I sometimes see people complain about the smallest stuff and wonder what or how they feel able to even place these things publicly with so much going on around or just , bot that one should make themselves small but maybe the comparing is actually doing that more than the voicing of )but also just like , there’s so many ways to change things think differnt do differnt and we would see change, but people don’t want because maybe the sameness creates meaning, but especially this relationship shit like what sometimes i be giggling to myself like damn I guess that why certain can’t be in complexly emotionally advance relationships because they would malfunction. Everything in stride, i said to someone the other day , instead saying something else.
Yes sure sure we can’t compare stressors and each person has they own metric of challenges and all that ok yea
Anyways, I’m too weak and tired and sick feeling these days to do anything that i wanna or needa do (I gotta finish editing these two videos for the exhibition at end of month) , but i also have negative money in my bank account and my check ain’t cleared yet so I can’t even get pain killers and I look too odd to go thievery mode with no purchase, just being black alone basically haha not to mention whatever else cant put finger on.
Was reading today about eating disorders in poverty or food scarcity, as I’ve been thinking so much lately about the difference between eating at an extreme deficit (something I’ve been doing for a while now, one meal a day often times) due to being without money versus anorexia and where the line is at with. One is a disorder and the other one is more or less forced upon the person ? This is what I was googling today after I was filling out this grant application and got to the point about taxes and including two 1099s, I haven’t done my txs in so long I can’t even provide any of that , so I closed the window out after writing why it would be useful for me to receive financial aid now after my attempted eviction and blah blah blah . Love the artwork I’ve been making though, more or less. Thankful for people being interested still enough to invite me to do things and trust my wild mind to take over stuff in the institution for a period of time.
My heart is beating strangely maybe because of my posture but maybe also because of a lithle fever ish. Oh I realized I haven’t had sex in three months which is interesting , it feels that way and doesn’t at all. I have been back on my trans confused intimacy activities, making out with people and not really knowing what I want next or not applying any extra navigation or courting because that has started to dry me up again, filling some fake masc shoes or whatever. Just letting things flow, it makes me feel funny as I’m a very sexual person generally but I’m also super ok with the slow float. Wonder what that all means ? for sure trauma and financial crisis and possibility of losing housing are not horny inducing, that’s for sure. Tomorrow will be way better though I can tell.
I thought I didn’t have the energy to write much, but I guess there’s lots of thoughts on the brain, being alone and sleeping alot and all.
kianamaiart
izzy806
blakekathryn
titsay
romaincrisis
stormborns
ellievsbear
germansingergirl
