em

he/they officially coming back to my roots (tumblr and spideypool fanfic)

[somuch-for-life]

my dream collab on hermitcraft is beef and joel doing a song together

[somuch-for-life]

mumbo fourth wheeling EGG because grian needed his comfort best friend is absolutely killing me

[somuch-for-life]

actually can’t believe that grians pov of mumbo fourth wheeling is funnier??? grian really just manifested mumbo showing up to do his redstone 😭😭

[penandinkprincess]

among the reasons i love shane goes to boston as an idea is that cliff marlowe is a fucking GIANT of a man, and i have the very funny idea in my head that being ilya's boyfriend means shane gets auto-included into the Bro Manhandling that i KNOW that man gives out to his friends.

and like. LISTEN. shane is a tough, strong dude, okay? he has played a heavy contact sport since he was an itty bitty. he is no shrinking violet. he can take a hit and get back up and keep going. he's no stranger to like. grabbing shoulders and a little playful jostling. but i also feel like his vibe on the team with the metros made him a little untouchable (first with respect that still made him "other" and then with. well.) beyond things like shoulder punches from jj and helmet taps with hayden.

and now he's gotten tossed into this locker room where he is accepted and welcomed but ALSO maybe getting fucking whiplash on the reg from cliff's affection. like hey! thank you for including me! but also you just fucking RAGDOLLED me the SECOND i walked in here today and i am a little turned on and ALARMED about it. just a little.

like hits on the ice? yeah. shane understands those. gets 'em and deals 'em all the time. no big. a little bro shoulder tapping/shaking? yeah sure.

but cliff just fucking. 🗣️HOLL-ZY! MY GUUUY! 🗣️ and that is shane's ONLY warning that he's about to get borderline shaken adult syndrome. everyone else in the locker room including ilya knows to brace or dodge by this point, but shane is still adjusting.

and like!! it's nice!! thank you for including me!! but also jesus fuck!!! i have a new empathy for anya's favorite toy when she death shakes it!! oh my god!!!

[trippedlaces]

So anyway, let’s talk about what happens when Shane finds out that Wiebe is bisexual. 

Because during The Long Game, Ilya decides not to tell Shane because it’s not his secret to tell, and Shane has to find out eventually, right? Wiebe says something like “I’m sure Ilya has told you that I understand a little bit about your situation.” And Shane is thinking like, what, you definitely don’t, you were a mid player at your absolute best. But eventually Wiebe gets the point across and it goes, I think, one of a couple different ways:

One: Shane HATES this information and tries to memory hole it immediately. Shane has had a complicated psychosexual attachment to every hockey coach he’s ever had, which is fine because hockey coaches are straighter than God. Even though both Shane and Wiebe are in happily married monogamous relationships, finding out that it’s actually hypothetically possible for a coach to experience reciprocal attraction to him is the worst thing that’s ever happened.

Two: Finding out that Wiebe is bisexual pushes Shane over the edge into having a meta-textual breakdown. Shane: “It’s fucking ridiculous. It’s absurd! We’re already the gayest team in the league. The gay married team. And now we have a gay coach?” Ilya: “Lubimiy, he is bisexual, do not make me ask Harris to give another PowerPoint presentation on bisexual erasure.”

Three: Shane pours over stats from Detroit’s 2001 season and figures out who Wiebe’s teammate was in less than 60 minutes. 

[shanesloverboy]

Oh yeah he's going to kill being a bitchy dramatic miserable little fuck.

[lavenderprose]

Overheard in the locker room of the Montreal Metros:

- "Okay so you can either give a guy a full blowjob without nutting OR let him cum in your mouth. And you have to pick one. Which one are you doing?"

- "How many backshots would you take for a million dollars? Okay, a billion. Okay, fine, a--a wizard says that he'll make you king of the world but only if you take ten backshots--"

- "Your wife grows a penis every year on her birthday and if you don't suck it she'll never have a pussy again. You sucking it?"

- "If I was dying and the only way to save me was to suck a dick would you do it? Does it fucking matter whose dick? Fuck, I dunno. Ilya Rozanov. Yeah, you've gotta suck Rozanov's dick to save my life--"

- "All the women are dead and we've gotta repopulate the Earth and--yeah, Andy, obviously men can get pregnant in this scenario--and you're one of them--do you let a guy knock you up or do you let the human race die out? No Andy, IVF doesn't exist, it's the apocalypse. Do you let a guy nut inside you for the good of humanity?"

