theyve gone thru so many designs but i think ive finally settled!! al got an upgrade lmao
in the rewrite, to make sense of the new sequences, theyre aged up from 15 and 16 to be 18 and 19, which imo fits the theme. since theyre coming of age, pressures that they were once free from due to young age is beginning to catch up to them, thrusting them out of the dull rhythms of their life and into the battlefield that is the story's plot. theyre old enough to have burdens ("duties") placed upon them, but too young to be taken seriously or have any real say on the matter.
and hear me out on the height difference🥀
its not that al is tiny (he's like 5"7 id say, genetics ensure he's a big omega despite his malnourishment lmao, spadians in general are big people with an average height above 5"5) its just that ivan is super giant!! i tried my best to give him a gentle expression, but if you notice, he lacks the shine in his eyes that alfred has
Hello, sorry if I missed a post but do you have an ao3? I was curious because I wanted to know if you have written anything for your cardverse au - it’s very interesting!! Anyways, have a great day :)
aw thank you thats so nice!! yes i do have ao3, its the same name as my tumblr hehe. And i do have something written, the work is called "Until Winter's End"
ill take this time to ask if its a better option to just:
1. Rewrite the entire thing where it is
2. Keep it as is and upload the new version separately
bc my writing has evolved sm and im super indecisive🥹 and i feel like readers might find it rlly annoying when the story theyre reading keeps changing, and its not understandable when diff chapters are in diff stages of rewrite ugrhgd thsi is so not profesh of me
GIVEN | Discovering the TRUE intention behind Shizu's actions in Mix_8 completely changed my view on the Shizuragi ship
I've gotta admit at first, I really didn't like Shizu. What he did to Hiiragi in Mix_8/Chapter 38 almost made me lose all respect for him. But upon rereading the manga,
HOLY SHIT I REALISED THAT
SHIZU is actually one of the MOST SELFLESS characters in Given 😭❤️
There is TOTALLY A DEEPER REASON AS TO WHY Shizu did what he did and it made me appreciate
JUST HOW WELL WRITTEN THE SHIZURAGI ARC IS 🤯
[manga spoilers ahead!]
To understand his actions, we have to jump around the manga a bit haha.
So in Chapter 41, we find out through Hiiragi's flashbacks about the Golden origami paper that baby Shizu never actively tries to get what he actually wants. 😞 😞 😞
This is quite odd because normally kids fight over things they want and Shizu kind of gives up before trying.
Foster Kid Struggles
Now jumping back to Chapter 33, the way Shizu behaves with origami paper makes sense if we remind ourselves that he's a foster kid T_T
Being a foster kid made him grow up believing that he doesn't have the right to have nice things, that he is not deserving of what he wants, what he loves, because in the end, he'll be ABANDONED anyway. He probably got passed from foster homes to foster homes, families to families, nothing he wanted stayed permanent.
---
So now let's look at the earlier conversation that he has with Mafuyu in the same chapter. Mafuyu actually goes to Shizu to ask him for advice about whether to commit to Given and music. However, Shizu accidentally goes on a bit of tangent about how even though he is in love with Hiiragi and Hiiragi is basically all he has, he suspects Hiiragi is in love with Yuki because of HOW MUCH HIIRAGI IDOLIZES YUKI. In fact he points out that their childhood squad was actually entirely YUKI-CENTRIC.
Without actually intending to, this is Shizu's abandonment insecurities coming through. Unfortunately, Shizu's whole life affirms to him that he is ALWAYS LEFT OUT in everything he does. HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO just endure the pain of living in Yuki's shadow to continue to stay beside Hiiragi. As we see from the origami paper flashback, Shizu has just always lived life without complaints, taking what he gets because that's all he's been able to get growing up as a foster kid. T_T
And when he says
"I totally went off topic huh..."
This line says everything about how much it actually hurts Shizu. Shizu isn't a character who displays a lot of emotions on his face but he loses composure in this very small panel and this is very telling about how this actually really bothers him. He then says,
"That's why I'm okay with it even if it'll be an endless struggle."
This line (above) is so important because the question we gotta ask ourselves as readers is,
IS SHIZU ACTUALLY OK WITH IT THO?
The next page, Shizu tells Mafuyu that if Mafuyu doesn't have the resolve and tenacity to continue with Ue and music, the right thing to do is to LEAVE.
