Sparx AF

In my napalm era | Brown girl | US mid-westerner | sparkly goth vibes | Swiftie | ARMY...maybe? | Novelist | She/her/hers

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Lemme admit something. I don't like Into the Sun. I want to like it, but the album version sounds like autotuned robots harmonizing. Yes I know, Taehyung wrote it and he chose the vocoder sound, but the first verse is so harsh and mechanical, the high parts make my ears itch. No exaggeration, I have to rub away a deeply-unpleasant tingle inside them. If I'm honest though, the song does get better after the first verse and chorus. I really love Jin's "never to fall behiiiiiiiiind," part and how they pick "behind" back up and blend it into Jimin's voice to sustain it. It's really pretty, and the repeats of "I'll follow youuuuu into the sun," are lovely. Half the song is good, but the opening verse and chorus make it unlistenable for me, so I usually skip the whole thing. The live version at concerts is better, but I still did little more than tolerate it.

Until I heard JK singing it acapella on live.

I sometimes forget how beautiful his voice is when it's stripped of all production. Hearing him sing it without any effects was a revelation. If they'd used more restraint with the production, it might have been the prettiest song on the album. So now I'm longing for an acoustic piano version that will never be. More raw and vulnerable. No harmonizing robots. No aggressive vocoder. I'm probably alone in this, so I don't expect it, but man, I WANT it.

This is of course, just my opinion. In fairness, I do have some sound sensitivities. Sometimes a specific pitch or chord can render a song unlistenable for me. The droning guitar and plodding pace of Undone (The Sweater Song) by Weezer is like fucking nails on a chalkboard. I can't stand it. And as much as I adore Kpop Demon Hunters, the high note in Golden makes me want to cry because it's so painful to listen to. It's the one song I always skip on the soundtrack. I can only imagine the pain of parents everywhere, listening to their kids caterwauler the song, trying to hit that awful note over and over. So yeah. Into the Sun is probably not as unpleasant to others as it is to me, but even so, JK's stripped down version IS superior. I'll die on this hill.

DAWN!

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I'm entertained by artistic misery. Yup. That's how I'm starting this 🤣 I'm fascinated when artists create something and grow to hate it so profoundly that watching them perform it is like watching them get their teeth pulled without anesthetic. It's the intersection between commercial success and artistic exhaustion, when a singular thing defines you to others, but stifles you personally. I can only dream of creating something so successful that the only feeling I have left for it is loathing. What an interesting emotional realm to exist in.

Namjoon is my bias and I adore him, but watching the life leave his eyes when he's introducing Butter is hilarious to me. They gave the person who dislikes the song the most, the task of hyping up the crowd for it. It's almost diabolical in its cruelty. He's clearly miserable, and delivers the intro so half-heartedly, it makes me cackle every single time. Mostly because it reminds me of when I used to go to a hibachi steakhouse and always got the elderly chef who looked on the verge of ending it all, on the daily. He'd set the oil on fire and when the flames shot up dramatically, he'd frown and announce it with a flat, emotionless, "Big fi-err. Big fi-err." We called him Mr. Grumpy and loved him very much 😄

As much as I'm able to from the outside, I understand why Namjoon hates Butter (and Dynamite and Permission to Dance). He's said it doesn't really represent them and their sound. For him, understanding WHO they are has always been important, mostly because I think he's struggled with defining himself as an artist. Jin has said that he feels the band is defined by the fans and if they like Butter than that's part of who they are. But Namjoon wants to only make music that represents the way they define themselves. It's an interesting philosophic debate that I'm not smart enough to delve into. I'm just here to admit how amused I am by Namjoon's dead eyes and flat voice and how it gives Mr. Grumpy energy. Big butt-err. Big butt-err.

Personally, those songs are not my faves, but I do enjoy them. Just like the artists themselves, ARMY contains multitudes. They can love Ddaeng, Mic Drop, Black Swan, and yes, also Butter. Though, there'll always be peeps who only like the cheesy fun songs and that's okay too. When I went to the live film, there was an older woman there who was super excited to hear Dynamite. She said it was her favorite and it's why she came. So, when the song played, she was hyped and we made a point to get into it extra hard for her. So yeah, it's not the deepest song, but it gave someone enough joy to blow thirty hard-earned dollars to hear them sing it live-ish. That's pretty special.

