Hanzo tried to keep his disappointment from showing as he rang up the tin of tea and gently placed it into a gift bag. He wondered whether Jesse had been having the same moment of panic as himself. Their fingers brushed when Jesse handed over his credit card, and again when Hanzo returned it. The touch lingered as he held the gift bag out to Jesse and he took it, both of them looking at their hands for a couple of beats as neither Hanzo moved to let go nor Jesse moved to pull away.
This paragraph was written last August, when it was a little further into the story. There was a lot more angsting on Hanzo’s part in the preceding few paragraphs back then (two of the notes in the margins of the Google doc are “less angsting, Hanzo” followed by “and yet, these are all valid questions”) that were toned down in the version of the story that was posted, although the few paragraphs that follow this one to end the scene remained almost word-for-word the same.
I like this little piece because it’s sorta’ the first time that the two of them really connect and willfully “don’t notice” the other’s attraction to them, something that they repeat over and over again throughout the story like the dumb babies they are. Jesse is about as disappointed in himself as Hanzo is at this point, having considered for a split second actually thinking of some other reason to stay the paragraph before. But he got shy, and didn’t want to be a pest, so he let it go.
Honestly, reading over it again now, I would have either punctuated it differently or changed a few words so that there weren’t those two sentences in the middle of it with pretty much the same rhythm/structure, but that’s me being me own fussiest editor.
I always sorta’ imagined them both staring at their hands on the handles of the gift bag, fingers barely touching, for just a little longer than was comfortable: neither of them want to be the first to let go, but they both know that they can’t stand there like that all afternoon and it’s going to get real awkward real quick unless someone either says something or relinquishes the bag. Almost like Hanzo should take a look out of the fourth wall a la The Office or there should be a record scratch and a voiceover saying something like “There is no point to this … it is not as though I am going to ask him out to coffee if only I keep him standing here long enough … and yet, I persist.”
jacobvanloon
yousharknotpass
titsay
dailybridgerton
janainaart
areudirty