- "A million dollars per blowjob and you've gotta swallow. How many are you giving?"

- "Okay so what if the Commissioner came in right now and said Great job boys, you won the Cup, but we're not gonna give it to you unless one of you takes it in the ass from another player in the league--who are you picking? Yeah, if it's you who has to take it. I dunno! Maybe it's gotta be the ugliest player on the team who does it haha."

- "Nah man, that's not cool, don't bring Cap into this. If the Commissioner said Cap had to take it in the ass, I'd volunteer to do it for him. Just because he's Captain doesn't mean he'd automatically have to be the one to take it. We'd never let that happen. That's our FUCKING CAPITAINE WOO HOLLZY--"

- "There's a gun to your wife's head and they're gonna pull the trigger of you can't convince Ilya Rozanov to make out with you super sloppy. Yeah, of course there's tongue. You've gotta act like you want it too."

- "How many times would you lick another dude's asshole for--"

- "Okay there's a genie. And he says, good news Gil, I'm gonna give you a billion dollars. But the only way to do it is to live with Ilya Rozanov for a full calendar year. And yeah you've gotta fuck him. I dunno, a normal amount? Twice a month? Like a normal married couple I guess. I dunno which one of you is the girl, Gil, that's a fucking weird question."

- "Okay FINE new question. Would you fuck Ilya Rozanov for a billion dollars. What do you mean fast or slow? It's Ilya fucking Rozanov, Gil."

- "Well, I mean, okay--if it was fast it'd be over sooner right? But if it was slow, like, that's probably better for, like...your asshole--"

- "I don't know, Gil! Probably like, lube. Not that I'd know about that, my girl's always WET AS FU--"

- "Guys I don't think we should play would you rather around Cap anymore. He gets real weird about the dick questions."

[somuch-for-life]

mumbo fourth wheeling EGG because grian needed his comfort best friend is absolutely killing me

[somuch-for-life]

feeling very hurt/no comfort right now

[rockglocklobster]

THIS IS SOME 10PM ASS 5:30PM WE'RE HAVING!!!!!!

[gayvampyr]

shoutout to boring queer people who don’t do shit. just go to work or school and then come home to watch shows. while gay

[frondmymind]

*logs off tumblr and rereads the source material* phew... it was all just a bad dream.. . thank god...

[lostxanadu]

do you ever start writing a comment on the internet and then think “oh what the fuck am i going on about” and delete it

[bramcrackerswrites]

I also enjoy writing an entire paragraph, thinking "you know, I don't actually need to be involved in this conversation," and deleting it

[mooonyagedaydream]

rip regulus black you would have loved having an emo phase in middle school

[mooonyagedaydream]

sirius black with a bellybutton piercing. reblog if you cried/came.

[outromoonyy]

Notice how nobody knows what my least favorite ship or character is because I don't make it hate on things my whole personality.

[ezkel-deactivated20250913]

James Potter who can read minds and has a crush on Regulus.

Regulus who's first thought when he sees James is "huh" and then from then on has absolutely zero thoughts in his head when he's around James. Insults coming out because his brain is just throwing stuff out there and hoping it sticks. He sees James and he's so mesmerized that there's nothing in his head.

James assumes Regulus just doesn't care enough about him to think of him. (He's also a little concerned that Regulus seemingly doesn't have a thought process.)

Then one day James approaches Regulus without him noticing and hears how fast, rapid and loud Regulus' thoughts usually are, only for Regulus to notice him and it all immediately becomes silent.

[wisegirl25]

The “That’s immoral you shouldn’t write that, we need to get that taken down” discourse on tiktok right now is PISSING ME OFFF

Wdym you want censorship for a literal ARCHIVE are you fucking stupid

Ao3 was literally founded to preserve works that were largely getting taken down due to censorship

Censorship is the opposite of what Archive of Our Own stands for

The TAGS and WARNINGS are there for a REASON. Use them and stop complaining

The universal rule—don’t like, don’t read

It’s THAT simple