To me, Namjoon has looked miserable for most of this comeback, particularly the US leg. Which, I don't blame him. I don't wanna be here either. But now he seems happier. I suspect his bad mood was because he was on steroid shots for his ankle. His face is back to normal now, but was puffy for months, which is a sure sign, and on top of that, steroids can cause mood swings and insomnia. He's been struggling with sleep for a long time anyway, which further deteriorates mood. I have chronic insomnia and everyone in my life can tell you that the bitch I am when I haven't slept in days is completely different from who I am when rested.

So while I'm entertained by this singular moment of misery, I'm also glad that he overall seems happier now. Though, I think it's safe to say that no amount of sleep or fun Psyduck merch will ever make him excited to hype Butter 🤣🧈💜

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Of Husbands and Namjoons

Texted this during my work break the other day. Two things to note: 1. He was already trawling around You tube and watched that video without me 🤣

2. He's not at all phased by my—frankly—unhinged love for Namjoon, nor my liberal use of all-caps. Truly a love for the ages.

Y'all need to get you a metalhead husband who is so unbothered by toxic masculinity that he proudly names Jimin as his bias, states there's no such thing as a bad BTS song, and asks no questions about the 1,500 images of Namjoon you downloaded onto the computer.

Also, if you thought I wouldn't end this post with a stupid amount of images of short-haired Joon (and some gratuitous gifs of his arms), then you're in for a rude, but delightful awakening. I deserve this after months of respectfully keeping myself from whining (too much) about the hedgehog hair with frosted tips. That shit UPSET me 🤣 My personal panic attack with dimples, under the jump.

Thank you @rjshope and @jung-koook for making amazing gifs and posting lovely images.

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A QUESTION FOR ARMY

Working on a yandere fic, and it's darker than I expected. But I'm currently stuck and need some help.

Excluding Jimin & Namjoon, what band member would be most likely to participate in a crime, if the crime saved another member's life? Who would say no? Who would need to be talked into it? Who would immediately agree? Help a baby ARMY out 💜

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RATING THEIR BAEPSAE STYLES

Welp, it just one of those nights where I judge and rate Baepsae hip thrusts. Don't worry, I'm well-read on the subject, and I've brought research material for your perusal. Please note that I've excluded 2026 Baepsaes as the band has been a bit lethargic. I don't want that skewing the results of my very serious research. Also, this is just for fun. We're having fun. Don't come for me. I love these guys regardless of whether or not I think they could rearrange my gu--You know what? I've said too much. Let's get started.

Taehyung 3/10

I know. I know. He has a sexy voice. He's very handsome and mysterious. All true. But Tae takes an arthouse approach to his Baepsae, choosing subversion over sensuality. He often points to the area with a smirk, setting our expectations high for what we're about to get. He pauses for effect, and then gives us hip thrusts IN TINY. SMOL Thrusts. The snoot boop of hip thrusts, some might say. While I appreciate novelty, if I wanted to be that disappointed in a man, I'd go back to my ex-boyfriend.

JIN 4.5 5.5/10 & JUNGKOOK 6.5/10

Jin and JK are grouped together because of their similar approaches. They're less restrained than Tae, but often favor full body spasms, designed to draw attention from their otherwise aimless thrusts. Though, research suggests that when JK is in the mood, he can and will bring it. At best, Jin thinks about bringing it, then changes his mind. Often he doesn't bother with hips at all & just flails like he's a beached super tuna trying to get back to the sea. This is particularly disappointing considering the (100% likely, absolutely, probably true, maybe) rumors about Jin and his large...fishing pole.

**Oh wait, I just had a revelation. Maybe Jin's holding back for OUR safety. He can't just swing it around all willy-nilly. Okay, I'll give him an extra point for that. He's right to be worried, and I appreciate his consideration.**

JIMIN 7/10

Jimin, our ethereal fae prince, is safely in the middle of this list. He's enthusiastic more often than not, providing sharp staccato thrusts and a knowing smirk. He gets the job done and you won't be disappointed. Sadly though, he's the movie theater popcorn of Baepsae thrusters. A delicious way to hit the spot, but it's not going to keep you satiated for long. You'll be ravenous again before the song even ends.

