everlasting mess🥀

Lil' M Jaï | 20 | LOWKEY PSYCHOTIC| |BABYGIRL|MENTALLY ILL| |TRIGGER WARNING| *wants to be held or killed* (either is fine)

[wormtitty]

“what the fuck is wrong with me?” i ask, fully aware of the mood, personality, and anxiety disorders i have

[soyoulikellamas1]

Lately I been out doing the most

Never being at home

5 days who's the host?

zombie walking all alone

Aint no casual wednesday

January 2020

I'm waking up

Looking up

Grabbing my phone

I'm dialing and texting

But just wanna be left alone

Left the message at the tone

I know it's a special day but I just wanna go home

Take a shower build my powers

Maybe put some makeup on

Havent been feeling myself

Mama worried bout the health

Been feeling like I'm killing myself

Slowly

Nobody seems to show me

That they real

What's the deal

Please don't throw me

I'm fading away

I'm digging the grave

Don't know how to breathe or be okay

f I look in the mirror. I'll see someone I know I'll be the blame

I'm sinking I'm drowning

Asking god why he do this

I dont understand this shit

I just wanna be somebody

Make my mama proud of me

Make my daddy wish he didn't leave

Seeing how successfull I'll be

Wishing my family all happy

But instead I'm fucking laughing

Cuz I'm high off this shit

Give me a hit

Blow it and ya smoke it

Be careful dont choke it

It taste like burnt plastic

It's making me go to static

But it ain't no fucking habit

Dont you dare call me an addict

Bitch

Happy Birthday Jaimee

Omg ur so crazy

Showing up at 2am

High as fuck and walking in

Heart really beating

Then she started speaking

Gave me this funky feeling

I dont like

I felt the shake up in my spine

Like I'm wasting my precious time

What the fuck is this life

Dont understand why I'm me

Trying to figure out the imagery

But who am I to be

2020

What a dream

Or some might think

Shes going to the bathroom cuz she rlly needs to pee

Not really eating

Her skin thinnin

Goosebumps like a chicken

Cold as fuck all the time

Skin and bones

Walking to her throne

Feeling like its death row

Take a seat

Think and listen

Take a bow

Dont look all the way down

Make sure you dont lose your crown

Keep your head up you'll be fine

Is what they tell me

Healing always takes some time

Baby steps omg please hold me

[soyoulikellamas1]

My bed is so lonely.

please keep this lowkey.

that’s why I take a hit instead of sleep in late.

I sip this bottle at a party and dance with fate.

I just wanna be bold

I don’t wanna get cold

Or lost in my mind

so I get high all the time

i’m sorry my pain is now a crime

-j.m.g.

[soyoulikellamas1]

I think i’m losing him

and i don’t know how to move

i don’t know how to breath or be okay

i’m scared of rejection

we spend so much time together

so much that i think he’s tired of it

he’s tired of me

exhausted

i’m so lost

i had to text him first today

he sending short responses

and although it’s not much

i’m still bawling

i’m so happy he texted me back

i wish he would come back too…

he’s getting high again

and i’m sober

these feelings are too instense

i’m losing my grip

losing my sanity.

- your broken lover

[the-suicide-effect]

“Anxiety is always feeling like something is out of place and when you can’t find what it is…you start to think it’s you”

-the suicide effect

[thepersonalquotes]

[soyoulikellamas1]

why is my mind filled with sorrow

am i just not ready for tomorrow

what will become of me

who am i to be

when the wind sways through the trees

will my mind be at ease?

my soul feels like a disease

why is there so many people i must please

the force of pressure to be perfect

is horrifying, yet worth it.

you’ll make it someday, they say

but they never know if i’m okay

hide behind the smile

make it worth a while

then maybe

just maybe

you’ll be perfect someday.

-j.m.g

[teraineishurt]

“Maybe, he left because he saw me the way I saw myself”

[queerlysad]

[brrvitunsaatana]

i have screamed until my veins collapsed.

[soyoulikellamas1]

I think i’m losing him

and i don’t know how to move

i don’t know how to breath or be okay

i’m scared of rejection

we spend so much time together

so much that i think he’s tired of it

he’s tired of me

exhausted

i’m so lost

i had to text him first today

he sending short responses

and although it’s not much

i’m still bawling

i’m so happy he texted me back

i wish he would come back too…

he’s getting high again

and i’m sober

these feelings are too instense

i’m losing my grip

losing my sanity.

- your broken lover

[cravingskinny101]

breakfast: caffeine

lunch: nicotine

dinner: self hate

[soyoulikellamas1]

when will i be pretty?

please don’t break me

i’m so fragile and weak

please don’t leave me

i’m unable to speak

these words..

i feel so incomplete. 💔

- i’m breaking . 5:11 am

[soyoulikellamas1]

is commitment too hard for you

am i trying so hard to be better for us

and for myself

or is it too much

am i too much

x

king and queen

seemed so simple

but fairytales just don’t exist

[brokenquills-brokenheart]

I don’t think you understand

how much your absence weights on me

Your sweet words, your gentle gaze

You are like a lighthouse in a stormy ocean

Please don’t let your light go out

Please don’t let your light go out

I still remember the nice things you said

they keep me up at night

How much your absence weights on me

I don’t think you understand

[soyoulikellamas1]

p l e a s e

hold me and tell me you love me

turn off the lights and lay with me

talk about our feelings yeah we have so many

i want your heart and i know i’ve broken plenty

i’m tired of being tired

i’m exhausted from this feeling

i want it all to stop

these thoughts in my head are ticking like a clock

i’m stuck

i’m hurt

sometimes i hate this earth

but you

you’re sweet

vodka and ice makes everything nice

i wanna be the girl you talk about with your guys

i wanna be the one that makes you feel nice

something sweet to get me by

my my my

what a beautiful sight

you, next to me, yeah i’m feeling alright

but once the sun shines i don’t wanna fight

i don’t wanna wake

i’d rather be stuck in bed with you next to me

the sweetest and simplest love that could be

you make me feel wanted

you make me feel loved

all i really want is your touch

anything to make me sober

anything to make it last longer

i really want you here

i don’t know how you feel

i really hope my love isn’t a big deal

come back to me before i lose myself

come back before the sun goes down

i just really want you to come back around

[thin4ngel]

it’s a sort of obsession

I couldn’t quite describe

so subtle yet so powerful

it shatters my heart

overbrims my bones

infuriates and infatuates me