Only for Shizu HIMSELF to realise the contradiction in his own words.
Shizu right after his conversation with Mafuyu starts to realise that he's being a hypocrite and goes on a MASSIVE INNER MONOLOGUE about all the amazing qualities that Hiiragi has. He then says
"I want to defile that."*
*I'll talk about this quote in more detail later
Shizu feels like Hiiragi is becoming even more amazing as of late and he feels the distance between himself (who he views as "embittered, apathetic") and Hiiragi is growing further apart.
And even more importantly, according to Shizu, Hiiragi is now on par with Yuki's level of "dazzling"ness, a league that previously both Shizu and Hiiragi deemed UNTOUCHABLE.
While Hiiragi retrospected in Chapter 39, that he was happy being the spectators of MafuYuki's world, it's clear that Shizu thinks of Hiiragi as being as amazing as Yuki.
✨The Glittering Pebble Symbolism✨
What this tells me is that Shizu, who feels like he is not deserving of having his needs and wants fulfilled, is coming to terms with the fact that
he might be HOLDING HIIRAGI BACK, he is KEEPING HIIRAGI from realising his full potential.
Taking in the context of his conversation with Mafuyu, Shizu realises that
the right thing to do is to let Hiiragi go because he no longer has the resolve or tenacity to keep being Hiiragi's emotional support while also trying to keep up with Hiiragi's level of 'dazzling'ness because ultimately, he believes that he is no longer worthy of Hiiragi.
That's why in that last panel, he thinks to himself
"Shit...I'm a real arsehole huh...."
Shizu feels guilt. He was only trying to treasure Hiiragi like a glittering pebble because he wants to keep Hiiragi all to himself.
BUT TO SHIZU,
Hiiragi has now evolved to match the level of 'dazzling'ness of Yuki, the league of the Sun*
*I'll cover why Hiiragi is compared to the sun in a second. Chapter 33's glittering pebble symbolism marks the beginning of Kizu's setup for a series of celestial body metaphors and astrology metaphors to describe Shizuragi in the later chapters.
---
Which brings me to Chapter 38.
THIS COVER NOW MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.🤯😭
His intention all along was to
PROVOKE HIIRAGI TO LEAVE HIM.
Shizu knows that the moment he speaks his truth, Hiiragi is going to get triggered and defensive because Hiiragi won't be used to Shizu confronting him with a hard truth. But we gotta realise that Shizu is PURPOSELY NOT LISTENING TO HIIRAGI. His actions are purposefully amplified to be extra awful!
THIS IS COMPLETELY IN CHARACTER! Referencing the origami flashback, just like Shizu can't actively pursue what he wants in life, it hurts him too much for him to make the final hard decision so he leaves that up to Hiiragi.
Up until this point, Shizu's been so incredibly kind and caring towards Hiiragi by being a great emotional support. BUT HERE, Shizu is trying to be the worst version of himself on purpose
so that Hiiragi will not view himself as below Yuki, but on par with Yuki in the league of the dazzling Sun.
(Are you crying I'm crying)
The cover of Mix_4/Ch 33, is a direct reference to Mix_8/Ch38! Shizu expects Hiiragi to storm away when he said and did all these confrontational things. Because he finally spoke his truth, Shizu believes that he just killed any chance of them being together (he just ended their world) but that means Hiiragi can be broken from Yuki's shadow for good. But he had to speak the truth because he doesn't have the tenacity and resolve to keep up with Hiiragi like this anymore. As a foster child with abandonment issues, Shizu internalised that he cannot have what he wants, he has to live in suffering to not be abandoned. He wanted to kill any hope within himself of a potential Shizuragi relationship so that the last glimmer of his hopes of dreams will die and he will be able to commit to Hiiragi without anymore pain. Shizu is trying to commit “emotional suicide” for himself and help raise Hiiragi's self-esteem by provoking Hiiragi to hate him.
Shizu/Ugetsu parallels
Just a small observation but something I found interesting, Shizu is a foil to Ugetsu in a way. Ugetsu breaks up with Akihiko but finds it hard to fully let go because Akihiko is all he has. So Ugetsu keeps provoking Akihiko to try and get Akihiko to finally leave him.