YOONGI 8/10

Yoongi used to put in the work to impress us with his Baepsae, but he's older now, and he seems to have gone a bit soft. With that, you might be wondering why his score is so high. Good question. Because it's my list, and I love the enigmatic little bias wrecker. If Min Yoongi's not in the mood for intensity, I have no doubt he'll send us straight to Hong Kong with his tongue technology instead.

HOBI 9.5/10

Hobi, of course, always goes hard. There's never been a performance of this song where he wasn't the standout. The well-executed thrusts have a surprising amount of vigor, designed to make us scream. He's hitting it with precision. Sure, he might be trying a little too hard to wow us with his flashy technique, but there's no doubt that he's exceptional. Also, he usually gets that leg up, making sure we can FEEL what he's doing to us.

NAMJOON 10 11/10

Is this score based on my personal bias? Yes. But Namjoon is justifiably cocky with his Baepsae. He's a case study in intensity and understated technique. His thrusts remain reliably rigorous, even in low-energy situations, and it's impressive how he maintains tension and stillness in the rest of his body during thrusts, cunningly focusing all the momentum into his hips. He gets a bonus point for raising a honey thigh as high as possible, letting the tension, precision, and extra depth slam into the right spot in the song, every time. No notes.

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I was up until four in the morning working on a post ranking the quality of each member's Baepsae thrust. And I handled it with the kind of grace and maturity you'd expect of a woman my age. Definitely no innuendos. ANYWAY. I work from a desktop computer with a 34 inch screen, so you can see what I'm doing from space. And I realized this morning that I can't edit the post while at work, because the GIFs are...you know. Thrusty.

I'm proud of myself for catching it. In my previous fandom's Discord, I would click on whatever chat had a notification and I never looked at the chat name. Which meant I routinely clicked on the NSFW Images chat. One time I clicked on it while my boss was standing directly behind me. I managed to get out of it before he saw anything--I think. So anyway, before I even opened Tumblr this morning, my busted-ass ADHD brain suddenly functioned, warning me not to go to drafts folder while my assistant manager was standing behind me. At age forty-nunya, this is how far I've gotten as an adult. But I'm told that slow growth IS growth, so I'll be functional any day now.

**Classy Baepsae post delayed but not forgotten**

You've no idea how fast I scrolled GIFs to find something innocent.

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WHAT'S YOUR BTS ASTROLOGY?

I saw this on an archived Reddit post and it was too fun to ignore.

Think of each BTS member's personality and vibe, and assign them to yourself as your sun, moon, and rising signs. Here's a quick breakdown of what each sign means, in case you need it.

☀️ Sun sign: Your moral center and core of personality. It's the lens you view the world through. It's who you are inside.

🌙 Moon sign: How you process emotions, react in a crisis, and find peace.

⬆️ Rising sign: Your public persona, or mask. This is how someone who just met you would describe your tone, vibe, style, and personality. I saw someone describe it as "The opening credits people see before they get to the film's plot."

I'm a Namjoon sun, Taehyung moon, and Yoongi rising. And for those who know astrology well, I'd also have a Yoongi stellium and a Jin Venus 😆

What's your BTS big three?

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Did anyone think it was weird that the Busan concert movie seemed to go out of its way to not show Namjoon during Dimple? To my memory, he was in a couple quick shots, looking serious, but it was mostly the vocal line visible. Which makes a certain amount of sense, sure, but the damn song is Namjoon's. Everyone associates it with his cutie dimples. You could see they were looking at him and pointing at their own cheeks, but no shot of him reacting to it. Why did no one run up and poke his perfect cheek to make him smile? This is a crime! This is an outrage! As someone personally victimized both by this, and by not being allowed to poke and/or kiss said dimple myself, I must resort to watching these Namjoon gifs, which are each three hours long for some reason. 🎶Please give me dimple, Namjoon juseyo 🎶

[thatgoddamngingerundercut]

RM's NORMAL LOG #2026BTSFESTA Kim Namjoon vs. Coffee Mug

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Man, he was STRESSING me out with that mug 😂Just pull the table closer, Joon.

