Asterion’s Biggest Idiots

I love my dnd kids and all the dumb decisions they make. OC blog for @criticalrolo

[tenderwhumps]

whump is fun because you see a character and are like “i love you so much that i want to see you sobbing and covered in blood. i need you dying in a hospital bed. i need you cold, wet, and miserable. i love you and want you to suffer unimaginable horrors. then you can have a kiss on the head as a treat”

[creation-help]

Pick something to happen to your oc. As a treat

proper mental breakdown

big dose of Substance (dealer's choice: drugs, alcohol ect)

being babied. like so much.

getting head

buy them all their favorite toys

bigass meal

kill someone (1) ☝️ freely

erotic religious experience

Just having someone to talk to

cool outfit

Voting ended onMay 5

These are all intended for therapeutic reasons lol. They're not all the best coping methods but I'm sure they'll do something for your oc!

[kedamakedama]

Unicorn

[nightmaskart]

Hunting Song

[witheredgraphics]

kllsym on ig

[albva]

They should let you vomit a black sludge and when you are done you feel better about yourself. Also the black sludge forms into an evil clone you can make out with.

[evevoli]

she has done so much for society.

[groundwater]

fuck him on the forest floor friday

[thelordofblades]

i know if nobody got me granny z got me

[thelordofblades]

when playing a tabletop game you may ask your gm if you may disguise yourself as the big antagonist. now when your gm says “PLEASE disguise yourself as the big antagonist” it is vital that you do it, and land yourself into a Situation.

[criticalrolo]

Forest of dreams liveblog!! Off to a great start running for our lives from a heist that was ALMOST perfect but unfortunately Sir Morden spotted Vaelmir at the last second. He missed all his attacks but! We are Running

Dice for the day! I thought I lost these dice but they turned up just in time and gave me a nat 20 initiative to say hello 💗✨

[criticalrolo]

This skill check challenge is really fun, we rolled Good Luck to find a boat to traverse the canals with, and we have to get eight successful Skill Checks before we get three failures.

We are doing great!! Vaelmir spotted the store front of the Roaming Tea Shop we went to earlier on a house boat and rolled a nat 20 to launch Ryker up onto the deck :) gay people win again

[criticalrolo]

Granny Gnome with infinite tea shop fronts knows that Ryker is a messy bitch who can’t talk about his feelings with a nat 20 insight :(

[criticalrolo]

Our haul from robbing a smuggler :)

THINGS SIR MORDEN IS SMUGGLING IN:

- Ethereal Amplium (spell component connected to the plane of dreams in Industrial Quantities, unstable when stored together for a long time)

- Purified, hallowed iron and silver dust (used for religious purposes and for Containment binding spells)

- Mithril smithing materials (only enough for a personal project, not enough for large scale)

- Plenty of mundane magical items

THE LETTERS:

- Letter to Master Hieronymus Denarith requesting him to hold some kind of Special Cargo in a prepared room (DAMN FUCK THIS IS VAELMIR’S DAD FUCK)

- Letters between Master Denatti and Petyova (drow warlord) agreeing on pricing for some kind of Shipment for thousands of gold and weapons. This is probably the amplium

- Lord Saveli wants pardons for a goliath, trying to get around the laws directly with the Magistrate

- Fang sent a letter months ago working out the price to to ease up protections around a specific port

SPECIAL LITTLE BOX:

- Iron and lead lined x2, sealed with the Old Elven Royalty’s Symbol

- Ah fuck god shit damn it it’s a Blackjacket box

OH DAMN IT VAELMIR’S MAGIC IMMEDIATELY MAKES HIM HAVE A WILD MAGIC SURGE,

[criticalrolo]

Okay Vaelmir is gonna go check out this Shadow Amplium but Granny doesn’t want him to see her backrooms…. Ah well Ryker is just gonna have to blindfold him oh nooo….

