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After years of knowing about it but never knowing what was actually in it, I have finally acquired a copy of the rare 2008 UK promotional book “Who is Artemis Fowl?”

I was very excited to get my hands on it, as there was the possibility of exclusive content! To lay eyes on official AF content that I’ve never seen before, in 2022? Very exciting. Join me as I explore this tiny treasure!

First, a little background info on this thing can be found at: artemis-fowl.com/the-books/artemis-fowl-book/

So, it is quite small and thin, being a free promotional item included in a magazine. It’s got 64 pages, and is roughly 4x7 inches in size (11x18 cm).

The bulk of the pages are devoted to short extracts from all 6 (at the time) Artemis Fowl books. It came out before Time Paradox released; it has a little blurb at the end advertising that book as releasing soon, in August 2008.

The extracts are: Book 1: The brief prologue, plus the scene where Artemis enters Angeline’s bedroom and she has the mannequin of Timmy. Book 2: The scene right near the beginning where Artemis views the ransom video message on his laptop. Book 3: The scene where Holly agrees to heal Butler. Book 4: The scene after Holly saves Artemis from the hotel missile and they talk. Book 5: The opening scene where Artemis swaps fingers. Book 6: The exchange of money for lemur between Little Arty and Kronski in the leather souk, cutting off just as Holly and Artemis go in to intervene.

There is also a short extract from the original 2007 graphic novel. It’s the first few pages of the Holly intro chapter, printed in black & white.

The extracts are all well and good, but I was of course most interested in the prospect of exclusive content. And there is indeed some stuff that isn’t found anywhere else!

-A multiple-choice quiz on the characteristics of the different fairy species, with some very amusing wrong answers. -A list of Artemis’ top 10 heroic moments (according to Eoin, I guess?). Not sure what the point of this is. I guess it’s just to hype up Time Paradox, since it wasn’t out yet but it’s included in the list. -A bit from Matt (of AFC website fame) saying why the series is so special, interspersed with other fan testimonials. -A promo for the “2008 LAFTA Awards” that was held on the AF website(?). Lol.

But the most exciting part of this little book, in my opinion? Official illustrations from Giovanni Rigano (graphic novel guy) are included in the Time Paradox extract! There are 3 illustrations, and they’re exclusive to this little book. I had no idea that this existed. We now have official art of the lovely human being known as Damon Kronski!

I am including images of the book’s exclusive content for your viewing pleasure, which I’ve never seen shared online before (though I could be wrong). Since this book is evidently rare and elusive, I think it’s important that this stuff be accessible in the public record. There’s nothing mind-blowing or earth-shattering here, but I think it’s still pretty neat! Now we know what’s in this thing!

(tap/click on an image to view full uncropped size)

fishgummy

evil bruno mars i’d throw a grenade at you

valtsv

i'm not even joking how to train your dragon is in my opinion one of the best films ever made in terms of its themes and the messages it wants you to take away from it alone. but it doesn't stop there. it ALSO has an incredible score, compelling characters, and beautifully designed and animated dragons. what more could you possibly ask for.

valtsv

filmnoirsbian

Is there rly any softer scene than when o'malley sees duchess and falls in love with her at first sight in the aristocats, complimenting her at every turn and climbing into a cherry blossom tree to make the flower petals snow gracefully down on her? How dreamy 🥀💕

filmnoirsbian

This Is Love 😍😍

phantoms-lair

Not to mention when he found she had kids, he was thrown for a second, then proceeded to not only still help her, but dote on them too.

pitviperofdoom

“Not all men” you’re right, Abraham DeLacey Giuseppe Casey Thomas O’Malley would never.

dankmemeuniversity

ralfmaximus

Years ago back when I worked in cubicle land, we were hiring junior software developers. They didn’t have to have a ton of experience, just a willingness to learn, and some demonstration of their software skills. Like: show me a program you wrote (any language) or a web site you designed. Anything.

