Look, we joke a lot, but really, "you were born evil, wretched, worse than the scum of the earth, and it took killing a god to make you salvageable, so now you'd better be grateful to that god and thank him 10,000 times a day for it and fill your thoughts with him 24/7 and abide by the letter of his every word, lest you suffer unimaginable torture for all of eternity" is a truly horrendous thing to believe about yourself and other people
as an ex christian, who hasnt been one in like almost 10 years now; this is so genuinely what it feels like. im proudly and openly part of the lgbtq+ community in multiple ways and a baby bat and emo and even after so long i sometimes still find myself feeling terriffied of enjoying the stuff i do, i find myself genuinely scared when i see someone wearing cross jewelry or someone iknew from that ugly chapter of my life. i kept praying and praying; they make u believe that if ur prayers arent coming true then ure not praying hard enough, u dont actually believe in god. they tell u that if u arent christian then ull burn forever in unimaginable agony. i was 5 years old. Five.
as a little kid until i was about 11, i cried when my mom said i couldnt go to church on wednesdays bc my homework wasnt done. i cried and begged and begged bc i thought if i didnt go then id die and go to hell. the shame and guilt i still feel nearly 10 years later is completely undeserved. that liitle elementary school kid did not deserve to be terrified of death bc "what if i didnt believe hard enogh?""what if i didnt convert enough people?""what if i didnt bring enough money from my mom to get into heaven?".
it is a doomsday cult. but instead of cutting off contact with ur family, they demand u make them join too. fuck the church, fuck organized religion. fuck every single pastor who thinks the only way to get into a good afterlife is through hate and fearmongering.
