Solar Spiral ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ not safe for humans

🌌♻️🎭🍥 26 y.o. ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡° Everything is a spiral | walking contradiction | antis, minors DNI 〰️〰️ one of those crazy girls | i love music, art, streamers, angels, nature and fandoms :3 | fuck ai 🚫

[solar-spiral]

Hello, Creature. I'm Solar Spiral. ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆°°✩ 𓁼

something about me:

• not a native speaker

• walking contradiction & pathos, black and white thinking, drama queen

• I love nature and try to live a sustainable lifestyle

♡̩͙ 𖣂 ❀☘︎

• I have 4 cats, I love cats ଲ(ⓛ ω ⓛ)ଲ

• one of my main life goals is to create art

• obsessed with streamers and youtubers (even retired ones)

• antinatalist (?i guess..)

• I draw, but rarely

• hopeless romantic

• I love music with all my heart (o˘◡˘o)

• everything is a spiral ⋆｡𖦹°‧★

• 18+ blog because sometimes i say horny things

• proship, against censorship

• I love cute things!! ^^

favorite aesthetics:

suncore, weirdcore, dreamcore, wintercore, solarpunk, frutiger aero, webcore

favorite creatures/types:

clowns, jesters, gnomes, wizards, robots, computers, cat people, angels, deities, yandere men, aliens, loyal knight/queen or princess, gentle giant

kins:

Sam Winchester (Supernatural), Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars), Jinx (Arcane)

fandoms/things that are forever stuck in my heart (fsimh):

• series: Supernatural, Severance, Office

• universes: Star Wars

• animated shows/films: Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Futurama, Frozen

• films: Electric Dreams, The Boy (2016)

• religions: The Bible Fandom

• streamers/youtubers: Jerma985, charborg, Criken, wobowobo, SPUT!, Nobey One, Wizards With Guns

• games: Subnautica, Stardew Valley, Mushroom Oasis, John Doe Game, No, I'm Not A Human, Undertale, Skyrim, Genshin Impact, Cult Of The Lamb, Voices Of The Void, RimWorld, Vintage Story, rpg-maker games (Ib, Mogeko Castle)

• anime: Nausicaä of the valley of the wind, Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, Girl's Last Tour, Serial Experiments Lain, Future Diary, Kakegurui

• comics: Levatry comic (Леватры https://t.me/levatri), Bond by Fire, Life is Hell on twitter

• communities: robotlovers/computerlovers/objectum

• music: Insane Clown Posse, AURORA, Mitski, MARINA, Calva Louise, The Beatles, Flëur, madilyn mei (it's just a few)

this is not an exact list because i don't remember everything and it will be updated (シ_ _)シ

main tags:

• #bpd and bornwitheartonitssleeve blog - about living with this personality disorder

• #my art, #art therapy, #my pics - my drawings

• #supernatural, #spn - my posts and reposts about the fandom that I wrote about the most, also

• #star wars, #jerma, #criken, #charborg, #sput

• #my headcanons

• #my photos - sometimes i take pictures

• #healing - about the healing process, what helps/inspires me

• #music recommendations

• #my cats - my silly goobers

• #anon ask - people ask things, sometimes weird but it's okay

• #meta - news, changes about blog

• #thoughts - everything else

of course this is not all that I wanted to write but let it be at least for now 🙂‍↕️

вэлком всем русскоязычным, потерявшемся в интернете!! однако блог в основном ведётся на простом английском. буду рада русским мью!! :3

please, don't be afraid

[solar-spiral]

One thought as I started watching "Succession": sometimes you need to think about why you insert so much sex in your series

[solar-spiral]

somethin' somethin' spiral

I watching skyrim rp every fuckin day. (　＾∇＾)

khajiits!!!! I hope I play myself one day.

I wanted to draw other characters, like Chung'dar, Dusk, Faye, but I haven't been able to draw them well enough to show them yet.

[solar-spiral]

I’ve created a blog specifically dedicated to BPD, depression, and my other mental health issues: bornwitheartonitssleeve. I want to split (BHAHAHAH SPLIT) everything related to BPD from my main blog and move all the old posts over there. That way, my main blog will be more interesting and positive.

I just want to split things. This will probably be better for those who don’t want to constantly hear me whine about BPD, but if there are pictures, I’ll post them on the main blog too, with minimal focus on the disorder. Let this space be cozier, more positive, and probably more fandom-oriented, though it’s hard to categorize everything strictly, for example, my obsession with streams stems directly from parasocial relationships, which stem directly from my obsession with people/characters/fandoms, which stems directly from emptiness and other symptoms. So I’ll just try to separate everything. Maybe that’s a good idea. Maybe focus more on recovery there?

I’m not even sure if anyone in the audience sees this post; most people follow just for the sake of it, don’t really visit this place, or are just waiting for a mutual follow, but anyway, let it be so for now. ^ ^

Я создала блог специально посвящённый прл, депрессии и другим моим ментальным проблемам: bornwitheartonitssleeve. Я хочу разделить все связанное с прл от основного блога и перенести все старые посты туда. Чтобы основной блог был более интересный и позитивный.

Мне лишь бы что-то разделить. Так наверно будет лучше для тех, кто не хочет постоянно слушать моё нытьё про прл, но если будут рисунки, я буду их также постить в основном, с минимум акцента на расстройстве. Пусть здесь будет более уютно и позитивно и наверно фандомно, хотя многое сложно разделить категорично, например моё увлечение стримами прямо вытекает из парасоциальных отношений, что прямо вытекает из одержимости людьми/персонажами/фандомами, что прямо вытекает из пустоты и других симптомов. Так что я просто постараюсь всё разделить. Может быть это хорошая идея. Может больше заниматься там восстановлением?