I love his bedhead and I'm a mess whenever he wears glasses, so I watched it more than once, stress and all.

And now a ramble about glasses.

I'm sad that he's so self-conscious about his thick glasses, but I get it. Like him, I have bilateral astigmatism and I'm so nearsighted it would be a disability without access to vision correction. I literally can only see things if they're less than seven inches from my face. And my prescription is still two points lower than his. His glasses are heavy and my dude is BLIND without correction. I guess what I'm rambling about is that I wish people didn't treat glasses like a burden just because they don't like how they look. I understand the reasoning, but they're miraculous. They are medical instruments that change people's lives. And everyone looks good in them. I'll not be accepting arguments on this. Look at that man. Remember when he had the thicker black frames? Gah. He's hot AF in glasses.

Enjoy an excessive amount of photos and gifs of Joon in eyewear. #Justice for Joon's Glasses!

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Saw the Arirang Live movie and had a blast! There was only four people in our theater, and normally I'd like that, cuz I hate crowds. But to my shock, I was disappointed. I guess I secretly wanted to party with ARMY 💜 Who knew?

Namjoon and Yoongi got more closeups than I've ever seen, making my heart skip a fatal amount of beats. Namjoon was a sentient sex grenade, but that lil' bias wrecker Yoongi was a sex bomb. At one point my husband whispered, "Single layer, white t-shirt Yoongi rapping. Don't die."

It was too late. I died. But I'm back now.

Other fun stuff: Jimin did a body roll at the end of 2.0 that was um...I just...yup. Also, between his lovely, warbly voice, long blonde hair, and witchy sleeves, I think he's slowly morphing into a Korean Stevie Nicks. Love this journey for him.

Another highlight: A shot of Tae so sexy, my husband said, "Wow. Too much. I don't like it. Make it stop." But he sounded exactly like I do every time I click on a Bapsae hip thrust compilation. Like a filthy liar. If he ever leaves me for someone, I'm pretty sure I know who it'll be.

We need to talk about JK. He's a handsome, but he looks like a startled fawn to me. Before now, I believed that no amount of Calvin undies, tattoos, or yandere fics could ever make him a sexual being for me. Believed. Past tense. Cuz, there was a moment. He stared straight into my soul. No easy smile or silly laugh hovering on his lips. Just dark eyes and intensity so raw, all my organs violently flipped upside down at once. I mumbled, "Oh Jesus. What? Fuck? Why? Why?" Don't know what that means, but I said it.

They played Run BTS. Normal. Like Animals. Dimple, Ddaeng, AND Magic Shop. I haven't been this happy in ages. They're doing it again in October, and I wanted to throw my wallet at the screen and scream, TAKE IT. TAKE IT ALL. JUST GIMME MORE SINGLE LAYER WHITE T-SHIRT YOONGI. 💜💜

One more thing. Some lovely poster named Moonchild made these Namjoon gifs. Whoever she is, I wish her only joy and prosperity for this. She deserves all things that are good.

Gah. This man owns my heart. And other parts.

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To Y/N or not to Y/N, that is the question

Happy Festa! I've been listening to BTS for a couple years now, but I've only been lurking in the fandom for a few months. I've recently begun absorbing BTS fanfiction like I'm Rogue from X-Men, and I maybe, might be, definitely am writing a fic. Or I was, until I got in my head about it. Now I can't write, because I'm too busy thinking about the sexiest thing a writer can contemplate. Which POV to use? I know, you're aroused just thinking about it, too.

Nearly every BTS fic I've read has been second person Y/N stories. My past fandoms didn't have tons of Y/N. I'm really enjoying them, but I can't write second person to save my life. I've been trying for days and failing. I think I'm a decent writer, but each POV requires a slightly different skillset, and while some people are talented enough to write compelling second person narratives, I'm not one of them.

I love character building and prefer writing women of color with names and backstories. That's fun for me. I can do first and third, but because my style is sensory, I prefer third person limited. It's nearly as intimate as first, but gives me more flexibility with sentence structure. It has so much room for activities!

Since I'm baby ARMY-ish, I'm anxious about wasting time writing POVs that no one in the fandom wants. Help a newbie out. Do you have POV preference? Do you hate MCs with names? Are there lots of third person stories out there and I'm just not seeing them in my feed?