(P.S I actually read this really interesting post by @morievna after I finished writing this meta where she also pointed out the parallels between Shizu and Ugetsu where they both accidentally reveal their dark states of mind to Mafuyu. Ugetsu and Mafuyu talk in Chapter 17)
Hiiragi is Shizu's whole world just like how Akihiko is Ugetsu's whole world. However, Ugetsu provokes Akihiko by equating him to dirty trash while Shizu provokes Hiiragi by scaring him that he may have to get down and dirty if he is to stay with Shizu.
Ugetsu puts Akihiko down while Shizu puts himself down.*
*THIS IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. I will come back to talk about this point as well.
BUT LUCKY FOR SHIZU,
Hiiragi pulls an uno reverse card 😍😍😍
Yes, Hiiragi may have been shaken for a moment in Chapter 38-39,
but he comes back evermore sure that he loves Shizu.
___
💫CELESTIAL BODY METAPHORS💫
While Shizu views Hiiragi like the dazzling SUN 🌞, Hiiragi realises what Shizu is trying to do. He comes to the conclusion that he doesn't need to become the Sun. Instead, Hiiragi returns to Shizu who he now realises is the MOON 🌙 that has always been there for him.
Shizu being the moon 🌙 makes Hiiragi the earth 🌎
Kizu is also absolutely referencing Shizu and Hiiragi's astrological signs. Hiiragi is a TAURUS which is a...you guessed it, EARTH SIGN!
@raine-kai and @edragoon had a discussion a while back about when Shizu says this line in Chapter 33,
*"I want to defile that"
the word "defile" has DIRT, SOIL and GROUNDING symbolism in the original Japanese character. 🤯🤯🤯(KIZU YOU'RE SO FUCKING POETIC WHAT THE HELL)
Shizu is saying that he wishes Hiiragi to be the earth that could just have Shizu and only Shizu tending to him. Now it totally makes sense as to why Shizu has been following Hiiragi his whole life! Shizu has always been ORBITING around Hiiragi 🤯🤯🤯
But Shizu realises this is incredibly selfish because in his eyes, Hiiragi is already like the sun, someone with lots of fans and followers. But Hiiragi himself doesn't believe this because he still thinks of himself as below Yuki. Shizu wants to PROPEL Hiiragi's self-esteem in Chapter 38 by putting himself down so that Hiiragi will not want to stay in his orbit but aim to fly higher.
*What hints us that Shizu sees Hiiragi as the Sun?
In Chapter 39, while for a second Hiiragi gets transfixed by
“the blazing sunset”
he realises Shizu is the one who stops him from literally going OFF the RAILS!!! Shizu may have felt guilt for wanting to cherish Hiiragi for himself only but Hiiragi actually found that emotionally grounding. @nikinramblings does a great meta on the railing metaphor, definitely check it out!
In Chapter 41, Hiiragi realises that Shizu was trying to AMPLIFY Hiiragi's need for SELF-IMPORTANCE so that Hiiragi himself can feel like the Sun and dissolve his idolisation of Yuki. We know this because the Hiiragi says,
"you made me your god with a single sheet of golden origami"
the words "god" and "golden" all alludes to the Sun. Hiiragi sees through Shizu's actions and comes to terms with the fact that he doesn't want that. He says,
"I want to belong to him (Shizu)."
Hiiragi realises he doesn't need to be the Sun, a star that burned too bright and too quickly. Through the Yuki-Ueno song demo, it dawns on Hiiragi just how much Shizu's lunar orbits (emotional support) have been saving him. What he envied about MafuYuki, he actually had with Shizu all along, a love that is genuine and simple. Hiiragi finally accepts his role of being the 🌎Earth 🌎 because he's happy with just Shizu by his side.
What's more mindblowing is that the moon orbits the Earth once every 27 days. It also takes approx 27 days for the moon to rotate once on its axis.
While the moon is held in orbit around the Earth by force of gravity, the moon keeps the same face pointing towards the Earth AT ALL TIMES! 🤯🤯🤯
(Is Kizu an astronomer? Using a moon and earth metaphor to THIS EXTENT to describe how enamoured Shizu is with Hiiragi just sends me straight to heaven holy shit)
Hiiragi metaphorical growth from glittering pebble -> provoked to become the sun -> then realises he is happy being earth is WHY Shizu is ecstatic and can't believe that Hiiragi comes back in Chapter 41. Shizu then wants to test just how committed Hiiragi actually is towards him, just how much Hiiragi is willing to get his hands 🌎"dirty" and "soiled" 🌎for him.