And there was this one guy I talked with who seemed super sharp, but had virtually zero experience writing software. When it came time to do the show-n-tell part of the interview he whips out his laptop, brings up a website, and spins it around to show me what he made.

A website of tiny ceramic frogs.

Not for sale. Just… all these ceramic frogs, organized into categories. Frogs on bicycles, frogs with hats, frogs sitting on lily pads. It was a virtual museum of ceramic frogs in web form.

I scrolled through his online collection of frogs, slightly baffled.

“This is your website?” I asked finally.

“Yep!”

“You coded this yourself?” I popped into view-source mode and poked around some incredibly well-formatted, well-commented html. I nodded slowly. This guy was meticulous.

“Yep!”

“So… where’d all the frogs come from?”

“I made those too,” he says, beaming.

And while I’m processing this he rummages in his bag and pulls out a little ceramic frog working at a computer terminal. He places it on the table before us, next to the laptop.

“And THIS one,” he says, “I made for you! As a thank you for the interview.”

It was adorable. I hired him on the spot. I mean, why not? Worst case he’d wash out in 90 days and we’d hire somebody else. He turned out to be one of the best developers on our team.

And yes, his cubicle was loaded with ceramic frogs.

whitepeopletwitter

thedreadpiratejames

the mortifying ordeal of being known by 20,000 bees

mikufigure

hauntedegg

me the 3rd time I’ve gone up to this guys hotel room to ask him to stop vaping because it’s setting off the fire alarm because the clouds are so thick it’s disrupting the sensors and he answers the door all freaked out and jumpy and I have to go in and look around and make sure there isn’t actually a fire only to find that the curtain rod is broken and the closet shelf is broken and the sheets are tied into ropes and when I asked him about it he admitted to me that he did a lil meth and decided to try autoerotic asphyxiation but nothing was sturdy enough and to please not tell his boss because he was in town for job training and they’re paying for his room:

erohoney-deactivated20191218

I’m sorry what

dukebee

Working at a hotel is just Like That

onedirectiom

i think the hate against broccoli should stop

raychleadele

So there’s this artist, Alex Schaefer, who makes a bunch of paintings of Chase Bank burning.

There’s just

so many of these

and I think it’s incredibly funny but

I just read this bit from the artist and

This is a "plein air" painting which means I set up my easel right across the street of this Chase bank in my city and painted it like it had caught fire. The police questioned me on the spot. Three weeks later Homeland Security was knocking on the door to my home. The question they kept asking me was "Do you hate these banks?" I can honestly say yes.

And I just think this is the greatest artist statement I’ve ever read.

weremustelidae

can't believe that the entire premise of this children's cartoon show is "a 14-year-old boy died in a machinery accident, except he didn't fully die so now he can turn into a ghost and he uses his ghost powers to be a superhero. He cannot reveal his identity to anyone, because his parents are ghost hunters and he's afraid that if they found out then they'd experiment on him. The only people who know his secret are his two closest friends. All of this information is conveyed as a funky rap at the start of every episode." like how fucked up is that?!?

bisexualemmettcullen

vampires don't need to bathe because they can't sweat or anything but they absolutely get dirty from running through the woods all day. so whenever that happens carlisle lines all the kids up outside and absolutely blasts the shit out of them with the pressure washer like he's trying to get mud off a car

seth-my-son-clearwater

the marble skin ensures they don’t get hurt or anything, but once or twice Alice wasn’t paying attention and didn’t plant her feet and her little body got blown right into a tree

angrywerewolfwife

Emmett tries to bite at the water like a dog with a garden hose

keirametzbrassknuckles

I forget how much of the X-Men movie verse is just

Charles: my old friend, my love, we could have retired to a house by the sea where no one knows us and I would have kissed you in the sunshine and tenderly fed you fresh fruit every day for breakfast had shit not gotten real. Please reconsider your decision to kill us.

Erik: I still dream of that house by the sea and making love to you every night and bringing you your tea made just how you like it every morning, my love, my old friend. I’m gonna kill you now.