Я даже не уверена, видит ли этот пост кто-то из аудитории, большинство подписываются просто так, не особо посещают это место, либо же ожидая взаимной подписки, но всё равно, пусть будет так пока. ^ ^

[solar-spiral]

I'm begging myself for consistency

[solar-spiral]

I'm obsessed with the Keizaal Skyrim rp!! ^^

I love how the drama, military intrigue, and funny moments unfold in real time, and how every character has their own story and life, people really immerse themselves in the game. I’ve never been this interested in someone’s OC before, let alone a streamer’s OC. People don’t get it when I say I’m into streams, but I just love being in that space and even typing a little in the chat. It’s like I’ve actually interacted with people a bit, rather than just watching, which is already progress.

First, I learned about Criken from Charborg, then about Joe Fudge and Sput from Criken, and about Enevun, Percussion, Strippin, and the rest of these wonderful people from Sput. And somehow Jerma is connected to Criken, it would be interesting to see a map of the streamers’ connections. I’d honestly be way more depressed if it weren’t for the streams and the illusion of connection.

And the smaller the audience, the more likely you are to be able to talk directly, so I don’t really see the point in writing in Jeremy’s chat. This world opened up to me once, and even though it’s not a fandom and stems from loneliness, I’ve enjoyed being here. I watch streams like my favorite TV show, and I also get to see other characters’ perspectives on the situation. And that inspires me to draw again. I hope I’ll finally be able to show my work and join the fan art group on the Sput's discord channel. I love Sput...

Also I realized I like orcs... 👉🏻👈🏻😳

[solar-spiral]

The lilacs have bloomed. I want to live again.

Сирень зацвела. Я снова хочу жить.

[solar-spiral]

Roleplaying and the streaming community are so great that I love the world again and want to meet my two remaining close people. And my cats, of course. I notice that my posts are getting less attention, which is disappointing, but at the same time, I guess I'm not doing something often or well enough to be liked by a lot of people. I just hope my aesthetic and energy in the form of pictures and messages will seem cozy to someone. Sometimes I remember how good people are living alongside me, and my heart fills with tenderness, as if I can escape my evil side for a while.

No mental illness can completely kill my hope, kindness, and love for this world. Even if I just watched it and didn't participate... I'm so grateful.

Ролевые игры и сообщество стримеров настолько прекрасны, что я снова полюбила этот мир и хочу встретиться со своими двумя оставшимися близкими. И, конечно же, со своими кошками. Я замечаю, что мои посты получают меньше внимания, что меня расстраивает, но в то же время, я думаю, что делаю что-то недостаточно часто или недостаточно хорошо, чтобы нравиться многим людям. Я просто надеюсь, что мой стиль и энергия в виде фотографий и сообщений покажутся кому-то уютными. Иногда я вспоминаю, какие хорошие люди живут рядом со мной, и мое сердце наполняется нежностью, как будто я могу на время убежать от своей злой стороны.

Никакие ментальные заболевания не могут раздавить во мне полностью надежду, доброту и любовь к этому миру. Даже если я просто смотрела на это, а не участвовала... я так благодарна.

[solar-spiral]

I found a beautiful thing that suited me among the junk 🙏🏻😇

[ineffag-swag]

I guess I must have amazing taste because somehow everything that I like are things that I enjoy

[solar-spiral]

me looking at my picture collection and playlists

[solar-spiral]

I'm at home, and fp and their partner are at home too. I saw them, said hello, and after that they didn't said anything except hello (after we hadn't spoken for a month).

i hear i see i hear i see i hear i see i can't distract i cant forget i can't escape i can't i can't i can't

[solar-spiral]

It's like visiting ancient ruins in the desert [1650 days ago]

[solar-spiral]

I think I should move everything about BPD and depression to a separate blog or delete it. I don't want it to be such a big part of me. Do I really have nothing more interesting to say?

[solar-spiral]

I've always liked cat-like races, Skyrim is inspiring

🐈‍⬛🐈🐈

I love her!! ^^

[solar-spiral]

THE DAY STARTED OFF GREAT!!! 😄🌼🌻

I forgave my FP!!! 🙂

I've already done several things!!!😁

I listen to VOCALOIDS!!! and more!!! 💫

Isn't today a wonderful day?? Let's rejoice!!!

I SMILE :) AT THE WORLD! Their attempts to upset me only make me laugh even more!! 😁😁

draw!!! with paints!!! 💖👀✍️✍️

ДЕНЬ ОТЛИЧНО НАЧАЛСЯ!!! 🙂

я простила своего фп!!! 🥳

уже несколько дел сделала!!! 😁😁

слушаю ВОКАЛОИДОВ!!! и не только!!

разве сегодня не прекрасный день?? так порадуемся же!!! 😃

УЛЫБАЮСЬ :) МИРУ! от попыток их меня расстроить мне только ещё больше смешно!! 🤣

рисовать!!! красками!!! ✍️✍️✍️🌸💮🌼🌻🕷🍁

[solar-spiral]

0 % effort and kefir

[solar-spiral]

Oh, wait, I remembered that I’m not just a point in two-dimensional space, that I exist, that there’s still a world and time around me. I just stepped outside for the first time in a week and saw people.

О, подожди, я вспомнила что я не только точка и двумерное пространство, что я существую, что вокруг всё ещё есть мир и время. Просто вышла на улицу впервые за неделю и увидела людей.