Why does he want to test Hiiragi you ask? Well, Shizu's whole life has been witnessing Hiiragi idolizing Yuki day and night, of course he wants to be sure that Hiiragi is not just spewing empty words! He wants to make sure Hiiragi follows through with his actions!
Chapter 41, let's talk about it
I wanted to clarify some things about Chapter 41 as well. It seems like "Hiiragi is suffering" 😰(dw that's what I thought at first) BUT now with everything in context, that’s not the case at all:
1. Hiiragi has probably been thinking about having sex with Shizu since Chapter 22 thanks to Mafuyu LOLLLLL. (refer to Point 7 of the post I linked) Also it was Hiiragi that came into Shizu's room implying that he's ready to take their relationship to the next level.
"Don't put on airs and give up on the things you want! Don't act so cold and detached!"
This quote shows us that Hiiragi wants Shizu to actively go after what he wants.
2. Shizu actually asks for consent FOUR TIMES.
First time, when Shizu says "It's like you're offering a sip of water to a person wandering in the dessert parched" and Hiiragi says while blushing and taking off his jacket, "Well it's ok if you drink...every drop" (this is actually so freaking adorable and sooo hot now that I finally understand Shizuragi (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ . Also, KIZU's earth/nature symbolism but let me remind you too that Shizu's star sign is SCORPIO, which is a WATER SIGN 💦🤯
Second time, Shizu says "Do you understand what I am about to do? You're gonna bawl for sure" and Hiiragi says, "I WILL NOT" (defensive Princess Hiiragi is so cute)
Third time, Shizu says "I'm gonna put my fingers in here too, are you ok with that?" and Hiiragi says, "Shut your face I know tha-" (Hiiragi is trying to hide how much of a freaking virgin he is LOL)
Fourth time, Shizu says "wanna stop?" and Hiiragi outrightly shouts "SHUT IT! DON'T STOP! STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION for EVERY LITTLE THING YOU IDIOT" and this is where Hiiragi gives Shizu his full consent.
THIS IS A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR SHIZURAGI. It's no longer Hiiragi leading the relationship here. In the intimacy department, it's Shizu leading.😍👏😍
That's why Shizu is SOOOO OVERJOYED that he does that creepy-ass smile (lol that smile scares me). He probably doesn't even know how to smile because this is probably the SECOND time in his life that he's smiled (awwww T_T)
3. When Hiiragi is wailing "ahhh no way" "what is this" "I'm scared" according to my Japanese friends, NONE of them meant a hard "no" or telling Shizu to "stop". They were more like "omg this is overwhelming, what is happening?!" Which is perfectly normal if this is your FIRST time having sex EVER and with the person you LOVE.
4. Hiiragi crying can also be perceived as cathartic crying because he is finally seeing an emotionally expressive side of Shizu and that's understandably pretty overwhelmingly relieving! Like imagine seeing someone you love smile for the first time in such a long time, someone who never goes after what they want finally going after what they want, I reckon I would also be pretty emotional!
Hiiragi the earth sign TAURUS 🌎, the planet with water, is "emotionally" quenching the thirst of Shizu the water sign SCORPIO 💦, a dry desolate 🌙 moon, with his tears so that Shizu can smile!
(Kizu-sensei, the dual astrology and celestial body symbolism I can't I can't- you're too amazing)
Now up until this point in Shizu's existence,
Shizu's never been given this level of FREEDOM while also being LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY by someone before.
While previously Hiiragi got emotional about anything and anyone else but Shizu while always coming to Shizu for emotional support,
Chapter 41 is Shizu, the moon, finally causing Hiiragi, the earth, to have tidal waves of overwhelming emotions.
Now with everything in context, Shizu's confession isn't dramatic at all, it makes total sense, he really did put it in as simple words as he possibly could. This is everything he could ever want!!! The Shizuragi romance is explosive because it was previously clouded with Yuki trauma and idolisation. The moment the fog started to clear, everything clicked into place.
That's why in Chapter 42, it feels like Shizu has a sudden ~peRsOnaLiTy sWiTcH~ where he went from previously having such low self-esteem to suddenly obnoxiously bragging to Ue. Hiiragi's reciprocation gives him a renewed sense of purpose in life where he is willing to do whatever it takes, MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, to stay by Hiiragi's side now knowing that Hiiragi loves him too.
