Solace

Tomorrow will be kinder, The world will be gentler, And I will allow myself to be softer

[solacepoems]

The little wizard sat on the rooftop of his all too lonely house,

His feet dangling in the air,

above the world,

Beneath the skyline.

His eyes towards the night,

His hands reaching to the stars.

"Bless me, little fires, teach me to fly."

The little wizard picked the stars from the nightsky,

Pressed them onto his heart,

Into his mouth.

"Bless me, little fires, teach me to burn up there,

rather than fade away down below."

- stories from childhood, by Solace

[solacepoems]

And when all words have left you,

Scattered on the earth,

All you have is time

To stare

At your hands,

Covered in blood

From centuries ago.

Still bright red, rusty.

Stuck in the same way.

[solacepoems]

Desperation streaming out of me,

Tears

Dropping

Down

Like

Rain.

Forming a river under my feet.

Is that where they came from?

Lifted up by hands more gentle and lived than mine,

Pressed into lips that spoke kinder words.

Did they fall like this then, too?

Followed by anguished sobs

Who wiped them away?

I look at my hands, trembling and aching

to hold Something.

- blood runs like water, eternally

By Solace

[solacepoems]

My mom told me it was good luck to count the windows of your home the first night after moving in.

Surrounded by movingboxes on the livingroom floor,

What if I can't do this?

A screaming urge to run back home

but Home is here now.

There are two windows in the kitchen. I can see the playground where the neighbour kids are laughing.

Two windows in each of the bedrooms. I'm laying down and the sun is streaming in and pouring on the yet empty walls.

And the last two windows are in the livingroom. From them you can see the balcony, and the sunset every night.

Because now every night will be here.

- 40 minute drive to an empty bedroom, by Solace

[solacepoems]

Write a poem about something obvious;

The smell of tomato soup in the kitchen,

Dust gathering on top of the pile of magazines I used to love when I was twelve,

My fingers tinged from the oranges I peeled yesterday,

Choking for air while taping the last movingbox shut,

The dog curling to my side at night.

Witness how life at it's core is a poem

Why try to hide it in metaphors, between lines?

- stay up a little bit longer, by Solace

[solacepoems]

And even though my breathing is shaky,

And my legs are trembling beneath the weight

Of being alive,

I have my eyes set on the view from the kitchen window,

And my fingers are tight around the new key to the front door.

Feet on solid ground, pockets full with prescription medication and spare change

A life to live.

- the cherry trees are blossoming, by Solace

[solacepoems]

With a bloody nose and scraped knees,

Bandages knuckles

and trembling fists,

Through gritted teeth

I whisper to the world to myself;

"I want this life

I want this life

I want this life"

- God don't let me give up, by Solace

[solacepoems]

There's a golden crown

Of shame sitting at the top of my head

like a halo.

And under my tongue festers my

father's need to stay silent,

and my mother's urge to be known.

Trembling fingers grasping eachother,

A silent

Sorry excuse of a prayer;

"Bring the stars down on me."

- subway station, by Solace

[solacepoems]

And at night

When the sky is too cloudy to see

The stars,

My whispered question to God

is bouncing of the walls of my room:

Am I loved?

Am I loved?

Am I loved?

The echoes sounding like footsteps from childhood,

And the only comfort I am yearning for is from a six-year-old me.

Shaky knees and eyes drowned,

'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry'

- a hug that could heal, by Solace

[solacepoems]

It was

Only at your absence that I noticed

That your presence were

The hands of a 13-year-old me

choking me.

Fragile fingers desperately strangling my throat.

And a phone call,

Ending at 36 minutes meant

Fingers letting loose

Fingers letting loose

Fingers letting loose

- finally feel my age, by Solace

[solacepoems]

And love.

Love,

Oh there was so much of it.

And yet I ached for more.

Cracked lips and aching fingers I craved

to be drowned in it.

- I had a dream about you yesterday, by Solace

[solacepoems]

I can't tell anyone

what I'm feeling because

it's all these crashing waves of

emotions

Drowning me in my own bones.

And to you?

To you they'd just be words.

Letters mixed with my anguished sobs.

So I lock all my sorrows in my eyes

And pray you see it,

Because

I never thought about how

Lonely

Drowning is.

- on nightwatch, by Solace

[solacepoems]

My childhood is buried

deep in my bones,

Memories running through

my blood keeping me alive.

Like pearls inside a seashell, I have carefully placed them between

my ribs,

into my core.

And I am the diver

Collecting these seconds

of experienced love,

in awe of them in my hands,

a treasure in my heart.

- core memories, by Solace

[solacepoems]

Love actually is real.

I heard her footsteps when she walked into my livingroom last night.

There she sat down and laughed with my sisters and I.

She trailed her fingers across our old pictures of our childhood and hummed with quiet nostalgia,

Late in the night, when sleep had covered us up with his blanket, Love got up and quietly exited.

And tomorrow, when I wake and walk into the kitchen, I know that as soon as my siblings wake up, Love will be opening that front door to my house.

- Love has a key to my house, by Solace

[solacepoems]

There is a pomegranate seed the size of a fist

Stuck in

My throat,

And I keep trying to list the things about me

that I never told anyone

To prove myself

I have always existed

- tartarus in my stomach, by Solace

[solacepoems]

They say 70% of a body is made of love

(Or was it water?)

Tonight I am dehydrated,

I have wept it all out,

Being strangled by it on it's way

out.

Cried myself a river,

Saw it grow into an ocean.

But water lives in a cycle;

Tomorrow I shall be floating,

Gathering up pieces of myself

Until I am strong

Enough to be brought back to earth.

- not a bad thing, just a sad one. By Solace

[solacepoems]

I missed church this morning because three of my friends were sleeping over

I missed church this morning because I couldn't miss the moment they all woke up,

When the light starts to enter the

room,

When laughter pours in and fills

every empty corner,

When breathing becomes easier

And tomorrow doesn't feel like

a burden anymore.

I missed church this morning but God was still all around.

- Cleaning up after you is a privilege, by Solace