back to my home

die if i must, let my bones turn to dust; i'm the lord of the lake and i don't want to leave it.

[soulpart]

             pulled and panicked, doors locked — you’re trapped inside of your own heart.

                                       ardbert of final fantasy xiv, penned by zacharie.

art c. non-rp blogs don’t reblog. 18+ only. read my rules.

[conjuringink]

hi… this is a new rp blog for hermes from ffxiv and this is my shitty little promo post. please like/reblog if you’re interested in interacting and make sure to read my pinned post! i haven’t touched the tumblr rpc in a hot minute so i feel like an old man trying to figure out what’s going on.

[soulpart]

hi look @pyrnorbanus

[soulpart]

hi look @pyrnorbanus

[soulpart]

characters i want to rp now

- haurchefant

- my wol

- jullus. oh god . Jullus

- [SPOILER REDACTED]

[soulpart]

^ wol btw

[soulpart]

hey guys if i wrote my wol would you support me

[lizardsister]

hey bro let’s do our secret handshake [kisses you right on the lips] 

[soulpart]

GRIPS U

SQUEAKY TOY SOUND

[soulpart]

[gnossienne]

Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

[soulpart]

look at my ardbert retainer

[soulpart]

noatheria​:

would the gods have mercy upon him ,  just this once ?    that it would choose relieve him ,  now :  how bittersweet .

      when he hears ardbert’s voice ,  he nearly collapses himself .  such a familiar tune ,  the low slur of a foreign accent from other stars .  something so achingly familiar .  and when it grunts in discomfort ,  y’sinoha is lurching forward before the warrior can land face - first into the brush .

       ardbert is lighter than he expected ,  back on the first .  lighter than he expected ,  having faced his blade .  mayhaps it is the lack of intent to fight .  but regardless ,  he is set down slowly and cradled in a lap .  worry ,  heavy in his chest ,  in his expression .

                   (   y’shtola was out for days after her resurrection :  and she was not felled nearly as long as ardbert .   )

      conjury from fingertips ,  gentle in it’s embrace .  blue magic crawls its way across ardbert’s aether and attempts to mend it ,  but y’sinoha can hardly determine what there is to mend in the first place .

                                           ❝     …  please   …    ❞

     the spell flickers to nothing .  but the yearning only draws itself closer to the surface .  fingers brush through brown locks ,  his second hand reaching within his pack for a water caskin .

                                           ❝     ardbert .    ❞

Vision blurred at the edges, his surroundings spinning every time he opens his eyes. Warm arms catch him before he can break his nose by crashing fully into the ground, holding him up with ease. Y’sinoha was always stronger than he looked, strong enough to carry a man weighing nearly two-hundred ponzes of pure muscle, armor not included. He had been a formidable opponent. A real hero. It makes sense he would be the one carrying Ardbert now.

There is magic, he can feel it in his aether that twists and warps strangely around his form, like it’s still uncertain whether or not he’s actually alive. He can feel it in his blood, a pleasant sensation, soothing, makes him breathe easier until it’s suddenly gone. Ardbert exhales heavily, his face turned up to the branches high above. Gentle, cautious fingers push through his hair and, past the fuzz in his brain, he’s vaguely aware of the other moving.

“‘m still here,” he rasps out, lifting his head only to immediately drop it again. It’s been a long time. Last time, it was Lamitt who tended to him while gently scolding him like a mother. Telling him to take better care of himself. He misses that. One of his hands moves sluggishly to find the one on his head; he grabs it tightly, weighs it in his palm, lets it ground him and feels the way it’s much smaller than his own.

The softest swish of water that reminds him just how dry his throat is. Been a while since he was last thirsty, hasn’t it? And, gods, he can’t wait to actually eat again. First, he needs to actually walk. They need to get out of here.

“Talk to me, hero,” Ardbert finally says, squeezing Y’sinoha’s hand. His eyes crack open, turning to the other’s face. Those eyes make something unpleasant twist in his gut; he’s quick to quash it. With a shaky, breathless, weak laugh, he continues, “You’ve got a nice voice, I want to hear it. Grant me that wish, won’t you?”

[soulpart]

thhis tweet is gonna make me puke laughing

[soulpart]

anon is off for an indeterminate amount of time.

[heartate-aa]

callout for raphael @indeath / @hemorage / @qinqov

trigger warnings include: abuse, sexual abuse, verbal / emotional abuse, mentions of guns / shootings, sexual harassment, cheating, heavy usage of gendered slurs (c*nt and b*tch), extreme amounts of gaslighting and manipulation and guilt tripping, mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, suicide baiting, ableism (especially of bpd and the demonization of people with bpd, gatekeeping disorders), racism (especially making asian stereotypes and asian fetishization, and antisemitism), fatphobia, mentions of pedophilia, brief mentions of rape. 

if i missed any triggers, please let me know. i tried to detail them all here.

please read this with caution, should you choose to. if you cannot at any point continue, please do not, for your own sake. i don’t want to trigger anyone or upset anyone. i just want to share my story and thank you to everyone giving me a chance to speak and hear me out.