(Bruh. Holy shit. Everything makes sense)
___
So, going back to this question...
*Why did Akigetsu end and Shizuragi work out?
I think this is SOOO interesting to think about. Both couples, all four of them give us the sense that they grew up from broken families where they had NO ONE but each other. As children of abandonment, both couples' love are so intense where they couldn't help but cling onto each other.
(there are a lot more reasons but I'm just going to stick to the ones that compare the two couples)
Akigetsu ended because Ugetsu realised that even though Akihiko understood him on a level that no one else ever would, Akihiko still idolised Ugetsu, and that caused him suffering. But Ugetsu's attempt to break them up is to continue to exacerbate that insecurity, to elongate that distance by putting Akihiko down as lower trash. Akihiko then feels worse and worse causing him to lash out and shut down rather than actually be able to view the situation objectively.
Shizuragi worked out because Shizu idolised Hiiragi and realised that Hiiragi had low self-esteem and idolized Yuki. Shizu's reaction is to put himself down rather than glorify Hiiragi verbally, he elongates that distance by leaving Hiiragi where he is and SCARING him into thinking that he has to stoop down to Shizu's level of lower trash. Therefore, Hiiragi just has to stay where he is and look at everything with clearer eyes. And thankfully, Hiiragi, with the help of the Yuki-Ueno song, does gain a more objective view on the situation and decides to still choose Shizu even after all the provoking.
Shizu and Akihiko are mirrors as well. Akihiko was not good at holding Ugetsu accountable and just endured Ugetsu's self-sabotaging actions (the mug scene is a great example). But Shizu held Hiiragi accountable for emotionally dumping on him in Mix_8. YOU NEED THAT IN A RELATIONSHIP, TO HOLD EACH OTHER ACCOUNTABLE.
Hiiragi and Ugetsu are also mirrors being the ones that are more overtly idolized in their relationship. But Hiiragi did what Ugetsu should have done, Hiiragi encouraged Shizu to go after what he wants, that Shizu is worthy to not give up on his dreams and hopes. So if Ugetsu encouraged Akihiko to practise harder so that they can be together rather than belittle him, Akihiko I reckon would have been able to stay where he was and view the situation more objectively.
(DO YOU SEE HOW WELL THE SHIZURAGI RELATIONSHIP IS CRAFTED?! FURTHERMORE, I LOVE THAT THE ALL GIVEN COUPLES ARE CROSS-MIRRORS OF EACH OTHER IN SOME WAY!!!)
Shizuragi, as children of abandonment, are now bound to each other more than ever. Of course this means there is heightened level of co-dependency (as we can see that Shizu now brags about how he still revolves around Hiiragi hmnnnnn....not healthy) so I hope that Kizu will address this at a later point.
-> I have a theory.... I feel that SYH might disband soon after their debut, not because Shizuragi will break up, but because they might realise they don't need music and the band to stay together. The reason why I think this is because the moment Mafuyu joined, the Seasons rebranded as themselves as Given the band. SYH stayed as SYH even though the vibe and style of the band has changed a lot since Yuki's passing. Isn't that fascinating? As much as I love SYH, I think disbanding is potentially a good thing, I don't think either Shizu or Hiiragi are truly passionate about music as they are just trying to use music as a way to hold onto each other and to hold onto the past (at least in my eyes). They might disband or they might rebrand, that's my feeling.
With Given,
you have to read in between the lines and constantly question the deeper meaning behind the characters' actions and words.
Kizu specifically chose a non-linear way of storytelling because it reflects real life where you don't have all the pieces of the puzzle handed to you at the same time. You have to figure it out, bit by bit, remember the details of people's past, notice how and why people contradict themselves at times, have the patience to listen and be supportive even when things don't immediately make sense. Given is a masterpiece because it shows us that
People are both flawed and beautiful.
Masterlist of my Given Metas
If you like what you've read, all I post is basically Given analysis content! Give my blog a follow to be notified of new posts! #metapotato
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-> IMPORTANT NOTE: I just want to say that as a woman interpreting Given, I do not have any lived experiences of being in a gay relationship so my interpretations may lack certain nuances. But as a gay-ally, I think it is so important to keep listening to those who have lived experiences. So I highly recommend you reading @a-voice-of-my-own's AO3 fanfic GOLDEN. I read this fanfic after I wrote this post and it was a fantastic read! I think it provides some wonderful insight into Shizu's inner monologue during this arc!
