Residential Sack Of Rotting Meat

trauma/vent blog DR/DP, CPTSD, chronic pain/fatigue, and autism junk tag: #verbal vomit

[introvertedguys]

Who included me among the ranks of the human race?

Joseph Brodsky

[eldritchbauble]

Things I didn't know before I realized that it was abuse:

It's not healthy for their mood to determine whether it's a good or bad day.

It's not healthy to normalize being treated badly when they're in a bad mood.

It's ok to expect them to treat you well even when they're in a bad mood.

It's not your responsibility to regulate their emotions.

You shouldn't have to be more concerned about whether they're happy with you than you are about your own happiness.

You should be able to make mistakes without being afraid of how they'll react.

It's not healthy for them to "make you pay" when they're upset with you.

You shouldn't have to say things "just right" for them to listen to you.

It's not healthy for them to shut you down and refuse to listen any time you tell them something they don't want to hear.

It's not healthy to be afraid of talking to them.

It's not healthy to be afraid of talking to your friends (or other people) about them.

Things like screaming at you, degrading you, and giving you the silent treatment aren't normal, and not everyone fights like that.

They shouldn't put hands on you in anger, even if they aren't hitting you.

They shouldn't touch you without consent, even if they're "just" trying to give you a hug.

If they try to make you feel guilty for saying no, that is still a violation of your consent.

Your body autonomy is non-negotiable and that includes choices about what you eat and what you do with your appearance.

Boundaries are not a debate.

You don't have to be available to them at all times; your time and energy should be respected.

You aren't selfish for wanting personal time and space for yourself.

You have a right to personal space where you aren't antagonized or harassed.

You have a right to feel emotionally and physically safe around them and in your home, at all times.

You have a right to privacy, and they aren't entitled to know about your every move.

You are capable and allowed to make decisions without their oversight.

It's not healthy for them to second guess or undermine everything you do.

Taking over things isn't the same as helping.

[sourburialground]

Wow, I loooooooooove getting completely blown off by my GP for the second time when bringing up the fact that I’m having chronic inflammation and pain that is significantly hindering me and my quality of life plus have labs that could very likely be the more rare marker presentation for systemic lupus erythematosus (ie labs presenting as scleroderma but symptoms more like sle)

[sourburialground]

She literally attributed everything to my depression that’s been medicated for 12+ years— cause that’s totally the ONLY thing that could be causing it and not maybe my fucking AUTOANTIBODIES MAYBE

[sourburialground]

Wow, I loooooooooove getting completely blown off by my GP for the second time when bringing up the fact that I’m having chronic inflammation and pain that is significantly hindering me and my quality of life plus have labs that could very likely be the more rare marker presentation for systemic lupus erythematosus (ie labs presenting as scleroderma but symptoms more like sle)

[depsidase]

[oshidorifuufu]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[killxbunnyyy]

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and im losing sense of time

[1anonyymous1]

do u ever miss your own energy. like damn what happened to me

[sourburialground]

Apparently I give off the impression that I’d be fine and dandy when in confrontations with friends because I had a friend who’s a potential future roommate say I’d (and the other person I’m going to room with) be able to handle when/if she got mad or lost her temper while we were at a group dinner-

Felt absolutely greattttt trying to laugh that off like I agreed but internally panicking knowing that kind of thing would probably send me in a flashback spiral~

[sourburialground]

Once again getting confronted by the fact that things that are/have happened in my life are not the normal (by the incitation of people outside my normal friend group and their reactions to said info), this time being developing severe anxiety at the ripe age of 9

Yeehaw

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[syn4k]

[anxietyproblem]

[sourburialground]

Somehow, nearly 7 years later, I’m JUST NOW realizing how fucked up it was to have your abuser- who had been turning your mutual “friends” against you for sticking up for yourself in regards to the abuse- talk to so candidly to you one on one about the fact that they were doing it and who was on their side. Literally zero attempt at trying to be sneaky or twist it.

Like, I can get it happening just unintentionally through spreading misinformation to make themselves look better, but actively trying to do that and then telling me? That’s purely done out of malice.

What the fuck

[l0stvegas]

I know people mean well when they say it but hearing the phrase “you know your body best” as someone with chronic illness is so funny, like man no I don’t I ain’t got no clue what that fucker’s planning and I’m scared to find out

[l0stvegas]

Them: Listen to your body!

My body, whispering in the night: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah-nagl fhtagn

[drops-of-universe]

*retaining nothing you just said* got it

[frigbob]

Person who wants to do stuff trapped in a body that needs to lie down

[hellr4zer]

You ever just wake up from an incredibly graphic and realistic nightmare that was a pure psychological horror based on your own personal phobias and trauma and just roll over like “aw shit I got too hot last night I guess.” And then make toast like you didn’t just experience the nine circles of hell before 9 am