Anyway we’re stuffing him in a lead lined box

[criticalrolo]

THE LEAD LINED BOX WAS GREAT

Vaelmir rolled a really high con save to grab onto the Shadow Amplium and keep it under control. His wild magic surge made the amplium shard morph into a Shadow Blade cast at level 3

Absorbing its power while he tried to control it GAVE HIM A LEVEL IN SORCERER !!

He was able to determine Sir Morden's memories from when HE tried to control the shadow amplium. The Celestial he is working for said he was NOT ready for it, and that she needed More Ethereal Amplium

She is trying to create her own little DREAD REALM to get dominion over ghosts!! and is using the Ethereal Amplium to forcefully grow a nightmare forest to claim as her own. The children were taken as lures for ghosts to bring them in and trap them in the Nightmare Forest

Vaelmir takes a bunch of psychic damage from this but now we know what the PLAN IS FOR

We have three places to search for the children: the Temple of the Silver Flame, Vaelmir's dad's house, and the Prison

Our rogue friend Shara is going to disperse the info to the Dutchess to take down the political rivals keeping her away from her throne

We KNOW the Trapped Celestials are in the prison so we're going to the Temple first, and if we get arrested there. well. we were going to prison next anyway

THE TEMPLE IS NOT AS SMOOTH FOR VAELMIR

Nat 3 luck check from Vaelmir

Nat 1 save to not immediately magic surge upon walking into the church. The wild magic surge he rolled? A LARGE RAVEN APPEARS AND STARTS SHOUTING PORTENTS OF DOOM

IF WE WANTED TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE RAVEN QUEEN FOLLOWERS WE DID THE WORST POSSIBLEEEE JOB

NAT 20 TO ESCAPE. This die loves a narrative

We are trying to pretend to be Sir Morden and his Acolyte to see where in this temple the children might be held. Ah fuck it's the part of the church that Vaelmir blew up when they tried to exorcise him as a child. God damn it

We are..... immediately spotted and this guy kNOws we are up to no good when we try to break into Sir Morden's rooms

MONK FIGHT NEXT SESSION

[girlballs-archive]

emits a single pathetic weh that echoes into the void

[landsccape]

[reelaround-deactivated05312024]

can we put some dubious consent in this thang

[ephraimwaite]

Dreamt I had to come up with a new aesthetic and my idea was "celestial uncle"

[ephraimwaite]

Celestial uncle was like... unflattering middle aged man clothes but printed with centuries old cosmological diagrams and various esoteric imagery

[highfantasylesbianism]

new oc alert: professor juniper sinrion of hexwyn academy

(for @sparksfromthefire 's Soren Qel setting)

the basics: 30yo human woman (she/her), abjuration wizard, cursed with fey-flavored lycanthropy that she is Majorly Repressing. she is currently working at hexwyn, training beginner and intermediate students for the fantasy catholic church to be good little magical soldiers and researchers for the theocratic government and their current warmongering.

jun was taken from her remaining parent (father was a soldier who died in battle) by church agents when she was a small child after she was (as far as she remembers) attacked by a magical wolf that came through a portal and now she turns into a wolf every full moon and has to try not also do so every time she gets too angry :))) the school promised they would try to fix her :))))) she remembers them doing that tho she can never seem to remember any details of these attempts other than pain, so she tries not to think about them. she throws herself into her studies to keep herself distracted, and becomes a bit of a savant, starting to help teach around age 16. she became a full professor at age 18, one of the youngest professors ever, and she has been teaching ever since. she loves the kids and is very good at her job, but she has a tendency to ask too many questions about where all these students are coming from and why they won't let her help them send letters home. she always remembers getting a good explanation for all her questions, though again, she never seems to remember the actual details. despite her definite talents and competence, she has been overlooked for several promotions, and even her own powers have appeared to plateau for no discernible reason. she does love her life and doesn't need anything more. at least, that's what she tries to remember.

[valentina-poem]

[weather-n-calamity]

Bitch I don’t even know you. And you’re a deer.

[vvarhound]