There's an issue with fandom as a whole that we can't deny, and that is, people take some panels of a manga, or a scene from an anime, or a specific quirk of a character and run with it. And this singular trait slowly becomes their whole character.
For Haruki, it was this page in code 21, after the disastrous code 20 happened and the fandom was raw, this happened and many of us resonated.
Given that most of the characters in 'given' are called genius/prodigy, I feel like Haruki being the exception made the fandom project on him. And project on him we did.
So much, that a very important part of the storytelling there got lost on fandom.
Firstly, Haruki is not a musical genius, and that is exactly why he is not that insecure about it either.
He literally couldn't care less about it most of the time. I'm not saying that it doesn't affect him even a bit. Ofc it does. When some other things remind him of what he is lacking. But most of the time he is chill with it.
Music is not Haruki's preferred profession or field of study, unlike Akihiko or Ritsuka he plays music for fun. Before their first performance happened, we saw Haruki being the only one who was completely chill with it. While Ritsuka or even Akihiko was aiming to win, Haruki as a leader just wanted his band members to have fun and not stress about it.
Which brings us to the question, why did it suddenly seem like Haruki was stressing about not being a genius from code 17 to code 21 so much!
And like with everything else when it comes to 'given', I think we need to think of this question in context.
Code 17 gave us the infamous car scene. Where we heard Akihiko gush about geniuses.
Akihiko has a very clear definition of 'genius' in his mind, or so it seems.
He thinks Mafuyu is a genius, but Ritsuka is just 'kind of a genius' because 'he goes with the flow'. It also was implied in this car scene that Akihiko thinks his roommate too is a genius.
Genius Mafuyu went to find inspiration from someone, and that someone just happened to be Aki's roommate.
The roommate that Haruki had no idea about prior to this conversation.
If we look a few chapters back, at code 13 we saw Haruki thinking about how his crush for Akihiko is turning painful for him and how Mafuyu's music made him feel lonely. He also thought that he wanted a girlfriend to get over Akihiko. So Haruki was already feeling pressured because of various reasons and he felt like his life was on a standstill. He felt he had to take a step in whichever direction to finally move on.
Suddenly knowing that Akihiko had a roommate who also was a musical genius according to Aki might've been a bit jarring for him.
Also this conversation somehow did imply that Haruki or even Akihiko wasn't able to help Mafuyu as well as Aki's roommate was.
So I personally think that when we see Haruki in code 19 kind of intimidated by Mafuyu's supposed genius, as well as his sudden accumulation of musical knowledge, it came from feeling somehow cornered in life rather than from any innate insecurity. There's this thing about this page too, if you pay attention to it, Haruki DIDN'T think about Mafuyu's genius until after Ritsuka mentioned drums. His mind going to Mafuyu's supposed genius was sudden, but it did precede by Ritsuka mentioning Drums, and when someone mentions Drums in given, we think of Akihiko, so does Haruki, and that probably reminded him of their talk about Mafuyu's genius, his accumulation of musical knowledge which reminded him of Akihiko's roommate, the standstill he felt himself to be trapped in, the whole shebang. (Mind works in mysterious ways, so do Kizu Natsuki and 'given'.)
Then, the cursed code 19-20 happened. And it became painfully clear that this mysterious 'genius' roommate was indeed the one Akihiko was in love with.
After the car scene where Akihiko was acting all suspicious about his own lack of genius and gushing about others', which already made Haruki a bit insecure, this here Haruki was told that he couldn't help Akihiko in anyway even if he tried.
Haruki thrives on being able to help others. He created the band to give Ritsuka a place where he could be himself, he tries to give everyone the best. And here he was being told that he wasn't of any help, nor to Akihiko, neither could he be of any help to Mafuyu. And not being a musical genius surely was part of the reason why he couldn't be.
More than not being the genius, more than feeling helpless because he thought he lacked talent, what actually was tormenting him was his inability to help anyone, what was his main issue was that he felt no one really needed him.
Which is why Akihiko's reassurance was so effective on him. If being genius was the problem, Haruki wouldn't be soothed by those words. What he needed to hear was that he was needed.