** and please, raphael prefers they / them pronouns from people who are not mutuals with them. please respect that.

and once again please do not message them, or anyone else, on my behalf. just please do not. i am happy that anyone wants to defend me or any other victims, but please don’t. i don’t want any more problems and i am capable of speaking for myself.

here is the link to the google doc containing the callout. please reblog this post if you feel comfortable sharing. thank you.

it is extremely lengthy. there are A LOT of receipts. i can’t blame anyone for looking at this and feeling like it’s ridiculous for the length and i don’t expect anyone to actually look through everything that’s in there, but i ask that you give me a chance to hear me out on some of these things. i won’t have raphael or their friends slander me anymore or make up lies about me. i disprove all of their lies here. many of the links redirecting to imgurs or twitter posts are also extensive and long. i didn’t mean for things to get as long as they did but i’m wordy and just … raphael is genuinely so horrible and there was just. an immense number of things to unpack. i apologize.

this post is a long time coming and i am sorry this took so long and to drag it out this far. i struggle a lot with adhd and just managing my spoons but i finally got it done. this comes on the heels of my original posts i wrote here, but i finally finished the doc that is a culmination of that post and more, including things i posted on twitter and MORE things i hadn’t shared on twitter yet.

i truly didn’t want things to have to come this far but idk i didn’t have a choice anymore. raphael continued to lie and undermine me and continued to try to slander me to people and blame me and scapegoat me for things THEY did. i can not give them any benefit of the doubt at all. i cannot listen to ANYONE who tries to defend them saying that raphael wanted to genuinely say sorry to me because every step of the way, with them continuing to make up lies about me and show people out of context one-sided conversations as “gotchas” against me, they proved that they didn’t care and that they’re not sorry.

this is not meant to isolate raphael or push them out or whatever.

i don’t care if people are friends with raphael. what i do care about is accountability, and that’s something raphael has never known for all of these years. raphael has apologized for the events of the past callout, but i’ve since dug out proof that it was just performative and they didn’t mean it. so i’m not interested in their apologies either because i know it won’t be sincere.

all i am asking for is that raphael admits to being wrong and that they did abuse me and other people. that’s all. they don’t think they’re in the wrong so i know they won’t say sorry, but i just want acknowledgement. they abused me. they abused me for nearly four years. and for years, they twisted the narrative to their friends. my friends. so for years these people also pretended to be my friend and would shit talk me behind my back and share screenshots of my vents to raphael and listen to a one-sided story from raphael and not even ask me for my side. on one hand i can’t blame people because raphael has spent YEARS warping their perception of me with lies and manipulations and gaslighting them too but there’s only so much i can excuse. when i show people screenshots of the horrible way raphael spoke to me, i’m still/?? the aggressor? 

anyways i don’t know what else to write here. i’ve said so much as it is. i just want people to look critically at what raphael put me through for the last 4 years. i want raphael to evaluate their own actions and take responsibility for their actions. it’s not ok. what i went through was not ok. what everyone else went through wasn’t ok. i didn’t deserve this and neither did anyone else they abused or hurt.

my dms are open to anyone who wants to make a comment about raphael, close some old wounds, talk things out, etc. but anon is going to be disabled the second i get anything shitty. i don’t want to hear from raphael, ana, forza, or lazarus in my dms. the only thing i ever want to hear from any of these people are apologies and it better be publicly because i never want to open my messages to find they’ve block evaded me to harass me.

i just want raphael to admit they’re in the wrong and try to change and do better and take responsibility and hold themselves accountable for their actions but i don’t believe it’ll happen. raphael hasn’t changed at all over the years.

IF YOU ARE RAPHAEL’S FRIEND, please read this. please look through even any bit of this, especially anything with big long screenshot evidence. please be critical of who you’re friends with and the lies they’re feeding you and how they manipulate the narrative to slander me and anyone else who has fallen out with them. i am begging you to look at this. i do not care if you remain their friend. all i am asking of you is that you do not DARE try to tell me that raphael isn’t abusive or that they’re remorseful or sorry for anything they’ve done because they aren’t. they ARE an abuser. to deny that is to step on all of their victims and our experiences and the things we had to endure because of them. stay their friend all you want. i do not care. help them get better. all i am asking is that you SEE this for what it is and you don’t let them get away with it and you BELIEVE US. the victims. please.

thank you to everyone who has supported me through this. thank you for giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. if anyone manages to get through this at all, thank you for bearing with me and sticking through it.

[genotsidy-deactivated20220119]

👋🏼 here are a few organizations raising funds for aid in Afghanistan:

Muslim Aid

International Rescue Committee

Women For Afghan Women

Afghan Aid

here’s a few ways to get involved. do not let this be an excuse for islamophobia to form as well. we must be continually informing ourselves & doing our due diligence in this.