Im Drowning In Misery

Spencer 25 California This is my depression blog. I'm lonely and want to die so if I kill myself, this is where you’ll find my suicide note..

[soundsofbluesightofblack-blog]

I just don’t want to be alive right now

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I love fall...why does this always happen in fall

[bittersweet-hiraeth]

I’m upset with myself but I can’t stop

(Check out my tumblr for more)

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I feel so gross and disgusting and undesirable

[ravennazane]

[me, every morning]: i rose from the dead, wtf else do you want from me

[datsmealright]

If you can’t see that that’s a cry for help you obviously never cared about my well being to begin with

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Last night I asked for a sign, I asked to just let me enjoy my birthday, Tbh this was kinda the worst birthday I’ve had in a while.

None of my friends could be there and we didn’t have enough money to do what I really wanted to do and I basically got taken to my aunts favorite restaurant instead of mine, watched her bitch at the employees, went to SF only to find out there was no parking and we had to leave. We went to the mall but once again, no money and then ended the night by going out to dinner where I ate too much and now I’m hating myself.

The once saving grace was that my girlfriend was there but she could tell I was disappointed so all I succeeded in doing was making her feel terrible.

I honestly think this was a sign that if nothing changes this upcoming year, I’ll probably end up dead by the end of it.

[maybe-you-need-this]

[beautiful-rainy-day]

Heavy rain on the window

[himeko-world]

[chubb-y-cheese]

If you’re friends with a fat person, PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF FAT PEOPLE NEXT TO THEM! Like, what the actual fuck? I’m so sick of friends telling me “oh I know you’re a bit heavy but this person was like REALLY fat!”or “you’re not fat! You can’t even compare the two of you!” As a way to make it okay all of a sudden??? Also! Guess what! I am REALLY fat as well! You are basically talking and making fun about me! Just stop! Stop it! We are not going to think it’s funny and we are not going to endorse those fucked up comments

[soundsofbluesightofblack-blog]

It’s my birthday. I’m 25. I don’t want to be, I feel so alone.

My family has this thing where the don’t give gifts to the adults and apparently I got added to that list this year. I feel so old.

[nerdlordspencer]

I’m almost there. Just 68 more lbs! Once I get to 170 The access weight will he in loose skin! I can finnally start transitioning! I can’t loose steam now!

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Posting it here too

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I don’t want to make it to 25. My birthday is in two days. I don’t want to have lived a quarter of a century being a fat disgusting loser.

I don’t want to have lived a quarter of a century being used to people who say they’re my friends. Being treated like shit by people who say I can always talk to them but lash out when I confront them for being a shitty person.

I don’t want to have lived 25 years hating everything about myself.

25 is too much, it’s too long. I just wanna curl up and cry.