And Aki knew how to reassure him of that. Haruki had to think back of the times Akihiko told him that same thing before too to be extra sure of his words.
And after he internalized that Akihiko really meant those words and weren't just saying them to pacify him, he almost instantly found his bearing again.
Tldr : Bottom line is, Haruki is very good at music but he isn't a genius and he doesn't want to be. Because this is not really the field he wants to pursue for himself as a career. What made Haruki spiral at those (code17-21) chapters was his fear of not being needed by anyone.
Catching up with AKIHIKO KAJI's changes in Given Bangaihen
--- (10th Mix_2)
DISCLAIMER: A forewarning that this blog contains SPOILERS, including but not limited to story plot and some panels of the latest chapter of Given Bangaihen ( Given 10th Mix_2). Proceed with caution!
On a thread on Twix (Twitter+X) Ive yapped about changes in main 4 Given after the span of 10 years. On this blog however I want to concentrate on Akihiko, which, as a synopsis I simply said:
Akihiko continuously allows Haruki to have his way with him. He's very soft, wanting to always please Haruki in any way possible, but not in a way where Haruki is allowed to step on him. The vibe is similar as pre-dating Akiharu, but added the anxiety of post-dating Akiharu.
However, I cant help but feel like I simply grazed over the topic considering Akihiko is a character who goes through constant change, in fact thats his entire thing- from changing to be a man deserving of Haru's love to having a dedicated emergence chapter. Err, My point is that that spiel isn't the only thing thats changed about him. Hence this blog and so I shall continue to yap~
Starting with his direct appearance. Our first impression of Akihiko is that he's someone who looks depressive and ragged who has a tough exterior, cool, and seemingly stone-cold which throughout the series we learn that these ragged looks are physical manifestations of actual depressive episodes stemming from the numerous abuse he receives from a past, yet continuously haunting, ex-relationship
As the story progresses we see him gradually get back into his nature of being a constantly smiling and giddy guy with a child-like demeanor; And, that continues to be the case in this sequel! Having energy to dawn fake circle glasses and a hat to go match it (as a "disguise" / intimidation tactic for the "bugs™")
With regards to personality, his inherent nature of being giddy and child-like never ceases, however, so does the pre-existing anxiety. Albeit not so obvious, Akihiko's past relationship has traumatized him in ways that he or a lot would not expect.
From someone who never really cared about his past partners shenanigans, when it comes to Haruki, he ultimately tries his best to continue to make up for things even after 10 years by wooing him, ergo continuously following through as per Popov-san's words; not that genuine sweet gestures seem to be a problem for him or Haruki.
From someone who had to be coerced into doing things, when it comes to Haruki, he doesnt have a problem with anything and gives in to all of Haruki's qualms; Always aiming to please! Of course, being in a healthy relationship makes it easier to do. Besides, what's there to wear a disguised marriage ring for aesthetics just to keep the bugs™ off Akihiko 😗
Compared to the past as well he has become more protective! In other words, became expressive in showing jealousy and possessiveness, only wanting Haruki for himself; which in itself is a drastic change as finally, he understands what it means to want someone all for himself. Considering high school Akihiko never cared for trivial things, into after-dating-HarukiAkihiko who admits to hating seeing his boyfriend play with an ex, into 7-years-later Akihiko who becomes overly defensive of Haruki's nape, into finally 10-years-later Akihiko who's against Haruki wearing the 'wedding ring for aesthetics' because he "doesnt want Haruki to look like a lonely wife". Its quite the evolution, emergence if you may, which admittedly is very cute
But yes, as I circle back, this stemming from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who was completely commitment-phobic. The fear of doing just one wrong thing ultimately leading to Haruki leaving (even though Haru wont) is a chance he will not take. But also then again, its not like Akihiko hates it, completely indulging with his lover like this answers the calling of his romantic side! But, something to look forward to with how things will waver when the boat gets rocked in chapters to come; I'll leave that for the future as I digress!
Ig so far thats all I have important to say~! Im looking forward to the next chapters! Im excited to see how these changes in each character would affect interactions! Similarly to how Ritsuka has let go of his SUPER idolization of Akihiko hehe I look forward to seeing other changes~!
guys i promise i didnt abandon my cardverse fic i have like 9 chapters drafted and ready im js waiting till i finish the whole story before posting them huhudfhjdfgjdb
