In The Mind of an Addict

[soulimperfections]

It has been a minute. Life kicked the shit out of me but, I am still 100% ready to release my trauma, my pain and become sober. And if I KNOW I can defeat this battle, I made a promise to myself that I will never ever go backwards. Only up.

On another note, there is an individual in my life that is pulling at my heart strings. This being calls me their cree princess warrior. 😊✨️🌈 At the time, it wasnt our time. Everything that happens is meant to happen when it is ready too. Everything happens for a reason.

[soulimperfections]

Life. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices that you will understand (maybe not right away) but, eventually you will understand why that sacrifice had to be made. We lose friends, we gain friends. But what is most important is YOU. I never ever took the time to take care of me and what was important (to me). I was always there for others, taking care of their problems, fixing whatever it was that made them sad, depressed or alone. When actually, I was sad, alone and depressed. But, when I look back... did they care about me? No. So, I ended a lot of friendships.

Now, I am improving health wise. I am getting off drugs and changing my path in life. I want to be successful, live not just exist and prove to MYSELF that I conquered my demons and nobody will ever be able to knock me down.

Grateful. Blessed and I want to thank the Creator for giving me another chance.

💎💖✨️

[soulimperfections]

Why do people gravitate towards people who steal from you, talk about you behind your back, their words are not true, fake, do shady shit.... etc etc. Then gravitate towards those who are loyal, honest, would watch your things so they don't get stolen, have your back, genuine, show compassion and empathy, and are REAL AS FUCK!!!!

I'm loyal. I speak the truth. But, I am alone always. I don't have any genuine friendships. The ones I did have, all passed away. I know thru all my struggles, all of them would at least check up on me.

Being an addict and facing the world alone is so painful and difficult. I wish I could talk to just one person... ONE. Where there is understanding... care and a connection. I'm a rare breed but, you would want me on your team. 🧲

[soulimperfections]

This is my very first post. I have decided I am ready to share my story. My life. Every battle and every struggle. Every win and every loss. Heartbreak, addiction, homelessness, depression, ptsd, childhood trauma and grief. In every blog I share, it will be wrote with pure honesty and it may be triggering to others.

I will start by saying that 2023 was a year I never thought I would ever live. The amount of pain and loss is hard to put into words. I had many days of not wanting to exist. Suicide was on my mind quite often and I did make an attempt more than once. I lost myself in the darkness, getting farther away from my light. My mental state was defeated. Emotionally, I felt numb. I spent more days being alone than with others. I was stuck in my head, in my thoughts.

On the bright side, I am still here today which means I am a fighter and the strength that I have has helped me get through each day. I feel very grateful for receiving the gift of strength and wisdom. I know one day I will reach my light.