soft sunlight, clean linen, fresh bread smells, comfort story-food. If you have images, or other media that can't be submitted here, email it to: [email protected]

[softerbutch]

Hi teaching is going well I don’t have a car or license I want to die and my eating disorder is flipping shit and it’s stressing me out

But I’m not even being sarcastic teaching is going well!!!!

[lovenotesuggestions]

The greatest privilege would be getting to make your pancakes on a Sunday morning.