Bonus question: Why does everyone seem obsessed with veins?

It's not relevant to the post, but seriously. Why? I understand the sexiness of forearms, hand size, and finger shape. Of girth and length and velvety bits and dangly bobs. But, there's a shocking amount of vascular hands, and terrifyingly ridged, veiny um...appendages. Did I miss a meeting? Are oversized blood vessels the new abs?

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This is who I am now, I guess

Writing BTS fanfiction feels ethically wrong. Not judging what other people do. I just don't feel comfortable consuming or writing stories about real people with real lives. It feels weird to me. It makes my skin itchy. It's ooky.

In completely unrelated news, I've read like thirty or forty BTS fanfics in the last week and loved them all. They are amazingly well-written, and most of them are gross and appalling in delightful ways.

Turns out my ethics are more like guidelines than actual rules.

But I'm most definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, NOT writing any BTS fics of my own. Yes. Ahem. I will be very strict about this. I have to draw a line somewhere and that's the line. There will not be a fluffy one shot, complete with a complimentary photo collage, coming anytime soon. Why would you even be that specific?

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My bb! I saw all your comments and they truly made my month (it’s the first of June and I said what I said)

Thank u so much! They were all lovely and I’m so glad you took your time to comment on my stories. 🥹

Oh my god, thank YOU for sharing your talent with us! I know I bombarded you with my forever-long comments, but I'm blaming Might As Well Be Drunk in Love, because it broke my brain in the best way. Your work is incredibly dark and dreamy and funny, but you've also got a sharp way of giving us all we need to know about a character with a single line. It's impressive. Yandere Jin was something I never knew I wanted or needed. Now he's just roaming around inside my head, placing air tags in my underwear, and sexily kicking the walls, demanding I tell him where I went, who I was with, and what I had for dinner, because he damn well knows whatever it was, his was better.

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where did tsime go?

Where do any of us go? We are born, we live, and then we become the soil from which wildflowers grow. Think about that.

Also, I took all my fanfic down cuz...reasons.

[thatredwine]

no one can touch their level | for @raplinenthusiasts

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Rap Line cracking my soul open with sexiness in 2.0., so they could fully destroy it with introspective angst in Normal.

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Hey. Long time no blog. How you? Good? Good.

My life imploded in many unfun ways, so I've spent the last two years disassociating with everything I've got, and hyperfixating on BTS. I've watched every show clip I can find, every concert and compilation vid, thirst traps, etc., and in the process I somehow made my metalhead husband a fan of Kpop. This is the highlight of my life.

Problem is, husband wants to buy the songs in order, but he doesn't want to pay for duplicates, and many are on multiple albums, with similar or same names.** He got overwhelmed and his anxiety stopped him from buying anything. And god forbid he cheat on iTunes by just using my Spotify account instead🙄😂.

I'm figuring it out slowly. Their discography Wiki is a mess and not just because of the names. There's a lot of confusion between a western single (one song) and a Kpop single, which is a short album, more akin to an EP. But, they ALSO have EPs, which are longer than singles, but not as long as studio albums. I--wut? Lucky for husband, I love research, so I currently have five tabs open, along with a G-doc. I'm going through their entire discography, cross-checking the info and highlighting any duplicates or reissues. Once I finish, I'll check my lists against iTunes cuz we've already found errors on there. The G-Doc is ten pages long, and after working on it for eight hours yesterday, I've only made it to the 2017 WINGS era. Insert manic laughter here.

An example of my love and/or mental illness.

Now, I'm either working on the doc, or I'm watching thirst traps and sighing with longing. And all my socials are nothing but BTS (also Zhang Linghe, but that's a whole different fixation), so I decided that this account should also be inundated with BTS, because symmetry is very important to me.

Also, I missed Tumblr and all the obsessive weirdos like myself. Hi weirdos!

**Just an aside, but why is there a song called Run, a completely different song called Run BTS, and a tv series also called Run BTS? Why is there a song called For Youth, but also a song called For You, making it impossible to research one of them? Why does Baepsae have three different names you can find it under? What is a crow-tit, anyway? Why do they wish us confusion when we just want to love them 🤣?

[lanndscape]

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The blep currently healing my soul.